Legal Ethics

Sanctimonious attorneys bemoan the decline of civility in the legal practice. The “shark” mentality has eroded the quiet dignity of the second oldest profession (someone had to represent the first prostitute at her arraignment). It’s all a bit overblown — a callback to a halcyon time that never quite was.

Still, there’s something to be said for the fact that Clarence Darrow was never quoted telling William Jennings Bryant “[Bleep] With Me And You Will Have A Huge [Bleep]hole.” I mean, unless I missed that part of the transcript.

And now comes another attorney accused of threatening to violate someone in a most uncomfortable way. Except this time it wasn’t in a one-on-one conversation, but for all the world to see on Facebook….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pro Tip For Lawyers: Don’t Threaten To ‘Anally Rape’ Adversary”

Keith Lee

As has been discussed ad nauseam, it’s a tough time to be a lawyer right now. The legal industry is in a rut and the economy continues to limp along. With the flood of lawyers that have been forced to hang their shingle over the past few years, there has been increased competition for clients. This has led to some fairly cutthroat competition in the world of attorney advertising.

Many types of practice don’t advertise. Or rather, their advertising is of the tried-and-true “display expertise” variety. Write articles for your bar association magazine, speak at clients’ industry events, join boards and committees. Not so much talking about yourself, but showing that you are active and engaged in the legal industry. Let your reputation speak for itself; let others talk about you. Develop a reputation, not a brand.

But building a reputation is hard. Developing a brand is expensive. Wouldn’t it be easier if you could just mooch off of someone else’s hard work or money? Such was the proposition to New York attorney (and occasional ATL writer) Eric Turkewitz  this past week…

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“… TO BE SANCTIONED!”

Usher wrote this song called Bad Girl. It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it. Anyway, this guy named — I s**t you not — Dan Marino claims he wrote the song and Usher and his cronies stole it from him. He wants millions and millions of dollars. But rather than trigger the fall of the House of Usher, his lawyer got handed his hat.

He hired a lawyer named Francis Malofiy to zealously represent his interests. To his credit, “zeal” is not a failing of Mr. Malofiy. Courtesy, respect, professional responsibility — these things might be lacking, but he’s got zeal covered.

And, as it so often does, the latter failings (coupled with the former strength) gave rise to an epic benchslap….

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When we last checked in on Patton Boggs, the long-suffering law firm was on the brink of a bankruptcy breakthrough. Its partners, and the partners of Squire Sanders, were in the middle of voting on a merger that would save Patton Boggs.

Alas, sadly for Patton Boggs, Squire Sanders has suspended the merger vote. What happened? Did Squire come to its senses get second thoughts about that hideous proposed firm name, Squire Patton Boggs?

Actually, no; the issue is more substantial than that. Here’s a hint: Patton Boggs might have saved itself by June, if it weren’t for those meddling… Ecuadorian villagers!

(The vote is back on. Please note the multiple UPDATES at the end of this post.)

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It’s the nightmare scenario of every discovery: what if the client forged all these documents? There really are very few checks upon your own client beyond crafting careful instructions and trusting that it dutifully fulfilled all of them in gathering documents for your review (or at least your contractors’ review). Hounding the client for assurances can only go so far if the client is committed to deceiving the tribunal.

That’s the nightmare a Biglaw firm just faced, and after the firm won a big jury verdict in its client’s favor, the truth came out. How would the firm react?

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* “Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, if my client was the shooter, why would he have left the witness alive to testify? He’s a man who finishes the damn job.” [ABA Journal]

* Who would pretend to be a lawyer who is not? Apparently this public figure. [Legal Cheek]

* Jill Abramson is out at the New York Times. Could the reason be her decision to lawyer up? [Law and More]

* If you’ve hung around ATL long enough, you’ve heard us speculate that it just doesn’t make economic sense to attend most law schools. Here’s proof — only about 50 are even worth it economically. Which is hard to believe because I thought law degrees were worth $1 million. [TaxProf Blog]

* Lawyers get depressed, and not talking about it makes it worse. [Everyday Health]

* Seven-year-old kids are developing health problems from picking tobacco, because we let children work on tobacco farms apparently. [Slate]

* The Asian American Bar Association will be conducting a trial reenactment of 22 Lewd Chinese Women next Wednesday. Register here! [AABANY]

* As the new movie comes out, lawyers are really worked up over the Godzilla intellectual property. They need to hire Jorge Rivers: Godzilla Lawyer, whose ad appears after the jump (starring Thomas Lennon)…. [The Columbus Dispatch]

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America’s favorite “Multi-Dimensional Trial Attorney” and “modern-day incarnation of the Ancient Roman Orators” is back, and this time he’s defending his own honor. So, as they say, this time it’s personal.

For those who don’t remember Legal Baller, a.k.a. LB, a.k.a. Raymundo Pacello, Jr., he’s the San Diego jack of all trades attorney who first came to our attention after placing a Craigslist ad for “[y]oung attractive hip females” to work as his assistants. Some would call this discriminatory, but he’s got a baller image to maintain.

A year later he sought a Law Clerk to join the practice, and our own Natasha Lydon took the opportunity to do a thorough profile on the man we know as the Baller, including a look at his poetry and bodybuilding past.

Now we have copies of filings in a disciplinary proceeding against the Legal Baller, and his baller response (along with some sad news)….

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As Chief Judge Alex Kozinski recently wrote, “There is an epidemic of Brady violations abroad in the land. Only judges can put a stop to it.”

But judges need to know about prosecutorial misconduct in order to do anything about it. The public needs to be made aware of this important issue as well.

Last week, I interviewed Sidney Powell, a former federal prosecutor who has written a new book — a book that pulls no punches when it comes to her former colleagues at the U.S. Department of Justice….

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Ever wonder what that kid from the Sixth Sense would have been when he grew up? Seeing dead people could really get in the way of most careers. It turns out we have the perfect career for him: lawyer. It’s probably time for a sequel.

Because there’s a guy out there right now using his J.D. to be a psychic. I guess more technically, the subject of this story is a medium, meaning he does less predicting the future (convenient) and more communicating with the spirits of the departed. Or taking advantage of a bunch of vulnerable and bereaved people with easily understood cold reading techniques. But who am I to crash the party with science?

Billing himself as The Psychic Lawyer®, he supplements his career as “a successful attorney and certified mediator, licensed to practice law in Florida, Washington D.C., and before the United States Supreme Court” by telling people what they want to hear the spirits of their loved ones have to say.

Being a medium is one thing. But why advertise that you’re also a lawyer? Aren’t you just tanking your credibility in both fields?

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That pesky expert witness is claiming that a AAA battery can’t injure your client as much as you claim. How do you undermine his testimony? Confronting him with strongly-worded questions informed by careful scientific research is one way.

Trying to electrocute him is another way.

Guess which one the lawyer chose in this case?

Oh, Watt the hell, I’ll spoil it, the lawyer tried to electrocute him….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Shocking Testimony! Literally — Lawyer Administers 750-Volt Shock To Witness”

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