Nauseating Things

toilet paper tp tissue Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgWe resume our series of fun summer associate stories. If you have an anecdote you’d be willing to share, please check out the submission guidelines, and then email us.
Today’s story is more embarrassing to the partner than the summer associate. But that doesn’t preclude it from inclusion here. After all, the tale of the Clifford Chance Lolita was arguably bad for both the partner and the SA.
Also, today’s story — even if not focused on the summer associate — is pretty funny. Here you go:
1. Superhero name: Partner’s Best Friend
2. Special power: Uncanny timeliness when using the restroom
3. Summered: Shearman & Sterling, summer 2006
4. Claim to fame: We quote from an email that previously appeared on another blog, You Can’t Get Arrested for Being Awesome:

“I discovered the ultimate way to get on the good side of a partner today. I go to use the restroom, and when I walk in, someone is cutting gigantic farts. I mean, the type that shake the stall walls. So, I suppress my laughter — and out walks one of the senior partners of litigation.”

“He’s stopped in my office twice today to say, ‘Hi.’ At my firm, partners just do not drop in to say ‘Hello.’ I think he was truly embarrassed and is attempting ‘the nice routine,’ in order to make sure I don’t spread the story of my bathroom experience.”

It’s a little late for that.
5. What happened to him: The partner could have gone nuclear and killed his offer, to keep him quiet. But he got the offer and will start as an associate there this fall.
(Consistent with our general rule, we’re keeping the participants in this bathroom episode anonymous. Please do not name them, or even speculate as to their identity, in the comments — which, of course, are the legal responsibility of the commenters (not ATL). If things get out of hand in the comments, we’ll have to close the thread, and we’d rather not do that. Thanks.)
Firm Life [You Can't Get Arrested for Being Awesome]

Legal%20Eagle%20Wedding%20Watch%20NYT%20wedding%20announcements%20Above%20the%20Law.jpgLEWW salutes Laura Marshall Worth, a direct descendant of Chief Justice John Marshall, who celebrated her wedding last weekend. Laura wasted a great law-school admissions essay and became a teacher, so this hat-tip is all she gets.
Here are our three lucky finalist-couples:

1. Rebecca Ingber and Anton Metlitsky
2. Alexandra Flood and Samuel Alcoff
3. Devon Powers and David Bennion

More about these couples, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Legal Eagle Wedding Watch: Deb-acle!”

blood contract red ink Abovethelaw Above the Law online legal tabloid.jpgMaybe blood oaths work in the Mafia. But outside organized crime circles, they may be harder to enforce. From the AP:

A Nietzsche-quoting judge said a promise penned in blood by a businessman was not an enforceable contract. Superior Court Judge Corey S. Cramin ruled Monday that Stephen Son could not be forced to repay Kim Jin-soo more than $140,000 that Kim provided to Son’s companies, not to Son himself.

Son punctured his finger and drafted the promise in a restaurant after his companies accepted cash from Kim but failed to turn a profit.

Son was not required to guarantee those transactions, the judge said.

“Blood is the worst of all testimonies to the truth,” Cramin said, paraphrasing German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

To all ATL readers currently studying for the bar: Whaddya think? How would you argue in favor of holding the blood contract enforceable, despite the apparent absence of consideration?
Judge: Blood promise can’t be enforced [Associated Press via Yahoo! News]

rats rat mouse mice DOJ day care Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgWorking as a lawyer for the U.S. Department of Justice offers many advantages over toiling as a law firm associate. Greater responsibility. Better hours. Nicer bosses (with some exceptions).
But working for the DOJ has disadvantages too. Lower pay. Less support staff. No Aeron chairs working pens.
And maybe rats snacking on your toddler. From a tipster:

Cadwalader may have bed bugs, but the Justice Department’s child care center has rats. The center is… managed by a board of directors, mainly middle aged DOJ lawyers.

Here’s an email making the rounds. My favorite line is “They will stay upstairs for play the rat of the day.”

Check out the email, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Even Worse Than the Cadwalader Bed Bugs”

Cadwalader Wickersham Taft CWT bed bugs bedbugs Abovethelaw Above the Law legal tabloid blog.jpgWe hear that Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft is a tough place to work these days. Over the past few years, CTW’s profits per partner have skyrocketed — but such growth has come at a price.
Today the firm is much more of a business, and much less of a partnership. Collegiality is down, and billable hours — as well as associate dissatisfaction — are up.
But these aren’t the only problems plaguing Cadwalader. A source forwarded us an internal CWT email, with this introductory squib:

Just received this from a friend over there. As if the crushing leverage and abuse weren’t enough, CWT has BED BUGS….

Don’t believe us? The office-wide email, sent out about an hour and a half ago by firm chairman Robert O. Link Jr., appears after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Breaking: Cadwalader Overrun By Bed Bugs!!!”

Paris Hilton 3 rash anal herpes Abovethelaw anal herpes Above the Law blog.JPGOn the subject of Paris Hilton’s recent release from jail, Entertainment Tonight reports:

L.A. County Sheriff Spokesperson STEVE WHITMORE told reporters that due to “medical issues,” the heiress had been “reassigned” at about 2:00 a.m. Thursday and would finish out her sentence on house arrest….

Sources close to the Hilton family tell ET the medical reason was actually a rash she developed on her body.

Mention of a bodily rash provides support for this ATL reader comment:

My friend’s brother (who works with [Sheriff Lee] Baca’s assistant sheriffs) told me that Paris was released due to a severe, “stress-induced” herpes outbreak. He also said that he heard that the blisters had apparently spread to her anus and had taken on abcess-like features that required more serious medical attention. Thus, after taking into account jail overcrowding, the increasing liability that Paris presents, and Paris’s lesions, all things weighed in favor of her being put on home confinement.

Was a case of anal herpes a “Get Out of Jail Free” card for Paris Hilton?
More discussion, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Paris Hilton: Her Rash Release from Prison?”

Wal-Mart Walmart puke vomit Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.JPGToday’s Lawsuit of the Day comes to us from Davenport, Iowa, courtesy of the Quad-City Times (via How Appealing):

First came a puddle of vomit and a fall, then a classified advertisement and now a lawsuit against Wal-Mart.

June and James Medema of Blue Grass, Iowa, filed the suit May 22 in Scott County District Court, alleging that negligence led to June Medema suffering severe personal and permanent injuries in a June 13, 2005, fall at the Wal-Mart SuperCenter on West Kimberly Road in Davenport. The couple is asking for at least $5,000 in damages, according to the suit.

The facts, while colorful — think puke green — are pretty straightforward. What we really enjoyed were the amusing reader comments appended to the original news article.
Check them out, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: Wal-Mart Truly Is Vomitous”

* Strippers always have day jobs, so this is no small victory. [Des Moines Register]
* Why the premium you pay for Fiji water (“untouched by man until you unscrew the cap”) is worth it. [Trentonian]
* (Commercially successful) hipster writer gives it away for free, but will anyone want it? []
* But you still have to read everything. Did you ever get to the five commercial outlines and study guides you bought for evidence? []
* How mooning can bite you in the ass. [St. Petersburg Times via How Appealing]

soup bowl of soup Above the Law blog.jpg“And I’m going to mention it in my restaurant review — ’cause if you sue me, your chances of prevailing are low.”
That’s the gist of this interesting NYT article by Adam Liptak. Money quote:

These rulings, from about a dozen over the past three decades, were all in favor of the reviewer.

¶ “Trout à la green plague”? Ruling: “An ordinarily informed person would not infer that these entrees were actually carriers of communicable diseases.”

¶ “The fish on the Key West platter tasted like old ski boots”? Ruling: “Obviously, that was hyperbole used to indicate that the reviewer found the fish to be dry and tough.”

¶ Peking duck pancakes “the size of a saucer and the thickness of a finger”? Ruling: “An attempt to inject style into the review rather than an attempt to convey with technical precision literal facts about the restaurant.”

¶ “Bring a can of Raid if you plan to eat here”? Ruling: “The techniques of humor and ridicule were protected.”

Harsh, yes. But we’re not sure if any of them are as bad as what A.A. Gill had to say about Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s Asian restaurant in Tribeca, 66:

Mr. Gill likened the shrimp and foie gras dumplings at 66 to ”fishy, liver-filled condoms” and called them ”properly vile, with a savor that lingered like a lovelorn drunk and tasted as if your mouth had been used as the swab bin in an animal hospital.”

Ouch. Seems like Mr. Gill was trying too hard. We dined at 66 once, and we found it perfectly pleasant — not as impressive as Mr. Vongerichten’s other culinary outposts, but certainly not worthy of such vitriol.
(And yes, we did try the dumplings. We enjoyed them — as did William Grimes of the Times, who listed them as a recommended dish.)
Serving You Tonight Will Be Our Lawyer [New York Times]

Northwest Airlines NWA Above the Law blog.jpgWhat is it about being 30,000 feet in the air that makes people so horny? First this. Then this. And now, this disturbing news story:

An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her.

The FBI identified the man as Samuel Oscar Gonzalez, 20, of Lakewood, Wash. He was charged in federal court with simple assault, a misdemeanor.

It happened on the redeye Monday morning from Seattle to Minneapolis. The woman was headed back to college.

Near the end of the flight, the FBI said Gonzalez sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away.

Nasty. Well, at least he wasn’t a state court judge.

The woman told the flight attendants about the incident. They moved her to another seat and called police from the air. The crew also moved the man to a seat near the front of the plane until the end of the flight.

He just wanted to sit in first class. Is that so wrong?
Or maybe he was just having trouble falling asleep on the red-eye flight. We’re sure that he slept quite soundly after this encounter.
Off-Duty NWA Worker Charged With Assault On Flight [CBS via Drudge Report]
United States v. Gonzalez: Criminal Complaint [PDF]

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