Non-Sequiturs

Alito* That didn’t take long. John Oliver’s Supreme Court dogs have already been used to recreate Hobby Lobby. The entire Hobby Lobby argument. [Above the Law]

* Squire Patton Boggs is representing the pharmaceutical company promoting Ebola drugs. Or, as CNN would put it, EVERYONE AT SQUIRE PATTON BOGGS HAS EBOLA!!!! [Law and More]

* China Central Television advises citizens not to name themselves “Lawyer.” Good advice. [CCTV News]

* Slate posits that appealing gay marriage decisions to the Supreme Court may violate Rule 11. They’re wrong, but that’s what they’re positing. [Slate]

* Dr. Ruth is incredibly impressive. Next time you complain about the job market, try moving somewhere with no understanding of the language and getting your own TV show. [What About Clients?]

* Documentary about eDiscovery going on a six-city tour. This way other people can understand how much it sucks to do document review. [Bloomberg BNA]

* UC Hastings students are protesting their own graduation. [Change.org]

* Judges are an autocratic lot, and as long as we inflate the criminal justice system, many of them will be subpar and autocratic, which is an unfortunate combination. [Katz Justice]

* A man arrested for a carjacking and shooting up an apartment last week is — per our sources — a law student at Florida Coastal. Probably testing out the Crim issue spotter. [News4Jax]

* Are lawyers the new dentists? Or something like that. [TaxProf Blog]

* Man attempting suicide by cop told detectives he’d wanted to be killed and was disappointed in the officers’ marksmanship. [Seattle Times]

220px-Eric_Holder_official_portrait* Eric Holder gave millions to Nazis! Or at least that’s how Darrell Issa will put it. But seriously, the Department of Justice has a long-standing policy of allowing Nazi war criminals to collect Social Security payments if they agree to get the hell out of the U.S. [Associated Press via New Europe]

* A Cleveland attorney, Peter Pattakos, is not worried about contracting Ebola, even though he was in a room with a current Ebola patient, because Pattakos is neither a crazy person nor a cable news producer and realizes that he never exchanged bodily fluids with the patient. As he points out, “I’m much more likely to be mistakenly killed by a police officer in this country than to be killed by Ebola, even if you were in the same bridal shop.” [Cleveland.com]

* Chanel is suing What About Yves for trademark infringement. The question Professor Colman asks is whether “we really want a trademark ‘protection’ regime in which mark ‘owners’ can prevent creative, non-confusing uses of ‘their property.'” [Law of Fashion]

* One for the career alternatives file: Miami lawyer who ranks local restaurants opens his own restaurant. At ATL we rank law schools, maybe we should open our own law school. [Southern District of Florida Blog]

* Academic publishers fighting the war on common sense by charging an arm and a leg for access to research that is written and peer reviewed by other people for free scored a victory on Friday when the Eleventh Circuit rejected the lower court’s articulation of educational fair use in the digital age. [The Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Balancing parenthood and the “jealous mistress” that is the practice of law. [Jed Cain]

* An amazing symposium on campaign finance reform from the NYU Law Review and the Brennan Center for Justice. It’s a wealth of content. [NYU Law Review]

* Josh Gilliland from The Legal Geeks gave a presentation on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Law at the San Diego Comic Fest, which sounds much more fun than any “and the Law” class I ever took. He’s provided his slideshow presentation…

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Ebola* Congratulations (and good luck) to our nation’s new ebola czar — who happens to be a high-profile lawyer. [ATL Redline]

* An update on the Charleston Law/InfiLaw drama. [Post and Courier]

* If they had only taken the pink underwear off the patient before he woke up, he wouldn’t have his panties in a bunch. [Huffington Post]

* Getting people to read law review articles is hard enough; why put them behind a wall? [TaxProf Blog]

* It’s funny that Floridian lawyers are having such a bad reaction to Bad Judge, since the show could actually be reality TV down there. [Daily Business Review (sub. req.)]

* Career advice: if you aspire to the federal judiciary, try to avoid writing blog posts about biting girls in the butt. [Missouri Lawyers Weekly (sub. req.)]

* Congrats to lawyer Lisa Smith on winning the Pitch Week book competition at the When Words Count Retreat! [Street Insider]


* TSA vs. the Nobel Prize. [Lowering the Bar]

* A judge accidentally leaked the name of a juvenile in a juvenile sex case. But more to the point, this case is about a boy having a three-way with two of his English teachers on one of the teacher’s birthdays. I mean… South Park. [The Times-Picayune]

* Teaching torts rots your brain. Maybe. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Houston officials are backing away from their subpoena of sermons delivered by anti-gay pastors trying to get their congregation to sign petitions — even if the signatures were potentially fraudulent. [The Blaze]

* Stand Your Ground laws find new ways to be dumb. More cases of abused women trying to evoke Stand Your Ground laws and being told that states really only meant for those to protect white dudes shooting black kids. [Slate]

* A funny and insightful look at exactly how hearings go down at Gitmo. [New Jurist]

* A federal judge has recused the entire Eastern District of California from a case on the basis of allegations that federal prosecutors systematically defrauded the court. Prosecutors misbehaving? That’s unpossible! [New York Observer]

* Looks like someone took a lesson from ATL’s Worst Law School bracket and put out a Worst Colleges in America list. We provide a very important service. [NPR]

* Converse is suing over 31 alleged Chuck Taylor imitators. Are they mounting a “full court press”? Get it? Yeah there was pretty much no way around that one. [Fashionista]

* Lawsuit reveals that struggling business couldn’t keep stores open but could shell out to keep CEO in her 4,560-square-foot home. [Seattle Times]

* Harvard Law faculty members join a statement protesting the university’s new sexual harassment policy. [Boston Globe]

* Is a sheath dress acceptable interview attire? Asking for a friend. [Corporette]

* Aaron Zelinsky’s interesting review of Lat’s upcoming novel, Supreme Ambitions, viewing the characters through the lens of William Deresiewicz’s Excellent Sheep (affiliate links). [Huffington Post Books]

* Which is more galling? That the magistrate tried to weasel out of performing a legal same-sex marriage or that the newspaper felt this worthy of a poll? [The Virginian-Pilot (Hampton Roads)]

* A blistering dissent from that usual suspects: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas. [The Atlantic]

* Same-sex marriage opponents in Nevada suggest liberal bias in the selection of the Ninth Circuit panels hearing gay rights cases. They demand en banc review after noting that “two of the Ninth Circuit’s more liberal judges wind up most often on panels deciding cases involving gay rights.” Let me peruse that roster of Ninth Circuit judges… yeah, good luck with that en banc review, guys. [SCOTUS Blog]

* A Toledo Law student was arrested on a child sex charge. [NBC24]

* Kesha is suing producer Dr. Luke for sexual assault and battery. [TMZ]

* Can you guess which states lead the way on transgender rights? The answer will… actually not surprise you much at all. [Vocativ]

* The travails of Albany Law School continue. President and Dean Penny Andrews announces that she is stepping down. [Albany Law School]

* As if police departments weren’t militarized enough, they’re using cash seizures to fuel even more ridiculous spending. [Washington Post]

* Staci profiled some legal cosplayers, and when I saw the Judge Dredd costumes, all I could think about is one of the greatest Onion videos about SCOTUS ever. “I am the law!” [The Onion]

* Katie Couric sits down with Susan Mellen, who was wrongfully imprisoned for 17 years. [Yahoo! News]

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* Florida State QB Jameis Winston is still in a heap of legal trouble and it turns out his best legal move might just be to drop out. It’d save him the trouble of getting demolished by Mississippi State. [Sports Illustrated]

* A follow-up on the Yale Law/Colombia Prostitution/Secret Service/Obama scandal. An amateur poet was hot on this story from the start and sent cryptic verse about it to a Yale student paper way back in the day. [Ivy Gate Blog]

* Ron Swanson explains lawyers. Best line, “The man who kills me will know.” [Legal Cheek]

* Remember when the Texas Supreme Court cited Walter from Big Lebowski? Now we have the proper citation form for the occasion. [The Legal Satyricon]

* Perdue has settled two lawsuits against it over the use of the phrase “humanely raised.” Apparently its chickens were “not that.” [Salon]

* One lawyer explains why it’s high time we eliminate this holiday. [Katz Justice]

Buck up, Professor. Your hero Nietzsche always says, ‘That which does not kill us makes us stronger.’

* Remember that whole Brian Leiter kerfuffle? Well he’s gone. The world (of philosophy rankings) was not ready for one as beautiful as thee. [Daily Nous]

* Before They Were Famous: Newly released documents reveal a pre-SCOTUS Justice Kagan writing memos admitting that she “really f**ked up” and “God, do I feel like an idiot.” At least she understood how she made her 1L class feel when she was a professor. [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* A lawsuit over who owns the word “how.” Can’t make this up. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* How do we know that driverless cars are going to be wonderful for human society? Because they will be absolutely horrible for lawyers and insurers. [Legal Funding Central]

* This guy explains what everyone should understand before going to law school by walking through his decision to not to go to law school despite gaining admission to some T14 heavies. He gives ATL a shout. We hear you buddy, congratulations on your decision. [Chronicle Vitae]

* A Delaware attorney sued for allegedly aiding and abetting a fraudulent emerald salvage operation. Kind of “X marks the disbarment.” [Delaware Online]

* Exxon won an arbitration and got $1.6B from cash-strapped Venezuela, but wanted $14.7B. Poor Exxon, they face so many struggles. [Bloomberg h/t Breaking Energy]

* The D.C. Bar Association is hosting a “Go Formal For Justice” event to raise money for its many programs to help, directly or indirectly, the indigent. [D.C. Bar Foundation]

* Zombies responsible for tort. It’s like Walking Dead but with more motion practice. [PrawfsBlawg]

* As much as you hate pocket dialing someone, you don’t hate it as much as these people who pocket dialed 911 while making a drug deal. [Legal Juice]

* Ever wonder why AIG seemed to fare much worse under the bailout than the banks? Perhaps that’s because the government used the AIG bailout to play favorites and help out all their banking buddies. [Medium]

* Here’s one out of left field: Oregon’s first lady had a secret marriage to an 18-year-old immigrant 11 years her junior. Was this a “green card marriage” (i.e., a felony)? My home state doesn’t have great luck with political figures and legal trouble. [Willamette Week]

* Is law one of the most profitable industries for private companies? Of course it is. [Inc.]

* Guess what? Spending decades decrying “for’ners” for stealing hard-earned American cash, people consistently believe we spend tons more on foreign aid than we really do. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Legendary plaintiffs’ attorney Fred Levin talks about the ongoing effort to demonize plaintiffs lawyers. Video after the jump…. [Mimesis Law]

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* Some marriage equality enthusiasts applauded the Supreme Court’s decision to stay out of the way and let the circuits do their thing. But the history of miscegenation in America suggests the Supreme Court had a moral obligation to interject. [USA Today]

* On this subject, Professor Dorf presents a fascinating hypothetical: is it in the strategic interest of an anti-gay marriage conservative lower court judge to strike down same-sex marriage bans in light of the Supreme Court’s cert denials? [Dorf on Law]

* One more story while we’re at it, after the Ninth Circuit struck down bans on same-sex marriages, District Judge Robert C. Jones of Nevada, who upheld the ban in the first place, recused himself rather that be forced to issue an opinion in accordance with Ninth Circuit precedent. [BuzzFeed]

* If you’ve ever wondered how Islamic State manages to recruit Western youth to the cause, the answer is a “Disney-like” social media campaign. It’s like a Biglaw summer program, but for murder. [Cornell Journal of Law and Public Policy]

* “Better Hold Off Sexting With High School Students” in Indiana. The Indiana Supreme Court finally weighed in last week after the lower court had okayed a teacher texting a 16-year-old to sneak out of the house for sex. Wait, this required the Supreme Court to weigh in? What is wrong with you Indiana? [Valpo Law Blog]

* Looking professional with a pixie cut. [Corporette]

* Enter for a chance to win a Chief Judge Randall Rader bobblehead! Yes, these exist. [Santa Clara Law]

* The Zephyr Teachout book tour for Corruption in America (affiliate link) begins. Is your town on the list? [Teachout-Wu]

* New Orleans taxpayers spent around $75K traveling judges to conferences and resorts last year. Quoth the tipster: “I could make a joke about New Orleans judges going to the third world to learn how to run their courtrooms, but I think I already did.” [The Times-Picayune]

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