My unit has had a couple of investigations of Match.com end up in our sights. The company, based in Dallas, has a lot of disgruntled customers that claim to be defrauded. They probably were, for all I know. I didn't pursue prosecution because I don't really care, you know? What I do know is that I had a 2 1/2 hour lunch break today, because me and some of the guys went to Saladworks and got so engrossed in girl watching, that we forgot it was a weekday. Very low productivity today. I ordered a Jim salad with BBQ ranch dressing, btw, in case anyone was wondering.

Oh wow, some of you private sector guys must be fired up? Btw, I am playing with this chess set I am whittling from rosewood and maple. I am working on my black king, as we speak. I'm going to go into work tomorrow around 10. I have a guilty plea to put through at 9, but the District Judge hearing the case won't start till around 10. I'll probably grab lunch around 11:30, then, and head on home around 4, so I can get back to work on my chess set.

My unit has two volunteer interns this summer. They're great guys. Not a whole lot of work for them, though, because we don't like to rush things in my office. Cases get processed when they get processed, you know? I'll take these kids out to Saladworks or a little Chinese place close to the office some days. My treat, usually. They enjoy it. They are really enthusiastic when it comes to this chess set that I am whittling, recently. I bought a stock of rosewood and maple, and I am currently in the process of making my own chess set. The board size is 18", with 2 1/2" squares, and a King height of 4". It's coming along really well.

We don't worry too much about competition in my office, since we don't have any. But the economy is hitting us really hard. We have less SLIP interns this year than we did last year, and it's putting a lot of pressure on us when it comes to reviving old research briefs and drafting indictments for grand jury days. With only two interns in my unit this, I have to do a lot of this work myself. Sometimes cases don't get to a grand jury two years after their investigations ended. That's a long time, considering our goal is to process them in at least a year and a half. I miss leaving work at 3:30 in the afternoon to go home and play chess or read books about the Civil War. Now I don't get out of the office until 4:00. Crazy days, this time of ours.

I never had to bill an hour. If I did, I don't think I'd be able to afford the payments on my Dodge Stratus, and I love that car. Since the federal government has no competition, we have become really efficient in my office, and have evolved past the need for things like detailing the number of hours spent working on a case. It's because of this efficiency that I get to be home by 4:30, working on this chess set I am making from rosewood and maple. You see, I bought a stock of rosewood and maple, and I'm in the process of whittling myself a chess set, and fashioning a gorgeous chess board. It's beginning to really take shape, lately.

Us government lawyers very rarely get involuntary salary cuts. I think the reason for this is mostly that we're very efficient in the federal government. I had a conversation about this with an FBI agent friend of mine in the cafeteria this morning. We spent an entire hour just sitting there, talking about how the government gets a bad rap, but how we're really part of a go-get-em, take no prisoners machine of efficiency.

Incidentally, I was speaking with this Special Agent because he's been holding onto an investigation that was supposed to be on my desk about two months ago. He's waiting for a victim to fax him some financial information he needs before he can write up the report. He says he hasn't contact said fed victim in a few weeks, but this is evidence of the efficiency of the government. We want things to be thorough and done right.

The private sector could learn a lot from us.

I did not go to Harvard, so instead I went to Georgetown law. Real efficient school. Anyhow, congratulations to Dean Minow. I would love to come speak to one of Harvard's criminal procedure classes one day, if you'll have me, Ms. Minow. Just let me know.

Btw, is there a Saladworks in Cambridge?

15, nice to meet you, sir. I am an Assistant US Attorney. I work in an Economic Crimes Unit in regional office on the east coast. How may I help you? Do you play chess?

Our office is much more limited, for constitutional reasons, on the extent to which we can use affirmative action in the hiring process. I feel this contributes to the greater level of efficiency federal agencies exhibit over the private sector. To use an example, just the other day, I was was taking one of my 26 annual vacation days with an African-America colleague of mine, and he acknowledged that one of the reasons we're such a dynamic, get-things-done office, is because merit is more likely to be a contributing factor in our hiring practices than it is in a private sector unencumbered by the limits of the 14th Amendment.

This colleague of mine and I also discussed chess at length. He is quite a gifted chess player, with a ranking of 1940, to my 2023 ranking. I shared with him my project of fashioning a chess set out of rosewood and maple that I bought in bulk recently. He was overjoyed. Not the kind of efficient, yet interesting (and interested) people you come across in the private sector, I'd imagine.

There have been no layoffs recently at my office. And we were flooded this summer with SLIP applications from top tier schools, above and beyond what we usually experience.

As it happens, the hectic state around my office lately has put a serious damper on my free time to work on this chess set that I am crafting from scratch. Recently, I purchased a stock of beautiful rosewood and maple, and have, for some time now, been whittling myself a chess set and what I hope to be a striking 21" chess board.

The Securities Exchange Commission has law schools?

22, I was at Saladworks for lunch today, and I found myself humming the melody to Downeaster Alexa, while daydreaming about this rosewood and maple chess set I am currently in the process of constructing in my spare time. I, too, like Billy Joel. Great minds must think alike, huh?

I've always thought that I would make an excellent TV judge. I'm fair, judicious, photographic, and my wife's friends and my softball league all think that I have a sharp wit. Unfortunately, I suspect being a TV judge requires more work than I'm used to. I don't think I would be able to bear the loss of free time, and how my TV show would cut into my alone time whittling this rosewood and maple chess set that I've been making for some time now.