Murder

“I’ve wanted you since the DNA expert voir dire.”

Murder trials are stressful. Most people soldier through it. Some develop quirky regimes to keep their mind clear. Some learn how to breathe better. More just develop solid poker faces. But a pair of court staff members found an alternative method of stress relief: they started boning in court. Or at least in the room adjoining the courtroom.

I guess they weren’t interested in the prosecutor’s summation. This is what happens when you don’t let people keep their smartphones in court. Would a rousing round of 2048 in the courtroom have really been as distracting as a round of 69 right next to it?

Just when you thought Ally McBeal was too far-fetched, something like this comes along….

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I used to watch a lot of televised golf. The Masters, the U.S. Open, the twee British one, that other last one. All the big tournaments, I watched. And I watched because Tiger Woods laid waste to an entire generation of golfers. Previously, golf had been an impenetrable bore to me. I was aware of who the best golfers were and I was also aware that every time I tuned in, they probably weren’t going to win. Golf was random like that, too difficult a sport for one man to dominate. Nicklaus had been the previous generational talent, but even his dominance meant that he won well less than half the tournaments he entered. Something inside of me hated this.

I don’t watch golf as much anymore because it’s reverted back to its random, boring self. Who wins this week will be a total crapshoot. Crapshoot, by the way, was an ancient sport that pit one white guy versus another white guy and each white guy had to defecate into a small white hole hundreds of yards away from his anus. Crapshoot. It was like golf and it was totally impossible to play and/or watch. Anyway.

I mention all of this because crime in the sports world has often resembled Tiger-less golf in its randomness. There has never been any way to predict who would rape whom and who would murder whom else. Total crapshoot. This week has brought us a bit of a referendum on this topic with one athlete dominating his field while another preaches randomness.

In one corner, Aaron Hernandez, who am become death, destroyer of worlds. In the other, Darren Sharper…

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* “Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, if my client was the shooter, why would he have left the witness alive to testify? He’s a man who finishes the damn job.” [ABA Journal]

* Who would pretend to be a lawyer who is not? Apparently this public figure. [Legal Cheek]

* Jill Abramson is out at the New York Times. Could the reason be her decision to lawyer up? [Law and More]

* If you’ve hung around ATL long enough, you’ve heard us speculate that it just doesn’t make economic sense to attend most law schools. Here’s proof — only about 50 are even worth it economically. Which is hard to believe because I thought law degrees were worth $1 million. [TaxProf Blog]

* Lawyers get depressed, and not talking about it makes it worse. [Everyday Health]

* Seven-year-old kids are developing health problems from picking tobacco, because we let children work on tobacco farms apparently. [Slate]

* The Asian American Bar Association will be conducting a trial reenactment of 22 Lewd Chinese Women next Wednesday. Register here! [AABANY]

* As the new movie comes out, lawyers are really worked up over the Godzilla intellectual property. They need to hire Jorge Rivers: Godzilla Lawyer, whose ad appears after the jump (starring Thomas Lennon)…. [The Columbus Dispatch]

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* Florida is woefully unprepared for a zombie apocalypse. [Lowering the Bar]

* Congratulations to Sujit Choudhry on being named dean at Boalt Hall. [Prawfs Blawg]

* Justice Scalia is a delusional hack. Well, that’s not really news… [Salon]

* Just how suspect was that referendum on Crimean annexation? Even the Russian government is questioning it. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* A look at how Lauren Giddings’s killer could have gotten free. [The Telegraph (Macon)]

* The KABA and JABA have issued a joint statement on the lawsuit surrounding the Glendale, CA, Comfort Women Memorial. [Korean American Bar Association / Japanese American Bar Association]

* A governor’s cronies get the plum state judgeships. That may not be surprising, but the negative impact it has on the quality of the judiciary deserves more attention. [The Center for Public Integrity]

* I’d never heard of “The Full Kagan,” and I’m not sure I want to know what it relates to. [Excess of Democracy]

* Much has been made of federal prosecutors failing to go after the “Too Big To Fail” banks. After the jump is a primer on why they haven’t. [Bloomberg TV]

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* The $160K-Plus Club welcomes its newest member: Duval & Stachenfeld, a real estate firm in NY, is more than doubling its starting salary for associates to $175K. Look for them recruiting at your “tier one” school soon. [New York Law Journal]

* In this economy, bankruptcy firms are being hit hard: Stutman Treister & Glatt, a top L.A. firm that once assisted in cases against Lehman Brothers and Enron Corp. in their Chapter 11 proceedings, is closing up shop. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* It ain’t easy being dean at the law school with the best Biglaw prospects — oh wait, yes it is. Congrats to Gillian Lester, who will serve as Columbia Law’s fifteenth dean come January 2015. [Columbia News]

* “Do I think he thought he was gonna beat it? Yeah.” The district attorney who brought charges against Stephen McDaniel thinks the law school killer was too big for his chainmail britches. [Macon Telegraph]

* From catcalling to “jiggle tests,” NFL cheerleaders have to put up with a lot of really ridiculous stuff. Not being paid the minimum wage is one thing, but having to put up with being groped is quite another. [TIME]

Stephen McDaniel

It was in the summer of 2011 that we first reported on the grisly scene unfolding at Mercer Law School. The torso of Lauren Giddings, a recent graduate, had been found in the garbage outside of her apartment complex. Her neighbor and classmate, Stephen McDaniel, was charged with the crime of murder. The rest of Lauren’s body parts have never been found.

McDaniel, who earned the nickname “Hacksaw,” maintained his innocence throughout the investigation and his time spent in jail — that is, until today…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “‘You Are The Devil’: Law Grad Pleads Guilty To Dismembering Classmate”

Lindsay Lohan

* Noah “Kai” Newkirk, the protestor who disrupted Supreme Court arguments in February, was sentenced to time served and barred from the court. Don’t worry, we’ll get you all the SCOTUS clerk news you need, cutie. [Associated Press]

* “There are still a lot of firms out there hoping the good old days are going to return, and are finally coming to the realization that that isn’t going to happen.” More on Biglaw layoffs. [Am Law Daily]

* Yet another law school gets its rating downgraded by Moody’s. As a standalone school with “substantial declines in JD enrollment,” Vermont Law’s outlook is now negative. Sad trombone. [Moody's]

* Jason Bohn, the heavily indebted law school grad once profiled by the New York Times, was convicted of murdering his girlfriend last month, and now he’s been sentenced to serve life in prison. [New York Post]

* “Is the Tax Code really 70,000 pages long?” No, not really. We wonder who started the rumor that it was so long, because in reality, it’s only about 2,600 pages long — which is still way, way too long. [Slate]

* It appears that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree with this celebrity family. Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina Lohan, pleaded guilty yesterday to drunken driving and speeding charges in New York. [CNN]

* Gibson Dunn released the records for all interviews it conducted in order to clear Gov. Christie’s name in the Bridgegate scandal. They all said he was too busy working out to know. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]

* Maryland Law named Donald B. Tobin its new dean. We hope he’ll assist in not jumping the gun on mourning the death of civil rights leaders before they’ve actually died. [Baltimore Business Journal]

* “You understand that you can’t have two defenses?” The prosecution is accusing Oscar Pistorius of changing his testimony mid-trial, and it seems at this point he’s got no leg to stand on. [Bloomberg]

* If you’re still thinking about going to law school, you should probably brush up on the logical reasoning section of the LSAT… because you’re not very good at it now. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* If you feel like stepping out on your spouse, you might consider moving to New Hampshire. The state is about to repeal its adultery law which makes the act of cheating a Class B misdemeanor. [Post-Standard]

* Remember to enter the Sixth Annual Law Revue competition. The submission deadline is Thursday at 5. [Above the Law]

* Johnny Depp subpoenaed in a murder case. He’ll finally pay for what he did to basic dignity in that Lone Ranger movie. [TMZ]

* Speaking of murder, a court in Pakistan has dropped the attempted murder charges that had been filed against a 9-month-old baby. Maggie Simpson nods in approval. [NBC News]

* The difference between this student note and your student note is that this one is guiding Department of Justice policy. [Wall Street Journal]

* Professor Susannah Pollvogt identifies the key issues raised in the Kitchen v. Herbert oral argument. [Pollvogtarian]

* The Income Tax turns 100. You’re looking fabulous. [TaxProf Blog]

* The fallout from Heartbleed continues. Here are a few legal websites affected by the glitch. [ATL Redline]

* Jon Stewart has some choice words for the Gibson Dunn report that Chris Christie commissioned and that not-so-surprisingly came out in Christie’s favor. Video after the jump…. [Comedy Central]

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* In consideration of Africa’s “growing economic prowess,” Biglaw firms like Dentons and Baker & McKenzie are opening up shop. Don’t make DLA’s mistake: Africa isn’t a country. [Am Law Daily]

* Stopped like traffic: Two of Gov. Chris Christie’s former aides properly asserted their Fifth Amendment rights and won’t have to give up docs relating to the Bridgegate scandal. [Bloomberg]

* Armed with a privacy curriculum developed at Fordham, several law schools are trying to teach middle-schoolers how to manage their online reputations. Selfies and the Law should be fun. [Associated Press]

* Alex Hribal, the suspect in the Pennsylvania stabbing, was charged as an adult on four counts of attempted homicide and 21 counts of aggravated assault. Our thoughts remain with those injured. [CNN]

* A Texas woman was convicted of murdering her boyfriend by bludgeoning him in the head with the 5-inch stiletto heel of a pair of blue suede pumps. The true crime is that they weren’t peep-toes. [ABC News]

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