* BREAKING: Law enforcement appears to have cornered Chris Dorner in Big Bear. Two injured in a shootout. [NBC News]
* Ranking the rankings? Who’s a bigger joke: National Jurist or Cooley? If only we had a ranking system for rankings. Hmm, that gives me an idea… [Brian Leiter’s Law School Reports]
* A 2009 Harvard Law grad and Proskauer associate Megha Parekh just took over as the General Counsel of the Jacksonville Jaguars. She’s a much better hire than Blaine Gabbert. [Big Cat Country]
* Looking for a clerkship in the present state of anarchy in the post-Clerkship Scramble world? This new website can help. [PrawfsBlawg]
* Call 911 for a sexy emergency! [Legal Juice]
* Papal resignation is a little more complex than you’d think. But what’s all this stuff about Benedict XVI having to “take the Black” and move somewhere called “The Wall?” [Volokh Conspiracy]
* When is a blogger a journalist? This question becomes pretty important when a state boasts a shield law for journalists. [Simple Justice]
* The profiled study here asks whether judges prefer plain language or legalese? Unfortunately, it doesn’t consider the fact that some judges prefer neither. [Associate’s Mind]
* After the jump, watch some video of what happened when hackers hit the Montana emergency alert system and said zombies were taking over….
It has long been the case in Hong Kong that most UK law firms and a very small minority of US law firms have three month notice periods for their US associates built into their employment contracts. […]
The Michigan judge who sent half-naked pictures of himself to a bailiff via text is now back in the news with some more scandalous (and sexy) allegations.
* Google asked Gregory Sidak and Judge Robert Bork to write a report on its antitrust investigations. [Criterion Economics]
* Megaupload founder Kim Dotcom just caught a tough break, courtesy of the government of… Gabon? [Threat Level / Wired]
* Marco Delgado, lawyer and former trustee of Carnegie Mellon University, is accused of laundering half a billion dollars for a Mexican drug cartel. [Post-Gazette]
* I’m very, very uninterested in getting tangled in racial debates after the election. But this stuff is messed up and scary. [Gawker]
* And this too. Ick. [Jezebel]
* Next time you plan a robbery, maybe plan on taking a nap before you reach the front door of your score. [Legal Juice]
* So you want to be the next top legal scholar? Step 1: find some better friends. [lawprofblawg]
* Clean your room! Otherwise you might not get into Harvard Law School. Seriously. [Greedy Associates / FindLaw]
* What’s the absolute worst-case bank-robbery scenario, from the robber’s perspective? The teller who says, “Oh hello, Ms Robinson. Would you like to make a deposit today?” [Consumerist]
* Apple unveiled a new mini-iSomethingOrOther today. I wonder who they’re gonna sue next? [Bits / New York Times]
* Back in the day, David beat Goliath with a slingshot. In modern times, underdogs use Twitter. [IT-Lex]
* I hated Moby Dick, but historical legal and literary documents are always cool. [Lowering the Bar]
* If you’re planning on attending a law school — or heck, law firm — Halloween party, here are some costume dos and don’ts. [Legal Blog Watch]
* Additional thoughts, from Professor Josh Blackman, on Judge Richard Posner’s awesome streak of book reviews. [Josh Blackman]
* Meanwhile, Professor Kyle Graham wonders: How would Judge Posner review Moby Dick, Fifty Shades of Grey, and other classic literature? Incredibly, that’s how. [noncuratlex]
* Apple responded to Samsung’s blame-the-jury appeal with knives out and guns blazing. [Ars Technica]
* This attempt at using a disguise to commit ID theft was so pathetic, I almost feel bad for the guy. And yes, there is a photo. [Lowering the Bar]
* A longtime Arby’s employee fled when a knife-wielding robber broke into the restaurant in the middle the night. And then Arby’s fired her. At least unemployment > dying alone in an Arby’s. [Consumerist]
* Models, runway shows, and confidentiality agreements, oh my! [Fashionista]
Sometimes, search engine optimization is not your friend. Say, for example, you upload video of your buddies assaulting someone in a grocery store, and YouTube automatically links it to the local police department’s page.
States consider legislation restricting workplace bullying. It might not be a bad idea….
The birthers are at it again, and they want to keep Obama’s name off the Kansas ballot.
A Miami public defender caused a mistrial and potentially scuttled her career by posting photos of a client’s underwear online.
* A few weeks back, we mentioned some legal lessons gleaned from Jay-Z’s 99 Problems. Turns out, you might not need law school to become a lawyer. Maybe all you need is a Spotify subscription and a good set of headphones. [FindLaw]
* Government security guard finds suspicious bag and stashes it under his desk, where it chills out for a couple of weeks. Oh yeah, I should probably mention — there was A BOMB in the bag. Nice work, Sherlock. [CNN]
* If you rat someone out, you might avoid prson. But in Illinois, if you end up in prison, don’t be surprised if you end up with a real rat as a cellmate. Maybe a roach too, if you get particularly unlucky. [WBEZ]
* Former Judge of the Day John Wulle, who yelled at a teenager in court and suggested the teen might be “stupid,” just lost his bid for reelection. I think the appropriate statement here is: Stupid is as stupid does. [The Columbian]
* I’m pretty sure everyone knows politicians are not exactly truthful all the time. But which politicians are the heavyweight “Liar, liar, pants on fire” champions? [Daily Dolt]
* This guy gets an A for imagination, but he fails the whole “How do you not realize that emergency dispatch will not send you a ride to go on a beer run, even if you call 911 nine times” test. [WCTI12]
* You know you’re addicted to cigarettes when you’ll smoke cigarettes that were hidden in a baby’s diaper. Then again, smoking already involves inhaling something covered in s**t. [Legal Juice]
* If you think tenants should get screwed because of a landlord who can’t pay his bills, you’re probably a horrible landlord. [The Consumerist]
* A 49-year-old attorney is charged with sexually assaulting a 24-year-old woman in her room at the Chicago W Hotel. Bad news Bears. Seriously, ugh. [Chicago Tribune]
* Just give me all the foreclosed homes you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was ‘give me a lot of foreclosed homes.’ What I said was: Give me all the foreclosed homes you have. Do you understand? [My Fox Detroit via Legal Blog Watch]
* Whoever produces public-service announcements forgot that not only are drugs bad but so is a propensity toward violent anger. One could argue the latter is more likely to land you in jail. Either way, hilarious. [Buzz Feed]