Rap

Last week, we mentioned in Non-Sequiturs that the results for the November administration of the MPRE had been released. While most were elated with their scores, others had a serious case of the WTFs (i.e., “WTF, how did I fail this stupid multiple-choice test?!”). If you’re a member of the latter camp, you might be wondering what you can do to get a passing score for your state.

Worry not, law students, because we’ve got a solution for you. Enter the People of Channel 38 — three recent law school graduates who will school you on all things related to legal ethics in musical form. With their help, maybe you’ll pass the test next time. The fifth time is the charm, right?

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Here at Above the Law, we sometimes write about career alternatives for attorneys. But what about attorneys who are living double lives in seemingly conflicting professions — attorneys like Alisha Smith, district attorney-cum-dominatrix extraordinaire?

Today, we bring you a story about an attorney coming straight outta Compton Knoxville.

Enter Lawyer Mike, a man who claims to be the “only rapping lawyer on the planet.” Lawyer Mike rolls hard. Can’t you tell from the picture?

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It’s the end of October, and you know what that means: law school finals are lurking. As law students begin to hunker down and make sweet, sweet love to their outlines and flashcards, others are busy thinking up more clever ways to study the same materials.

Visual learners think that drawing pictures will help them cram especially boring law into their brains, but those in the auditory learning crowd know better. And that’s why one law student is writing rap songs about the most boring law of all, Sarbanes-Oxley….

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In need of legal representation.

* People seriously need to stop complaining about alternative careers for attorneys. Having a JD can lead to a fulfilling career outside of the law, assuming you can make partner at Cravath first. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Due to a decline in filing fees on the killing of the American dream, the Florida court system had to take out a $45.6M loan. It’s kind of like they have their own unpayable mortgage now. Gotta love karma. [Miami Herald]

* The ABA Journal really wants to know how hard it is for recent law school graduates to find a job. Maybe if we flood them with responses, the ABA will give a sh*t. Ugh, I’m way too optimistic. [ABA Journal]

* If you’re willing to move to Iowa, here’s a niche practice alert for you: stripper law. Who thought that you could find work in limiting boob exposure? And why would you want to? [Des Moines Register]

* We all know Michael Jackson was bad, but was he bad enough to drink his propofol straight up? Conrad Murray’s defense team may have changed its tune. [CNN]

* Did a judge seriously think he could arraign someone with close ties to the Wu? He’s lucky True Master didn’t let the killa bees out on his ass. [DNAinfo]

This doctor has a real hands-on approach.

* An EEOC lawsuit claims that white workers were fired for being muy perezoso, and Hispanic workers were hired instead. Well, that’s a reverse stereotype if I’ve ever heard one before. [Businessweek]

* Guns only have two enemies: rust and liberals. And apparently there are a lot of liberals in the nation’s capital, because the D.C. Circuit upheld a ban on assault weapons. [Blog of Legal Times]

* Occupy Wall Street protesters have sued, demanding that their arrests be deemed unconstitutional. Right there! That’s the bank! That’s the bank that took my freedom! [Bloomberg]

* Tone Lōc should’ve followed his own advice. You don’t play around with the funky, cold medina. He was sentenced this week for domestic violence and weapons charges. [Burbank Leader]

* Thinking of posting before and after boob job pics on your website with the patients’ names listed? Picture a Baywatch-style slomo of women running to their lawyers. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Don't 'defamate' me because I'm beautiful.

* With four states sounding their emergency alarms, will this weekend’s hurricane be the next natural disaster to rain on the legal world’s parade? [Los Angeles Times]

* Should we deregulate the practice of law? Do you want someone like me to be an actual lawyer? Easiest debate ever. I should’ve been on moot court. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Even if Justice David Prosser needed to choke a bitch, he’s not going to face criminal charges over it. That’s one way to address workplace safety. [Bloomberg]

* Want a Biglaw job? There’s an app for that! Don’t say Skadden never gave you anything for free (sorry, but the pizza doesn’t count). [DealBook / New York Times]

* Man, it must be nice to have so much money that you can talk bribe kids into skipping out on college. Are all Stanford Law grads so generous? [Reuters]

* Rapper Pitbull was shocked when he found out that Lindsay Lohan was suing him. See that suit and tie? He’s an upstanding gentleman. He’d never “defamate” a soul. [Houston Chronicle]

For sale. Contact me for details.

* What kind of a lawyer can’t spot a Nigerian scammer before being bilked out of millions? If you fell for that, please hit me up. I have a bridge I’d like to sell you. [Washington Post]

* Will Juliette Youngblood, the self-proclaimed “luckiest girl in the world,” still feel the same way if her claims against Irell & Manella and Morgan Chu are sent to binding arbitration? [Am Law Daily]

* The Game may face charges over an alleged tweet that prevented police from responding to five emergency calls in two hours. Only five? I guess that’s what happens when you’re straight outta Compton, where snitches get stitches. [CNN]

* With Senator Kevin de León hoping to regulate the use of fitted and flat hotel sheets, one thing’s for sure. California isn’t becoming a nanny state. It’s becoming a maid state. [Los Angeles Times]

* You know Chris Stewart has had one too many concussions when he’s still talking about finishing law school after his NFL career is over. [Wall Street Journal]

* I might be a bad little Jew for saying this, but matzoh isn’t worth $9.9B. It’s like eating cardboard. If you want special prison food, at least sue for something that tastes good. [New York Daily News]

Tupac Shakur

Back when things were real, musicians didn’t get hurt jet skiing. They got shot. And if realness can be measured in bullet wounds, nobody was as real as rapper extraordinare and do-rag styling visionary Tupac Shakur, who was shot five times in 1994 and then again, fatally, in 1996.  None of the gunmen from either shooting have been identified. Until now.

On Wednesday, permanent resident of federal prison Dexter Isaac confessed to Tupac’s non-fatal 1994 shooting. In his confession, Isaac claims that Suge Knight-like music exec James “Henchman” Rosemond hired Isaac to commit the crime:

In 1994, James Rosemond hired me to rob 2Pac Shakur at the Quad Studio. He gave me $2,500, plus all the jewelry I took, except for one ring, which he wanted for himself. It was the biggest of the two diamond rings that we took. He said he wanted to put the stone in a new setting for his girlfriend at the time, Cynthia Ried. I still have as proof the chain that we took that night in the robbery.

If $2,500 seems low to you, you need to adjust for inflation ($3,765 in today’s dollars). In any event, why is Isaac ratting out Henchman after all these years, after the statute of limitations has run? Henchman, an FBI fugitive wanted for drug charges, recently told the press that Isaac was cooperating with authorities to build a case against him. In order to protect his good name and prove that he is under no circumstances a rat, convicted murderer Isaac is working closely with federal investigators to bring down Henchman. No word on whether Carmen Sandiego is on the case…

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Chris Webby

If you enjoy the fact that a company called PeerViews apparently claims ownership of the term “Small Law,” you’re going to love this latest piece of IP ridiculousness.

Rapper Chris Webby has sent a cease and desist order to the Webby Awards. He wants them to stop using the hashtag, #webby.

I’m pretty sure that trademarking hashtags is one of the prerequisites for the Rapture.

And yes, of course Chris Webby made a video about his legal complaint…

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Willie Nelson

* In Louisiana, girls must wear traditional dresses to the prom. Another tradition for girls in Louisiana is to marry your brother. Maybe traditions aren’t that great. [Daily Comet]

* Double bagging it: not just for skanky girls and groceries. A lawyer divulges the details of his love affair with plastic bags. [Wall Street Journal]

* Willie Nelson, it’s time to lip sync… for your life! The famous pot connoisseur will sing between tokes to avoid a jail sentence. [Daily Mail]

* If Eminem had one wish, he’d ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss. Time to pucker up, record labels. [New York Times]

* Facebook Places is finally useful for something. Mark Zuckerberg: Told ya, Ceglia. – at Palo Alto, California with Domicile. [Reuters]

* Sean Penn finds himself wondering if time spent with Lindsay Lohan will count toward his community service requirement. [New York Post]

* Harvard lawyers, you so TTT. You can’t include your dog’s vet bill as an exhibit in a foreclosure case just because you’re covered in ivy. [Blog of Legal Times]

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