Prisons

Lindsay Lohan

* Noah “Kai” Newkirk, the protestor who disrupted Supreme Court arguments in February, was sentenced to time served and barred from the court. Don’t worry, we’ll get you all the SCOTUS clerk news you need, cutie. [Associated Press]

* “There are still a lot of firms out there hoping the good old days are going to return, and are finally coming to the realization that that isn’t going to happen.” More on Biglaw layoffs. [Am Law Daily]

* Yet another law school gets its rating downgraded by Moody’s. As a standalone school with “substantial declines in JD enrollment,” Vermont Law’s outlook is now negative. Sad trombone. [Moody's]

* Jason Bohn, the heavily indebted law school grad once profiled by the New York Times, was convicted of murdering his girlfriend last month, and now he’s been sentenced to serve life in prison. [New York Post]

* “Is the Tax Code really 70,000 pages long?” No, not really. We wonder who started the rumor that it was so long, because in reality, it’s only about 2,600 pages long — which is still way, way too long. [Slate]

* It appears that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree with this celebrity family. Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina Lohan, pleaded guilty yesterday to drunken driving and speeding charges in New York. [CNN]

* Never text angry. A New York judge just put the kibosh on a man’s suit to secure the return of a $53,000 engagement ring from his jilted would-be wife because he sent an ill-advised angry text. [MyFoxNY]

* A German judge allegedly sold thousands of answers to law exams. When authorities closed in, the judge went on the run before being caught with “€30,000 in cash, a loaded pistol and… a 26-year-old Romanian woman.” Who knew bar exam answer keys were the new Blue Sky. [The Local]

* Here’s the 50 Most Comfortable Prisons in the World. Hopefully the judge above will land in JVA Fuhlsbuettel Prison. [Arrest Records]

* Judge lambasts the Bronx DA’s office after an ADA failed to reveal evidence that would have freed a man held at Rikers Island on bogus rape charges. Unfortunately, this isn’t surprising. [New York Daily News]

* Elie says stuff about bullying. [ATL Redline]

* “Kosher hot dog case presents a real constitutional pickle.” *Rim shot* [Reuters]

* Ever wonder how much it costs to open a solo practice? A new solo practitioner opens his financials. [Associate's Mind]

* Don’t call tuition cuts “bold.” [Law School Tuition Bubble]

* Here’s a 30 for 30 spoof about the history of gunners. Embedded after the jump… [TaxProf Blog]

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Chris Brown

Dare I say it, I am starting to feel bad for Chris Brown!   After breaking internal rules at his court-ordered rehab program (to treat his anger problem addiction), Chris Brown was kicked out of the program thereby violating the terms and conditions of probation.  He was hauled off by sheriff’s deputies to the county jail.  

His mea culpas in the rehab program? 1) Violating the rule that he must stay 2 feet away from female rehabers (he was seen touching a woman’s arm and elbow); 2) he left the facility for an unauthorized outing; and 3) he refused a drug test (which later came up negative) upon his return.  Really?  

Because Chris Brown touched a woman’s arm we now must use our tax dollars to incarcerate him in an over-crowded jail almost five years after he admitted to beating Rihanna (the offense for which he is on felony probation).  Chris Brown is just another example of how felony probation is much like herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.  It is much harder than it sounds to successfully complete felony probation…

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* Lawyer opts to wear orange prison scrubs for Lent. When you think about it, it makes a lot more sense than giving up chocolate when your religion is based on a death row inmate. [Waco Tribune]

* A profile of Bob Bennett. They compare him to Olivia Pope. Not sure about that… Bennett’s got bigger tits. [Washington Post]

* A Brooklyn lawyer reached out and grabbed his dream. Unfortunately, that dream involved the crotches of multiple unsuspecting women. [New York Post]

* George Zimmerman’s parents are suing Roseanne Barr, who apparently is still enough of a celebrity that people care to sue her. [IT-Lex]

* Married women can’t get divorced in Alabama. Look at the bright side, that means you can’t get a divorce lawyer who’ll bill you for sex. [Associated Press via WTOP]

* Play along at home with this handy tracker showing just how often the U.S. Chamber of Commerce prevails at the Supreme Court. It’s a long Supreme Court season, but based on the last couple years, the scoreboard might look disturbingly like the Super Bowl’s when all is said and done. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Hey, law schools! Looking for more students? It looks like a simple legal change can spike your applications. [Fox News]

* If you’re in D.C. next week, swing by the Race and Access to the Justice System symposium at Georgetown. [Georgetown Journal of Legal Ethics]

This week, Emad Abdullah Hassan, a Yemeni man held at Guantanamo Bay since 2002, renewed his legal effort to fight the policy of tube-feeding detainees on hunger strike in protest against their ongoing detention. Last month, the D.C. Circuit held that the federal courts have jurisdiction over cases where Gitmo detainees challenge the terms of their confinement, though the panel declined to enjoin the practice of forced feeding. (You can read the specific claims in Hassan’s case here.)

Nasogastric feeding, the method used with Gitmo hunger-strikers, is where medical staff deliver liquid nutrition directly to a patient’s stomach via a thin plastic tube inserted through the nose.

Critics call the forced feeding torture. Is it?

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* Upskirt photos not illegal in Massachusetts. The spirit of Kennedy lives on! [Mass Live]

* The investigation continues into whether Judge Mike Maggio, who might be the infamous Geauxjudge, suffers from a bad case of the Internet Crazies — but in the meantime, his campaign for the Court of Appeals took a hit. [Arkansas Times]

* Speaking of judicial ethics, Judge Kimberly Brown has been removed from the bench in Indiana. She’s only the third judge ever to be permanently removed from the job. [Indy Star]

* Wachtell Lipton partner Ricky Mason and his wife, Hoboken mayoral candidate Beth Mason, have been charged with several election-law violations. Uh-oh. [PolitickerNJ]

* Which state just ruled that you have a reasonable expectation of privacy in texting… even if you’re texting about a heroin deal? [IT-Lex]

* Dewey love the judge’s name in the Barclays suit over the dead firm’s debts? Yes. Because “Popplewell” is an awesome name. [The Lawyer]

* The data are in, and the top college grads have passed an all-important math test: they figured out law school is a bad deal. [Associate's Mind]

* Yet another Florida law school dean has stepped down. This is what happens when you take a job in a state full of retired people. [Daily Business Review]

* Obamacare has been credited — and bashed — for a lot, but are we underselling its role in reducing prison populations? [Sentencing Law and Policy]

You can take your analogy and shove it right up your [expletive], judge.

Kenneth Conley, a convicted bank robber, at his sentencing for having masterminded a daring escape from the Chicago MCC in 2012. Judge Gary Feinerman could only respond with a “thank you,” making this a rare “defendant-slap.”

The term “daring” is no understatement when it comes to this escape. Conley and his accomplice cut a hole in a concrete wall and then used a rope fashioned from bed sheets and dental floss to scale down the prison’s outer wall in the middle of the night.

(If you’d be scared scaling a two-story wall suspended only by dental floss, check out a picture of the wall they actually scaled down.)

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This is pretty archaic.

* Being a mass murderer wouldn’t be any fun if you couldn’t play video games. Also, let’s Upworthy this: Elie tells a story about himself dancing naked… you won’t believe what happens next. [ATL Redline]

* Ted Wells of Paul Weiss finally got off his duff and issued his report on the harassment situation in the Miami Dolphins locker room. [Deadspin]

* ♫Rubber Duckie, you’re the one, you make state legislative sessions drafting complicated statutes allowing gambling on racing you so much fun!♫ [Lowering the Bar]

* From the “dick moves” file, this guy put up a Craigslist ad pimping out his neighbor without her knowledge or consent. From the f**king idiot files, this guy had no idea how easy it would be for the authorities to track him down. [IT-Lex]

* Is the aggressive lateral partner recruitment strategy bringing results? [Adam Smith, Esq.]

* There’s pretty much nothing OK with the new gay segregation law in Kansas. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* The Virginia decision legalizing gay marriage made one slight misstatement. “Our Constitution declares that ‘all men’ are created equal.” Really? Does it now? [Josh Blackman's Blog; WSJ Law Blog]

* Intelligence Squared held a debate last night between Pentagon Papers whistleblower Daniel Ellsberg and the ACLU’s Ben Wizner against former prosecutor (not Weekend at Bernie’s star) Andrew McCarthy and former CIA Director R. James Woolsey on the question: Snowden Was Justified. The video is embedded after the jump…. [Intelligence Squared]

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Try me. Just. F’ing. Try me.

* GEEZER FIGHT!!! (Still not as good as the all-time classic embedded after the jump) [Lowering the Bar]

* Judge Boyce Martin apparently racked up nearly $140,000 in improper expenses. Now he’s gone from the Sixth Circuit. At least he finally has some time to travel. [Talking Points Memo]

* The University of Wisconsin got smacked with a lawsuit over its decision to get rid of student government because student governments are useless application padding for tools for no reason. I want this to go to trial just to hear everyone “Badger” the witness. UPDATE: So this is UW-Milwaukee so they’re technically the Panthers. I stand by the original joke because nothing will badger the witnesses more than reminding them that they didn’t have the grades to go to UW-Madison. [The Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Thomson Reuters Concourse is getting serious. They just added Drafting Assistant, Westlaw Doc & Form Builder, and WestlawNext Practitioner Insights to the platform and promise more on the way. At this rate, I’m expecting a big “WestPhone” & “WestPad” unveiling in a few weeks. [Legal Current]

* The story of the late Duke law student whose family was hounded by Sallie Mae for repayment may have come to a conclusion. [Think Progress]

* “You Don’t Have to be Jewish to Love a Kosher Prison Meal.” [New York Times]

* Some law students at the University of Utah Law School have created a humor journal. Here’s the latest issue. I wonder what current events issue law students in Utah are going to write about… [The ScoffLaw]

* Ed Kilgore of the Progressive Policy Institute weighed in on how Chris Christie’s BridgeGate stemmed, in part, from his experiences as a prosecutor and cited our article on the subject in the process. [Washington Monthly]

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“Hey, kids! Just keep clicking the ‘Mommy’s Credit Card’ button!”

* The feds say that Apple has agreed to pay “at least $32.5 million in refunds” to people who didn’t realize their children were racking up huge bills in FarmVille and the like. It’s good to see parents won’t actually have to pay for their absentee parenting. [Washington Post]

* It’s a good day for successful — kinda rapey — pop songs, as the family of Marvin Gaye decided that they “Got to Give It Up” and settled with Sony over alleged copyright infringement by the Robin Thicke song, Blurred Lines. [Rolling Stone]

* Apparently the Florida Bar Association took a look at the state of the judicial system and decided to screw it and start selling baking utensils. Or it was hacked. But probably they just gave up. [IT-Lex]

* Tailgating at the Yale-Harvard game is way more dangerous than I’d realized — a clutch of Yale frat bros (what is the proper collective noun for Elis) have been sued over an incident where a U-Haul loaded down with kegs struck and killed one person. [Jezebel]

* A hearing was cut short in New Orleans when an inmate arrived from the prison high as a kite on illicit drugs he procured in custody. Way to run a tight ship, New Orleans. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on them. After all, they just got their “inmates unintentionally set free due to clerical oversight” statistic back down to zero. [New Orleans Times-Picayune]

* A rundown of high-profile cases that turned on expert witnesses. Good to see that everyone’s favorite “affluenza” made the list. [The Expert Institute]

* Cable news has really botched their coverage of Little Sisters. For example, if you think Obamacare requires religious institutions to offer coverage for contraception, then you’ve been duped. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* To shake things up, let’s check out a defense of stop-and-frisk policies. If a society isn’t prepared to pay for police protection, it’s likely to find cops resorting to these sorts of short cuts. [Voice of San Diego]

* Musings on Staci’s recent piece on law firm client service and/or arrogance. [Law and More]

* A Little League coach is suing one of his players for $600,000. Something tells me a reboot of Bad News Bears would end exactly like this. Video of the story from local news channel KCRA embedded below…. [Deadspin]

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