Pets

Okay, this isn’t as amusing as the Alexandra Korry haikus that have been unleashed in the comments. But then again, few things are.
Courtesy of ATL reader “Josef Stalin,” here’s a Lolcat graphic, in honor of Charney v. Sullivan & Cromwell:
lolcat Sullivan Cromwell Aaron Charney Above the Law blog.jpg
Lolcat [Wikipedia]
P.S. Please vote for Jordin Sparks in American Idol!!! Call 1-866-IDOLS-02, or text “VOTE” to 5702.
Even Professor Althouse, a diehard Blake Lewis fan, kind of agrees: “So, okay, let Jordin win. Blake will be fine. It will be better this way.”

golden retriever dog pet lawsuit estate litigation Above the Law blog.jpgWe’re not really big on pets. Taking care of them is a lot of work, and we can barely keep our houseplant alive. So stories like this one strike us as almost insane:

A man who had not written a will left a $2 million estate, but the most hotly contested item in court has been his golden retriever, Alex. The four-way dispute over the 13-year-old pet was so intense, an attorney was appointed to represent the dog’s interest.

A guardian ad litem causa canis, perhaps?

On Monday, the judge decided the man’s divorced parents should split custody, The Commercial Appeal reported.

“At first glance, the petition seems almost frivolous, but after speaking with all parties, it is evident that this is a highly emotional issue for all involved,” said Alex’s attorney, Paul Royal, in his report to the probate court.

You had it right the first time, Mr. Royal.
P.S. A former colleague who shares our aversion to pets once quipped, “There are at least ten good reasons not to get a dog. Reasons one through nine are fecal matter.”
Judge settles intense custody battle over dog [CNN]

* Since charges have been dropped, we can only hope nothing more severe than spray painting occurred. Those poor goats and sheep, always such pervert-magnets. [LoHud.com (The Journal News)]
* I think the Vietnamese president lost a bet to our president. [Jurist]
* This, hopefully, will not offend anyone. [New York Times]
* The upside is that such drama is indispensable to country song-writing, so better her than me. [AP via Yahoo! News]

Menu Foods pet food recall dead pets Above the Law blog.JPG[Insert pro forma "dumb Canadians" joke here.]
(And if you’re a plaintiffs’ lawyer who would love to turn this into a class action, you’re too late — a class action lawsuit was filed last week.)
Woman Sick After Eating Recalled Pet Food [Canadian Press]
Class action suit filed against Menu foods [CNN]

* Maybe you read this over Sunday brunch. I was going to make a crack about barely educated sorority girls in schools I’ve never heard of in states I’ve barely heard of, but then I thought of this, or this, or this. You know who should shed some light on this? Tyra. [New York Times]
* As culturally valuable as Britney’s hair? [Yahoo News]
* Man was “more than” friends with Man’s Best Friend. (You also don’t need to explicitly define “cheating” to know he was also cheating on his girlfriend… although that’s the least of her concerns.) [Bay City Times]
* Because we’re not all Wiki fans. [Conservapedia via Discourse.net]

* When do you lose control of your copyright? The Unabomber wants to know. Paris Hilton [NSFW], on the other hand, doesn’t care. [Slate]
* I am not a dog-hater, but you don’t see people bringing their babies to bars. (Although I hear you, dog-lovers — at least, there’s no law against it.) [Seattle Times]
* If you don’t hear from me for a while, you’ll know what happened. [QuizLaw]

spam spam spam.jpeg* It’s that time of the year, when you yet again resolve to no longer be an attorney. You have one more chance to make this same futile resolution when Chinese New Year rolls around. [The Complete Lawyer]
* Any food substance that sustains armies and people still living in Y2K bunkers deserves nothing less than a full-on defense of its rights. You go, Hormel. [Likelihood of Confusion]
* Healthy parenting or affirmative action? I We wonder if little Shiloh will turn out like that other token biological celebrity offspring, Satchel Ronan Seamus (or just another needy, rich, hot girl, whose mommy never loved her). [Hot Gossip at MSN Entertainment]
* Darwinism resurfaces, and thank God, because I really hate tiny dogs. [St. Petersburg Times]
* Bonus season may be behind us, but we still have money on our minds. [May It Please the Court]
* I am open to all genres of TV shows, as you may know. But this? Almost makes me long for the days of Ally McBeal. [QuizLaw]

michael lee mike lee christopher paolella chris paolella matthew schwartz matt schwartz gordon todd.JPGsamuel alito jr samuel a alito jr justice alito.jpgSorry it has taken us so long. As promised months ago, we now begin our series profiling current Supreme Court clerks (aka the “October Term 2006″ or “OT 2006″ law clerks).
We’ll be going chambers by chambers, starting with the most junior justice. Here are the four law clerks to Justice Samuel A. Alito, Jr.:

1. Michael S. Lee (BYU ’97/Benson (D. Utah)/Alito)

2. Christopher J. Paolella (Harvard ’99/Alito)

3. Matthew A. Schwartz (Columbia ’03/Alito)

4. Gordon D. Todd (UVA ’00/Beam)

As a member of the Alito extended family explained to us, here’s the key to understanding the Alito chambers: 3:1. This golden ratio perfectly captures the demographics of the OT 2006 Alito clerks. Consider:

1. Familial status: three are married with children, one is not (Chris Paolella — married, but no kids yet).

2. Undergraduate institution: three are Princetonians, one is not (Michael Lee — BYU).

3. Prior Alito clerkship: three previously clerked for then-Judge Alito on the Third Circuit, one did not (Gordon Todd).

4. Religious affiliation: three are Christian,* one is not (Matthew Schwartz — he’s Jewish).

5. College debate: three were gods of the parliamentary debate circuit, and former presidents of the American Parliamentary Debate Assocation (APDA); one was not (Michael Lee).

But we wouldn’t want such commonalities to overshadow the individuality of these gents. Check out our profiles of Messrs. Lee, Paolella, Schwartz, and Todd — after the jump.
* Mitt Romney footnote: Michael Lee is Mormon, which we consider to be Christian. Presidential candidate Romney hopes that evangelical Christians voting in the Republican primaries will agree with us.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Justice Alito’s OT 2006 Law Clerks”

Natasha Lyonne Natasha Lyone Natasha Leone.jpgWe’re late in writing about this story. But given our commitment to covering celebrity legal woes, we must at least mention it:

Actress Natasha Lyonne, the star of “American Pie” accused of threatening to sexually molest a dog, turned herself in at a New York court on Friday.

A bench warrant was issued for her arrest in January after Lyonne, who has also appeared in “Blade,” and “Scary Movie 2,” missed four court hearings.

The 27-year-old faced a number of charges including criminal mischief, harassment and trespassing after accusations she threatened to sexually molest her former neighbor’s dog and ripped a mirror off the wall during a 2004 argument.

Even worse than molesting a pastry. But we’re impressed by her ability to rip a mirror off a wall, no small feat of strength.
This is not Lyonne’s first brush with the law:

On August 28, 2001, Lyonne was arrested by Miami Beach police after hitting a road sign with her rented Dodge and trying to flee the scene. An officer who witnessed the incident said Lyonne refused to take a breathalyzer test and told him, “I’m a movie star. Can I talk to my entertainment lawyer?

“Movie star”? Try reality TV, dear. Maybe you can be on “Dancing With the Stars” — if they’ll have you.
P.S. Why can’t the cast of “Blade” keep itself out of legal trouble? See, e.g., Wesley Snipes, alleged tax cheat. (But at least now he’s no longer a fugitive from justice.)
American Pie Actress Turns Herself In at NY Court [Reuters via Gawker]
Natasha Lyonne [Wikipedia]
Natasha Lyonne [IMDb]

* It helps the People’s case when an alleged polygamist doesn’t look like Brad Pitt or, you know, anyone non-creepy. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* “Low blood sugar” is to an opera singer what “exhaustion” is to an anorexic poppet du jour. [International Herald Tribune]
* What would the holidays be without a child left in a car while his mother picks something up at Neimans? Don’t even think of invoking the “Last-Minute Shopping Hysteria” defense — she brought along the dog. [East Valley Tribune]
* Necessity may be the mother of invention, but obviousness is its eccentric aunt. I don’t know if that makes sense, but check out the proof of what you knew all along — that you’re completely expendable. [Temporary Attorney]
* Sad, senseless deaths. One would think that such risks would exist only in the world of criminal defense, prosecution, and maybe divorce law. [WSJ Law Blog]

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