I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations.

This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.

You'll notice, I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, 'too soon' for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball's in their court.

I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.

I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

Reverse psychology is an awesome tool, I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you can make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Awesome blossom!

It's not like booze ever killed anyone.

I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.

Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

Seriously, who even uses monospaced Courier anymore?

"Usually, Detroit doesn't make the news unless something terrible is happening there."

Not true. Something terrible is always happening in Detroit.

Hey, who wants to look at my photos from Sandals Jamaica?!

I like big butts and I cannot lie.