Quote of the Day

[A] focus on profit undermines the differences between the practice of law being a profession rather than solely a business. It is easy to anticipate the assertion that we choose not to report aggregate annual average profit numbers because they are not as high as some other firms. But that assertion simply assumes that the way things have been done in the past is the way they should be done in the future.

– Global chief executive officer Elliott Portnoy and global chair Joe Andrew of Dentons, explaining in a letter to the American Lawyer the reasons why the firm will no longer report its average profits per equity partner.

(Dentons, a verein that recently merged with two firms, had PPP of $625,000 in 2013, which put the firm in 96th place on the Am Law 100 when ranked by PPP.)

‘Should I go to law school? Nah, I don’t want to be poor.’

Last year, there was such a substantial national decline [in law school applicants], and a lot of law school deans said, “It’s got to be the bottom of the market, right?” People assume there has to be an uptick, because there’ll be a recovery and students will see an opportunity to get into better schools. But then a year goes by and there’s an additional decline. I will say this: The preliminary data I’ve seen on the students who have taken the LSAT this year suggests that we’re not seeing a big recovery — let’s put it that way.

– Dean Daniel B. Rodriguez of Northwestern Law, in an interview where he discussed the problems that law schools face in the post-recession world.

This should be a no-brainer.

– President Barack Obama, who once profited from ridiculous tuition rates, after signing a memorandum expanding a program to cap student loan repayments at no more than 10 percent of what borrowers actually earn in the workplace. The President’s comment was directed at a related bill in Congress to allow student borrowers to refinance their loans at lower rates.

Petitioner’s brief, unfortunately, was laden with obscure acronyms notwithstanding the admonitions in our handbook (and on our website) to avoid uncommon acronyms. Since the brief was signed by a faculty member at Columbia Law School, that was rather dismaying both because of ignorance of our standards and because the practice constitutes lousy brief writing.

– Judge Laurence Silberman of the D.C. Circuit, condemning a brief for an abundance of acronyms.

(More information — including the identity of the offending professor, and the full opinion — after the jump.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Benchslap Of The Day: The D.C. Circuit Calls Out A Top Law School Professor”

There are lots of forms of purchase and exchange that we criminalize, for example, buying sex. We don’t say if someone wants to purchase the services of a prostitute, well that is just an expression of their speech.

– Professor Jamie Raskin of American Law dropping logic bombs all over Citizens United. Professor Raskin — who is also a politician himself — goes on to explain that the Supreme Court’s jurisprudence offers zero explanation why bribery is illegal but unlimited donations are not.

Look, if I’ve got to get your eyes to my penis to see the problems with the nation, then so be it.

I want a major TV network. I want [a] 90-second spot on a major network during prime time. Yes, if you were from CNN and you said Anderson Cooper will air you tonight, I would pack up my signs and leave. Mission accomplished.

Brian Zulberti, in comments made to a reporter for the Washington Post, a publication that wasn’t worthy enough for him to eat. Zulberti is on day three of his Supreme Court hunger strike to raise awareness of social media firings.

This is the future. You need to titillate both ends, if you catch my drift. Don’t put the economic imperative right in my face. It’s all about the je ne sais quoi.

– a 61-year-old derivatives lawyer from Manhattan, gushing about Bliss Bistro, an underground, invite-only strip club/brothel. The cover charge is $40, and it costs $200 for 20 minutes to rent a private area, plus whatever the women charge for their “services.” One woman recently charged $400 for oral sex.

Biglaw = big a-hole?

[T]he experience [of working at Cahill Gordon & Reindel] tested my ethical compass, and it coarsened my behavior. I was sometimes a jerk in dealing with my adversaries. I was sloppy in accounting for my time. I managed to care deeply about whether associates at the firm across the street were making a few dollars more. I did almost no pro bono work.

Don’t get me wrong. You get excellent training at big law firms. Many of the lawyers there do good and honorable work. But the big firms are built on a set of ethical tensions.

Adam Liptak, the Supreme Court correspondent of the New York Times, offering commentary on his time spent in Biglaw in an article written for the Harvard Crimson. Liptak worked at Cahill from 1988 to 1992.

For the people who are enamored with the idea of the tax revenue from this, go to Colorado and see if you want to live there. See if you want to live in a major city in Colorado where there are head shops popping up on every corner. And people flying into your airport just to get high. You know, to me, it’s just not the quality of life we want to have here in the state of New Jersey, and there’s no tax revenue that’s worth that.

– Governor Chris Christie, responding to the growing movement to legalize marijuana in New Jersey. Christie is actually suggesting that people would choose not to live in this place rather than America’s cesspool. If for no other reason, Colorado wins because they have fewer traffic problems.

I was in it to kill it. I want to replace lawyers with code.

Tim Hwang, quoted in Kashmir Hill’s piece in the June 16th issue of Forbes, discussing his stint at Davis Polk.

Tech guru Hwang secretly attended law school at Boalt Hall just to score his seven-month gig at Davis Polk, which he spent planning a computer program to replace first-year attorneys by automating tasks like document review (shhhh — don’t tell him about predictive coding or anything like that). Hwang plans to release the program to firms FOR FREE this summer. Look out Biglaw, you’re being forced down the same road Sterling Cooper did with its fancy IBM 360. Watch out for severed nipples!

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