Masturbation

Elizabeth Halverson small Judge Elizabeth Halverson Liz Halverson Above the Law blog.JPG* Can you invoke the Fifth Amendment if you’re a juror being voir dired? [Southern District of Florida Blog]
* When it comes to the administrative state, you can run but you can’t hide. [DealBreaker]
* The Elizabeth Halverson saga rolls on — and social studies teachers are grateful for the judicial soap opera: “My high school students have never read the newspaper with such genuine excitement before… So please, let Judge Halverson stay on the bench, just a little bit longer.” [ABA Journal]
* Who’s up for an Italian sausage grinder? [New York Post]

Faith George Michael Abovethelaw Above the Law legal blog.jpg

Well they guess it would be nice
If they could touch his body…

And soon they may have their chance.
George Michael Faces Jail: Michael ‘was on drugs’ court told [BBC News via Drudge Report]

Spanking the Monkey H Dewain Herring Above the Law blog.gifWe meant to link to this amusing story last Friday. Unfortunately, between salary coverage and entertaining visitors at our office hours, it fell through the cracks.
Anyway, to find out why H. Dewain Herring, Esq., currently on trial for murder, is ATL’s Lawyer of Last Friday, click here. You’ll be treated to the story of a prosecution featuring “salacious themes of lap dances, drug use and public nakedness.”
Herring’s defense: accidental discharge. Which, to be sure, happens all the time in strip clubs.
To pique your interest, here’s an excerpt from the trial transcript, courtesy of a source on the ground in Columbia, South Carolina:

q. and when you entered the champagne room he was masturbating, right?
a. yes, he was spanking that monkey
q. and when you entered, he saw you and kept masturbating.
a. yes, he kept on spanking that thing.
q. kept on spanking it, ok…

If he were still on the bench, and if this had happened in Oklahoma rather than South Carolina, we know the perfect judge for this trial.
Defense Stresses Lack of Intent [The State]


Oona O'connell law student Above the Law blog.jpgWe’ve told you all about Adrienne, the Boston College law student who did a sexy swimsuit spread for a magazine. And we’ve been all over (hehe) Adriana, the Brooklyn Law School 3L who romped naked before the camera for Playboy TV.

But let’s set the record straight. The phenomenon of law students taking it off for the camera is nothing new.

Well before Adrienne and Adriana, there was Oona O’Connell. From a tipster:

“A first year associate at my firm told me about this… He went to U. Miami and knew a fellow law student who posed for Playboy.”

“Apparently, her name is Oona O’Connell (which could be either the name of her first pet or the street she lived on as a kid, if my porn-name generator is correct). She is a 3L at the University of Miami Law School, and she’s also a Hawaiian Tropic model. Apparently she was in the May 2006 issue of Playboy, and she may shoot a ‘feature’ for an upcoming issue.”

“The only female nudity at MY law school took place when the student ACLU girls went topless to protest a local nudity ordinance. They were not airbrushed. OY.”

More about this comely young law student, including links to her Playboy pics, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “A Mini-Trend: Law Students in the Nude?”

library Above the Law blog.jpg* The headline screams “Britney!” But, in fact, this plaintiff was not wearing too-long jeans and fleeing the press — he was tasered. [Houston Chronicle]
* In my college days, this kind of activity was confined to private study booths known as “weenie bins.” We respected the books. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* Are royalties drying up, or is this (PDF) a legit lawsuit? [Los Angeles Times]
* Is teamwork encouraged in law school? Well, there is no “I” in team, but there sure is one in “Order of the Coif.” [Law School Innovation]

* Unlike batting averages, Zagat numbers are not exactly accurate to begin with. And don’t you wonder who fills out those surveys anyway? [New York Post]
* You defile it, you buy it. [Morning Call]
* While this does merit more than a Non-Sequitur, a show of hands of those who really care about Phil Spector or his rip-off of William Burroughs’s “William Tell” defense. [Reuters via Yahoo! News]
* Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go… [Jurist]

It can make you go blind — AND it can cause you to be named as the defendant in a civil lawsuit:
American Idol Mario Vasquez Above the Law Blog.jpg
(We love how “masturbation” appears in quotation marks. We realize it’s a quotation from the Complaint, but it reads as it were placed in scare-quotes — as if it were a less technical and more colloquial term, a la “spanking the monkey.”)
“A.I.” Contestant Accused of “Masturbating” in Suit [TMZ.com]

Northwest Airlines NWA Above the Law blog.jpgWhat is it about being 30,000 feet in the air that makes people so horny? First this. Then this. And now, this disturbing news story:

An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her.

The FBI identified the man as Samuel Oscar Gonzalez, 20, of Lakewood, Wash. He was charged in federal court with simple assault, a misdemeanor.

It happened on the redeye Monday morning from Seattle to Minneapolis. The woman was headed back to college.

Near the end of the flight, the FBI said Gonzalez sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away.

Nasty. Well, at least he wasn’t a state court judge.

The woman told the flight attendants about the incident. They moved her to another seat and called police from the air. The crew also moved the man to a seat near the front of the plane until the end of the flight.

He just wanted to sit in first class. Is that so wrong?
Or maybe he was just having trouble falling asleep on the red-eye flight. We’re sure that he slept quite soundly after this encounter.
Off-Duty NWA Worker Charged With Assault On Flight [CBS via Drudge Report]
United States v. Gonzalez: Criminal Complaint [PDF]

ranch dressing semen sperm spunk jizz jism cum salad dressing.jpgRanch dressing? Some news out of Wheaton, Illinois, which gives a whole new meaning to the term “creamy ranch”:

A high school student is facing criminal charges after school officials say he ejaculated into the cafeteria salad dressing.

Marco Castro, 17, was charged with one count each of attempted aggravated battery and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, Wheaton police said.

Castro is accused of spiking a container of cafeteria salad dressing at Wheaton North High School with his own semen last week.

Castro’s mistake: he whacked off into the RANCH dressing. Had he done it to the bleu cheese, no one would have been the wiser.
Some practice questions for anyone studying for a Crim Law final:

1. Assuming the doctored salad dressing was eaten, is Castro guilty of battery?

2. If you are Castro’s defense lawyer, what possible defenses would you want to explore with your client?

3. What additional facts would you need to know about each possible defense?

Please place your answers in the comments. Thanks.
Update: This disturbing episode has tort law implications, too. How educational!
Student Faces Charges In Semen-In-Dressing Case [CBS2 (Chicago) via Drudge Report (of course)]
Student Accused Of Putting Bodily Fluids In Food [CBS2 (Chicago)]
Raunch Dressing: llinois H.S. senior to be charged for de-fouling creamy condiment [The Smoking Gun]

cameroon cameroun.jpgOkay, so he’s actually a law student (as a number of you nitpickers would surely point out). Anyway, here’s the story:

A 26-year-old law school standout was arrested for pretending to be a New Jersey congressman, so he could obtain visas for relatives and others in his native Cameroon, said a federal prosecutor.

Njock Eyong is charged with impersonating a federal official, possession of fraudulent visa documents, and fraud by wire scheme, according to an Oct. 11 indictment in the U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C….

While in Washington, he worked as an intern for New Jersey Democratic Rep. Donald M. Payne. In summer 2003, Eyong used the congressman’s signature machines and official stationery to demand that visas be issued, said Barbara Kittay of the U.S. attorney’s office in Washington.

Was Eyong’s fraud hard to detect? Well, the feds knew something was up when letters like this one started emanating from Rep. Payne’s office:

Dearest BELOVED:

I am BARRISTER NJOCK EYONG, Solicitor. I am the Personal Attorney to ENGR: J.M. PEDRO a national of your country, who used to work with shell development company in Bakassi CAMEROUN, who is seeking a VISA…

Student Accused Of Impersonating N.J. Congressman [CBS/AP]

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