* I’d rather go naked than eat foie gras. (Wait, is that how it goes? Like Pamela, I’ll find any excuse to show off my glorious rack.) [New York Sun]

* Would it have been a crime if the motive had been a little head-start on Thanksgiving preparations? Not everyone can be Rachel Ray. (Thank the F*&king Lord.) [Rutland Herald]

* You can still smoke in your detached, single-family residence, where the only victims will be you and anyone else likely to live in a detached, single-family residence. Like your kids. [San Mateo Daily Journal]

* If I had received this book as a stocking stuffer when I was 12, I actually would be sad I didn’t get socks instead. Let’s wait for the movie, and then only if it is narrated by Morgan Freeman. He’s just so kind and knowing. If you don’t just love him, well then, there is something seriously wrong with you. [Lowering the Bar]

* But you’ll still be able to gamble and pay someone for sex. [KTNV]

* May we recommend a theatrical adaptation of this instead? Cute, but not offensive. (We think.) [Chicago Tribune]

The third time, and the third hung jury, proves to be a charm for former Gambino family crime boss John Gotti (aka “Junior Gotti”). From the New York Times:

[F]ederal prosecutors announced today that they would not seek to retry Mr. Gotti for a fourth time. The decision enshrines the mob dauphin as a defendant even trickier to convict than his father, the Gambino family don, John J. Gotti, who beat the rap three times himself before being found guilty in 1992 and dying in a federal prison hospital 10 years later.

So what now? Is Mr. Gotti going to Disneyworld? Uh, maybe:

Mr. Gotti, who has acknowledged through his lawyers that he ran the Gambino family during stretches of the 1990’s, to return to a life as normal as his name will allow. At the end of his third trial in September, he told reporters he wanted to “move on” and expressed a desire to work with children.

His lawyer, Charles F. Carnesi, said today that Mr. Gotti may turn to academe. “He’s interested in pursuing a degree,” he said. “In social work or counseling or maybe something with the schools.”

Our suggestion: elementary school music teacher. If Junior Gotti can lead a packed courtroom in a birthday serenade of a federal judge, he should have no problem getting grade schoolers to sing their little hearts out.

No Fourth Trial for Gotti, Prosecutors Say [New York Times]

Earlier: Happy Birthday, Judge Scheindlin

Related: TV, Movies, and the Mob: Some Quality Time with Gerald Shargel