Rank Stupidity

Suing Millionaires for Fun and Profit: Practice Makes Perfect?

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Maximilia Cordero Maximilian Cordero Jeffrey Epstein Dealbreaker Above the Law blog.jpgMaximilian Cordero believes the second time is a charm — with respect to (1) a gender and (2) suing rich guys. From DealBreaker:

In the grand tradition of trying to turn the (real or imaginary) sexual assault you suffered at the hands of a creepy old guy into stocks and bonds, everyone knows you don’t start at the top of the food chain. You get a few starter suits under your belt first, THEN you go to the top. Got to walk before you can run, got to allege “he put his hand on my knee and I didn’t like it” before you allege “he jerked off into a towel while I stood there awkwardly, and I think there might’ve been a purple vibrator in there, too” (those are just for instances).

Maximilia Cordero small Jeffrey Epstein Dealbreaker Above the Law blog.JPGA few years ago, Maximilia née Maximilian Cordero filed a $10 million lawsuit that accused her former lawyer, Glen Gentile, of statutory rape and endangering the welfare of a minor 2002, when she was “under the age of 17” (representing Cordero was her new—at the time—boyfriend/attorney, William Unroch).

Unfortunately, the case got thrown out when the court informed Cordero (yes, it informed her) that in 2002, she was over the age of 17, and, actually almost 19. For her part, Cordero said that she was “shocked” to find out how old she was.

As Barbie (née Ken) might say, “Math is hard! (And so am I.)”
(You can read the complete post over at DealBreaker.)
Jeffrey Epstein Accuser Attempting To Get It Right Second Time Around [DealBreaker]
Earlier: Lawsuit of the Day: Cordero v. Epstein
Cordero v. Epstein: She’s a Man, Man!

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Renaming Boalt Hall: Please Cast Your Vote

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Boalt Hall UC Berkeley Law School Above the Law blog.jpgAs we mentioned last week, U.C. Berkeley’s Boalt Hall School of Law hired a brand consulting firm to come up with a new name for the school. The effort ended somewhat anticlimactically. Boalt paid $25,000 to Marshall Strategy Inc., which came up with this brilliant new moniker: “UC Berkeley School of Law.”
Oh well. But since we already took the time to read through hundreds of suggested new names for Boalt Hall, we’re going to conduct this reader poll anyway.
Cast your vote, after the jump.

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Lawyer of the Day: Peter Cannon

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warning internet fraud Above the Law blog.jpgJust like Justice Anthony Kennedy, Bankruptcy Judge Paul J. Kilburg (S.D. Iowa) does his own internet research. This is a lesson that Peter Cannon, Esq., learned the hard way.
From TaxProf Blog:

Mr. Peter Cannon, a West Des Moines, Iowa attorney, represented Defendant John Petit in an adversary proceeding initiated by Trustee to uncover assets of the Theodore Burghoff bankruptcy estate….

After reading both briefs filed by Mr. Cannon, and concluding that both contained an extraordinary amount of research, the Court directed Mr. Cannon to certify the author or authors of the two briefs. On December 22, 2006, Mr. Cannon certified that while he had prepared both briefs, he had “relied heavily” on an article written by others. The article upon which Mr. Cannon relied is Why Professionals Must Be Interested in “Disinterestedness” Under the Bankruptcy Code, May 2005, (“the Article”) by William H. Schrag and Mark C. Haut, two attorneys of the New York office of Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP. The Court located this article on the internet. Mr. Cannon fails to acknowledge or cite this article in either brief.

To be sure, our job involves heavy use of ctrl-C and ctrl-V. But what Mr. Cannon did — “seventeen of the nineteen total pages in the pre-hearing brief are verbatim excerpts from the Article” — went a bit far.
You can find out how much Mr. Cannon charged his client for this plagiarism, and what happened to him next, over here (TaxProf Blog) and here (Volokh Conspiracy).
Judge Orders Attorney to Take Professional Responsibility Course [TaxProf Blog]
Attorney Sanctioned for Plagiarizing Article in His Brief [Volokh Conspiracy]
In re Burghoff [U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of Iowa]

Nixon Peabody ThemeSongGate: A Linkwrap

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Nixon Peabody LLP horrible theme song Above the Law blog.jpgSadly, the humorless crew over at Nixon Peabody has had their fabulous law firm song — which, mind you, is NOT a theme song — pulled from YouTube. See here.
Even if it’s gone from YouTube, you can still access “Everyone’s A Winner” as a plain-vanilla MP3 file. Just click here. We incorporate by reference all of our prior commentary on the song.
This memorable tune will also live on in the blogosphere. Numerous fine websites and blogs picked up on the story of the Nixon Peabody song controversy. Here are a few links:
1. Law Firms, the Blogosphere, and Unexpected Attention [Volokh Conspiracy (Orin Kerr)]
2. That ridiculous Nixon Peabody “theme song” was for real [Daily Intelligencer / New York Magazine]
3. Wow. Big law is so lame. With a capital “L” [Legal Antics (Nicole Black)]
4. Nixon Peabody Throws Fantastic Tantrum: Threatens Blogger Over Leaked Song [Keeping Up With Jonas]
5. Blogger contends posting silly leaked law firm song is fair use [ZDNet (Denise Howell)]
6. Everyone’s a Winner (or, Friday Music Blog) [PrawfsBlawg (Liz Glazer)]
7. Sorry, but no one involved is a winner [IPTAblog (Andrew Raff)]
8. Best/Worst Law Firm Song. Ever. [the (non)billable hour (Matt Homann)]
9. OMG…The Worst Song Ever [Two Guitar Heroes and a Cat]
10. Everyone Is A Winner At Nixon Peabody [The Dish Daily]
11. Nobody Is Above the Law [Galley Slaves (Jonathan Last)]
If you know of a link that’s missing, feel free to email us, and we can add it. Thanks!
Update: Additional links:
12. Sure, your firm just gave you a $25k raise, but do you have a theme song? [Sophistic Miltonian Serbonian Blog]
13. Law Firm Going Crazy to Keep Its Corporate Song Off the Internet [The Startup Lawyer]
14. Law Firm Freaks Out That Ridiculous Corporate Song Leaked Out To Blogs [Techdirt]
15. Re. Nixon Peabody [YouTube (ChurchHatesTucker)]
Everyone’s A Winner at Nixon Peabody (mp3 file)
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of Nixon Peabody (scroll down)

Nixon Peabody ThemeSongGate: An Update

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Nixon Peabody LLP horrible theme song Above the Law blog.jpgOur most recent post about Nixon Peabody — which has a song, but NOT a theme song — is about to scroll off the ATL front page. And we couldn’t allow that, now could we?
So here’s an update. A few brief points:
1. Some of you have described a fabulous video that accompanied “Everyone’s A Winner at Nixon Peabody.” Sadly, we’ve never seen this video. If you have a copy, please send it to us.
2. We received the song, from multiple sources, as an MP3 file. It was being widely disseminated by email (“FW: FW: FW:”). As far as we know, it was not sent to us by a disgruntled ex-Winner (contrary to the quasi-paranoid speculation of NP brass).
3. As of now, the song remains on YouTube. It has been viewed almost 14,000 times and garnered several accolades, including #26 – Most Viewed (Entertainment) and #11 – Most Linked (Entertainment).
4. In case the song gets yanked from YouTube, you can now access it directly on ATL, as an MP3 file. Just click here. Enjoy!
5. Some of you have inquired into the identities of the NP representatives with whom we spoke yesterday. These individuals expressly asked not to be identified by name (quelle surprise), and we agreed to that request. But we can tell you that they were in-house reps, not external PR people. One is a firm spokesperson, and one works on the business side of the firm. As far as we know, neither is a lawyer.
We haven’t heard more from the firm since yesterday afternoon’s phone call. If we do hear from them again, rest assured that we will let you know.
Everyone’s A Winner at Nixon Peabody (mp3 file)

Nixon Peabody: This Is Not a Love Theme Song

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Nixon Peabody LLP horrible theme song Above the Law blog.jpgWe’ve been in touch with representatives of the Nixon Peabody law firm about the musical composition that we posted (mp3) and wrote about this morning. First they sent us a statement by email:

“This song was put together in celebration of Nixon Peabody’s Fortune 100 ‘Best Places to Work’ recognition. Nixon Peabody aims to be the best law firm to work with and the best law firm to work for. Fun is not prohibited here.”

Fair enough. But then we spoke with two firm spokespersons by telephone. They called us.

It wasn’t a very “[f]un” conversation. They weren’t happy campers. Even if they may be winners, since “everyone’s a winner at Nixon Peabody.”

this is not a pipe this is not a theme song Nixon Peabody NP Above the Law blog.jpgThey emphasized that the song was internal to the firm and is protected by copyright. They also insisted that it is NOT a “theme song” — in any way, shape or form.

They demanded to know who sent the song to us. We informed them that we don’t reveal our sources, unless served with a subpoena (and maybe not even then — a Judy Miller-style jail stint might be good publicity for ATL).

They asserted copyright over the song and asked us to take it down, from our site and from YouTube. We stated our view that posting and commenting on the song constitutes fair use. It also falls within our newsgathering mission as a media organization.

We explained that our site is all about law firms and the legal profession. They said: “We know what you’re about.”

They claimed the person who leaked this song is “in a fight” with Nixon Peabody, and menacingly stated that they (meaning NP) “don’t intend to let this thing lie.” We informed them that we have no desire to get involved in the firm’s purported dispute with this unnamed individual. And that’s where we left things.

More thoughts after the jump.

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Non-Sequiturs: 08.14.07

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Hillary Clinton cleavage breasts Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpg* Scott Moss wants to know: What’s the weakest legal argument you’ve ever heard? [PrawfsBlawg]
* William Birdthistle wants to know: What financial and legal regimes are most conducive to the development of French-fry-selling Thai restaurants? [Conglomerate]
* NBS wants to know: Is Hillary Clinton channeling Eva Peron? Bonus observation: “Dolly Madison had a decent rack, and now there’s a whole line of cookies names after her.” [Nasty, Brutish & Short]
* The WSJ Law Blog wants to know: Why are there so many darn lawyers in Roseland, New Jersey? [WSJ Law Blog]

Summer Associate Story, or Dumb Blonde Joke?

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No Standing Anytime No Standing Any Time No Parking Abovethelaw Above the Law Blog.jpgWe haven’t given this cute little anecdote the full X-Summers treatment, since it doesn’t involve scandal, and it doesn’t conclude with anyone getting fired or no-offered. But we pass it along in case some of you might find it entertaining.
From a source at Wiley Rein in Washington:

We have an excellent summer class with no scandals — although one [female summer associate] did ask if all these signs in D.C. saying “No parking or standing” meant that there had been a real problem with people standing around a lot beneath them.

After explaining the meaning, we then asked whether this had in fact impacted her behavior — i.e., whether she had wanted to stand somewhere but felt she couldn’t because of the sign. Indeed it had.

Per our standard policy, please do not name this individual (or speculate about her identity) in the comments. Thanks.

X-Summers: The Swiss Mister

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Swiss Miss Swiss Mister Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgThanks to everyone who has responded thus far to our call for summer associate stories. We’ve received a number of colorful anecdotes, which we’ll be publishing over the next few days (or weeks, if the supply holds up). If you have a story you’d like to share, please check out the submission guidelines.
We like this one ’cause it’s weird — not just your typical tale of SA inebriation, followed by a drunken hookup and/or fistfight. Check it out:
1. Superhero name: The Swiss Mister
2. Special power: The ability to consume massive quantities of hot chocolate.
3. Summered: Lord, Bissell & Brook, Chicago, “a few years ago”
4. Claim to fame: From a source at the firm:

at the firm, there are kitchens on every floor. the kitchens have various drinks for the people to have while working: coffee, tea, and hot cocoa.

there is a protocol — it’s not that hard. if you are thirsty, or cold, or just want something nice and caffeinated, you go there and get a drink. common sense, right?

well, on this guy’s floor, meeting services noticed that every night, the hot cocoa drawer was empty. they would refill it, and the next night it would be gone again. it was very bizarre… since the coffee and tea are more popular anyway, especially during the summer. the drawer is big. it holds a lot of packets of hot cocoa. but, every night… it was all gone.

it turns out this summer associate was stealing all of the hot cocoa. every day.

Read more — including how he was apprehended, and whether he got an offer — after the jump.

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The Bar Exam: If At First You Don’t Succeed…

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Paulina Brady bar exam well endowed Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgTry, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, and try again. And maybe the 14th time will be the charm!
For those of you freaking out over the bar exam next week, chillax. You will probably pass. If you don’t pass this time, surely you’ll pass the next time. Or the time after that.
You’ll be just fine — as long as your name isn’t “Paulina Bandy.” From the Orange County Register:

Paulina Bandy couldn’t fail the state bar exam again. Not after she failed 13 times before.

Some people complain that we’re elitist. So we apologize for asking: What the hell is UP with this woman?
(Is Paulina Bandy the child of a prominent politician? They seem to be jinxed when it comes to the bar exam.)
If you feel sorry for non-top-tier law school graduates who can’t land good jobs, just think — things could be worse. Much worse:

Paulina Bandy couldn’t fail the state bar exam again. Not after she had spent tens of thousands to attend law school. Not after she put her husband Jon Gomez through the ringer for so many years. Not after the debt she piled up forced her family to move into a 365-square-foot home.

Anywhere outside the island of Manhattan, that’s simply unacceptable.
More discussion, after the jump.

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How Not To Get Out of Jury Duty

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Twelve Angry Men 12 Angry Men Abovethelaw Above the Law online legal tabloid.jpgDon’t try this strategy, which didn’t turn out that well for one Daniel Ellis, of Cape Cod.
(Unless you want to get taken into custody. And face possible perjury charges.)
Jury duty excuse: I’m a racist, homophobic liar [AP via CNN.com]

Jose Padilla Rode the Short Bus to Terrorist Camp

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Jose Padilla Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpg
From the NYT Reporter’s Notebook on the Jose Padilla trial (previously linked to here):

Prosecutors have tried to prove Mr. Padilla’s guilt with a training camp application they say he filled out and wiretapped phone conversations in which he took part or was discussed. But they have no witnesses who saw Mr. Padilla fill out the form, and the phone recordings make him sound more troubled than malign. They suggest Mr. Padilla, a former gang member in Chicago and fast-food worker in South Florida, struggled to fit in and learn Arabic in Egypt, where he moved in 1998.

“Basically, he is a slow learner,” one of Mr. Padilla’s associates told another in 1999, five months after he arrived in Cairo. “Basically, he doesn’t want to speak. I mean, the man doesn’t … doesn’t move.”

There’s a difference between incompetence and complacency. Nevertheless, Padilla’s inefficacy puts us in mind of this great Onion article.
Mysteries, Legal and Sartorial, at Padilla Trial [New York Times]
After 5 Years In U.S., Terrorist Cell Too Complacent To Carry Out Attack [The Onion]