Ed. note: Have a question for the next edition? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I’m a 2L at a second-tier midwestern school. Fall OCI didn’t go so great for me and, after resigning myself to failure, I accepted an unpaid internship with the government in my home metropolitan area. If I keep the job, chances are good that I’ll end up taking out loans for externship credit and will also be forced to obtain some sort of weekend employment to pay the bills.
Surprisingly, I just got an offer to be a summer bitch at a decent-paying firm within my home town. I talked to Career Services about this problem, and they made it clear that I needed to reject the firm offer. But that option would obviously strain me, both career-wise and financially. So my ultimate question is, can I tell the government that I’m sorry, but will no longer be able to take the position? From a purely financial point of view, I can either borrow ~6k this summer for tuition and living expenses, or make ~20k.
-Money on the Table
Dear Money on the Table,
As if law students didn’t have enough strikes against them — sh*tty economy, no jobs, worthless degree — a new and insidious threat also conspires to keep them broke and unemployed: Career Services. Everyone tolerated their quaint but useless “resume writing workshops” and rhetorical great-unpaid-opportunity-in-Kansas emails when the economy was great, but now that sh*t has tanked and they are unable to fulfill their express job duties — namely, creating careers — they’ve turned underminer. If they can’t create careers, no one should have them….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Career Disservices”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
One of the partners in my practice group is very involved with a charity. About once a month or so, we get hit up with various updates on the cause, requests to donate, attend charity events, subscribe to newsletters, etc. He’s even made a few presentations about the charity during practice group meetings. This charity has absolutely nothing to do with legal work and frankly it’s getting really annoying.
As an associate, is it OK to unsubscribe from his charity’s email (not sure how I was signed up in the first place)? Will he know? Will it affect my partnership chances? Am I obligated to donate? Will he know? Will the other partners know?
-Hit ‘Em Up Style
Dear Hit ‘Em Up Style –
Part of the reason they pay you associates so much is that your exorbitant salaries already factor in the bullsh*t expenses that come with the job: student loan payments, business wardrobe, personal training, late night online electronics purchases, therapy, top shelf alcohol so as not to be totally incapacitated when you get a work email the next day… and partner pet projects. And yes, they’re watching….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: The Panhandling Partner”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I just received my A.A. in Paralegal Studies. Will this be useful at all? How do attorneys view paralegals? I don’t need an attorney to like me. I just need one to pay me.
– Wrong Kind of Associate
Dear Wrong Kind of Associate,
I’m going to be honest here and say that I had to Google “A.A. degree.” I thought it might be it something called an “Associates Degree,” which I’ve seen advertised on the subway, but I wasn’t sure because I’ve never seen that abbreviation in real life and wanted to be absolutely certain about it before I tore you a new one….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: A Degree More Useless Than a J.D.?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I’m an in-house attorney at a large company. I used to be an associate at a big law firm, but was a stealth layoff victim and had little contact with the firm after that (and I’ll admit, I’m still somewhat bitter about the layoff). My current employer still works with my former firm sometimes, though the firm didn’t do anything to help me get my current position.
Recently, the firm realized that (1) I once worked there, and (2) I now work at a client. However, they failed to remember why or how I left, and thus have been contacting me as a firm “alumnus” to invite me to client and industry-type things, as well as firm events.
How should I respond to this attention, especially since I’m in a relatively small legal community, and my bosses do have some relationship with the firm?
– Memento
Dear Memento,
People seem to have online amnesia these days. You can be sworn enemies with someone in real life, but somehow it’s perfectly natural to want to add them on Facebook. Just had a soul-crushing breakup with an asshat? Start monitoring your inbox for his LinkedIn request. It’s really unbelievable. Some people just don’t understand that grudges are for life, and they’re held offline and online…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: So That’s What Happened to the Stealth-Layoff Lawyers”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I am an aspiring law student getting ready to send off my law school application. However, I have a problem: I can’t go to the only law school that makes sense for me; not because I did not score well enough, but because of an American Bar Association rule whose blanket coverage does not really apply in its intended sense to my situation. The rule deals with not allowing anyone to attend a full time law program while working more than 20 hours per week.
Currently, I have my full time dream job as New York City fireman and, honestly, I could not imagine quitting it for anything. However, it does not mean that obtaining my J.D. and having the opportunity to give back more to the community and stimulate my mind on my days not at the firehouse is not also an aspiration of mine. Unfortunately, it seems that both of my dreams cannot be achieved in an economically feasible manner. Only one of the schools in the area is a state school and affordable (see: rational) for me to attend, but they only offer a full time program….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Should New York’s Bravest Brave Law School?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
One of the things I don’t like about your blog is that you never have anything for Biglaw Bros who are just looking to use their jobs and money to score chicks. It’s fine to talk about women’s issues, debt issues, layoff issues and all that stuff. But aside from casual references to “models and bottles” you don’t seem interested in actually helping dudes who want to find pretty, young, not-too-intelligent slam pieces “on the reg.”
– What About Us?
Marin, the usual author of this column, is on vacation this week — which is probably why I get to address this question that was hurled at me while I was trying to watch the AFC Championship game. I’ll do my best Marin impersonation (if you promise not to tell her), and see if we can’t get the “bros” in our audience pointed in the right direction…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: BroTips”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I’m in my last year of law school and will be taking the bar this summer. I was wondering if you had some advice on the necessity of a bar review course. The opinions I’ve received from friends who have passed the bar has been split. They all say that it helped keep them “on pace” or “forced them to study” which I’m frankly not worried about. Is there going to be enough new law in one year to sink your bar exam if you’re studying from the previous year’s materials?
– Pay to Play
Dear Pay to Play,
Upon realizing that Suze Orman’s Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke was not itself filled with money, I recently sat down with a “financial advisor”…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Do You Need to Take a Bar Review Course?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I’m an associate at a mid-sized law firm, and I recently received an offer from a much larger and more prestigious firm. I’ve decided to accept. My question is: should I ask for a signing bonus, and if so, how large? The salary bump from what I’m earning right now is already huge, so I feel greedy asking for more, especially in this economy. But if I can get it, why not, right?
– Money Never Sleeps
Dear Money Never Sleeps,
Here’s a sample of some of the items that landed in my inbox this week: One reader wanted to know whether to ask the firm where she was contracting at to upgrade her to associate. Somebody else requested an opinion on whether law school was still a bad idea given that he currently makes $16,000 a year and manages a coffee shop. And Mint.com, my passive-aggressive personal finance site, emailed me to “let me know” that I was over budget for “Alcohol & Entertainment” expenditures in January. And then I received your question. Yeah….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Should You Ask for Lateral Signing Bonuses?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL:
I work in a fairly specialized litigation sub-field in a suburban market. The bar of attorneys who do what I do around where I am is therefore a pretty small and cutthroat group that hasn’t exactly emphasized “civility” in recent years.
I found out that a lawyer who’s one of my firm’s regular adversaries recently died. It wasn’t a big surprise; he’d been sick and in the hospital for some time, plus he was pushing 65-70. The thing is, he was (and his law partner still is) a gigantic asshole. He’d engage in frivolous tactics to rack up billables and then cut clients loose as soon as they couldn’t pay anymore. He’d insult other lawyers, including judges, in correspondence and at depositions. He’d condescend to women and junior attorneys. He even once wrote a smear piece about my firm as an op-ed in the local bar newsletter.
All this is to say, I know one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but I’m not exactly grieving. There’s going to be a memorial service, but I’m not exactly sure what to do in this situation. Should I go and at least make an appearance, and duck out at the earliest opportunity? Would it be bad form not to go, because the legal community in my practice area is so small? Should I just send a card? Or should I go and secretly gloat?
– Left Behind
Dear Left Behind,
When it comes to death and funerals, there is no right or wrong. People grieve in their own way, and sometimes not at all, particularly if the deceased was a truly horrible person…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Requiem for a Rival Attorney?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL:
I am a graduate of a T3 law school. I was on a law journal, successfully competed in moot court competitions (regional and national) and loved my clinical experience during my third year of law school. Basically, I love the courtroom, want to be a litigator, and have seriously been searching for a public interest job for a longtime. It just hasn’t happened yet.
However, recently I had the opportunity to interview with BigLaw. It’s a Vault50 firm, with an excellent reputation (like I need to say that). However, the offer I received was for a non-legal position, in the litigation support arm of the firm. The pay isn’t great, but it’s almost in line with what most new lawyers are making anyway (those who aren’t going straight to BigLaw from OCI). Is this a smart career choice? Does the networking opportunity outweigh the cons of the position? I’m just not sure if it’s smart to wait for a real lawyer gig, or take this position and run with it, and be the best non-lawyer I can be at the law firm. Thoughts, comments, advice?
– Oliver Twist
Dear Oliver Twist….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Are Non-Lawyer Jobs Career Suicide for JDs?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
I am an assistant clerk at a state court. I graduated in May 2010 and worked hard to find a decent job after taking the July bar. I have noticed over my past few months that a co-worker, also a 2010 law school graduate, has told at least a few pro se parties and attorneys in the court that he is a lawyer. This would be fine except for the fact that he has not taken the bar in any state. It particularly annoys me because I am a graduate of a top tier school in the same state as his third tier school and I have taken and passed the bar in two states while he seems to have spent the summer doing nothing. I only inform attorneys and parties that I am a licensed attorney when specifically asked because the court is suppose to stay neutral and we are not allowed to give legal advice. I recently tired to point out to him that he is not a licensed attorney and should not tell or imply to people that he is. He made some BS distinction between a lawyer and an attorney that made it ok for him to say he’s a lawyer. Need less to say I’m didn’t buy it. I cannot believe that the parties contacting our office with questions would understand the difference between his definition of lawyer and attorney….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: The Informant”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Dear ATL,
Since the holiday season is getting well underway, I was wondering… What is the expected gift-giving at the office?
Presumably every associate out there will give a nice sum in the form of cash, check or gift card to his assistant and paralegal(s) as appropriate. But what about those farther up the food chain? Is it appropriate or expected to give gifts to those who give you work?
– Cleveland Rocks
Dear Cleveland Rocks,
At firms, the s**t rolls downhill, as does gift giving. You’re expected to give your secretaries and admins gifts (pro tip: secretaries LOVE Precious Moments angel figurines), because they help you dodge phone calls and make less than you. And if you don’t give individual gifts, people will come around the office begging for alms “asking” you to donate to the gift fund for back office staff. Yet for reasons that defy logic, partners with whom you work closely are miraculously excused from giving their direct underlings – the associates – gifts during the holiday season, as if the “gift” of continued employment were more than enough. That’s like when my parents used to buy me socks and underwear, hide them in the closet until December and then call them Hannukah presents. It’s not a gift if they owe it to you….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: The Gift That Keeps On Giving”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Hi:
I’m an associate at a small firm with a very specialized practice area. My firm shares a client with a Biglaw firm that handles most of the client’s litigation and other work. As such, there are a couple of partners at the Biglaw firm that I work with fairly frequently, when my little niche overlaps with matters they’re handling for our mutual client.
I like these partners – they seem like nice guys – and I think they like me too; at any rate, we have a good working relationship and they seem to respect my work. One of their associates recently left and I’d love to jump into his place. I haven’t seen a posted opening anywhere, so I don’t feel like I can just send them my resume out of the blue, saying “in case you need someone to fill Departed Associate’s position…” – or can I? What’s the best way to go about this?
Also: Departed Associate left without having another job lined up, saying it just “wasn’t the right fit” for him. I know: huge red flag that possibly these partners aren’t the nice guys they appear to be. But not necessarily – right? It would be different for me, right??
– I Want That Job
Dear I Want That Job,
When someone leaves a law firm job without something lined up in this still-shitty economy, there are only three possibilities…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: There Are Daggers Behind Men’s Smiles”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Dear ATL,
I am a first-year associate tasked with writing my bio page for our website. Do you have any tips on how to write a bio that is not god-awful?
– Autobiography of a Face
Dear Autobiography of a Face,
As a first-year associate, you have no skills or experience that any client reading your bio cares about. Whether you graduated Order of the Crotch Coif or have rudimentary knowledge of Latin is immaterial to whether you can send around the dial-in, make copies or create binders. I know your semester abroad in Seville and internship at Footlocker are important accomplishments to you. But to the outside world, your bio page exists solely to cover the remote possibility that the partner, senior associate and midlevel all die in a plane crash, and the client needs to shoot you an email about getting other people staffed on the project ASAP….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Greetings,
My firm, like so many, has decided not to purchase and send holiday cards for our clients, instead relying on those stupid ecards. Ostensibly this is part of our “Going Green” initiative. More likely it puts more green in the partners’ pockets. Whatever.
I’d like to send actual paper cards to some of my clients and contacts. These are people who are not social friends, but with whom I have a business relationship, or would like to maintain professional contact. My questions:
1. Should I send them my regular family holiday card (photo of me with the wife & kids and a holiday greeting)? Most of the people to whom I would send this have never met my wife or kids, and in many cases probably don’t know they even exist.
2. If not, should I get a generic card or a customized card with my name on the card? what about other info (firm name, phone, email, etc.)?
3. Should I include a business card with my holiday card?
4. Should I forget the whole thing and just send ecards? or nothing at all?
Thanks,
Bah Humbug
Dear Bah Humbug,
These detailed questions require a very organized response. Let’s break down each option you’ve laid out…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Hallmark of Justice”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Dear ATL,
I have 12 years of state and local tax experience. I am currently a Tax Manager at a large company. I have managed the second largest tax audit defense group in the country. My current [law school] GPA is 3.4, with no curve. Do you think I can obtain employment with a midsized or large firm?
– Quit Playin’ Games With My Audit
Dear Quit Playin’ Games With My Audit,
Generally speaking, law firms wet the bed when a new associate rolls up to the firm and announces that he or she wants to do tax. Nobody wants to do tax, ever, and if you apply to firms with a cover letter stating that you want to do tax AND have legitimate tax experience (not just taking Tax in law school), the lights will dim, the disco ball will drop, Dream Weaver will start playing, and interviews will be yours for the picking….
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Doing ‘Tax Work’”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
ATL,
Here’s one that you probably don’t hear every day: I’m an associate and I frequently work with a junior partner (early 40s) who is married to a considerably younger woman. She and I have friends in common and we occasionally see each other out, although she apparently doesn‘t go out with her husband. Unfortunately, the last time we ran into each other at a friend’s party, we ended up making out then and then later hooking up.
We’ve been emailing and texting back and forth since then, but I am living in terror that this partner is going to find out, or she‘ll sabotage me or that someone will say something on Facebook, etc. If at all possible I want to get out of this situation without losing my job. Can you please give me some advice?
Jewel Thief
Dear Jewel Thief,
Let’s get one thing straight: you committed a robbery, one of the most heinous crimes known to Seaside Heights. You stole your boss’ wife, and though I don’t have my copy of the Bro Code handy, I’m pretty sure this violates it…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: You Should Have Just Given Her a Foot Massage”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Dear Above the Law,
I’m a third-year litigation associate in New York City. Lately, I have been thinking about *trying* to make a lateral move. But a nagging thought keeps holding me back: When you’re a lawyer and you reach your late 30s/ early 40s, what do you do? Where do you go?
So, here’s my question: If you (1) are lucky enough to have a job at a mid-law firm; (2) are doing well; (3) like your partners; (4) like the work; and (5) realistically think that you have a decent shot at making partner, should you stay even if you feel (really) underpaid? (i.e., you make about half as much as your Biglaw counterparts, but work comparable hours). And not just underpaid right now – but probably underpaid for the duration of your career.
I’m just nervous about transitioning because I have security with my current firm. The last thing I want is an extra $30,000 today, and unemployment tomorrow.
Dear No Mercy,
If you’ve ever been to Iceland, you probably noticed that there are no old people there. My personal theory is that they throw old people into tar pits like on The Dinosaurs. But if you ask any Icelanders where there hell everybody over 40 is, they’ll usually shrug or laugh or give some non-committal answer like “they‘re around,” mainly because they don’t actually know. Similarly, nobody knows for sure what happens seven years down the road to all the first years that started. Because even if you tally up all the farewell emails, a few of your co-workers will remain unaccounted for, in the tomb of the unknown lawyer…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
Dear Above the Law,
I’m a jobless 3L with waning hope (shocking). I want to practice patent law in some capacity, but I majored in mathematics and only gained patent bar eligibility through an 8 hour engineering exam last April. Apparently I’m not a hedonist these days. Anyway, by the time I got my passing results on the FE (Fundamentals of Engineering exam), the summer Chicago Patent Firm Festival application deadline had lapsed.
I’m now considering going back to school to get a master’s degree in mechanical engineering. Do you think it would injure my (non-existent) law career to take a couple years away from the law in order to educate myself further in eventual pursuit of patent aspirations?? (And to give myself a back up career, let’s be serious).
– Patently Nerdy
Dear Patently Nerdy,
I stared at the sentence “Apparently I’m not a hedonist these days,” wondering what that meant and if it was final confirmation that I had lost cognitive abilities after the concussion, but I concluded that that sentence makes no sense and that you were trying to say “I’m a glutton for punishment.”
Let’s move on, quickly…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Getting Schooled”
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com
ATL:
I am a 2L at Columbia and I am deciding amongst Cravath, Davis Polk, Debevoise (Elie should chime in now), Paul Weiss, and Sullivan & Cromwell.
I am getting married in December so I would love to work at a family-friendly firm. Like Elie, I’m a raging liberal, and I heard Paul Weiss seems to fit that bill. On the other hand, I want to be at a firm with plenty of lovely women. I am bi and my soon-to-be hubby doesn’t mind if I taste a woman’s sweet nectar. Plus I simply cannot live without a pair of supple breasts in my life. (My man is ripped so no manboobs for me.) I met many cute associates at Davis Polk too and I remember an ATL article that mentions the great number of hotties at DPW.
So many choices! Can you help me out?
– Paradox of Choice
Dear Paradox of Choice,
Nice try, but this question’s a flame because nobody uses the term “sweet nectar” unless they’re (1) referring to the drink Odysseus used to get the Cyclops drunk and poke his eye out, or (2) a copywriter at Cosmo. Nevertheless, we’ll answer it because it’s slim pickings around here this week, and it’s better than another snooze-alert “should I quit law school?” question. Of course you should quit law school. Don’t be ridiculous.
Let’s break down these firms…
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Family Friendly, Lesbian, Liberal – Is There a Firm for That?”
