New Jersey

Teresa Giudice

It’s time for me to wake up. I do need to read things before I sign them. I do need to understand things before I sign them. … I gotta make sure I fully understand something, or fully read it, or find a lawyer — like a contract lawyer — that could help me. Because, you know, I don’t read contracts every day.

– Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice, explaining some of the ways she plans to change her life in the wake of receiving a 15-month sentence for mail, wire, and bankruptcy fraud. She’ll report to prison on January 5, 2015.

(Giudice claims she was “shocked” to have received a prison sentence, even after signing a plea agreement that called for up to 27 months of jail for her crimes. Why was she so shocked? The answer might make your brain hurt.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Reality TV Star Claims She ‘Didn’t Understand’ That Her Plea Agreement Meant Possible Jail Time”

I know I sound like I’m wearing a tinfoil hat when I talk about emerging drone law, BUT THEY ARE COMING FOR US. Robots that fly and spy on us are being put in the hands of private citizens. Drone regulations are being written by lobbyists for drone manufacturers and other companies. You’re going to wake up one day, and there’s going to be a drone outside your bedroom window writing you a ticket for sodomy.

I’m not the only one who knows what’s coming. Just take a look at this crazy, gun-toting New Jersey man who shot one down that was flying over his property…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Can You Shoot Down Drones?”

Teresa Giudice

For a moment, I thought about probation. For a moment. I need to send a message that it isn’t who you are, how famous you are. If you do something wrong, there will be consequences to pay. Confinement is absolutely necessary in this case.

– Judge Esther Salas of the District of New Jersey, speaking during Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice’s sentencing yesterday afternoon. Giudice was sentenced to serve 15 months in prison, and her husband, Joe Giudice, was sentenced to serve 41 months in prison.


Mike Sorrentino

* Per the First Circuit, plaintiffs who successfully challenge the Defense of Marriage Act in court aren’t entitled to attorneys’ fees. The Department of Justice had no comment. [National Law Journal]

* Florida Coastal Law finished second-to-last in bar passage for the July 2014 exam, with 58% of grads passing. It was one of Florida Coastal’s worst performances to date. [Florida Times-Union]

* ASU Law got a $10M donation, its largest ever. “The remarkable thing about it is we didn’t ask him for it,” says the dean, which is a slightly better response than Drexel’s dean had. [The Republic]

* Much to his defense team’s chagrin, accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s trial will remain in Boston. The media spectacle is set to begin in January 2015. [New York Times]

* Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame was indicted on tax fraud charges to the tune of $8.9M. He pleaded not guilty yesterday afternoon. There aren’t tanning beds in jail. :( [Asbury Park Press]

* In this summer’s Biglaw lawsuitpalooza, real estate and conflicts took the lead as headliners. Poor Boies Schiller had double the trouble when it came to ethics complaints. Ouch. [Am Law Daily]

* New Jersey taxpayers owe Gibson Dunn & Crutcher about $6.5 million thanks to Governor Chris Christie’s Bridgegate scandal. Thanks for the pain in our pocketbooks, chief. [Daily Report (reg. req.)]

* “It’s been a minor inconvenience to us, but of course I don’t like somebody hijacking my name and using it to hurt someone else.” Two Florida law firms are investigating why someone sent out 42 anonymous state bar complaints against one firm using the other firm’s mailing address. [Orlando Sentinel]

* Charleston School of Law is starting a new academic year with even more confusion than it was in last year, considering that its InfiLaw buyout is in a state of flux. Maybe that’s a good thing. [Post and Courier]

* Three ex-Lingerie Football League players have filed class action suits against the club, alleging minimum wage law violations. Come on, pay these half-naked athletes a living wage. [National Law Journal]

Jim Marchese

I don’t fight. I think it’s stupid. I’m trained as an attorney. If I want to hurt you, I’m going to sue you. I’m going to leverage your house. I’m gonna give you three years of hell in a courtroom. I’m going to bleed dry you financially, and I’m going to humiliate you as I depose you for eight hours and make you my bitch.

Jim Marchese, husband to Amber Marchese (one of the newest cast members of the Real Housewives of New Jersey), explaining why he chose to avoid a fight with Joe Gorga, another Real Housewives husband, on the latest episode.

(Marchese is a graduate of Seton Hall Law and was a whistleblower in the Cell Therapeutics case, which earned him $1.6 million. Marchese recently claimed to be involved in the bankruptcy fraud prosecution of Joe and Teresa Giudice, but a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of New Jersey said “[n]o one involved with the prosecution has any idea who that man is.”)

‘Please remoooooove your hands from my udders!’

I wish I could take credit for the bill but I cannot.

– New Jersey Assemblyman Jack Ciattarelli (R-Somerset), commenting on an intern’s suggestion to pass a bill to ban bestiality in light of a previous cow molestation case. The bill was unanimously approved.

For the people who are enamored with the idea of the tax revenue from this, go to Colorado and see if you want to live there. See if you want to live in a major city in Colorado where there are head shops popping up on every corner. And people flying into your airport just to get high. You know, to me, it’s just not the quality of life we want to have here in the state of New Jersey, and there’s no tax revenue that’s worth that.

– Governor Chris Christie, responding to the growing movement to legalize marijuana in New Jersey. Christie is actually suggesting that people would choose not to live in this place rather than America’s cesspool. If for no other reason, Colorado wins because they have fewer traffic problems.

Andrew ‘Weev’ Auernheimer

PAY ME MY MONEY, YOU LYING SUBHUMAN GARBAGE. You also should resign from your posts, as you’ve shown yourselves to be collective disgraces to rule of law and enemies of the United States Constitution. Those of us who actually love this country should take your places.

Andrew “Weev” Auernheimer, in an angry letter emailed to Judge Susan D. Wigenton, U.S. Attorney Paul J. Fishman, Assistant U.S. Attorney Zach Intrater, and FBI Special Agent Christian Schorle, seeking compensation for his time spent behind bars after his conviction for hacking-related charges was vacated by the Third Circuit for improper venue (congrats to Orin Kerr on that).

(Keep reading to see Weev’s entertainingly trollish letter in full.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Hacker Sends Feds Invoice For $13.2 Million For Time Spent In Prison, Payable Only In Bitcoin”

* Oregon’s ban on gay marriage was struck down yesterday, making it the thirteenth victory in a row for the marriage equality movement. The countdown to a SCOTUS case continues. [New York Times]

* After increasing its first-year class size by 22 percent just to pay the bills, folks at GW Law are starting to wonder what sort of long-term survival plan its new dean will propose. [GW Hatchet]

* Part of South Carolina’s Commission on Higher Education voted to reject the licensing InfiLaw’s takeover of Charleston Law, citing concerns about the diploma mill company’s rep. [Post and Courier]

* If can’t get a job after law school graduation, here are some jobs for your consideration — ones you didn’t need a law degree to consider in the first place, mind you. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* Owners of the New Jersey mall where a young attorney was gunned down during a car jacking are attempting to get part of his surviving wife’s lawsuit dismissed. This is all really quite sad. [Star-Ledger]

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