Latest Stories

blonde sues for hair color.JPGCharlotte Feeney sued L’Oreal Inc. because she accidentally dyed her hair dark-brown instead of blonde. She claims that L’Oreal mislabeled the box of hair-dye, while L’Oreal presumably used the “she’s an idiot” defense.

Freeney claimed to have suffered real damages. She said that being a brunette ruined her social life:

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

It’s unclear what color the rug is, but Freeney claims the dark dye did irreparable damage to her curtains. She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again and now has to take anti-depressants.

We suggest that Freeney lay off the zoloft and open herself to the wonderful life of being a brunette. Armed with her new hair color — and nights and weekends uncluttered with the pressure of companionship or sex — Freeney can do all sorts of things. She will no longer be hated by other women, and she can begin the hard work of learning how to read confusing box labels at the local Duane Reade.

A Connecticut judge dismissed Freeney’s lawsuit, he said:

The plaintiff submitted no facts, no opinions and no standards to substantiate either of the allegations.

Should she decide to appeal, she might want to add the need for “facts and opinions” as further evidence of suffering because of her follicle deformity.

Freeney’s lawyer, David Laudano, said that he hadn’t even read the judge’s decision. Via internal monologue, Laudano added “Jeez. I wish this average looking woman would stop pestering me about her ‘cases’ and ‘options.’ I’m so bored. I want to work with new and exciting clients.”

Ha ha ha ha … oh hi Charlotte. Sure you look great. No, I’m not ignoring you. Hey, what are you doing with my pet rabbit? Stop. STOP OH DEAR GOD STOP!!!

Blonde sues over brown dye; judge brushes off suit [Washington Post]

Woman sues over wrong hair color [Connecticut Post]

Seinfeld.jpgJerry Seinfeld is stuck in a bit of a legal mess (and it’s not the first time). He and his wife have been sued by cookbook author Missy Chase Lapine, who claims that Jessica Seinfeld plagiarized her recipes for the best-selling Deceptively Delicious Cookbook. Deceptive, indeed.

Then Jerry went on David Letterman and made jokes about Ms. Lapine, comparing her “to ‘wackos’ who had stalked Letterman. Seinfeld added that the ‘hysterical’ Lapine was a ‘three-name woman’ and ‘if you read history, many of the three-name people do become assassins.'” So then Lapine hit him with a slander lawsuit. It’s a Seinfeld episode gone horribly, horribly wrong. Kind of like the last, really unfunny episode of the series, which also took place in a courtroom.

Now, Jerry is seeking summary judgment claiming that “his remarks were consistent with a ‘recurring theme’ of his comedy and not slanderous.” Here’s an excerpt from the motion from Smoking Gun:


So his defense is along the lines of, “Have you seen that one episode of Seinfeld?” Seinfeld references usually work among friends, but will they do the trick in the Southern District of New York?

Cosmo Kramer, Exhibit A [The Smoking Gun]

Earlier: Rich Celebrities Trying To Stiff Their Broker: “What’s the Deal With That?”

umn law school logo.JPGWhen a law school dean threatens a massive invasion of privacy, something stinks.

The Assistant Dean of Students at University of Minnesota Law School is Erin Keyes. You might remember her for her 3rd place performance in our Law School Dean Hotties Contest.

But having a pretty face doesn’t prevent Keyes from getting dirty when the job requires. Yesterday she sent around a school-wide email:

We have had several recent reports about a strong, offensive odor emanating from a small section of the Law School’s locker room. If you believe you may have left a lunch or other item behind, we ask that you remove it immediately. Starting at 3 PM today, staff from the Law School’s Facilities office will begin opening lockers to find and remove the source of the odor.

We appreciate your cooperation, and in the future, ask all students to ensure that no perishable food items are left in lockers.

We’ll get back to dirty smelly puns in a second.

But UMN Law students should take immediate action. Take your drugs out of your locker NOW. 3:00 p.m. will be upon you soon and if one of you leaves the crystal meth (or whatever they are doing in the upper Midwest these days) in your locker, you will be mocked. You’ll be mocked on ATL, in court, and later when somebody who knows your story buys coffee from you.

End of PSA announcement.

Back to the smell (if there is such a thing) after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Escape From Minnesota: Free Erin Keyes!”

funny-pictures-cat-makes-political-statement.jpgBack in February, our ATL / Lateral Link survey on politics in the workplace found that 74% of you were discussing politics in the workplace, but less than 3% of you felt any need to conform to a particular political view.

At the time, 20% of respondents said that their fellow associates had tried to convince them to vote for someone, and about 15% said that an associate had asked them to contribute to a campaign.

But those were the days of Hillary and Huckabee.

Now that we’re down to John McCain and That One, what do office politics look like today? Is there more pressure to attend events? Vote a certain way? Make a contribution?

Let’s find out.

Update: This survey is now closed. Click here for the results.

Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this Associate Life Survey.

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to]

pls hndle copy 2.jpgDear ATL —

I work for two partners at my firm – a senior one and a junior one. The senior partner routinely assigns me less urgent work, but he expects his projects to be handled immediately. The junior partner assigns me more urgent deal work, which also must be done immediately. Both partners hound me to attend to their projects, and if I do the senior partner’s work before the junior partner’s, the senior partner is pissed off, and vice versa. I’ve sent an email asking them how I should prioritize the projects, and neither has responded. I feel like I’m screwed either way. What would you recommend I do?

Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Rock and a Hard Place –

Advances in sheep cloning give associates hope that they will soon be able to be in two places at once, double bill and send themselves for coffee. Alas, that glorious day is not yet upon us. For now, you have to pick one of the projects, tackle it first and piss a partner off. Thus the question becomes, which partner is it better to enrage?

Most people would probably tell you to do the senior partner’s project first, because while his work may be less pressing, he has more clout at partner meetings and owns two Ferraris. Prioritizing memoranda to files may keep the senior partner momentarily happy, but in doing so you’ll look like a slacker to the rest of the deal team. And when purchase agreements go out the door with brackets around Section 9.2.1 stating “pending IP review,” you’ll look like an asshat in front of the client.

Believe it or not, you were not primarily hired to preserve your own job, but rather to advise firm clients. The senior partner may have more hiring/firing power over you than the junior partner, but it’s your duty to convey to the senior partner that the deal team, the junior partner and the client cumulatively outweigh him, even if he is obese. Telling him “not right now” won’t be easy, but it’s nothing that his wife and lady friend haven’t done before.

Your friend,


Read Elie’s take after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx:
Stuck in the Middle with You”

Sarah Palin Alaska Governor Sarah Palin hottie.jpgDavid Kernell, the now infamous 20-year-old hacker who got access into Sarah Palin’s private email account, has been indicted by a federal grand jury.

Kernell is the son of the Democratic chairperson of Tennessee’s House Government Operations Committee.

The A.P. reports:

Kernell, an economics major at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, faces a maximum of five years in prison, a $250,000 fine and a three-year term of supervised release.

What kind of emails is David Kernell sending around that made him think that a 44-year old woman would have anything newsworthy in her email account? She’s a grandmother. Did he really think that Palin would use email to send around scandalous photos?

Five years and $250,000 seems like the right price to pay for such rank stupidity.

Lawmaker’s son indicted in Palin e-mail hacking [A.P.]

kirkland ellis logo.JPGPundits and news junkies aren’t the only people talking about presidential politics these days. Some attorneys want to add their two cents as well.

We saw earlier what happened when Orrick attorneys used the firm-wide email list to espouse political views. But Jack Levin, a partner at K&E Chicago, apparently felt that he had learned from the Orrick situation. He sent around what can only be described as a partner’s version of a “HTH” firm-wide email:

From: Jack Levin

Sent: 10/07/2008 03:31 PM CDT

To: #FW Attorneys

Subject: Federal income taxes

In case clients ask you about likely tax policy for high-income folks should Obama be elected, I briefly summarize below Obama’s tax positions(announced 8/14/08) with respect to income tax on high end folks.

This memo is not intended to solicit votes or contributions to any particular candidate, but simply to permit you to converse knowledgeably with clients about Obama tax positions:

* Individual long-term capital gain (“LTCG”) top rate 20%, same as under President Bill Clinton.

* Individual dividend income top rate 20%, same as LTCG, lower than Clinton administration when dividends were taxed at ordinary income (“OI”) rates up to 39.6%.

* Individual OItop rate 39.6%, same as under President Clinton.

* Social security(FICA) payroll tax — currently imposed on individual’s compensation up to $102,000 per year (which amount increases slightly each year with inflation) at 12.4% rate (half on employer and half on employee) — Obama proposes no change for a decade and then (if necessary to save social security system) tax between 2% and 4% (half on employer and half on employee) on individual’s compensation in excess of $250,000 per year.


Is this useful information that the whole firm needs to know?

Mr. Levin failed to remind his K&E colleagues that he had previously been outed by as an Obama tax policy adviser:

At Kirkland, appellate and litigation head Christopher Landau is a member of McCain’s Justice Advisory Committee, while partner Jack Levin advises Obama on tax policy and Jewish community relations.

Reaction pours in from around the firm after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Debate Night At Kirkland & Ellis”

energizer-bunny.jpg* One of the first big decisions to result from the Supreme Court’s Boumediene ruling. Judge Ricardo M. Urbina orders that 17 Uighur detainees be released by next week. [New York Times]

* California has had a Gold Ring Rush. Over 11,000 couples have married since the state Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in May, meaning more same-sex marriages than Massachusetts has had over four years. [New York Times]

* The latest bizarre twist in the corruption trial of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. [WSJ Law Blog]

* In case you’re tired of analyzing the debates along policy lines, here’s the rundown on Obama and McCain’s Nashville face-off in terms of body language, style, and vocal control. One candidate was a jazz musician while the other was the Energizer Bunny. [Los Angeles Times]

* Not everyone loves Oprah. [Courthouse News Service]

* This case speaks to the importance of spellchecking your motions. [The Legal Intelligencer]

pink triangle firefighters.jpgThe case of the hurtful homosexuals v. SDFD ended yesterday in mistrial. The jury could not decide if four firefighters were victims of sexual harassment. The men were “forced” to march in a San Diego gay pride parade and also taunted during the march:

The firefighters claimed they were humiliated by taunts and sexual gestures from parade watchers in San Diego.

Their complaint said parade participants included “a group of radical homosexual men” dressed in nun habits and others who yelled comments such as, “You’re making me hot!” and, “I can’t breathe, give me mouth to mouth!”

“Radical homosexual men?” Obviously these firefighters have never been to Chelsea (or even Hell’s Kitchen).

At the time SDFD policy was to make participation in the parade mandatory under anti-discrimination laws. SDFD has since made participation voluntary.

San Diego’s city attorney was happy with the outcome of the case:

City Attorney Michael Aguirre said the lawsuit “was about greed” and declared the jury’s deadlock a total victory. … Aguirre told jurors that the men were assigned to the parade after another crew backed out due to a death in one member’s family. He said the parade is a city-sanctioned event, just like celebrations of the Fourth of July and Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

The firefighters’ attorney said that they would seek a new trial.

But let’s flip the gender and orientation for a second. Would it be sexual harassment for a group of guys to shout “you’re making me hot” at women marching in a parade? It seems like the same standard should apply to a sexual harassment charge in both cases, if at all.

Mistrial in case of firefighters forced to join gay pride parade [CNN]

jack mccoy hero eyebrows.jpg* Is it important to look good in front of fellow associates? [Sweet Hot Justice]

* Slip and fall cases for dogs have the support of mothers everywhere. Well, at least mothers of the plaintiff’s attorney. [Animal Law Blog]

* Judges want to be paid more. Associates want to work less hours. Grass wants to be more green. [Legal Blog Watch]

* George W. Bush: Constitutional Scholar. [Washington Briefs]

* Hero lawyering, first pioneered by ADA Jack McCoy, is alive and well as real life AGs look to find new causes to propel them to governor help the people. [Law and More]

Heller Ehrman LLP Above the Law blog.JPGHeller Ehrman continues to stave off involuntary bankruptcy, despite not being able to pay employees their accrued vacation time. But Heller’s breakup continues to take weird twists.

The latest bizarre news comes from Seattle, where some associates have wondered whether they are about to be evicted from their offices. Tension was so high that Heller management had to send around a clarification email:


I have heard various rumors in the hallways to the effect that the Seattle office will close imminently and therefore that everyone needs to move out pronto. To clarify, here is the status.

The landlord has not issued a notice to vacate. If such a notice were issued, the notice period would be ten days. For reasons too long to explain, we overpaid rent throughout 2008. When those overpayments came to our attention, the firm asked that they be applied to cover (completely) the October rent obligation. The landlord has since asserted that the overpayments instead should be applied toward a fee that was due in connection with our give-back of space on 58. The Dissolution Committee is working with our outside counsel and communicating with the landlord to hopefully resolve this issue, and to clarify with the landlord any issues relating to removal of property from our space. To the best of my knowledge, closure of this office is not imminent and the date of closure remains to be determined, based on the pace of collections versus ongoing costs and also based on the banks’ decisions about what spending they will approve.

A law firm on the edge of solvency “overpaid” their rent? We hope that the explanation for this oversight is too long and difficult to get into, but we wonder if it is just too embarrassing.

Meanwhile, the Heller refugees that ended up at Covington have officially started .

Associates that we are speaking to say that it is just starting to sink in that they will be out of a job soon. Hopefully the Seattle associates will get as much time as possible to come to grips with this reality, instead of showing up at the office one day only to find locks on the door.

Update: The Blog of the LegalTimes reports that Arnold & Porter has picked up the latest Heller refugees. The big fish is Kenneth Chernof, Heller’s managing partner in the D.C. office. Any associates coming along for the ride?

Homeless In Seattle? [Heller Highwater]

Heller partners join Covington & Burling [Business Journal]

Arnold & Porter Picks Up Heller Partners [The BLT: Blog of the LegalTimes]

Earlier: Anatomy of a Dissolution: BoA & Citi Tell Heller Ehrman There’s No Money For Vacation Time

bailout water confusion.jpgWe previously reported that firms are starting to launch global financial crisis practice groups.

But we wondered what (if anything) those groups would be able to do for their clients.

According to the National Law Journal, clients are just as confused about the bailout as everybody else. Even the ABA doesn’t actually know what to make of what Congress just passed:

Carlton Fields, which as nearly 300 lawyers throughout Florida and Georgia, is forming a “recovery task force” comprised of 15 to 20 lawyers. The task force was first proposed to be called a “bailout task force.” It will focus on “what kinds of opportunities will be available with the congressional plan,” said Jay Steinman, chairman of the firm’s Miami real estate and finance group.

The firm has been asked by the American Bar Association to create a “white paper” on what the bailout plans means. The analysis will be completed this week by Carlton Fields partner Sandra Porter, and the firm will do weekly updates.

Is it possible that a large part of the legal community is waiting for Carlton Fields to tell them what is actually happening? It’s been a weird month.

In face of economic crisis, law firm clients range from panicky to opportunistic [National Law Journal]

Earlier: New Practice Groups Coming to a Firm Near You

Page 1386 of 17931...138213831384138513861387138813891390...1793