Paris Hilton
Maybe it’s time for us to have a national conversation about legalizing drugs. It’s interesting to see how many folks in charge of enforcing and administering our nation’s drug laws seem to have drug problems themselves.
We all recall the sad story of former federal judge Jack Camp. After years of sending offenders off to prison for narcotics offenses, ex-Judge Camp pleaded guilty to drug offenses of his own. He was sentenced to 30 days in prison — less time than what Paris Hilton got.
And speaking of Paris Hilton, it seems that one of her former prosecutors — a top drug-crime prosecutor in Las Vegas — was just arrested.
For what? For drugs….
Continue reading “Lawyer of the Day: Las Vegas Drug Prosecutor Arrested for… Drugs”
Last month, Marin broke down the Paris Hilton defense to a drug possession charge. Put simply, saying “it wasn’t me” when confronted with drugs found on your person strains credulity.
Especially if those drugs are found in your ass. Which is what happened to a Florida man over the weekend…
Continue reading “The Shaggy/Paris Hilton Defense, Supercharged”
If you’re like most people who have an important drug test coming up — say, for a new law firm job or for probation (kind of the same thing) — you probably prepare by doing things such as guzzling water, sucking pennies, or ladling your roommate’s urine into a pocket flask.
A somewhat less effective way to prepare involves going on a cocaine and amphetamine binge hours before your drug test and hoping for the best. But that didn’t stop Lindsay Lohan from trying last week:
Lindsay Lohan’s probation has been revoked and a bench warrant issued for her arrest…. Although the bench warrant was issued, it’s being held — i.e., on hold — until Friday at 8:30 AM, when Lindsay is ordered to appear in court.
The move by Judge Elden Fox comes after Lindsay failed two drug tests recently … one showed the presence of cocaine and another showed amphetamines.
Under the terms of her probation, Lindsay could get 60 days for her latest misstep, and the bench warrant comes just weeks after Lindsay completed a 14-day jail stint and 23 days in UCLA’s in-patient celebrity-enabling sanctuary rehab for another parole violation.
As an occasional taxpayer (albeit in a different state), I’m annoyed California has to waste precious time and resources monitoring and jailing Lindsay, when they could be doing something useful, like banning Jay Leno. As a lawyer, I’m itching to blame someone or something(s) for her downward spiral, and I have found the proximate clause: her boobs.
Let’s take a closer look…
Continue reading “Fame Brief: Lindsay Lohan and Breast Implants, the Gateway Drug”
As you’ve probably heard, last week Las Vegas cops arrested partying hag Paris Hilton for cocaine possession, after pulling her over in a Cadillac Escalade that was trailing marijuana smoke. And as you’ve probably also heard, the police would have never found the coke in the first place if Paris hadn’t been such a vain twit:
According to Sgt. John Sheahan, while police were questioning Waits, Hilton, who was in police custody inside the Wynn Las Vegas, allegedly reached inside her purse for “a tube of lip balm. At the same time, says Sheahan, a bindle of cocaine in a plastic bag came out of her purse” in plain view of police in the room.
Paris shrewdly floated several excuses – that the purse wasn’t hers and that she had no idea that the coke was in there, or that she had seen the coke in there, but mistook it for gum* – before settling on the airtight alibi that the purse was in fact hers but she had loaned it to a “friend” who left coke in there. Throw the kitchen sink at the police and see what sticks, that’s what I always say….
Continue reading “Fame Brief: Paris Hilton and the Shaggy Defense”
Here’s a quick update on the “celebrity justice” beat. There has been a rash of break-ins in Los Angeles, targeting the homes of various stars. Is there a vigilante group of Robin Hoods lashing out at ostentatious displays of wealth during the recession? Not quite. Our sister site Fashionista reports:
While this is not surprising in itself, given that there would likely be some very nice goods found in any of the above, what is surprising is the news of who allegedly committed the crimes and why–a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.
The older I get, the more I wish we could send all teenagers through some kind of Spartan-style education in discipline and respect before they are released back into the wild.
Click on the links below to read and comment, over at Fashionista and True/Slant.
Crimes of Fashion [Fashionista]
Paparazzi to blame for Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Orlando Bloom being burglarized? [True/Slant]
As we’ve mentioned before, Paris Hilton was in court in Miami last week after being sued for $8 million for refusing to promote the apparently terrible 2006 movie “Pledge This!”
We’ve told you about how Chief Judge Federico Moreno (S.D. Fla.) was enchanted by Paris. He was perplexed by her use of “BFF,” so she explained the meaning. He displayed his comprehension by remarking, “This will be my best case forever.” To which Hilton replied, “You’re my best judge forever.”
Update: There is a minor disagreement over what exactly Judge Moreno said. See here (comment #2; gavel bang: commenter).
Here’s the court artist’s depiction of the Hilton-Moreno relationship. We’re not sure if Judge Moreno is bored or infatuated.
Moreno — who hasn’t made a ruling yet — may have found Paris enchanting, but the court artist apparently didn’t. Paris looked much less like a 50-year-old transvestite in the photos taken by the Associated Press.
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of Paris Hilton
Down in Miami, celebrity heiress Paris Hilton is charming the robes off of Chief Judge Federico Moreno (S.D. Fla.), who is hearing a film contract dispute in which she’s the defendant. Reports Davis Markus:
Paris Hilton is on the stand. And Judge Moreno is getting in the act. In one exchange, Moreno was puzzled by the title of Hilton’s current reality show, “My New BFF.” “What does that mean?” he said. After Hilton gave the full title “Paris Hilton’s My New Best Friend Forever,” the judge remarked “This will be my best case forever.” Without missing a beat, Hilton replied “You’re my best judge forever.”
Flirting with the judge? Well, this is a bench trial — and Paris is a trial lawyer in the making. Plaintiff’s counsel should be on the lookout for any ex parte contact between His Honor and Her Hotness.
Read more about the trial over at the Southern District of Florida Blog, which has been covering the proceedings quite closely.
Best blog post forever [Southern District of Florida Blog]
Paris Hilton insists she plugged sorority movie [AP]
Earlier: The American Legal System: We’ll Always Have Paris
Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton apparently likes the courts as much as the tabloid headlines. Try as she might, she can’t stay out of them.
We previously covered her misadventures in the criminal justice system (culminating in her prison stay). This week she shows up on the civil side. From the AP:
Paris Hilton hated her 2006 movie “Pledge This!” and refused for months to make promotional appearances for it despite a contract requiring her to do so, lawyers for the film’s investors said as trial opened Thursday in an $8 million lawsuit against her….
With Hilton nodding vigorously from her defense table seat, her attorney Michael Weinsten insisted she did numerous appearances for the movie but was unavailable to meet many requests by the film’s producers because of her extremely busy schedule. Hilton also had the right to refuse some promotion events that might harm her brand….
Was she required to wear panties to said events?
More discussion, including an eyewitness account of how Paris looked in court today, after the jump.
Continue reading “The American Legal System: We’ll Always Have Paris”
* Who says Loyola 2Ls can’t land good jobs? [SCOTUSblog]
* Lobster rolls. And Chipwich. Yum. [Gawker; Althouse]
* It’s nice to know that you can neglect your caseload, fabricate documents, and still get reinstated to the bar. [Boston Globe]
* Law firm ranking schemes are kind of like blogs. If everyone has one, who’s supposed to read them all? [WSJ Law Blog; Wall Street Journal (subscription)]
* Don’t forget: Paris Hilton will be on Larry King tonight (9 PM Eastern time). [CNN]
* ATL readers, meet Modern Bride of the Year, future defender of battered women. [Modern Bride; lots of "In Defense of"s in Slate's Wedding Report] [FN1]
* I hate to repeat myself and every other local politician, but what do you expect from New York City public school teachers? (I mean, what does it say when an atheist donates millions to help the needy send their kids to parochial schools?) [CBS News]
* Even highly evolved, quietly progressive Sweden is not immune to the realities of displacement. [New York Times]
* Feel free to direct your anger at me, but foie gras is a traditional part of my family’s Christmas spread. I blame over- and mass-production for the spectacular extent of bad press. How would you feel if turkey were outlawed? And what happened to the veal controversy? I’m glad I don’t live in Chicago. [Fox News]
* Paris has famously vowed not to act stupid anymore, but she should put her money where her mouth is. Sadly, Tehran will probably nix the idea of The Simple Life: Behind the Burqa. [CNN]
[FN1] Brides and grooms-to-be, please forgive me for this gratuitous laugh at your expense. But I can’t help myself, and somehow I am comforted that such sentiment does not spring from bitterness or a Gawker-esque superiority/inferiority complex. I’m just in a state of utter disbelief that earnestness seems genetically intertwined with blondeness and nasality.
And he’s coming out on top, you know you’ve hit rock bottom. From TMZ.com:
We now have quantifiable proof that it’s better to be O.J. Simpson than Paris Hilton. What is wrong with the world?
You can now buy t-shirts that read “L.A. Court Scorecard: O.J. 1, Paris 0″ from the Cafepress.com website. Some might call it ironic that O.J. got away with murder, while Paris is serving time for driving when she wasn’t supposed to.
You can purchase merchandise featuring the graphic at right by clicking here.
Paris Hilton, O.J. [CafePress.com]
It’s Good to Be O.J., Sucks to Be Paris [TMZ.com]
So what’s the latest news about our favorite celebrity heiress? We’re guessing you’re already familiar with the story about how she “was so terrified guards would snap a cell-phone picture of her on the toilet that she didn’t eat or drink for three days.”
The most recent update comes from the AP:
The parents of Paris Hilton didn’t have to wait long to visit their daughter Tuesday, raising more questions of whether the hotel heiress was receiving special treatment. The Hiltons breezed past some waiting in line for hours to see loved ones….
The visit angered some others who were waiting to see inmates. Shatani Alverson, 23, said she was hustled out of the visiting room at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility moments after her husband walked in because of the Hiltons. She was told to come back after lunch.
We’re guessing Paris was unsympathetic to the complaints of the little people. We can just imagine her saying, while gesturing grandly towards the vending machines, “Let them eat Tastykake.”
P.S. In case you’re curious, the final (and unsurprising) results of our Paris Hilton poll appear after the jump.
Hilton’s Parents Visit, Breeze Past Line [Associated Press]
Poo-hoo, she isn’t life of the potty [New York Daily News]
Continue reading “Mom! Mom! It’s Not Right (That You Get to Cut the Visitors’ Line)”
A friend of Paris Hilton, who saw the hotel heiress during her all-too-brief house arrest, had this to say about how Hilton was treated in jail:
“It’s so cruel what has happened to her. She wasn’t allowed to wax or use a moisturiser. Her skin is so dry right now.”
Judge Michael Sauer: Have you no sense of [evolving standards of] decency?
Paris banged up … again [The Sun - UK]
Roper v. Simmons [Legal Information Institute / Cornell Law School]
U.S. Constitution: Eighth Amendment [FindLaw]
Apparently Judge Michael Sauer agreed with the 60 percent of ATL readers who viewed her release from prison as “a miscarriage of justice.” From TMZ.com, the authoritative source for all things Paris:
Paris Hilton was just ordered back to jail in Lynwood to serve out the remainder of her sentence! She’ll get credit for 5 days already served.
Hilton left the courtoom in tears, screaming, “Mom, Mom, Mom.”
One witness described the scene as: Paris was “physically escorted” out of the courtroom by a female deputy.
Hilton’s mother was later seen pacing the hallways, telling reporters, “I’m paralyzed right now.” Paris’ father Rick is still in the courtroom.
From the Los Angeles Times:
Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer made his ruling after a hearing that followed a tumultuous sequence in which Hilton was brought to court in a sheriff’s patrol car. Earlier, it seemed that she would only attend the hearing via telephone.
“The defendant is remanded to L.A. County jail,” Sauer said after an hourlong hearing. “The order is final and forthwith.”
Wearing a beige zippered sweater, Hilton crumpled into tears.
You go, girl — right back to the slammer. As for the anal herpes, good luck with that.
Hilton Ordered Back to Jail! [TMZ.com]
A crying Hilton is sent back to jail [Los Angeles Times]
Screaming Paris Hilton Sent Back to Jail [Associated Press via Washington Post]
Earlier: Paris Hilton’s Jail Break: What Do You Think?
If you’ve been away from the news cycle today, read our two prior posts.
If you’re up to speed on this story, go ahead and vote:
On the subject of Paris Hilton’s recent release from jail, Entertainment Tonight reports:
L.A. County Sheriff Spokesperson STEVE WHITMORE told reporters that due to “medical issues,” the heiress had been “reassigned” at about 2:00 a.m. Thursday and would finish out her sentence on house arrest….
Sources close to the Hilton family tell ET the medical reason was actually a rash she developed on her body.
Mention of a bodily rash provides support for this ATL reader comment:
My friend’s brother (who works with [Sheriff Lee] Baca’s assistant sheriffs) told me that Paris was released due to a severe, “stress-induced” herpes outbreak. He also said that he heard that the blisters had apparently spread to her anus and had taken on abcess-like features that required more serious medical attention. Thus, after taking into account jail overcrowding, the increasing liability that Paris presents, and Paris’s lesions, all things weighed in favor of her being put on home confinement.
Was a case of anal herpes a “Get Out of Jail Free” card for Paris Hilton?
More discussion, after the jump.
Continue reading “Paris Hilton: Her Rash Release from Prison?”
Did the jailhouse toiletries fall short of the Hilton family’s high standards? Probably.
But that’s not why Paris Hilton was just granted early release from jail (as first reported by TMZ.com). Due to medical reasons, Hilton will instead serve 40 days of house arrest. She’s being fitted for Martha Stewart’s favorite accessory: an ankle bracelet.
The tabloids have been having a field day with the “Paris Goes to Jail” story. See, e.g., the New York Post front page at right. But it looks like their fun has been cut short.
A press conference by the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department is now underway. More details to come.
Paris Hilton — Free Woman [TMZ.com]
Cops: Paris Under House Arrest [TMZ.com]
Paris Bawls in Jail [New York Post]
* Yawn… [MSNBC]
* Job opportunities for the disbarred. [ABANet]
* Libby sentencing today. [CNN]
* Advice for Paris. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Polsky divorce settlement hits $184 million. [CNN]
Or Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s, actually. From the Los Angeles Times:
Don’t get that jail cell ready for Paris Hilton just yet. Hilton’s defense team has launched a last-ditch effort to keep her out of jail after a Los Angeles traffic court judge made international headlines by sentencing the socialite to 45 days in county jail for repeatedly driving while her license was suspended.
Her attorneys have filed a notice of appeal at the courthouse. Though the document does not lay out the grounds for the appeal, her attorney, Howard L. Weitzman, has said the sentence was far too harsh given Hilton’s misdeeds.
We used to specialize in criminal appeals. But you need neither experience nor expertise to conclude that this argument is a legal loser. Here’s a good quip from a prof at Loyola Law:
“I don’t think the Founding Fathers had Paris Hilton’s driving conviction in mind when they enacted the cruel and unusual punishment provision of the Constitution,” said Loyola Law School professor Laurie Levenson.
But don’t count Paris out just yet. More discussion, after the jump.
Continue reading “Paris Hilton: She Begs Your Pardon”
Hampton Inn is the dumpy and unacceptable no frills, budget-oriented brand within the Hilton Hotel family. But compared to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, where Paris Hilton will be serving out a 45-day sentence for violating the terms of her probation, a Hampton Inn looks like the Waldorf Towers.
At this grim county jail, don’t look for a mint on your pillow. Expect some pubic hair from a “very masculine lesbian[],” and you’re less likely to be disappointed.
From the New York Daily News (which could barely conceal its glee over Hilton’s upcoming jail stint):
Hilton will have to say “goodbye” to dye jobs and cosmetics and “hello” to five-minute showers once a day. Her friends and family will only be able to talk to her through glass and her phone calls will be made on the jail’s closely monitored pay phones.
Purse-pooch, Tinkerbell, will not be allowed to visit. And forget those designer duds she bought on Rodeo Drive. In the big house, Paris will have to make two pairs of socks, one bra, two pairs of panties and two blue jumpsuits last for a week.
Eh, no big deal — Paris prefers romping around in the buff anyway. And she won’t be fazed by the loss of privacy, since all the other inmates have already seen her naked.
More discussion, after the jump.
Continue reading “Prison Makes Even a Hampton Inn Look Luxurious”
