Well they guess it would be nice
If they could touch his body…
And soon they may have their chance.
George Michael Faces Jail: Michael ‘was on drugs’ court told [BBC News via Drudge Report]
Masturbation
We meant to link to this amusing story last Friday. Unfortunately, between salary coverage and entertaining visitors at our office hours, it fell through the cracks.
Anyway, to find out why H. Dewain Herring, Esq., currently on trial for murder, is ATL’s Lawyer of Last Friday, click here. You’ll be treated to the story of a prosecution featuring “salacious themes of lap dances, drug use and public nakedness.”
Herring’s defense: accidental discharge. Which, to be sure, happens all the time in strip clubs.
To pique your interest, here’s an excerpt from the trial transcript, courtesy of a source on the ground in Columbia, South Carolina:
q. and when you entered the champagne room he was masturbating, right?
a. yes, he was spanking that monkey
q. and when you entered, he saw you and kept masturbating.
a. yes, he kept on spanking that thing.
q. kept on spanking it, ok…
If he were still on the bench, and if this had happened in Oklahoma rather than South Carolina, we know the perfect judge for this trial.
Defense Stresses Lack of Intent [The State]
- Hotties, Law Schools, Masturbation, Media and Journalism, Nude Dancing, Oona O'Connell, Pictures, Pornography, University of Miami School of Law
A Mini-Trend: Law Students in the Nude?
By David LatWe’ve told you all about Adrienne, the Boston College law student who did a sexy swimsuit spread for a magazine. And we’ve been all over (hehe) Adriana, the Brooklyn Law School 3L who romped naked before the camera for Playboy TV.
But let’s set the record straight. The phenomenon of law students taking it off for the camera is nothing new.
Well before Adrienne and Adriana, there was Oona O’Connell. From a tipster:
“A first year associate at my firm told me about this… He went to U. Miami and knew a fellow law student who posed for Playboy.”
“Apparently, her name is Oona O’Connell (which could be either the name of her first pet or the street she lived on as a kid, if my porn-name generator is correct). She is a 3L at the University of Miami Law School, and she’s also a Hawaiian Tropic model. Apparently she was in the May 2006 issue of Playboy, and she may shoot a ‘feature’ for an upcoming issue.”
“The only female nudity at MY law school took place when the student ACLU girls went topless to protest a local nudity ordinance. They were not airbrushed. OY.”
More about this comely young law student, including links to her Playboy pics, after the jump.
* The headline screams “Britney!” But, in fact, this plaintiff was not wearing too-long jeans and fleeing the press — he was tasered. [Houston Chronicle]
* In my college days, this kind of activity was confined to private study booths known as “weenie bins.” We respected the books. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* Are royalties drying up, or is this (PDF) a legit lawsuit? [Los Angeles Times]
* Is teamwork encouraged in law school? Well, there is no “I” in team, but there sure is one in “Order of the Coif.” [Law School Innovation]
* Unlike batting averages, Zagat numbers are not exactly accurate to begin with. And don’t you wonder who fills out those surveys anyway? [New York Post]
* You defile it, you buy it. [Morning Call]
* While this does merit more than a Non-Sequitur, a show of hands of those who really care about Phil Spector or his rip-off of William Burroughs’s “William Tell” defense. [Reuters via Yahoo! News]
* Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go… [Jurist]
It can make you go blind — AND it can cause you to be named as the defendant in a civil lawsuit:
(We love how “masturbation” appears in quotation marks. We realize it’s a quotation from the Complaint, but it reads as it were placed in scare-quotes — as if it were a less technical and more colloquial term, a la “spanking the monkey.”)
“A.I.” Contestant Accused of “Masturbating” in Suit [TMZ.com]
What is it about being 30,000 feet in the air that makes people so horny? First this. Then this. And now, this disturbing news story:
An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her.
The FBI identified the man as Samuel Oscar Gonzalez, 20, of Lakewood, Wash. He was charged in federal court with simple assault, a misdemeanor.
It happened on the redeye Monday morning from Seattle to Minneapolis. The woman was headed back to college.
Near the end of the flight, the FBI said Gonzalez sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away.
Nasty. Well, at least he wasn’t a state court judge.
The woman told the flight attendants about the incident. They moved her to another seat and called police from the air. The crew also moved the man to a seat near the front of the plane until the end of the flight.
He just wanted to sit in first class. Is that so wrong?
Or maybe he was just having trouble falling asleep on the red-eye flight. We’re sure that he slept quite soundly after this encounter.
Off-Duty NWA Worker Charged With Assault On Flight [CBS via Drudge Report]
United States v. Gonzalez: Criminal Complaint [PDF]
Ranch dressing? Some news out of Wheaton, Illinois, which gives a whole new meaning to the term “creamy ranch”:
A high school student is facing criminal charges after school officials say he ejaculated into the cafeteria salad dressing.
Marco Castro, 17, was charged with one count each of attempted aggravated battery and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, Wheaton police said.
Castro is accused of spiking a container of cafeteria salad dressing at Wheaton North High School with his own semen last week.
Castro’s mistake: he whacked off into the RANCH dressing. Had he done it to the bleu cheese, no one would have been the wiser.
Some practice questions for anyone studying for a Crim Law final:
1. Assuming the doctored salad dressing was eaten, is Castro guilty of battery?
2. If you are Castro’s defense lawyer, what possible defenses would you want to explore with your client?
3. What additional facts would you need to know about each possible defense?
Please place your answers in the comments. Thanks.
Update: This disturbing episode has tort law implications, too. How educational!
Student Faces Charges In Semen-In-Dressing Case [CBS2 (Chicago) via Drudge Report (of course)]
Student Accused Of Putting Bodily Fluids In Food [CBS2 (Chicago)]
Raunch Dressing: llinois H.S. senior to be charged for de-fouling creamy condiment [The Smoking Gun]
Okay, so he’s actually a law student (as a number of you nitpickers would surely point out). Anyway, here’s the story:
A 26-year-old law school standout was arrested for pretending to be a New Jersey congressman, so he could obtain visas for relatives and others in his native Cameroon, said a federal prosecutor.
Njock Eyong is charged with impersonating a federal official, possession of fraudulent visa documents, and fraud by wire scheme, according to an Oct. 11 indictment in the U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C….
While in Washington, he worked as an intern for New Jersey Democratic Rep. Donald M. Payne. In summer 2003, Eyong used the congressman’s signature machines and official stationery to demand that visas be issued, said Barbara Kittay of the U.S. attorney’s office in Washington.
Was Eyong’s fraud hard to detect? Well, the feds knew something was up when letters like this one started emanating from Rep. Payne’s office:
Dearest BELOVED:
I am BARRISTER NJOCK EYONG, Solicitor. I am the Personal Attorney to ENGR: J.M. PEDRO a national of your country, who used to work with shell development company in Bakassi CAMEROUN, who is seeking a VISA…
The Duke lacrosse team rape case doesn’t seem like great ATL fodder. If the accuser is telling the truth, a brutal and horrific rape took place. If the three defendants are telling the truth, three young men’s lives have been ruined, for a crime they did not commit.
But the story is all over the news today, since the three accused lacrosse players — team captain David Evans, Collin Finnerty, and Reade Seligmann — appeared on 60 Minutes last night (as did Kim Roberts, the other exotic dancer who appeared that night). There’s a lot of buzz around it right now.
So we reviewed some of the coverage. This nugget jumped out at us:
Plastic fingernails the accuser was wearing that night were found in the trashcan of the bathroom where she says the rape occurred. DNA that could belong to David Evans – but is not an exact match – was found on those nails. Not a surprise, says Evans, because the trashcan was in his bathroom and was filled with tissues and other items containing his DNA.
Ah yes, DNA-laden Kleenexes. We recommend paper towels — they’re more absorbent.
This reminded us of an article that appeared in the New York Times back in August, containing a detailed review of the physical evidence in the Duke case:
The police recovered semen from beside the toilet — about the same spot where the woman said she had spat out semen from someone who orally raped her. It matched the DNA of Matt Zash, a team captain who lived in the house and has not been charged. His lawyer said the semen had come from other, innocent sexual activity.
“[I]nnocent sexual activity”? Depends on your point of view — are you Catholic?
Investigators also found a towel in the hallway near Mr. Evans’s bedroom with semen matching his DNA. The woman had told the sexual assault nurse that someone had wiped her vagina with a rag. Mr. Evans’s lawyer said that this towel had nothing to do with her accusation, and that the semen came from other activity.
Might Mr. Evans have been engaged in some “innocent sexual activity” of his own, Foleygate-style?
Duke Rape Suspects Speak Out [CBS News]
Alleged Duke Rape Victim’s Kin Calls 60 Minutes Segment ‘Intimidation’ [ABC News]
Files From Duke Rape Case Give Details but No Answers [New York Times]
-
Sponsored Content
The Grooming Goods You Need to Crush the Interview
Presented by Birchbox
Watch to find out what some of our subscribers received in their May box!The proper hair styling product might just be the only thing standing between you and your dream job. And the best way to find what works for you is to try the best stuff on the market. Join Birchbox Man for $20 a month and you’ll get customized shipments of the best grooming and lifestyle gear on the market every month—everything from haircare and shaving supplies to style accessories and tech gadgets.
As the leading discovery commerce platform, Birchbox is redefining the retail process by offering consumers a unique and personalized way to discover, learn about, and shop the best grooming and lifestyle products out there. It’s a full 360-degree process: try, learn, buy. Once you sign up and fill out your profile, head over to Birchbox Man’s online magazine to find article and video tutorials on how to get the most out your monthly box products. Pick up full-size versions of anything you like in the Birchbox Shop and earn points for every purchase.
Keep reading »Sponsored Content
The Asia Chronicles – ASSOCIATE AND IN-HOUSE OPENINGS IN HONG KONG / CHINA, JAPAN AND SINGAPORE
Presented by Kinney Recruiting
We currently have a number of active openings for associate roles at US and UK firms in HK / China, Singapore and two new in-house openings. As always, please feel free to reach out to us at asia@kinneyrecruiting.com in order to get details of current openings in Asia, as well as to discuss the Asia markets in general and what we expect for openings later this year. Our Evan Jowers and Robert Kinney will be in Beijing the week of March 25 and Evan Jowers will be in Hong Kong the week of April 1, if you would like to meet them in person.
The US associate openings we have in law firms are in the usual areas of M&A, cap markets, FCPA / white collar litigation, finance, and project finance. The most urgent of our top tier (top 15 US or magic circle) law firm openings in Asia (among many other firm openings that we have in Asia) are as follows:
• 2nd to 5th year mandarin fluent M&A associates needed in Beijing and Hong Kong at several firms;
• Korean fluent 2nd to 4th year cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 5th year Japanese fluent M&A associates needed in Tokyo;
• 4th to 6th year mandarin fluent cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 4th year M&A / cap markets mix associate needed in Singapore.Also, we have the two below in-house openings:
Keep reading »Sponsored Content
Digital Canary in the Virtual Mine #2: What’s In Your Apps? Prying Eyes Are Ready To Discover . . .
Presented by AccessData
The last time I flapped my wings your way, I tried to make at least enough noise about your mobile phone to make you more than a little bit uncomfortable. I hope I did. If enough of us become anxious enough about the known and unknown unknowns and knowns in our mobile phones, then we can start making wise decisions about how to manage that information and its resultant investigations.Today, I’d like to put a finer point on the last installment’s topic by asking a question that seemed to catch most attendees off-guard at a conference panel that I moderated last week: is there discoverable personal information in a mobile app? Our panelists’ answer was a uniform “yes” with one stating that, if he had to choose only one type of data that he could discover from a mobile phone, he’d choose app data. Why? Because there’s simply so much of it and because almost all of it is objective – not just user-created like an email – but machine-tracked like GPS, usage duration, log in and log out times, browsed web addresses, browsed actual addresses. Also, most of us seem to have the idea that data doesn’t actually “stick” to our mobile devices the way it “sticks” to our hard drives. Maybe there’s a disconnect based on the fact that our phones are mobile so we assume the data is mobile to?
Keep reading » Video Profiles for Job Seekers
The traditional job application and interview process can be impersonal, and applicants often struggle to present themselves as more than just the sum of their GPAs, alma maters, and previous work history. ATL has partnered with ViewYou to help job seekers overcome this challenge. ViewYou NOW Profiles offer a unique way for job seekers to make a personal, memorable connection with prospective employers: introduction videos. These videos allow job candidates to display their personalities, interpersonal skills, and professional interests, creating an eDossier to brand themselves to potential employers all over the world. Check it out today!
