Quote of the Day

‘Please remoooooove your hands from my udders!’

I wish I could take credit for the bill but I cannot.

– New Jersey Assemblyman Jack Ciattarelli (R-Somerset), commenting on an intern’s suggestion to pass a bill to ban bestiality in light of a previous cow molestation case. The bill was unanimously approved.

When you have 100+ cats, your house is their litter box.

I knew I was in the middle of an epidemic.

Jan Van Dusen, an attorney accused of animal abuse whose home, where she kept more than one hundred feral cats, was raided by Animal Control officers. She admitted in court that her house “smelled like feces,” and also smelled like urine, “but not that much.”

(The U.S. Tax Court previously allowed Van Dusen to deduct a small amount for her cat care expenses — but not the $12,000 she initially requested.)

[A] focus on profit undermines the differences between the practice of law being a profession rather than solely a business. It is easy to anticipate the assertion that we choose not to report aggregate annual average profit numbers because they are not as high as some other firms. But that assertion simply assumes that the way things have been done in the past is the way they should be done in the future.

– Global chief executive officer Elliott Portnoy and global chair Joe Andrew of Dentons, explaining in a letter to the American Lawyer the reasons why the firm will no longer report its average profits per equity partner.

(Dentons, a verein that recently merged with two firms, had PPP of $625,000 in 2013, which put the firm in 96th place on the Am Law 100 when ranked by PPP.)

‘Should I go to law school? Nah, I don’t want to be poor.’

Last year, there was such a substantial national decline [in law school applicants], and a lot of law school deans said, “It’s got to be the bottom of the market, right?” People assume there has to be an uptick, because there’ll be a recovery and students will see an opportunity to get into better schools. But then a year goes by and there’s an additional decline. I will say this: The preliminary data I’ve seen on the students who have taken the LSAT this year suggests that we’re not seeing a big recovery — let’s put it that way.

– Dean Daniel B. Rodriguez of Northwestern Law, in an interview where he discussed the problems that law schools face in the post-recession world.

This should be a no-brainer.

– President Barack Obama, who once profited from ridiculous tuition rates, after signing a memorandum expanding a program to cap student loan repayments at no more than 10 percent of what borrowers actually earn in the workplace. The President’s comment was directed at a related bill in Congress to allow student borrowers to refinance their loans at lower rates.

Petitioner’s brief, unfortunately, was laden with obscure acronyms notwithstanding the admonitions in our handbook (and on our website) to avoid uncommon acronyms. Since the brief was signed by a faculty member at Columbia Law School, that was rather dismaying both because of ignorance of our standards and because the practice constitutes lousy brief writing.

– Judge Laurence Silberman of the D.C. Circuit, condemning a brief for an abundance of acronyms.

(More information — including the identity of the offending professor, and the full opinion — after the jump.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Benchslap Of The Day: The D.C. Circuit Calls Out A Top Law School Professor”

There are lots of forms of purchase and exchange that we criminalize, for example, buying sex. We don’t say if someone wants to purchase the services of a prostitute, well that is just an expression of their speech.

– Professor Jamie Raskin of American Law dropping logic bombs all over Citizens United. Professor Raskin — who is also a politician himself — goes on to explain that the Supreme Court’s jurisprudence offers zero explanation why bribery is illegal but unlimited donations are not.

Look, if I’ve got to get your eyes to my penis to see the problems with the nation, then so be it.

I want a major TV network. I want [a] 90-second spot on a major network during prime time. Yes, if you were from CNN and you said Anderson Cooper will air you tonight, I would pack up my signs and leave. Mission accomplished.

Brian Zulberti, in comments made to a reporter for the Washington Post, a publication that wasn’t worthy enough for him to eat. Zulberti is on day three of his Supreme Court hunger strike to raise awareness of social media firings.

This is the future. You need to titillate both ends, if you catch my drift. Don’t put the economic imperative right in my face. It’s all about the je ne sais quoi.

– a 61-year-old derivatives lawyer from Manhattan, gushing about Bliss Bistro, an underground, invite-only strip club/brothel. The cover charge is $40, and it costs $200 for 20 minutes to rent a private area, plus whatever the women charge for their “services.” One woman recently charged $400 for oral sex.

Biglaw = big a-hole?

[T]he experience [of working at Cahill Gordon & Reindel] tested my ethical compass, and it coarsened my behavior. I was sometimes a jerk in dealing with my adversaries. I was sloppy in accounting for my time. I managed to care deeply about whether associates at the firm across the street were making a few dollars more. I did almost no pro bono work.

Don’t get me wrong. You get excellent training at big law firms. Many of the lawyers there do good and honorable work. But the big firms are built on a set of ethical tensions.

Adam Liptak, the Supreme Court correspondent of the New York Times, offering commentary on his time spent in Biglaw in an article written for the Harvard Crimson. Liptak worked at Cahill from 1988 to 1992.

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