Lawsuit of the Day

Belvedere Vodka is still suffering a hangover from the rapey ad it broadcast on its Twitter and Facebook feeds last month. Alicyn Packard, the terrified-looking woman who refuses in the ad to “go down smoothly” on an obliviously-happy bro, has filed a lawsuit in L.A. Superior Court against Belvedere parent company Moet Hennessy USA, reports KTLA. She claims emotional distress after the company used her image without her consent in “an ad that’s so offensive to so many.” (And yet so funny to so many others.)

The ad was up on Twitter and Facebook for only an hour before someone came to his or her (let’s be honest, it was probably “his”) senses and deleted it. But as with heavy drinking, it only takes an hour to make an embarrassing spectacle of yourself….

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“Would you like fries with that? No? How about a blow job?”

Don’t get too excited, guys. Oral sex hasn’t made it to the Dollar Menu just yet. Instead, we have news of a woman who’s filed a lawsuit against McDonald’s, alleging that the billion-dollar burger bordello played a part in turning her into a prostitute.

Let’s check out the allegations, and find out whether this woman’s milkshake does, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard….

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Remember back in high school, when the prospect of being named prom king or queen was oh-so-exciting (or incredibly annoying, depending on your social circle)? Attaining such a title was like winning the grand prize in a four-year long popularity contest. The hottest girl always took home the queen’s crown, and the most beloved football player always took home the queen.

Ah, memories. But what about students who swing a different way? Can they aspire to be crowned at the high school prom? Unfortunately, it looks like one high school in Georgia wants to keep students’ memories of prom as heterosexual as possible. A student body leader claims that he was ousted from his position because of his proposal to open prom royalty positions to gay couples.

Let’s take a look at the allegations made in our Lawsuit of the Day….

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Don’t you just hate it when rude and inefficient airline administrators ruin your vacation by stranding you on the ski leg of your vacation in Aspen, causing you to almost miss your cruise leaving out of Florida? It’s so annoying to have to stay in a series of luxury hotels across the country because the airline industry can’t get its act together.

I’m doing a silly parody of rich people problems, but honestly, if I have to choose between well-offf Americans and the fools and crooks who run the airline industry, I’m going to throw my lot in with the rich people every time. Especially when some employees are allegedly hurling racial insults at them.

It was a wild holiday vacation for the the Shulick family of Philadelphia. Luckily, patriarch David Shulick is a lawyer, so he knows that when the airlines push you around, you can sue….

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SunChips don't grown on trees.

As close readers of Above the Law will guess, I only go to Whole Foods when I feel like mocking the pasty vegans who are too emaciated to defend themselves. We live in a modern world of delicious processed foodstuffs. People ate “organic” or “all natural” food back in hunter-gatherer times, right before they died at the ripe, old age of 32 from lack of protein over the winter.

Last year, we learned that “real beef” doesn’t exactly have to mean everything in your taco is beef. Now, we’ve got a lawsuit that asks how “natural” a snack has to be for it to be called “all natural”….

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Paisley Dickey (left) and Pretty Woman (right)

You don’t have to watch much reality television to understand that these days, many cable networks are trying to capitalize on the drama caused by little girls and their overbearing stage mothers. Take, for example, TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras, a show that that gives viewers an inside look at the often controversial world of children’s beauty pageants. Apparently the resultant mother and daughter tantrums were just too good to keep off the airwaves.

But in late 2011, viewers expressed outrage over the pageant industry’s tendency to sexualize children. After all, with mothers dressing their daughters like surgically-enhanced country singers, fake breasts and all, or hookers with hearts of gold, how could viewers be anything but horrified? In all honesty, some of these little girls — the ones who don’t aspire to be tax lawyers, at least — look like complete prosti-tots (see above).

This backdrop brings us to today’s Lawsuit of the Day, where the mother of one of these tiara-toting toddlers alleges that a well-known celebrity gossip site had a hand in scandalizing her daughter….

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Todd Remis and Milena Grzibovska (his ex-wife)

Remember Todd Remis? How couldn’t you? He’s the disgruntled groom with a Biglaw daddy whose ridiculous lawsuit against his wedding photographer made national news when it hit the New York Times. Why so ridiculous? Because he decided to sue six years after the wedding and one year prior to his divorce being finalized (and he continued to prosecute the suit even after the divorce).

At first glance, Remis’s suit seemed like a simple contract dispute. But thanks to Above the Law, he acquired the title of “groomzilla,” due to deposition testimony where he stated:

“I need to have the wedding recreated exactly as it was so that the remaining 15 percent of the wedding that was not shot can be shot.”

Many publications took our “groomzilla” title and ran with it, leaving Remis as the butt of many jokes. But now, more than two months after the story first broke, Remis has emerged from hiding to combat the New York Times version of his lawsuit. Remis wants to tell his side of the story, and he’s got a website to prove it….

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Gregory Berry

As mentioned briefly yesterday, a New York state court judge just dismissed the celebrated lawsuit of Berry v. Kasowitz Benson. As you may recall, a former Kasowitz first-year associate named Gregory Berry, who entered the legal profession after “conquering Silicon Valley,” sued his former firm for over $77 million. In his kitchen sink of a complaint, filed pro se, Berry tossed in some 14 causes of action, including wrongful termination, fraud, and breach of contract.

It appears that Berry’s “superior legal mind” failed to impress Justice Eileen Bransten of New York Supreme Court. Ruling from the bench, she dismissed his entire case, with prejudice.

But that’s not all. Her Honor was displeased when Greg Berry walked out of her courtroom before the hearing was over, while she was still putting her ruling on the record. So later this month, he’ll have to appear before Justice Bransten again and explain why he shouldn’t be held in contempt….

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The BCS National Title game pits the LSU Tigers against the Alabama Crimson Tide. The game takes place on Monday, January 9th.

It is unlikely that any work will be done in the states of Louisiana or Alabama on January 9th. Here are the dates for the next few BCS title games. It is unlikely that any work will be done in at least one state who has a school in the Southeast Conference.

SEC schools play for national championships in part because SEC fans take football so damn seriously. It’s not just a sport down there — it’s more like SEC fans cling to their guns and religion because they never know when either will help their team win a football game.

Why expect them to come to work on National Championship day? Or court? It’s just cruel. It’s regionalist. It just means we’re going to have slews of motions to continue like this one from an LSU fan who happens to be a lawyer in his spare time….

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Nice acid wash jeans.

You always hear urban legends (and some of them turn out to be real cases) about burglars who sue — and win against — homeowners for injuries sustained during the robbery. These are the kinds of cases that make you wonder how the justice system even functions, because you can literally sue for just about anything these days.

Oh, you fell through a skylight while you were attempting to burglarize a home and cut your arm? File a lawsuit! You tried to steal a television set from your neighbor and got bitten by his dog in the process? Time to litigate! So, what happens when you’re on the run and you decide to break into a couple’s home and hold them hostage?

Our latest pro se criminal litigant decided to up the ante. He’s suing his former kidnapping victims for breach of contract….

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