Non-Sequiturs

* Ready for the ATL Top 50 Law School Rankings? They will be revealed next week on the next episode of Kaplan’s The 180 — Live. [The 180 -- Live / Kaplan]

* Georgia is now the 31st state with an active marriage equality lawsuit. Justice Scalia now really wants a revolt. [Associated Press via ABC News]

* Stetson boasted the best bar passage rate in Florida. See how that’s a better fact to tout than “5th out of 11“? [Ocala Star Banner]

* A key member of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s defense team is leaving the Army because they were going to force him to leave the defense to attend a graduate course in Virginia. The kneejerk, liberal reaction is that this is a conspiracy to derail his defense. I highly doubt it. From my experience, the Army’s counterproductive decisions are staunchly arbitrary. [Huffington Post]

* Derek Khanna takes on the Aereo case before the Supreme Court ruins it for all of us. [Politix]

* Britain’s just like a cute little America. They have conservative politicians trying to win votes through nonsensical religious exclusion too. [What About Clients]

* Last time we checked in on Judge Carlos Cortez, he was defending himself against charges that he strangled and threatened to kill a girlfriend. Apparently things have gotten much, much darker down there in Texas. [Dallas Morning News]

* Mistrial declared after defendant shot in the chest in front of the jury. Judge, remarkably, phrases it like it wasn’t a foregone conclusion. Unfortunately, a few minutes ago the FBI confirmed that the defendant has died of his wounds. [USA Today]

* Here are some signs you were meant to be a lawyer. They’re actually not all that great. Probably should have included: “You padded your hours when your mom asked how much time you’ve spent on your homework” or “You introduced your little brother as your associate… and your pets as paralegals.” [Survive Law]

* 21 Jump Fail. Cops embed a 20-something officer in a high school to pester special-needs kid into selling drugs. Judge is not amused. He probably saw the Channing Tatum/Jonah Hill version. [Rolling Stone]

* Prosecutors told a guy to let a newspaper write about his drunk driving case as part of the plea deal. They’re really trying anything to save print media aren’t they? [Jim Romensesko]

* If you went to law school in New York, then the job market’s a little better for you this year. Sorry, rest of the country. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Congratulations to Paul Lo, who became the first Hmong judge in U.S. [Merced Sun Star]

* The Aereo case going before the Supreme Court in one helpful video after the jump… [Bloomberg News]

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‘We’re all going to be Free Speech lawyers for underprivileged!’

* This law school will only accept students who want to be lawyers for the “right” reasons. In other words they’re admitting everyone because literally no admissions essay ever says, “I want to be a lawyer so I can make bank covering up a Ponzi scheme.” [Huffington Post]

* Chelsea Clinton is pregnant. Do you ponder how this will impact Hillary’s 2016 plans? Then you’re stupid or sexist or both. [The Baffler]

* Sexually harassing unpaid interns with the full protection of the law was fun while it lasted in New York. [Slate]

* Mark Herrmann shows you how to write articles that are not only boring but that actually deter anyone from trusting you as a lawyer. [The Young Lawyer / ABA]

* How do you deal with political talk in the office? Booze helps. [Corporette]

* More on the wackadoo pro se legal theory that having fringe on an American flag merits an automatic dismissal. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* The rent is too damn high! [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* Remaining calm when your client can’t. [Katz Justice]

* Lawyer makes cookies out of vegetables. It sounds gross to me, but I’m willing to try anything once. [Globe & Mail]

* Cheerios is claiming that “Liking” them on Facebook constitutes a waiver of the right to sue. Let’s take this moment to encourage everyone to Like Above the Law on Facebook. [NY Times]

* New study determines that the United States is an oligarchy instead of a democracy. You’re telling me that a government explicitly founded on the principle that only a handful of wealthy men should have a voice grew into an oligarchy? Quelle surprise! [UPI]

* Oh look, John Edwards is back. [Slate]

* In the continuing saga of NYU’s allegedly shady spending, there are now reports that former NYU Law Dean and current NYU President John Sexton used school funds to convert two apartments into a duplex for his son. His son was married to an NYU Law employee and as I’ve said before, a school located in housing-scarce Manhattan should be able to do something to house professors, but as they say, “the optics” aren’t good. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Musings on what it’s like to clerk in the midst of “flyover country” (presumably like my early childhood home of Des Moines). It makes a valiant effort to redeem itself at the end, but this article is exactly why most parts of the country think New Yorkers are elitist dicks. Which, we kind of are, but you don’t want to broadcast that. [Ramblings on Appeal]

* The government is profiting handsomely from law students. Is that really a bad thing? [Law & Economics Prof Blog]

* A D.C. law professor is now a movie star. [Washington City Paper]

* The judge in the New Orleans Affordable Housing case may know the real identity of one of the anonymous commenters in the case. And if one of the anonymous trolls was a federal prosecutor poisoning the well in the case — like everyone suspects — it could aid the defense. [Times-Picayune]

* For those of you across the pond, there’s a one-day event for lawyers on the business case for Corporate Social Responsibility. It’s in England because American companies have already passed on the idea of corporate responsibility. [International Law Society]

* ATTENTION LAW STUDENTS: Tomorrow is the last day to enter our annual Law Revue competition. The deadline is tomorrow at 5 so send them in. Entries have been coming in all day, so don’t get left out. [Above the Law]

* It looks like the Supreme Court just made a decision even worse than McCutcheon. [SCOTUSBlog]

* New York’s disciplinary procedures for lawyers are “deficient in design and operation.” So come to New York if you plan on being a shady lawyer, I guess. [NY Times]

* More on the law school apology by Erwin Chemerinsky and Carrie Menkel-Meadow that Lat wrote about yesterday. [The Write Stuff]

* And, hey, while we’re at it, here’s Steven J. Harper’s take on the same Op-Ed. [The Lawyer Bubble]

* UC Hastings Professor Osagie Obasogie is quoted in this informative piece about the changing nature of collegiate debate as it ventures more and more into the domain of critical race theory. As one of the people who helps run the CEDA tournament discussed in the article, I thought this was an interesting account. [The Atlantic]

* FBI makes a cheesy video to teach young Americans not to spy for China. It’s really worth a watch. [National Journal]

* A high school teacher in Australia won a defamation suit against a student who said mean things on Facebook. [IT-Lex]

* The Legal Broadcast Network interviewed Kyle McEntee of Law School Transparency about how improved tools help law students. [Legal Broadcast Network]

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* The annual Peeps In Law contest is open! Voting is open until 11:59 p.m. on April 21. [ABA Journal]

* A comprehensive look at the law school reputation rank component of the U.S. News rankings. Maybe Professor Illig can take heart that lawyers and judges still like Oregon better than U.S. News. [Tipping the Scales]

* Airline tells passenger to, um, screw herself. There’s no lawsuit yet, but that’s inevitable. [New York Magazine]

* Here are lawyers in wigs in cat selfies. The Internet is amazing. [Legal Cheek]

* New Jersey has finally issued a memo calling for more training for its judges in response to the veritable Debtor’s Prison they’ve fostered. [Bergen Dispatch]

* An engaged couple won the UVA Moot Court competition. Nothing says romance like researching for fake arguments. [UVA Law]

* Remember the Jennifer Gaubert story? She was the lawyer and former radio host who accused a cab driver of sexual harassment… and then the authorities watched the cabbie’s video and decided she was totally lying. Well, now that video is available. Watch it below…. [YouTube]

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* Remember to enter the Sixth Annual Law Revue competition. The submission deadline is Thursday at 5. [Above the Law]

* Johnny Depp subpoenaed in a murder case. He’ll finally pay for what he did to basic dignity in that Lone Ranger movie. [TMZ]

* Speaking of murder, a court in Pakistan has dropped the attempted murder charges that had been filed against a 9-month-old baby. Maggie Simpson nods in approval. [NBC News]

* The difference between this student note and your student note is that this one is guiding Department of Justice policy. [Wall Street Journal]

* Professor Susannah Pollvogt identifies the key issues raised in the Kitchen v. Herbert oral argument. [Pollvogtarian]

* The Income Tax turns 100. You’re looking fabulous. [TaxProf Blog]

* The fallout from Heartbleed continues. Here are a few legal websites affected by the glitch. [ATL Redline]

* Jon Stewart has some choice words for the Gibson Dunn report that Chris Christie commissioned and that not-so-surprisingly came out in Christie’s favor. Video after the jump…. [Comedy Central]

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* SeaWorld lost its appeal. Apparently it’s not safe to lock murderous animals in a small pool and have people swim with them. [Blog of the Legal Times]

* Do you know what “Heartbleed” is? If the answer is no, you need to click on this immediately for the 10 things every lawyer needs to know about the latest computer security crisis. [Versus Texas]

* We’ve been hearing about declining law school applications, now let’s look at new projections of law school graduates. [The Faculty Lounge]

* Professor Orin Kerr explains that it might be time for courts to adopt computer-specific Fourth Amendment rules. Adapting 18th Century thinking to meet modern times? That’s crazy talk. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* These guys must be the best Grand Theft Auto players ever. [Legal Juice]

* Being nice is a strength rather than a weakness. I’m incredulous. [Katz Justice]

* There’s a guy called the “Good-Grammar Bandit” out there and he’s a high priority target of the FBI? Allow me to take this opportunity to tell the FBI their doing a good job. [Lowering the Bar]

* Some folks have asked me incredulously about yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs item about Louisiana and Oregon allowing convictions with non-unanimous juries. So here’s some background on how that came to be. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Speaking of Louisiana, a lawyer has filed suit against Morris Bart, a major personal injury law firm, for unpaid wages. From what we’re hearing this may be the tip of the iceberg for these sorts of allegations — lots of people have been leaving the firm recently and that’s a recipe for complaints going both ways. [Louisiana Record]

* Florida may not regulate real guns any time soon, but one 11th Circuit judge is ready to regulate the hell out of shotgun pleadings! [South Florida Lawyers Blog]

* Lawyers are bad at social media. They’re bad at social reality, why did we expect them to be good at social virtuality? [CMS Wire]

* ADA’s father was kidnapped (and recovered). Yikes. [WRAL]

* A follow-up on our prior Sriracha lawsuit coverage. [USA Today]

* A look at the legal issues in the most recent episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. If you saw it (and Captain America to the extent they are intertwined), you know there were some heavy legal issues at play. [Legal Geeks]

* Want to see a really terrible version of 12 Angry Men? Watch it in Louisiana or Oregon, the two states that allow criminal convictions even when jurors are holding out. The Supreme Court has an opportunity to fix that, let’s see if they will. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Speaking of 12 Angry Men, this chart of the Dungeons & Dragons alignments of each juror is entertaining. [Imgur]

* The judge in the Janice and Ira Schacter kerfuffle invoked Above the Law in her decision as proof that the accusations against Ira Schacter were in the public eye. Thanks for specifically promoting us over the rest of the NY media Justice Laura Drager! [NY Post]

* Watch a bunch of law students talk about cats on Facebook. Will it end in douchebag posturing and threats of lawsuits? Of course it will! [Legal Cheek]

* “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” was disciplined for operating a Facebook page for people complaining about the police. He’s suing. Better question is what does a “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” even do? [IT-Lex]

* Allegations that Disney ripped off the trailer for Frozen from an animated short. They should really let it go. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Chief Justice John Roberts says he’s a minimalist. He’s wrong. [Election Law Blog]

* Microsoft stopped supporting Windows XP. The IRS decided to keep going with the old product. So now your tax records are at risk. Enjoy the fruits of budgeting with anti-IRS legislators! [TaxProf Blog]

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