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Heller Ehrman LLP Above the Law blog.JPGWhen Heller Ehrman dissolved in late September, associates and employees were informed via a firm-wide email.

Since then, Heller management has had email communication with employees, but (to our knowledge) they have not revealed their official dissolution plan.

We got our hands on the 43-page operating document. In addition to a detailed discussion of the firm’s balance sheet, the plan lists the firm’s priorities during the dissolution. One priority is to preserve and protect the firm’s assets “for the benefit of, first, the creditors, … and thereafter the Shareholders of the firm and the former Shareholders of the firm.”

The full dissolution plan can be downloaded below. Check it out and see what interesting nuggets you find.

Plan of Dissolution.pdf (PDF)

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of Heller Ehrman’s Dissolution

lonely lawyer wants a job.JPGWe’ve discussed the terrible market for 3Ls, but one D.C.-area law student is taking matters into her own hands. From the source of all that is wonderful, the Craigslist personals:

Are you a lonely lawyer? – 24

Maybe we can do something about that. I’m an ambitious 3L at a good school, and I’d really like to land a job at a terrific firm. Unfortunately, my grades and the job market aren’t the best. Ideally, I would like to meet a cute hiring partner for “networking.” I’m sexy, petite, and very fun to be with. If you’re interested, please tell me a bit about yourself. I’d be happy to exchange pics.

Why are you looking to score a lawyer-man on craigslist? ATL would be happy to post your pictures. And we know that hiring partners and recruiting coordinators read the site regularly.

Still, we admire your willingness to do “what it takes” to secure a job in this difficult market. Sexy, petite, networking is actually great training for your eventual life as a Biglaw associate.

Out of work 3Ls take note: there is always more than one way to get a job.

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of job searches

harris beach logo.JPGMany people have interviewing horror stories. But few people actually bother to send a letter to the offending firm.

One Georgetown University Law Center student did just that. After her interview with Harris Beach, the student sent a letter to James Spitz, CEO of Harris Beach:

I was looking forward to the interview until Mr. Frederick Fern and Ms. Judi Abbott Curry entered the conference room. This was the worst and most unprofessional interview that I have ever been on. Not only did Mr. Fern insult me by repeatedly stating that “the only reason” I had received the interview was because my “mom or somebody” had “called in a favor,” he then suggested that I was lazy because I did not have a job yet. “What have you been doing since July?” he kept exclaiming.

I didn’t even know how to respond. When I finally responded, he proceeded to read a document or tap on the table with his pen while I spoke. It was awful.

Harris Beach’s firm motto is “Lawyers you’ll swear by, not at.” It is worth noting that our own personal experiences with Harris Beach attorneys have been positive and professional. But perhaps these particular attorneys could have used a little more tact when dealing with a student trying to navigate these uncertain employment waters.

The full memo after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawyers You’ll Swear At, Not Work For”


whale.jpg[Ed. Note: We apologize for the late start to the day. Obviously, we were suffering from some technical difficulties. However the "blackout" conditions gave us an opportunity to reflect on the strength and support of our readers. We appreciate all of the support and encourage you to keep pushing us to stay on top of our game. To the readers, commenters, and even the haters: thank you. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.]

* Swing states may have violated federal law in their purging of the eligible voter rolls. Advantage: Obama. [New York Times]

* A whale of a case for the Supreme Court. [San Francisco Chronicle]

* Cases on abortion are no less contentious in Europe. The European Court of Human Rights may take on Ireland’s abortion laws. Or it may not. [Wall Street Journal (subscription)]

* The bigamy-loving Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints — not to be confused with the non-fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (i.e., Mormons) — claims the attorneys general of Utah and Arizona are trying to “destroy” it. [Courthouse News Service]

* Judge throws out key prosecution evidence in the corruption trial of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. [Politico]

* Summer associates say, “Less lavish lunches! More meaningful work!” And they heart Crowell and Moring. [American Lawyer]

Update: The blurb for the fourth item, from the Courthouse News Service, has been amended to clarify the difference between the two churches. We apologize for any confusion.

If you are looking for a good reason for Stanford and Harvard to stay away from a modified pass/fail grading system like they have at Berkeley and Yale, here you go:

Yes, you are seeing that video correctly. That there was a self-styled Boalt student rapping the Rules of Civil Procedure, replete with dance interludes.

I don’t know if this will help you pass Civ Pro, but it might help you become the Court Clerk for the Miami-Dade County.

Earlier: A Rapping Clerk of Court? Meet Harvey Ruvin

bratislava casTTTle.jpg* Nebraska, Arizona, and Arizona State law schools have been accused of discriminating against white applicants, as do many white women at those schools. [TaxProf Blog]

* If you still need a job, we suggest taking all the interview help you can get. [Lateral Link]

* A firm offering the “best representation on Earth” apparently wishes most Earthlings would just go away. [Legal Blog Watch]

* I encourage all rejected 2Ls to do this. Don’t send it, just type it out. By the time you’re done, you’ll feel right as rain. [Ridiculum]

* Linklaters is closing its Bratislava office. [WSJ Law Blog]

Heller Ehrman LLP Above the Law blog.JPGIf any Heller Ehrman attorneys were hoping that a major firm would sweep in and hire a whole bunch of Hellerites, the Dissolution Committee is warning you not to hold your breath. The Recorder reports:

On Tuesday, Peter Benvenutti, the chairman of the dissolution committee now controlling the firm, confirmed whispers that Baker & McKenzie and Winston & Strawn, both one-time merger candidates, had withdrawn proposals to pick up large groups of lawyers and their expensive real estate. While Benvenutti would not say whether deals on this scale are being discussed with any other firms, he did say there’s interest in taking over certain of the firm’s leases, and “we expect to have clarity in a day or two.”

At this point, why would Baker or Winston Strawn take on expensive lawyers when they can just sit back and cherry pick the superstars they want? We haven’t heard any story of a Heller rainmaker saying “If I come, these 30 people are coming with me.”

More bad news after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Anatomy Of A Dissolution: Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?”

blonde sues for hair color.JPGCharlotte Feeney sued L’Oreal Inc. because she accidentally dyed her hair dark-brown instead of blonde. She claims that L’Oreal mislabeled the box of hair-dye, while L’Oreal presumably used the “she’s an idiot” defense.

Freeney claimed to have suffered real damages. She said that being a brunette ruined her social life:

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

It’s unclear what color the rug is, but Freeney claims the dark dye did irreparable damage to her curtains. She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again and now has to take anti-depressants.

We suggest that Freeney lay off the zoloft and open herself to the wonderful life of being a brunette. Armed with her new hair color — and nights and weekends uncluttered with the pressure of companionship or sex — Freeney can do all sorts of things. She will no longer be hated by other women, and she can begin the hard work of learning how to read confusing box labels at the local Duane Reade.

A Connecticut judge dismissed Freeney’s lawsuit, he said:

The plaintiff submitted no facts, no opinions and no standards to substantiate either of the allegations.

Should she decide to appeal, she might want to add the need for “facts and opinions” as further evidence of suffering because of her follicle deformity.

Freeney’s lawyer, David Laudano, said that he hadn’t even read the judge’s decision. Via internal monologue, Laudano added “Jeez. I wish this average looking woman would stop pestering me about her ‘cases’ and ‘options.’ I’m so bored. I want to work with new and exciting clients.”

Ha ha ha ha … oh hi Charlotte. Sure you look great. No, I’m not ignoring you. Hey, what are you doing with my pet rabbit? Stop. STOP OH DEAR GOD STOP!!!

Blonde sues over brown dye; judge brushes off suit [Washington Post]

Woman sues over wrong hair color [Connecticut Post]

Seinfeld.jpgJerry Seinfeld is stuck in a bit of a legal mess (and it’s not the first time). He and his wife have been sued by cookbook author Missy Chase Lapine, who claims that Jessica Seinfeld plagiarized her recipes for the best-selling Deceptively Delicious Cookbook. Deceptive, indeed.

Then Jerry went on David Letterman and made jokes about Ms. Lapine, comparing her “to ‘wackos’ who had stalked Letterman. Seinfeld added that the ‘hysterical’ Lapine was a ‘three-name woman’ and ‘if you read history, many of the three-name people do become assassins.'” So then Lapine hit him with a slander lawsuit. It’s a Seinfeld episode gone horribly, horribly wrong. Kind of like the last, really unfunny episode of the series, which also took place in a courtroom.

Now, Jerry is seeking summary judgment claiming that “his remarks were consistent with a ‘recurring theme’ of his comedy and not slanderous.” Here’s an excerpt from the motion from Smoking Gun:

1007082seinfeld3.gif

So his defense is along the lines of, “Have you seen that one episode of Seinfeld?” Seinfeld references usually work among friends, but will they do the trick in the Southern District of New York?

Cosmo Kramer, Exhibit A [The Smoking Gun]

Earlier: Rich Celebrities Trying To Stiff Their Broker: “What’s the Deal With That?”

umn law school logo.JPGWhen a law school dean threatens a massive invasion of privacy, something stinks.

The Assistant Dean of Students at University of Minnesota Law School is Erin Keyes. You might remember her for her 3rd place performance in our Law School Dean Hotties Contest.

But having a pretty face doesn’t prevent Keyes from getting dirty when the job requires. Yesterday she sent around a school-wide email:

We have had several recent reports about a strong, offensive odor emanating from a small section of the Law School’s locker room. If you believe you may have left a lunch or other item behind, we ask that you remove it immediately. Starting at 3 PM today, staff from the Law School’s Facilities office will begin opening lockers to find and remove the source of the odor.

We appreciate your cooperation, and in the future, ask all students to ensure that no perishable food items are left in lockers.

We’ll get back to dirty smelly puns in a second.

But UMN Law students should take immediate action. Take your drugs out of your locker NOW. 3:00 p.m. will be upon you soon and if one of you leaves the crystal meth (or whatever they are doing in the upper Midwest these days) in your locker, you will be mocked. You’ll be mocked on ATL, in court, and later when somebody who knows your story buys coffee from you.

End of PSA announcement.

Back to the smell (if there is such a thing) after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Escape From Minnesota: Free Erin Keyes!”

funny-pictures-cat-makes-political-statement.jpgBack in February, our ATL / Lateral Link survey on politics in the workplace found that 74% of you were discussing politics in the workplace, but less than 3% of you felt any need to conform to a particular political view.

At the time, 20% of respondents said that their fellow associates had tried to convince them to vote for someone, and about 15% said that an associate had asked them to contribute to a campaign.

But those were the days of Hillary and Huckabee.

Now that we’re down to John McCain and That One, what do office politics look like today? Is there more pressure to attend events? Vote a certain way? Make a contribution?

Let’s find out.

Update: This survey is now closed. Click here for the results.

Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this Associate Life Survey.

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com]

pls hndle copy 2.jpgDear ATL —

I work for two partners at my firm – a senior one and a junior one. The senior partner routinely assigns me less urgent work, but he expects his projects to be handled immediately. The junior partner assigns me more urgent deal work, which also must be done immediately. Both partners hound me to attend to their projects, and if I do the senior partner’s work before the junior partner’s, the senior partner is pissed off, and vice versa. I’ve sent an email asking them how I should prioritize the projects, and neither has responded. I feel like I’m screwed either way. What would you recommend I do?

Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Rock and a Hard Place –

Advances in sheep cloning give associates hope that they will soon be able to be in two places at once, double bill and send themselves for coffee. Alas, that glorious day is not yet upon us. For now, you have to pick one of the projects, tackle it first and piss a partner off. Thus the question becomes, which partner is it better to enrage?

Most people would probably tell you to do the senior partner’s project first, because while his work may be less pressing, he has more clout at partner meetings and owns two Ferraris. Prioritizing memoranda to files may keep the senior partner momentarily happy, but in doing so you’ll look like a slacker to the rest of the deal team. And when purchase agreements go out the door with brackets around Section 9.2.1 stating “pending IP review,” you’ll look like an asshat in front of the client.

Believe it or not, you were not primarily hired to preserve your own job, but rather to advise firm clients. The senior partner may have more hiring/firing power over you than the junior partner, but it’s your duty to convey to the senior partner that the deal team, the junior partner and the client cumulatively outweigh him, even if he is obese. Telling him “not right now” won’t be easy, but it’s nothing that his wife and lady friend haven’t done before.

Your friend,

Marin

Read Elie’s take after the jump.

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Stuck in the Middle with You”

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