Non-Sequiturs

* Hughes Hubbard & Reed is doing its part to help fulfill wishes made in children’s letters to Santa at a time when the Post Office’s Operation Santa program is in desperate need. So to all you other Biglaw firms, the ball’s in your court. [USA Today]

* Judge Timothy Black cited Justice Scalia’s dissent to reject Ohio’s gay marriage ban. I’m sure this is a cite that warms the justice’s heart. [Associated Press]

* Professor Pam Karlan is off to become Deputy Assistant Attorney General for Voting Rights. Here’s the last article of the preeminent voting rights expert in her old role as a commentator at the Boston Review describing strange SCOTUS bedfellows. Good luck in the new job! [Boston Review]

* Good news for Florida lawyers! The Florida Bar has revoked its opinion banning LinkedIn endorsements and recommendations. Go back to patting each other on the digital back. [IT-Lex]

* Realtors are getting sued for using a home as a sex pad. Strangely enough, this isn’t even the first time we’ve talked about this at Above the Law. [New York Magazine]

* Do you have to work over vacation? Probably, but it’s worth researching. [TaxProf Blog via Corporate Counsel]

* We shouldn’t have been so surprised by the affluenza defense because North Texas is basically one big monument to the concept. [New York Times]

* Here’s an infographic showing the most popular TV show set in each state. What legal shows make the list? [Business Insider]

* The top 10 most ridiculous lawsuits of the year. Apple porn guy clocks in at a mere number 10? Outrage! Bigger outrage: they ultimately link to the HuffPo write-up of… the original Above the Law piece. Why no direct link, hm? Video embedded after the jump… [Faces of Lawsuit Abuse]

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* A federal judge just struck down Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage. [Salt Lake Tribune]

* After striking down Canada’s anti-prostitution laws, our neighbors to the North went ahead and approved a law school that functionally bans gays. What’s going on up there? Play keep away with the Stanley Cup for 20 years and they just lose their damn minds. [TaxProf Blog]

* Chief Judge Alex Kozinski objects, but nobody wants to hear it. [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* Professor Richard Sander won the right to examine law school race, attendance and grade information, in a bid to prove his central theory that affirmative action somehow hurts black folks. I guess the California Supreme Court is on Team Sander. [San Jose Mercury News]

* Amy Schulman, the powerful general counsel at Pfizer, is out — and now there’s some interesting speculation as to why. [Law and More]

* So now everyone’s writing legal opinions over Fantasy Football trades. [BigLaw Rebel]

* Jim Harbaugh gets all his legal acumen from Judge Judy. Next thing you know he’ll be objecting to “What’s your deal?” for lack of foundation. [ESPN]

* Speaking of Jennifer Lawrence, she can probably help with your International Law final. [The Onion]

* There’s a rundown of the top patent law stories of 2013 on the web next month. And there’s CLE to be had! [Patently-O]

* Is Scandal the best TV lawyer show? No, that’s Matlock. But here’s a bunch of arguments for Scandal’s worthiness. [Life of the Law]

* Lawyers face financial and emotional depression, says most obvious study ever. [TaxProf Blog]

* Paralyzed man achieves dream of being a lawyer. Great, so now he’s added crippling debt to his struggles. Seriously though, this is an actual feel good legal story. [MyFoxDC]

* “ALWAYS assume every Wall Street guy is snorting coke and screwing hookers. That’s Journalism 101.” [Gawker]

* The lawyer for the accused Harvard bomb threat guy says his client was under pressure. I mean, it’s scary to think about botching the final and maybe getting an A- or something. [Associated Press via Boston.com]

* Renisha McBride’s killer — who shot her in the face because she was asking for help and it’s his God-given right to shoot first and ask questions later — will stand trial. [Jezebel]

* Teaching lawyers to be more entrepreneurial. [Huffington Post]

* The DOJ is looking to retry an accused Somali pirate. They’re totally on top of piracy as long as it doesn’t take place here. [The Blog of the Legal Times]

* Yesterday we posted our holiday tipping thread, heavily citing Corporette’s Kat Griffin. Now she’s posted her own guide and we’re linking to it. It’s like Inception up in here. [Corporette]

* Why fashion gets knocked off: delving into the world of design patents and trade dress. [Fashionista]

* Comparing the modern NSA to the intelligence-gathering techniques employed during the American Revolution. Interesting stuff, but a total cover-up job. Where’s the discussion of Ben Franklin’s “electric kite drones,” eh? You must think we’re pretty naïve, Logan Beirne. [Fox News]

* Incredibly sad, but also incredibly fascinating: if a child is rendered brain dead by a possible medical mistake, should the state honor the wishes of the family to keep the kid on life support even though every day on life support makes an investigation into the cause of death harder? [CNN]

* Loyola University Chicago introduces a new curriculum to give students an opportunity to get real-world experience with a judge or practicing lawyer before graduating. A law school focusing on training lawyers to be lawyers? This isn’t all that surprising when you look back at Dean Yellen’s previous work. [Loyola University Chicago]

* Congratulations to Therese Pritchard on her election as the first female chair of Bryan Cave. We’re big fans… until you fail to leak your bonus memo to us first. The ball’s in your court now Pritchard. [WSJ Law Blog]

* The venerable Green Bag is parting ways with GMU Law. Thankfully, it has already found a new home. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Former White House attorney John Michael Farren who we reported on a lot in the past about beating his wife nearly to death… was found liable for beating his wife nearly to death. So that happened. [News Times]

You get objectified and denied all control over your own sexuality. You’re welcome.

* Judge Brian Cogan has ruled that a group of New York Catholic institutions doesn’t have to provide health insurance plans that include birth control coverage to its employees because… insurance policies with provisions that other people may or may not ever invoke is a religious thing. Too bad no one told the Catholic Church in New York, which already pays for insurance that provides birth control coverage and has for years. [Jezebel]

* Judge Richard Leon’s decision ruling the NSA metadata gathering program unconstitutional makes a lot of good points, but perhaps the best is that even if you think there’s a compelling counter-terrorism concern that trumps constitutional safeguards, the NSA just can’t point to it. Of course we’ll all be singing another tune when the Moldovans take over. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* Here’s a tale of dealing with a Biglaw bully. I don’t get the concept — being locked in a locker is way better than spending the whole night conforming edits. [Big Law Rebel]

* Elie appeared on the Lawyer 2 Lawyer podcast to discuss drones. [Lawyer 2 Lawyer]

* Eyewitness testimony is often disastrously wrong. Suddenly that “Eyewitness News” title your awful local news channel uses seems really appropriate. [Slate]

* A guide for tech startups and software developers dealing with contracts. I’m looking in your direction, Winklevoss twins. [Alleywatch]

* An IP lawyer makes a rap video. His record may affirm that he knows IP, but I don’t think Death Row is going to be calling any time soon. Video embedded below…

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* Mayor Bloomberg is filing suit to overturn New York’s Living Wage law, because wasting a bunch of money pursuing a lawsuit for the last two weeks of his term is the kind of efficiency he brings to the table as a biznessmun. [DNAInfo]

* Judge Richard Leon puts the NSA metadata surveillance program on ice. Looks like someone’s going to get bugged. [Slate]

* Someone’s asking for a fake college transcript in Baton Rouge. Pretty sure LSU’s athletic department could give you a hand. [Law and More]

* Considering the polygamy ruling in Utah, here’s an interesting analysis of the constitutionality of bestiality laws. This seems like an appropriate place to link this song about a guy who broke into the Lincoln Park zoo in Chicago. [The Volokh Conspiracy]

* Here’s a fun game: replace the name of the school and the course of study and marvel at how easily it could pass for an article Elie wrote. [Huffington Post]

* These folks got smacked with a cybersquatting charge because they used a logical domain name to publicize an ongoing dispute. It’s a lot easier to sue people than to build a solid home. [IT-Lex]

* In sad news, the victim in a recent carjacking-related killing was Dustin Friedland, a Syracuse law grad whose wife Jamie, also a lawyer, worked with Adam Leitman Bailey. Our thoughts are with the Friedland family. [NY Daily News]

* The Beastie Boys are suing GoldieBlox over the latter’s viral ad set to a parody of “Girls.” Unlike GoldieBlox, NYU Law professor Chris Sprigman doesn’t need an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine to burst the Beastie Boys’ bubble. Video embedded after the jump… [Bloomberg Law via YouTube]

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* The Grinch goes to court to get some legal redress. Dr. Seuss really is all about the law. [NPR]

* How much bulls**t is wine appreciation? This guy is in trouble for selling fake wine to so-called experts for years and they never noticed. [Gawker]

* Is this really the most likely scenario after you graduate with a law degree? [Law School Lemmings]

* Congratulations to Eric Schneiderman for successfully getting fired Domino’s workers back on the job. Living up to the New York’s AG’s new “If You Don’t Get Justice In 30 Minutes, It’s Free” promotion. [Daily Kos]

* Celeb lawyer saves kid from getting bowled over by Chicago Bulls. Amazingly, the Knicks were able to take this guy’s lead and actually won a game. [TMZ]

* Creating fake Linkedin accounts to make your competitor seem like it’s really a foreign company. Well, that’s one way to compete. [IT-Lex]

* Folks who’ve been watching the Ninth Circuit’s en banc proceedings have asked why Judge Gould appears by video. The reason is that Judge Gould has multiple sclerosis and works from his home base in Seattle. Here’s an awesome profile of the judge. [United States Courts for the Ninth Circuit]

* Elie joined Non-Sequiturs all-stars Jessica Mederson of Legal Geeks and Kevin Underhill of Lowering the Bar on Legalese It! with Mike Sacks. They discussed the D.C. Circuit, India’s new anti-gay law, and the affluenza case. The video after the jump…

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* Friendly reminder: All your holiday card competition submissions are due at the end of the day Monday! [Above the Law]

* Congratulations to Georgetown’s Nina Pillard on her confirmation to the D.C. Circuit. That whole “no filibuster” thing is really working out for the Democrats. For now. [Georgetown Law]

* The daily trials and travails of a law grad working retail. Some day the aisles run red with the blood of the supporters of Barbara from the men’s cologne counter. [Law Grad Working Retail]

* What if lawyers created some of the greatest ads in history? Missing: “Avis: We Try Harder” vs. “Avis.” [Vice]

* An interview with a whistleblower. What happened to the man who exposed the NYPD’s practice of creating quotas for summonses and arrests? [Colorlines]

* Mark Herrmann talks about his prosopagnosia. [New York Times]

* Robbery suspect explains that the crime was committed by his alternate personality that takes over against the suspect’s will. Looks like Killer BOB is on the loose and committing crimes in Wisconsin! [Stevens Point Journal]

* We’ve discussed the chimp case, but the real question is how will this all affect Superman. [Law and the Multiverse]

* Beware of “affluenza” — the condition where rich kids believe that their wealth shields them from consequences. One kid with affluenza was convicted of four counts of manslaughter and got… probation. Great way to teach him that there are consequences. I don’t doubt being a hyper-privileged douche contributed to his criminal behavior, but let’s see if the judge is equally lenient to the next kid in this courtroom who argues that poverty contributed to his crimes. [Gawker]

* In America people complain about law reviews sharing outlines for free. In the U.K., they’re selling notes on eBay. If you’re buying notes off the Internet, perhaps law school isn’t your bag. [Legal Cheek]

* Do Twitter mentions reflect the scholarly significance of a professor’s articles? No. [TaxProf Blog]

* Here’s some terrifying stuff that lawyers want for Christmas. It’s not quite our gift guide. [The Spark File]

* The word “spin” is apparently trademarked. This is the company that did it and enforces its trademark against gyms with uncertified spin classes. [Racked]

* Law school applications are in free fall. Too bad all these people are going to miss out on that sweet $1 million law degree. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* Mental health remains a seriously undiscussed problem in the legal industry. [Law and More]

* TSA now confiscating prop guns off stuffed animals. [Lowering the Bar]

* A Chinese law professor lost his job for writing an article advocating constitutional rule. If you think this is a harsh response, remember this government used to throw tanks at people over less. [Washington Post]

* Speaking of China, next month the CBLA is hosting a panel discussion about the expanded use of the FCPA, specifically with regard to China. [CBLA]

It just wouldn’t be prudent to let him back into society. (Image via Sunday Mercury)

* Remember the chimps seeking habeas? Well, bad news: they’re staying in custody, per an order from Judge Ralph A. Boniello III. Now their freedom is up to the Army of the 12 Monkeys. [Wired]

* Elizabeth Coker has announced she is seeking the office of Polk County Criminal District Attorney. While some may disagree, I think this is a great idea. She’s been directing the litigation strategies of prosecutors for some time now. So why does a judge drummed out of office for texting prosecutors think she should go back into public service? Prayer. Of course. [Polk County Today]

* Judge Steven Rhodes is overseeing the Detroit bankruptcy. He’s not taking any guff off anyone, including an investment banker who pledged that it was “very important” that his firm help the city, prompting Judge Rhodes to point out, “What’s very important to you is to make money.” He’s also a badass rhythm guitarist. [Associated Press via Yahoo!]

* A Colorado judge has declared that a discriminating baker can no longer prevent gay couples from buying wedding cakes. It’s unclear if he’s ordering the baker to stock those stupid plastic cake toppers in groom & groom format. [Consumerist]

* Proofreading law school exams. This article is aimed at law students, but maybe it should be directed toward a certain St. John’s professor… [Law School Toolbox]

* George Zimmerman’s girlfriend wants him out of jail. She originally told police that Zimmerman pointed a shotgun in her face. That’s Princess Bride-level true love s**t right there. [Slate]

* Michigan State celebrated putting Ohio State in its place by setting “at least 57 fires.” Can someone holding a sign encouraging people to “Burn the Couch” be held liable? A better question is whether West Virginia can sue Michigan State for stealing their hillbilly intellectual property? [PrawfsBlawg]

* Sadly, Akerman partner Richard Sharpstein was found dead in his home today. He was 63. [Daily Business Review]

* A few tipsters sent this one in. They claim it’s a law student acting like a jerk trying to buy cigarettes in a drug store. The sound is spotty, so none of us could figure out exactly what was going on, but it’s worth it for the guy who yells: “Yeah, tell him! Tell him when you were born!” Video after the jump….

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