Here’s an interesting question. How do we know that animals involved in bestiality don’t actually like it?
This question was recently on the mind of one New Jersey jurist. From the Philadelphia Daily News:
During a bizarre hearing [in Burlington County, NJ], a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn’t infer whether the cows had been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the situation or even irritated that they’d been duped out of a meal.
“If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,’ ” Judge James J. Morley asked.
Got milk? Or milky discharge?
Children, Morley said, seemed “comforted” when given pacifiers, but there’s no way to know what bovine minds thought of Robert Melia Jr. substituting his member for a cow’s teat.
“They [children] enjoy the act of suckling,” the judge said. “Cows may be of a different disposition.”
In its weirdness, this is all very Ally McBeal-ish (although too explicit for that show).
So, how did the prosecutor feel about all of this?
The myth that IP boutiques would be immune from the recession has already been debunked. Today, a few more intellectual property lawyers came back down to earth with the rest of the legal industry.
Above the Law has obtained an internal memo from the IP firm Townsend and Townsend and Crew. The firm is cutting salaries:
All- After much deliberation and consideration of the various issues involved, including the thoughtful input of the associates, the Policy Committee has made the decision to restructure associate compensation for 2010 as follows:
1) The associate pay scale for 2010 will be adjusted so that starting salaries for first year associates will be $145,000.
2) The remaining scale will be:
Level 2: $ 160,000 Level 3: $ 170,000 Level 4: $ 185,000 Level 5: $ 210,000 Level 6: $ 225,000 Level 7: $ 240,000
But don’t get too attached to that lockstep system, Townsend associates. After the jump, we see that Townsend wants to join the cool kids hanging out behind the gym lighting lockstep on fire.
Last month, DLA Piper lost a prominent former lawmaker from its ranks when Dick Armey had to step down due to controversy over his remarks about healthcare reform. This week, DLA has a new Republican to tout: former U.S. Senator Mel Martinez.
Martinez, who hails from the Sunshine State, announced last month that he was ending his senatorial term early. From the BLT:
A Florida Republican and the first Cuban-American elected to the Senate, Martinez announced in August that he would resign with more than a year remaining on his first term, saying that “it’s time I return to Florida and my family.”
The BLT says Martinez will be a partner in DLA’s offices in both Washington and Tampa, though in DLA’s press release Martinez emphasizes the time he’ll be spending in Florida: “Working in DLA Piper’s offices in Florida, I look forward to helping the firm grow its practice in Latin America and collaborating with a team of distinguished lawyers and professionals with the highest level of legislative knowledge and diplomatic skill.”
Specifically, Martinez might want to help DLA Piper grow its practice in Cuba. When Martinez resigned from Congress, he told the Washington Post:
“Even though I will no longer hold public office, my passion to work to see the day when people in Cuba will live in freedom will continue,” he said.
Over at Politico, Kenneth Vogel discusses the quick jump from the Hill to the Piper.
It’s too early to take nominations for this year’s law revue contest. But an early contender will surely be a video we received from students at Boston College Law School. It’s a spoof of BC law professor Scott Fitzgibbon’s anti-gay marriage commercial. Here’s the set-up, from the BC Student Bar Review (that’s a social organization, for 1Ls still wondering what happens outside of the library):
The next bar review will begin at 8pm this Thursday, October 1 at The Kells…. We can hear some of you already: “but guyssssss, The Kells is full of meatheads in Red Sox hats.” Well, we’ve got a news flash for you, Little Lord Fauntleroy: every bar in Boston is full of meatheads in Red Sox hats, and very few of them have dance floors as spirited or drinks as reasonably priced as The Kells. We find it to be a great place to blow off some steam, get weird on the dance floor, and accost your TA from LLRW and force him to do shots of Jameson with you.
However, as Dean Garvey reminded us in his memo, we must be respectful of those who disagree with us, no matter their beliefs. In the spirit of providing equal time, we have included a brief video message from the opposition:
The Kells is the kind of place that makes you want to bathe yourself in lye when you wake up the next morning afternoon. Here’s what the loyal opposition has to say:
After the jump, would the real Professor Fitzgibbon please stand up?
I’m a 1L at a T14 law school in the midwest. I did my undergrad at the same school, but took a year off before I matriculated to law school. Some of my college friends are now 2Ls. It’s only been a little bit of time since I came back, but over the past year it looks like my former easy-going friends have turned into complete assholes. They’ve become obsessed about the “status” of our school. They are constantly complaining about jobs and money. And they never want to do anything unless it has a direct benefit to their GPAs or their résumés.
How did this happen? Is it the economy, or does law school just do this to people? I don’t want to become like them. Is there any hope for me?
Dear Lone Ranger,
The bitter lawyer is more than a stereotype and a website. It’s a way of life. Ever wonder what happened to all those bushy tailed, fashion-Keffiyeh-wearing Creative Writing majors that went to law school for Burmese asylum cases? They’re in the office next to you working on McDonald’s debt offerings and drafting in the passive voice, their will to live creativity successfully beaten out of them after years of getting points off for failing to cite every sentence and enduring Civil Procedure puns. Neither vicious persecution nor death could crush Anne Frank’s spirit, but then again, she never attended law school.
Since it’s certain that you’ll eventually join your friends at Club Bitter, the real question is, just how bitter will you become?
A graphical representation follows after the jump.
Who says the wheels of government turn slowly? Earlier this month, we reminded you that Justice Department Honors Program applications were almost due. Now, three short weeks later, candidates are hearing back about interviews. Sources report:
“DOJ Honors interview notifications have gone out. I was fortunate enough to snare one in the Civil Division. You might want to put up an open thread for discussion.”
“Interview invites came out Wednesday, information about which component came out Thursday. Open thread?”
We aim to please. Here you go.
If interview notifications went out on Wednesday, was that ahead of schedule? According to the list of key dates on the Honors Program website, today is supposed to be the day that the DOJ “notifies candidates selected for interviews by e-mail.”
Feel free to discuss the Honors Program interview process — which components you’re interviewing with, what you’d like to know about the process, or what you already know about the process (for those of you who have been through it) — in the comments.
This Sunday marks Michael Vick’s official return to the National Football League–an event that has been widely criticized by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (“PETA”), as well as some sports writers and doggie bloggers.
What those who criticize NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for reinstating Vick fail to understand, however, is that the NFL may have ultimately lacked any real choice. Had the NFL not reinstated Vick, Vick could have potentially filed an antitrust lawsuit against the 32 NFL clubs for concertedly refusing to deal with him. Even though such a lawsuit would have likely failed in the Second and Seventh Circuits (due to the holdings respectively in the Clarett and American Needle cases), a lawsuit against the NFL clubs would have likely gotten to a jury in the Third, Sixth, Eighth and D.C. Circuits–all places where professional athletes have previously won large antitrust settlements.
As a quick background in antitrust law, Section 1 of the Sherman Act, in pertinent part, states that “[e]very contract, combination … or conspiracy in the restraint of trade or commerce … is declared to be illegal.” Although most Section 1 claims involve restraints of trade related to product markets, the Sherman Act likewise prohibits restraints in labor markets, as long as these restraints occur outside of the proper workings of a collective bargaining agreement (“non-statutory labor exemption”).
Courts in general determine whether a particular restraint violates Section 1 of the Sherman Act in three steps. First, courts will determine whether a particular restraint emerges from a “contract, combination or … conspiracy” among two or more parties. Next, they will determine whether the restraint yields a net anticompetitive effect to consumers. Finally, they will assess whether any antitrust exemption would negate the finding of liability.
After the jump, how might a court weigh these factors?
* Paul G. Kirk is America’s interim, new filibuster busting Senator. [New York Times]
* Apparently, Kirsten Dunst isn’t the most powerful witness. Why didn’t her lawyers just give her a script? [New York Post]
* McKool Smith expands its New York office space. [Am Law Daily]
* A New York lawyer received a glowing recommendation in the Daily News. “[Joseph] Tacopina is the kind of lawyer who makes you want to get into trouble so he can defend you.” Long live trial lawyers. [Daily News]
* I learned a new word: Superfetation. It means “I don’t know when to stop procreating.” [Trans World News]
* If you are a pilot and you are stalking somebody, isn’t it natural that you’d do it from your plane? [CNN]
In February of this year, Senator Jim Bunning predicted that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead in nine months from pancreatic cancer. It was a horrible and tasteless prediction, for which Senator Bunning apologized. But might he be right? Here’s the latest news about Justice Ginsburg’s health. From the Associated Press:
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was hospitalized Thursday after becoming ill in her office at the court following treatment for an iron deficiency.
The 76-year-old justice, who underwent surgery for pancreatic cancer in February, was taken to Washington Hospital Center at 7:45 p.m. EDT as a precaution, a statement from the court said.
We currently have a number of active openings for associate roles at US and UK firms in HK / China, Singapore and two new in-house openings. As always, please feel free to reach out to us at email@example.com in order to get details of current openings in Asia, as well as to discuss the Asia markets in general and what we expect for openings later this year. Our Evan Jowers and Robert Kinney will be in Beijing the week of March 25 and Evan Jowers will be in Hong Kong the week of April 1, if you would like to meet them in person.
The US associate openings we have in law firms are in the usual areas of M&A, cap markets, FCPA / white collar litigation, finance, and project finance. The most urgent of our top tier (top 15 US or magic circle) law firm openings in Asia (among many other firm openings that we have in Asia) are as follows:
• 2nd to 5th year mandarin fluent M&A associates needed in Beijing and Hong Kong at several firms;
• Korean fluent 2nd to 4th year cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 5th year Japanese fluent M&A associates needed in Tokyo;
• 4th to 6th year mandarin fluent cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 4th year M&A / cap markets mix associate needed in Singapore.
In a land that is right here and in a time that is right now, a technology has arisen so powerful that it can replace basic human document review. Is it time to bow down before our new robot overlords?
First, here’s a little story about me: my life in the legal world began as a paralegal. My first case was a GIANT patent infringement case that was already six years old and had involved as many as five companies, multiple US courts, the ITC and an international standards committee. I knew nothing about any of this.
On my first day, my supervisor (a paralegal with at least eight other cases driving her crazy) sat me down in front of a Concordance database with a 100,000+ patents and patent file histories. “Code these,” she said. I learned that “coding”, for the purposes of this exercise, meant manually typing the inventor’s name, the title of the patent, the assignee, the file date, and other objective data for each document. I worked on that project – and only that project – for at least the first six months of my job. After a week or so, time began to blur.
What I know, in retrospect and with absolutely certainty, is that as time began to blur, so did my judgment. So did my attention to detail. If you could tell me that I did not make at least one mistake a day – one inconsistent spelling, one reversed day and month, one incorrectly spaced title – I frankly would need to see your evidence. I would not believe it. The human mind is trainable but it is not a machine.
Watch to find out what some of our subscribers received in their May box!
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