Abigail: “I feel sorry for all those people laid off from O'Melveny, and Latham, and Orrick.”
Britanny: “YOU feel sorry for THEM? How about feeling sorry for ME! I’m joined for life to a bitch that won’t shut up about how sorry she feels for all the spoiled Ivy grads - who lost their silver spoon overpaid jobs that they never deserved in the first place, because they only billed 1600 hours - and half of that was padded time anyway . . . wah wah wah!”

1st

Abigail: “I can’t imagine what those people laid off from Cadwalader must be doing now.”
Britanny: “YOU’RE worrying about THEM? They have it easy compared to me! I can’t even fuck my boyfriend without you sneaking in there for some action from him. And not to mention when I have work to do and you feel like going on one of your little pot or ecstasy binges. And don’t get me started about your touching your private parts (our private part I guess) every time a hot guy walks by at the office. How am I supposed to focus?”

Abigail: “I feel sorry for all those people laid off from Arent Fox.”
Britanny: “YOU feel sorry for THEM? How about feeling sorry for ME! I’m joined for life to a bitch that won’t shut up about how sorry she feels for all the spoiled Ivy grads - who lost their silver spoon overpaid jobs that they never deserved in the first place, because they only billed 1600 hours and half of that was padded time anyway . . . wah wah wah!”

Abigail: “I got laid off from Bingham and now I don’t know what to do.”
Britanny: “YOU don’t know what to do? What about ME? I still work at Bingham, because I billed 2800 last year - and now I have to carry your unemployed ass around with me at the office 24/7 while you listen to your I-pod, play online card games and don’t do shit!”

Abigail: “I can’t imagine what those people asked to voluntarily leave Pillsbury must be feeling.”
Britanny: “YOU’RE worrying about THEM? They have it easy compared to me! I can’t even fuck my boyfriend without you sneaking in there for some action from him. And not to mention when I have work to do and you feel like going on one of your little pot or ecstasy binges. And don’t get me started about your touching our vagina every time a hot guy walks by at the office. How am I supposed to focus?”

Abigail: “I didn't understand a word that Elie wrote. How the fuck did he get this job?”
Britanny: “True that. What a friggin tool.”

Abigail: “If one of us becomes a law firm partner, can she lay off the other one?”
Britanny: “No problem. As soon as I make partner I’m cutting your lazy ass off. Once I get that corner office I’m putting you on doc review for 3 months, and telling you that you ‘need to improve’ and that you ‘might want to think about other options.’” Then, 90 days later, after you’ve had nothing but doc review, so no possible way to show improvement, I’m showing you what a real ‘severance’ looks like, sis. Believe me, it’ll hurt me more than it hurts you.”

Abigail: “If one of us becomes a law firm partner, can she lay off the other one?”
Britanny: “No problem. As soon as I make partner I’m cutting your lazy ass off. Once I get that corner office I’m putting you on doc review for 3 months, and telling you that you ‘need to improve’ and that you ‘might want to think about other options.’” Then, 90 days later, after you’ve had nothing but doc review, so no possible way to show improvement, I’m showing you what a real ‘severance’ looks like, sis. Believe me, it’ll hurt me more than it hurts you.”

Abigail: “I can’t imagine what those people laid off from Orrick must be feeling.”
Britanny: “YOU’RE worrying about THEM? They have it easy compared to me! I can’t even fuck my boyfriend without you sneaking in there for some action from him. And not to mention when I have work to do and you feel like going on one of your little pot or ecstasy binges. And don’t get me started about your touching our clit every time a hot guy walks by at the office. How am I supposed to focus?”

Abigail: “I can’t believe I got laid off this week because of the slow economy.”
Britanny: “You really think it was just because of the economy? Are you fucking kidding me? The firm was waiting to can your sorry ass for years, and they finally did it now because they don’t have as much document review monkey work to give out anymore. Gee, I hope that unemployment check is enough to cover your Captain Morgan habit, sis. Just please try to hold off on the booze till we get home from the office. I got frickin work to do! Oh, and have fun watching The Price is Right at noon today, you laid-off loser.”
Abigail: “It’s on at 11.”

[*Abigail and Brittany are conjoined twins. No offense to them is intended as to the comments made by this FICTIONAL character, created only for fun on ATL. Much respect and best wishes to the real Abigail and Brittany, who are strong, cool people!]

1st

Abigail: “I can’t believe I got laid off this week because of the slow economy.”
Britanny: “You really think it was just because of the economy? Are you fucking kidding me? The firm was waiting to can your sorry ass for years, and they finally did it now because they don’t have as much document review monkey work to give out anymore. Gee, I hope that unemployment check is enough to cover your Captain Morgan habit, sis. Just please try to hold off on the booze till we get home from the office. I got frickin work to do! Oh, and have fun watching The Price is Right at noon today, you laid-off loser.”
Abigail: “It’s on at 11.”

[*Abigail and Brittany are conjoined twins. No offense to them is intended as to the comments made by this FICTIONAL character, created only for fun on ATL. Much respect and best wishes to the real Abigail and Brittany, who are strong, cool people!]

Abigail: “I feel sorry for all those people laid off this week.”
Britanny: “YOU feel sorry for THEM? How about feeling sorry for ME! I’m joined for life to a bitch that won’t shut up about how sorry she feels for all the spoiled Ivy grads - who lost their silver spoon overpaid jobs that they never deserved in the first place, because they only billed 1600 hours and half of that was padded time anyway . . . wah wah wah!”