Sensible shoes are for liberal chicks. Say hello to fabulous Federalist footwear!

As you may have noticed, from our two posts late on Monday night and one from Tuesday morning, we’re engaging in some after-the-fact blogging of last week’s Federalist Society National Lawyers Convention.

As in past years, the social highlight of the conference was the Thursday night banquet (black tie optional; and many availed themselves of the option, ‘cause that’s how conservatives roll). The speaker at the dinner was none other than Justice Samuel A. Alito, who delivered an insightful and hilarious speech that was a delight to listen to. Just as one might say of, say, a newscast by Jon Stewart, much of the entertainment value was in the delivery — Justice Alito is so dry and deadpan, and yet his remarks make you bust out laughing.

Interestingly enough, we haven’t come across many news accounts of Justice Alito’s speech. There was also no video recording allowed at the address. So we feel we can add some value with this write-up, despite its belated nature.

There may have been some confusion over the ground rules governing reporting about the speech. From the BLT:

Justice Samuel Alito Jr. spoke to the Federalist Society [last Thursday] night, but photos of him doing so are hard to come by. That’s because photographers other than the Federalist Society’s own were barred from the event. Keith Appell, a spokesman for the Federalist Society, said cameras were prohibited by Alito’s security detail….

Kathy Arberg, the court spokeswoman, said “The justice’s policy was that the event was open to still cameras and pencil press,” and that the Federalist Society was informed of that policy before the event.

Well, photos from the event aren’t hard to come by on Above the Law. Nobody told us that we couldn’t take photographs — so we did. And, as members of the “pencil press,” we jotted down notes in our reporter’s notebook. (We left the laptop at the hotel that night.)

Check out a slideshow of our pictures, along with a discussion of Justice Alito’s highly engaging and entertaining address, after the jump.

Last month, we reported that bankrupt law firm Heller Ehrman would be selling some of its art to raise money for its creditors. Heller hopes to raise $1 million (or more) through a series of sales, in New York and California.

The first of several Heller art auctions took place yesterday at Bonhams & Butterfields, at 580 Madison Avenue in New York. We attended, both to cover the proceedings and in the hope of making a purchase or two. (The most important works from the Heller collection will be sold next year, but those pieces — by artists like Diebenkorn, Lichtenstein, and Serra — are a bit beyond our price range.)

Upon arrival at Bonhams, we checked in with a receptionist. We were asked to provide our driver’s license and credit card for photocopying, which we did. Buyers can pay for purchases with either a credit card or a check, but the auction house still copies your credit card for its records.

(There is a slight discount for using a check or cash over a credit card. The buyer’s premium, a commission paid by the winning bidder to the auction house, is 22 percent of the purchase price for credit cards, but 20 percent for cash or check.)

After supplying the requested documentation and filling out a short form, we were given a paddle for bidding. We were hoping for something wooden; the word “paddle” conjures up images of spanking — fun! Instead, we received a laminated card of gray and white plastic, printed with the number “238” (our bidder number).

Did we make any purchases? How well did the Heller Ehrman art sell? Find out, plus check out pictures of the art, after the jump.

Happy belated Halloween, ATL readers. We hope your holidays were fun and free of criminal activity.

Over 2,000 people checked in over the weekend to vote in our caption contest. The winner after the jump.

Ed. note: Welcome to the latest installment of Notes from the Breadline, a column by a laid-off lawyer in New York. Prior columns are collected here. You can reach Roxana St. Thomas by email (at roxanastthomas@gmail.com), follow her on Twitter, or find her on Facebook.

Last week, we brought you Scenes from the Breadline, in the form of my very own photo essay on unemployment. You may recall that, in the communitarian spirit of all Homework Assignments from the Breadline, I also asked you to submit photographs, drawings, or other images that depicted, reminded you of, or documented your experience of life in the breadline.

First, I extend my heartfelt thanks to those who sent their own pictures from the breadline. For what it’s worth, my empirical research indicates that you are strict constructionists: you construed the assignment narrowly, and responded almost universally with photographs, rather than pictures scrawled in crayon, found art, or collages made from your unemployment check receipts and Ramen soup labels. (I mention this not as a criticism, but as a reminder that I welcome any and all of your creative efforts on an ongoing basis. I like to hang them up on my refrigerator, so that I can be reminded — while making soup- - of the excellent company I keep here in the breadline.)

Second, while I love you all the same, I must note that the New Yorkers amongst you responded in force. Perhaps it is because we are intransigent overachievers, and take homework assignments seriously (no matter who doles them out). Perhaps it is because signs of the recession are so visible here, and so ubiquitous. Either way: thanks, home team! And thank you, friends and readers from every outpost of the breadline. As always, you did a fantastic job.

Without further delay, we bring you (more) Scenes from the Breadline.

Fall is here, reflected in the chillier temperatures we’ve been experiencing here in New York. But here’s an opportunity for reminiscing about the glorious days of summer.

Check out this slideshow of photographs from our fabulous summer rooftop gathering, sponsored by our friends at Applied Discovery. If you’ve ever wanted to see our very own Kashmir Hill play Wii Tennis, this is your chance!

If you’d be interested in sponsoring an Above the Law event, please email us at advertising@breakingmedia.com (subject line: “ATL Events”). Thanks!

Earlier: An ATL Event: Rooftop Gathering with Applied Discovery

It’s been a long time since we checked in on the ruins of Heller Ehrman. It seems strange that it’s been over a year since Heller Ehrman announced that it was closing its doors.

Everybody that was going to land on their feet after Heller collapsed has presumably landed. Those who never did get a job back in Biglaw post-Heller have hopefully moved on to other lucrative and rewarding careers.

While most of Heller’s employees have moved on, it looks like some of Heller’s things are still looking for new owners. One tipster reports that you can purchase your own little piece of Heller if you want to:

FYI the art from the Heller Ehrman art collection is up for sale at Bonhams New York:

Sale 17421 - Contemporary and Modern Art

Let’s take a look at what fine pieces of art you can score from the demise of Heller Ehrman.

Last year, discussing the surprising success of clothing consultants in the recession, we wrote: “When the going gets tough, the tough get new wardrobes.”

Maybe we should amend that statement: “When the going gets tough, the tough ditch their wardrobes.” Faced with the dismal legal job market, yet another law student has decided to earn extra cash by taking it off for the camera.

In September we reported on Stephanie Christine, a UNC law student who posed nude for Playboy’s “Girls of the ACC” issue. Now, thanks to a horny diligent reader, we’ve learned that Kennedy James (right), a law student at Florida Coastal School of Law, has joined Playboy.com’s “Cyber Club.”

Kennedy was recently honored as “Coed of the Week” by the Playboy Blog. How many law students can claim that accolade? Order of the Coif, suck it.

Kennedy is jokingly described as majoring in “Advanced Sophistry” at Florida Coastal. To preempt the commenters: yes, Florida Coastal is fully accredited by the American Bar Association.

Check out a redacted (and therefore safe-for-work) picture of Kennedy James, plus links to the not-safe-for-work stuff, after the jump.

Remember Jane Allen Clark? She’s the Texas attorney who originally used the quasi-racy photo on the left for her lawyer profile on the state bar website. After we wrote about it, she replaced it with the more staid portrait on the right:

But where did that first photo come from? An eagle-eyed reader drew something to our attention….

Ed. note: Welcome to the latest installment of “Notes from the Breadline,” a column by a laid-off lawyer in New York. Prior columns are collected here. You can reach Roxana St. Thomas by email (at roxanastthomas@gmail.com), follow her on Twitter, or find her on Facebook.

Many of us know (and some of us have described, at some length) what life in the breadline feels like. But what, exactly, does life in the breadline look like? What are the visual manifestations of uncertainty, general financial malaise, and persistent despair? Well, dear readers, sometimes life in the breadline looks like a laid-off associate in her pajamas and down coat, on the verge of ranting at strangers in the bank. Sometimes it looks like the very same associate staring at her inbox, certain that an encouraging email (offering something other than a chance to collect your designated award from the British Lottery) will appear momentarily. Other times, it can be seen in the world outside one’s cat-plagued home, where the indicia of economic apocalypse are ubiquitous.

This week, I am pleased to bring you my own photo essay from the breadline. (Take heart, TLDR crowd — something that doesn’t require actual reading!) I hope you enjoy these shots of street life, and I thank the kind photographer who helped to document my wanderings.

Of course, every life looks a little different … which is why it’s time for another Homework Assignment from the Breadline. Specifically, we want pictures — in the form and media of your choosing — of your life in the breadline. Send me the images that illustrate your experience, symbolize the moment, and document the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your adventure / ordeal / journey. I look forward to viewing your responses! Please: no nudity, crush films, or dogfighting videos.

Without further ado, I present “Scenes from the Breadline.”

Last month, we linked to the Texas Bar profile for Jane Allen Clark. At right, it was racier than most of the bar association photos we come across.

We wrote at the time:

We called Jane Allen Clark to ask about the photo, and how she chose it. “I just liked it,” she told us. “We all want to look like L.A. Law, I guess.”

After getting our call, she speculated that “maybe [she] shouldn’t have used that particular photo.”

After the Above The Law post, she decided to get rid of this particular photo.

See the replacement after the jump. In our opinion, it’s much worse.

On Monday, we reviewed the new website of Ballard Spahr. The firm rolled out a new name: it’s just Ballard Spahr LLP now, and not Ballard, Spahr, Andrews & Ingersoll LLP. While it shaved some names from its moniker, it upped its photo count: attorneys had to take two photos for their bios, a head shot and a full-body shot.

We created a poll and asked whether it’s acceptable for your firm to ask you to take a body shot for the website. Almost 70% of you said no.

But Ballard’s not the only firm making its attorney do body shots. Commenters on the Ballard thread pointed us to another firm that requires both body shots and a bit of acting.

They do it bigger and better in Texas. A San Antonio-based law firm, Cox Smith, makes its attorneys take three photos for their firm bio pages.

A selection of the Cox “triple threat” photos — along with reader-provided captions, some of them irreverent, so consider yourselves warned — after the jump.

Ballard Spahr has revamped its website. It’s clean, it’s fresh, and it has lots of stock photos and little comment pop-ups. One ATL reader urged us to take a closer look:

You guys have to check out the new Ballard Spahr website, it is hysterical. Click on any attorney, there are two pictures, face and body. It looks like a model portfolio or comp card for actors.

We did some clicking in Ballard Spahr’s “People” section, and we can confirm there’s some amusement value to the head shots paired with full body shots.

While we perused, we wondered whether it’s reasonable to ask associates, special counsel, and partners to go beyond the head shot. Some looked happier about it than others. Check out some of our favorite Ballard body shots and take our poll, after the jump.

Thanks to the over 3,000 people who voted in our ATL Caption Contest. We now have a winner. Many of the proposed captions associated the shovels and bare soil with grave-digging, specifically the grave of Biglaw in the current troubled economic climate. But the winning caption tapped into a more evergreen joke in the world of law: screwing the client.

Here’s the winner:

ASSOCIATE: There’s a backhoe right there. Wouldn’t that be more efficient?
PARTNER: F**k that. We get paid by the hour.

Hats off — or not off, rather — to Austin attorney George Lobb (at far right) for crashing this photo of legal dignitaries and giving us caption contest fodder. More on that story here.

Did lawyer crash courthouse groundbreaking photo? [Austin American-Statesman]

Earlier: ATL Caption Contest Finalists: We Dig This
ATL Caption Contest: We Dig This

When we run caption contests here at ATL, we prefer to withhold the back story on the photo. However, this photo, and the story behind it, has gone viral. We’ve gotten it many times in tips — Thanks, tipsters! — and even our non-lawyer friends have been sending it to us.

We’re running a contest anyway, but we’ll give you the back story now… or after the jump rather. Same rules apply as always: Submit possible captions in the comments. We’ll choose our favorites — with preference given to those with a legal bent — and let you vote for the best one.

Here’s the photo of a bunch of legal types:

Think of a great caption. Write it down. Then check out the real and incredibly bizarre caption for this photo after the jump.

An ATL reader sent along a link to an attorney profile at the Texas State Bar website, with the following request:

Please find out if this is for real.

The photo on the State Bar of Texas website that prompted the reader’s plea to us, plus the backstory behind the picture — after the jump.

Now that the New York Times has covered it, it’s official: the recession has hit the legal profession.

Here’s more evidence. Yesterday afternoon, while walking along 53rd Street in Manhattan (between Broadway and Eighth), we came across The Man in a Van. Aaron Heideman, aka The Man in a Van, is traveling around the country, collecting stories of how people have been affected by the recession. Contributors write down their narratives on a giant poster (which, when unfurled, spans 50 yards). Selected stories are written on the van itself.

Here is one person’s story, from a former law clerk — someone who would usually have no trouble landing a job:

Two additional pictures — a larger shot of the banner, plus one of the van — after the jump.

Yesterday we told you about the firm Trial Lawyers For Justice asking job applicants to send in some non-standard information. Among other things, the firm asked potential employees to send in a family photograph.

We asked Nick Rowley — who wrote the ad asking for applicants to send in their personal story and political beliefs along with their picture — to explain how these factors affect his decision making process for new hires.

He furnished Above the Law with a full response. We’re publishing it full after the jump. Let Mr. Rowley know if you agree with his reasons in the comments.

We all know that it is difficult to get a job in this legal market. But an advertisement posted on the Minnesota state bar website makes it look like we are just one step away from genetic testing for junior associates. At least in Iowa.

The request for new talent starts off very earnestly:

DECORAH, IA plaintiff firm is seeking a brilliant hardworking lawyer who would rather do research and writing than be in court. Firm practices catastrophic injury, medical malpractice, and wrongful death and is seeking a lawyer licensed or in the process of becoming licensed in Iowa and/or Minnesota willing to get licensed in both with a possibility of Wisconsin and California, who is willing to relocate to Decorah, IA. Position will be handling of the firm’s law and motion, discovery, legal research, and appeals (to work 50 hours per week, full time inside the office to prepare the firm’s trial lawyers who travel and spend most of their time in court). One month paid vacation per year, salary is negotiable and commensurate with experience and qualifications, the firm may be willing to provide housing in Decorah, IA. Writing samples, resume, and examples of briefs and projects worked on is required.

But then this plaintiff’s firm ad becomes … kind of creepy:

Much thought is going to be put into who will fill this very important position with the firm. Persons who are interested are requested to email a personal story of who the applicant is, what his or her political beliefs are, and what they believe about justice and personal injury litigation along with a recent personal and/or family photograph.

Political beliefs? A family photo? You know, this is one time where a little “X law firm is an equal opportunity employer …” tagline would be comforting.

What law firm put this advertisement together? Details after the jump.

If an institution as stodgy as Harvard University can give rise to a fashion line, why can’t the Supreme Court of the United States?

What we’re wearing today, after the jump.

Earlier this week, we showed you a photo of a protest before an undisclosed law firm, then asked you to suggest captions. We now have six finalists and would like you to vote for the best of the bunch. To refresh your recollection, here’s the photo:

And here are the finalists:

A. “Laid off associates try a new strategy after their restatement section 90 claims fail.”

B. “Firms run a risk of bad publicity when they lay off both labor lawyers and the print shop staff at the same time.”

C. “So you say they underpay their staff and associates, treat all employees poorly, and offer no medical or retirement benefits whatsoever? … Are they hiring?”

D. “What do we want?”
“Jobs!”
“When do we want ‘em?”
“No earlier than January 2011, economic concerns permitting!”

E. “Shame on Firm X for only laying off 2 employees. Doesn’t it realize we’re in a recession?”

F. “In a classic labor protest rookie mistake, the former associates wasted their budget on a fancy sign and failed to reserve funds for doughnuts, resulting in awkwardly low participation.”

Earlier: ATL Caption Contest: Shame on You