Law Professors

* Justice Elena Kagan is looking forward to hunting a new kind of game next year with Justice Antonin Scalia. Gobble gobble, bitches. They’re going after wild turkeys, and not the whiskey. [Legal Times]

* If you’ve been wondering why Morrison & Foerster is referred to as MoFo, the backstory isn’t as cool as we were led to believe. It was the firm’s teletype address. [Capital Business / Washington Post]

* Don’t worry, law profs, your precious tenure protections aren’t going anywhere yet. The ABA has officially given up on its quest to remove tenure as an accreditation requirement. [National Law Journal]

* Nicholas Spaeth, the former state attorney general of North Dakota who sued a slew of law schools for age discrimination after being passed over for a job after AALS, was found dead yesterday. RIP. [Inforum]

* If you’ve been waitlisted, send a letter of continuing interest. Convince them you’ll be employed within 10 months of graduation, and watch the acceptance letters roll on in. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* Foreclosure attorney Bruce Richardson alleges that Hogan Lovells partner David Dunn hit him with a briefcase in front of a court officer. That’s how they roll in state court. (Expect more on this later.) [New York Daily News; New York Post]

* From cop killer to nomination killer: Mumia’s the word that stopped Debo Adegbile’s nomination to lead the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division. [Washington Post]

* In happier nomination news, congratulations to former Breyer clerk Vince Chhabria, as well as to Beth Freeman and James Donato, on getting confirmed to the federal bench for the Northern District of California. [San Francisco Chronicle]

* It’s been a good week for amicus briefs. Congrats to Professors Adam Pritchard and Todd Henderson for getting the attention — and perhaps the votes — of several SCOTUS justices. [New York Times]

* How a Cornell law student got her father to foot the bill for half of her pricey legal education. [ATL Redline]

* As I predicted, the Ninth Circuit’s ruling in United States v. Maloney didn’t sweep the alleged prosecutorial misconduct under the rug by granting the government motion without comment. [The Atlantic]

* RACEISM™ alert: federal prosecutors allege that deputies to a North Carolina sheriff accused of racial profiling of Latinos shared links to a violent and racist video game. [Raleigh News & Observer]

* Speaking of mistreatment of Latinos, a recent Third Circuit decision spells good news for some immigrant communities. [Allentown Morning Call]

* Sarah Tran, the law professor who taught class from her hospital bed, RIP. [Give Forward]

Conservative columnist Tamara Tabo offers her take on the UCLA Law racism controversy.

Please welcome Above the Law's new poet in residence, who will be sharing poems about the legal profession in our pages.

The racial climate at this school seems to be completely out of hand.

Who just dethroned the Harvard Law Review as the nation's #1 law journal?

What law school classes should aspiring small-firm lawyers or solo practitioners take? Columnist Carolyn Elefant lists her five favorites.

It doesn't look like "practice ready" means what you think it means.

Insane, unsolicited law professor "application" shows up in inboxes around the country. Are you ready to hire a professor for way too much money to do no teaching?

Which prominent lawyer's daughter is starring in an explicit play about the porn industry?

* Were you using Westlaw last week and saw this image? Here’s why… [Westlaw] * A federal judge is charged with DUI. And there’s video of the arrest! [American Press] * A heartwrenching poem from a law professor about discrimination. Wait, it’s not about race or gender discrimination but about not getting tenure as a legal writing professor. Yeah, that makes sense. [TaxProf Blog] * Criminal defense lawyers are part-counselor, listening to the woes of their clients. Should basic instruction in therapy be part of professional training? [Katz Justice] * The collapse of legal industry could be happening again, this time to the medical profession. [The Atlantic] * Jeez, I had no idea that the paralegal industry is enjoying such a surge in hiring. I guess it makes sense… you get all the drudgery work of a young lawyer at half the cost. [George Washington University] * A new DOJ report confirms what we all expected: Montana law enforcement officials are kind of terrible at prosecuting sexual assault cases. [Jezebel]

* O.J. Simpson is pursuing a hunger strike because he’s looking to die. If only he knew who the real killers were, they could help him out. [Radar Online] * Dean I. Richard Gershon of Ole Miss Law thinks Elie is just wrong. [Law Deans on Legal Education Blog] * In continuing Seventh Circuit benchslappiness, Judge Richard Posner got feisty with an attorney for Notre Dame who kept interrupting him. If this lawyer keeps it up, Posner’s going to treat his client like Alabama did a year ago. [Chicago Tribune] * Comcast wants to buy Time Warner, pending DOJ approval. The DOJ wants to talk to Comcast, but they’re only available to talk between 10 and 10:15 on alternating Wednesdays. [ATL Redline] * California and New Jersey have banned gay conversion therapy programs. Is that the best way to combat these schemes? [New York Times] * A look at getting started as an entrepreneur. See, there’s hope after bailing on practicing law. [Big Law Rebel] * Daria Roithmayr of USC Law thinks The Triple Package (affiliate link), the new book by Yale’s Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld, doesn’t hold water. I mean, since when are we holding academics to writing “scholarship” as opposed to “controversy bait”? Professors need to eat, after all. [Slate] * A cop who got in trouble for bashing Obama online thought he was protected by the First Amendment. The court disagreed. [IT-Lex]

* This guessing game is over, even though we’d guessed this from the start. After decamping from the Securities and Exchange Commission, George Canellos will return to his old stomping grounds at Milbank Tweed. [DealBook / New York Times]

* You can’t insult Duke and get away with it. Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton secured a one-year no-contact order against Addison Chance, the e-cig retailer who sent “menacing and harassing” emails and voicemails to a partner. [Winston-Salem Journal]

* Heenan Blaikie’s talks may have fallen through with DLA Piper, but another Biglaw firm swooped in to rescue more than 20 of the failed Canadian firm’s survivors. You can call Dentons their knight in shining billable hours. [Globe and Mail]

* You can’t always get what you want. Accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsaernaev’s trial is scheduled for November 2014, despite his lawyers asking for a September 2015 start date. [Bloomberg]

* A Tennessee lawmaker just introduced the “Turn the Gays Away” bill, which would allow businesses to refuse goods and services to gay people. If this isn’t ‘MURICA, we don’t know what is. [MyFOX Memphis]

* “We have offered generous buyouts—generous by anyone’s standards—and we are now waiting for volunteers.” Yeah, good luck with that. Things don’t look great for profs at Albany Law. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Lawyer decides to fight City Hall… with spray-can graffiti. [KING] * A new survey finds that pre-law students want a 2-year law school model. They want to come out of law school with 33 percent less debt? Shocking. [Kaplan Test Prep] * Should law schools fire professors who stop writing post-tenure? I mean who does that? I thought tenured professors work harder than ever. [PrawfsBlawg] * A look at the future of computer forensics via Almost Human. Frankly, when I think of the future of criminal policing I think of a different Karl Urban vehicle. [The Legal Geeks] * With the revelation that standout defensive end Michael Sam is gay, a number of NFL types are trotting out the whole “he’ll be a distraction” excuse. That’s a pretty stupid excuse. [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * Who is the “tipsy coachman”? [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post] * It’s a zombie! The living dead! Or maybe just a living woman that banks have declared dead despite all evidence to the contrary. [ATL Redline] * Remember Brandon Hamilton? He used to be the the assistant dean of admissions at Louisville Law before he promised students $2.4 million more in scholarships than the school had to give. Well, he finalized his plea bargain. [The Courier-Journal]

* The Woody Allen-Mia Farrow custody findings were pretty damning. But for legal geeks, the important point is footnote 1, where the opinion shouts out then-clerk, now federal judge Analisa Torres for her role in drafting the opinion. [Huffington Post] * Um… you shouldn’t do that with a sea anemone. [Air Force Court of Criminal Appeals] * Judge Stanwood Duval presided over the criminal trial of a BP engineer arising from the BP oil spill. He forgot to mention that he was a plaintiff in a suit against BP arising from the BP oil spill. Oops.[New Orleans Times-Picayune] * Maybe Harvard needs some new tax lawyers. [Chronicle of Higher Education] * Apparently, the Brits aren’t too thorough with their background checks. A lawyer got exposed for lying about having two Harvard degrees. It only took bar authorities 9 years to figure it out. [Legal Cheek] * Elie weighs in on the McGruff the crime dog story from last week. [ATL Redline] * And part of the problem with the background check may start at the law school stage — the U.K. doesn’t consider criminal convictions for fraud in the U.S. as “relevant” for future practitioners of law. One tipster wonders if Stephen Glass should try his luck outside America? [New York Times] * UNLV Professor Nancy Rapoport offers some mixed thoughts on the Santa Clara professor’s “Local Rules.” [Nancy Rapoport's Blogspot] * Mathew Martoma’s conviction probably doesn’t mean all that much. Except to him, of course. For him it means some quality time in federal prison. [Dealbreaker]

Tenured professors freak out in a bunker when they realize they're soon going to be begging for work -- like mere students.

Just how many ways can you lose a letter grade in this class?

* According to the latest Citi report, the Am Law 50 outperformed the rest of their ilk in terms of net profits and profits per equity partner. As for the rest, ha ha ha, enjoy all of your “modest” returns. [Am Law Daily]

* The ABA’s Standards Review Committee is close to a decision on its bar-exam passage standard for accreditation. It’s tough to protect students and law schools at the same time. [National Law Journal]

* Oh my! Professors at Albany Law are incredibly pissed the school would dare imply they suggested lowering academic standards to put asses in seats and stave off faculty layoffs. [New York Law Journal]

* Wendy Davis has left her position at Cantey Hanger, one of Fort Worth’s largest law firms, to dedicate herself fully to her bid to become Texas’ Next Top Governor. You stand, girl! [Fort Worth Star-Telegram]

* Yuna, a Malaysian pop star with a law degree who’s worked with artists like Pharrell, doesn’t think she’ll be able to fall back on her J.D. now that she’s in America. Funny, because many Americans feel exactly the same way. [Pittsburgh City Paper]

* Randy Levine, president of the New York Yankees, has left Akin Gump’s dugout. He hopes to hit it out of the park and slide into his new home at Jackson Lewis. Please, no more baseball references. :( [Am Law Daily] * Thanks to Virginia, the electric chair may be making a comeback when drugs for lethal injection aren’t available. OMG, that’s so freakin’ lame. Bring back the breaking wheel or death by disembowelment. [Gawker] * A lawyer won’t have to pay an ex-law student $1M after making a hyperbolic challenge in a TV interview. Better luck reading the Leonard v. Pepsico case next time, pal. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post] * Protip: when you’ve been suspended for your “contemptuous attitude,” bragging that one of the judges who disciplined you thinks you’re “probably the best DUI lawyer” isn’t smart. [Santa Barbara Independent] * If you watch The Walking Dead, you’ve probably wondered if all of the killing was legal — because you’re a lawyer, and you can’t enjoy anything anymore. Here’s your answer, from a UC Hastings Law prof. [GQ] * If you’d like your chickens to live a life of luxury before you eat them and their eggs, then you’re going to love this law in California. If not, you can move to Missouri. See Elie squawk about it here. [ATL Redline] * Ian Whittle, a recent George Mason Law grad, took a break from watching the saddest Super Bowl ever to save a little girl from drowning in a pond. Check out the news coverage, after the jump. [CBS 6 WTVR]

Which law school is the latest to announce a possible pruning of its ranks?