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Cristina Schultz.jpegWe recently reported on Stanford Law School’s new grading system. Does it involve dollar bills? Or leaving book prizes on bedside tables?

Cristina Warthen (née Cristina Schultz) — aka the Stanford Law Escort, now married to David Warthen, the filthy rich co-founder of Ask Jeeves — is back in the news. From the San Jose Mercury News (via TaxProf Blog):

A Stanford law school graduate suspected of paying off her costly student loans by running a high-priced escort service has now been hit with federal tax evasion charges.

In court papers filed Tuesday in San Jose federal court, prosecutors allege that Cristina Warthen failed to pay taxes on more than $133,000 she earned as a prostitute in 2003, jetting off as a call girl for clients in Washington, D.C., Chicago, New York and other cities. The government has charged her with felony tax evasion for failing to pay about $25,000 in federal income taxes.

Warthen’s business as a reputed high-priced hooker was first revealed several years ago, when the federal government searched her then-home in Oakland and seized more than $61,000 in cash suspected to be linked to her escort business. Court papers allege that starting in 2001, Warthen, then Cristina Schultz, used the name “Brazil” and advertised her escort services on a Web site, TouchofBrazil.net.

Brazil. Great beaches. And waxing.

A little bit more, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Ask Jeeves: Why Was Your Wife (Stanford Law ’01) Indicted for Tax Evasion on Prostitution Proceeds?”

Boies the thinker.jpg* David Boies reflects on his culpability for the last 8 years. [Superlawyers]

* There are some delightful exemptions in the bailout bill that the Senate will vote on later tonight. [Dealbreaker]

* No death penalty unless you actually murder somebody. State-sanctioned killing has gone so soft. [SCOTUSblog]

* What judges really talk about. [Wage Law]

* Online research just got a little bit easier thanks to Zotero. [Futurelawyer]

* If you are a 3L without an offer, getting laid might help you pass the time. [Ridiculum]

Heller Ehrman LLP Above the Law blog.JPGIt’s been a few days since we checked in on the slow breakup of Heller Ehrman. But today brings news of a coveted partner picking his soft landing. The Daily Journal reports:

Top antitrust litigator Robert G. Badal will be departing Heller Ehrman for Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale and Dorr’s Los Angeles office, which he plans to join as a partner on Friday.

Badal is Heller’s first Los Angeles partner to publicly confirm that he is leaving the troubled firm since it began its dissolution last week.

Badal, also an intellectual property litigator, was vague about whether he is bringing other Heller attorneys with him. … “There may be a few people from Heller that might join Wilmer over time,” Badal said.

Badal called Heller’s dissolution “regrettable” and said that he chose Wilmer Hale because of its strong Asia practice.

After the jump we see if Heller associates and staff can get some soup.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Anatomy of a Dissolution: Heller Ehrman’s Long Goodbye”

wall street bull backside.jpgIt doesn’t always feel like it, but the legal profession is actually very recession proof. Deal work may be drying up, but the Good Book says “Whenever Hank Paulson closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”

Of course, open windows are pretty dangerous if you work in a Manhattan skyscraper these days, but the National Law Journal peers through the looking glass anyway:

“A year ago we were writing deals, figuring out how to grow businesses and expand products; now the markets are trying to figure out when the next shoe drops,” said Michael Missal, head of the global financial markets group that K&L Gates unveiled on Monday in Washington.

Despite its neutral name, K&L cited the “global economic crisis” as the reason for launching the group.

It’s amazing what clients will pay for. Can you imagine being a Global Economic Crisis attorney and pitching your services to a client?

CLIENT: We’re broke. We can’t get any credit. I’m going to effing kill Nancy Pelosi and her Mr. Slave.

GEC Partner: Well our firm can offer you the latest counsel on how to navigate through these trying times.

CLIENT: Really? So, how do I get a line of credit right now?

GEC PARTNER: I don’t know.

CLIENT: Well, how can I get around this communist era short-selling ban so I can at least make some money on the side?

GEC PARTNER: I have no idea

CLIENT: Well, what can you tell me?

GEC PARTNER: Here we have this wonderful, interactive map. It clearly indicates where you are AND where Nancy Pelosi is at all times. We’ve marked out various firearms shops along the way.

CLIENT: Isn’t this from Grand Theft Auto IV?

GEC PARTNER: That’ll be $700 please.

Bracewell & Giuliani at least calls a spade a spade after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “New Practice Groups Coming to a Firm Near You”

Thelen LLP new logo.jpgI don’t believe everything I read on ATL’s comment boards, but often accurate information is posted by our readers. Monday, we told you that Pillsbury had acquired Thelen’s China practice group. One reader said:

Look for construction partners to start jumping ship by next week. You heard it here first.

The only thing wrong about that statement was the timing. Pillsbury released the following statement announcing additional new hires:

Michael Evan Jaffe and Ronan J. McHugh, two construction litigators from Thelen LLP, have joined Pillsbury’s Washington, DC office as partner and counsel respectively, advancing the firm’s ongoing expansion of its national litigation and international dispute practices.

In fact, Pillsbury seems quite proud about scavenging Thelen:

Jaffe and McHugh are the latest attorneys from Thelen to join Pillsbury’s litigation team. Earlier this week, it was announced that Shanghai litigation partner Meg Utterback, was joining the firm as part of Pillsbury’s acquisition of Thelen’s China practice.

How many cherries can Thelen lose before somebody chops them down for firewood?

Other (potentially prescient) commenters weigh in after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pillsbury Continues To Poach Thelen Partners”

yale law school.jpgWe had a link to this story in yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs, but since it touches on the salacious and Yale Law School, we’ve decided to revisit it.

New York Magazine has a “Sex Diaries” blog, where average New Yorkers chronicle all things sex over the course of a week. For the most part, not as interesting as you think it would be. Except for this one: The Single College Girl Obsessed With a Yale Law Student. (Honestly, it’s only interesting to us because ATL is a salacious legal blog.)

A 20-year-old NYU student writes about her summer encounter with a Yale Law summer associate. We’ve done our best to cut out the boring stuff:

7:30 p.m.: Best friend gets a call from an acquaintance inviting us to a party at her older brother’s apartment. He goes to Yale Law School — we’ll be there.

11:05 p.m.: Party is okay. Talk to some fellow Ivy Leaguers who spurt intellectual justifications as to why they’re using their education to make exorbitant amounts of money for themselves rather than bettering society.

11:37 p.m.: Introduced to acquaintance’s older brother. He mentions something about opera, and I feign interest because he’s pretty cute. He then proceeds to quiz me about some esoteric English composer in order to make me sound and feel like a total idiot. Determine that he probably wants in my pants.

Is that how most YLS men court the not-yet-of-drinking-age ladies?

12:32 p.m.: Sick of staring at the phone waiting for him to call. It’s just that he’s so perfect. No one’s perfect, but he comes pretty close: intelligent, Jewish, tall, cute, and working as a summer associate at a serious law firm where he’s guaranteed a job when he graduates. I’ve hooked up with some pretty good catches in the past, but this guy seems to have the whole package.

Would it disappoint her if she knew that a high percentage of YLS kids choose clerkships and government jobs over corporate law? More after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Yale Law School meets Sex and the City”

Sweet ride.

Attorney Kevin Napper got busted in a Tampa prostitution sting. It wasn’t a Spitzer-esque high-end call girl thing. Instead Napper tried to solicit a $40 blow job (from an undercover police officer) in a local red-light district. Classy.

Surely Napper could have afforded higher-end services. He rolled up to the undercover officer rocking a gold Mercedes E500.

Still, Napper did manage to buy himself a motherload of hypocrisy for his forty bucks. Napper is married to Hillsborough County Circuit Judge Katherine Gail Essrig. She must be so proud.

Maybe Napper’s wife could have seen this coming. Napper received his J.D. from the University of North Dakota. But in a deliciously cheap twist of fate, he received his B.A. from Moorhead State.

Napper’s excuse after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawyer of the Day: Tampa Attorney Fails To Get Ahead”

michelle alllen cow shot.jpgLet me try to explain the picture to the right.

This is a woman.

In a cow suit.

She was caught peeing on a neighbor’s porch.

The cops asked her to stop urinating and sent her home. But later in the day, the police saw her again. This time she was blocking traffic and chasing terrified children.

At which point she was arrested, hence the mugshot.

I’m pretty sure this was the kind of thing that started happening in Rome right before the Visigoths attacked.

By the way, please do not forward this post to Alex Kozinski. Thanks.

Michelle Allen Will Dress As A Cow, Pee On Your Porch And Give You The Best Mug Shot Ever [Guanabee]

Udder Chaos: Middletown Woman Arrested In Cow Suit [WCPO]

Earlier: An L.A. Jury + Hours of Hard-Core Fetish Porn + Chief Judge Alex Kozinski, Presiding = Total Awesomeness

funny-pictures-kitten-wants-to-go-to-work-with-you.jpgBack in December, one of our ATL / Lateral Link surveys found that about 18% of associates were afraid they wouldn’t make their hours. By June, that number had risen to 28%.

In today’s survey, we’ll see if anything has changed now that a horde of new associates have started and a horde of financial institutions have, well, ended.

Many of you have sounded pretty worried lately. After Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch collapsed, transactional associates said they had a few simple concerns:

It’s the end of the world.

Litigators, however, had a slightly different reaction:

I’m in litigation!!

So, does the reality match the predictions? Are transactional associates even slower? Are litigators really getting busy?

Let’s find out.

Update: This survey is now closed. Click here for the results.

Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this Associate Life Survey.

toto2.jpg

Dear ATL -

I’m a midlevel associate at a big firm in NY. I haven’t been on a real vacation in 1 year and 43 days, but who’s counting. Back in February I booked a trip to West Africa that I’m scheduled to go on this fall, but I just got news that two of my deals are scheduled to close when I’d be away. The firm will never outright tell me to cancel my trip, so if I voluntarily cancel it, they wouldn’t reimburse me and I’d be out $5,000. But I’m worried that going would be a lousy career move. Any advice?

Out of Africa

Dear Out of Africa -

Like you, most associates believe that there are only two options when it comes to ill-timed vacations: go and be paranoid or cancel and be enraged. But what if there was a way to transform this lose-lose situation into a brilliant career move?

If you decide to cancel your vacation, instead of fantasizing about bringing a gun to work, channel your anger into becoming a martyr. A canceled trip isn’t worth anything unless people know about your heroism, so change your signature to a quote from Heart of Darkness and then send an email announcing that because you’re a “team player,” you’ve canceled the exorbitant trip that you’ve been planning for a mere eight months. Decorate your office with taxidermy gazelle heads as a constant reminder of your sacrifice. If possible, rappel to work.

If you decide to go, a great way to quell your paranoia and manage the damage is by reassuring everyone that you had a miserable time. Partners love a ruined vacation story, so upon your return, scratch your face with Power Point slides and then mention that the trip was terrific, except for the part where you were mauled by a lion. Twice. The note to your file that says “abandoned team during critical deal closing” will now be qualified by “animal attack” and the partnership will be hard pressed to use the vacation against you.

A few years ago I canceled a trip because of work, and I can tell you firsthand that the brownie points I earned by staying were worth less than ten days in Ecuador, and far less than a trip to West Africa. Firms don’t offer associates “vacation days” as a practical joke, and you’re entitled to take them. There is never a good time to take a vacation, and it’s up to you to have the courage not to cancel. Remember, the meek never inherit anything. Except the earth.

Your friend,

Marin

Elie weighs in, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?”

Sarah Palin Alaska Governor Sarah Palin hottie.jpg* Alaskan Republicans think Sarah Palin has enough on her plate preparing for Thursday’s debate. They’ve filed a proposed order to stop the Troopergate investigation and a motion for a new judge. [Courthouse News Service]

* The Ninth Circuit rules that San Francisco can make employers contribute to a fund for universal health care. This could take ERISA to new places. [New York Times]

* “No more clubbing for federal judges.” [Legal Times]

* The difference between special counsels, special attorneys and special prosecutors. [Slate]

* J. Michael Flanagan, the hard-working attorney of Britney Spears, is trying to get her traffic case dismissed. [Celebrity Cafe]

* The Senate gets its chance to vote on the bailout plan. [Washington Post]

* Does the U.S.-attorney-firing-gate rival Watergate? [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

soma.JPGWe know a lot of our readers come here via a desperate attempt to put off billing hours. We encourage so-called “procrastination” on the “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” theory.

But we must ever be vigilant against those who would intrude on our precious zoning-out time with false promises of increased productivity and happier living. Stanford philosophy professor John Perry is one such individual. He has a website devoted to making the most of your procrastination time. The Wall Street Journal reports Perry’s core message:

[S]tructured procrastination involves doing small, low-priority tasks to build a sense of accomplishment and the energy to tackle more important jobs. Mr. Perry, a chronic procrastinator, suggests followers choose an important task, but defer work on it while tackling others. “Don’t be ashamed of self-manipulation,” he says.

If Perry really is “a chronic procrastinator” then how the hell did he motivate to publish his own website? Sounds like Perry needs to do a little more work, and a little less butting into other people’s free time.

Unfortunately, Perry is not alone. After the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Anti-Procrastination Movement Needs Some Actual Work To Do”

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