Ridiculousness

Above The Law’s Top Ten Most Popular Stories of 2009

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Happy new year 2009.jpgWe thought about trying to curate a list of the most important legal stories of 2009. But then the National Law Journal upped the ante with the Biggest Stories of the Decade.

Rather than telling you what was most important, we’re enlisting Google Analytics to tell you what was most popular at Above The Law this year, based on pageviews and traffic. After AboveTheLaw.com itself, the most clicked ATL url was our Layoffs tag, reflecting one of the most important ongoing stories here this year.

Hopefully, that’s not the case in 2010.

So what were the most popular posts at ATL in 2009?

10. Now this is a cover letter: ‘Unemployed J.D. Candidate’ sent his resume and transcript to Bingham McCutchen, as well as a cover letter compiling the praise he has received from other top firms in their rejection letters. Points for creativity, but Bingham wasn’t impressed enough to hire him.

The rest of the top ten, after the jump.

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The Five Best Motions of the Year

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motion to compel.jpgWe’re not in the business of filing pleadings at Above the Law, but there were five motions in 2009 that were outrageous enough to justify posting here.
We’re not sure how the judges felt about these, but we were moved:
5. Motion to Compel State’s Attorney to Drop His Accent: Being a New Yorker in a Texas court is rough, but being a British prosecutor might be worse. This motion is at the bottom of our list because it was not actually filed. It just made the rounds via Internet thanks to this bloke.
The rest of the motions on our list were actually filed though. Unbelievably.

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New ABC Show About Biglaw

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As some of you know, I like television shows about lawyers. Granted, I liked them a lot better before I knew they were full of crap, but I still like them.
But not like this. This, my friends, is going to suck.

Some complaints after the jump.

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Northwestern SBA Stays Silent, Others Plan Coup

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northwestern law school.gifOn Friday, we told you that the Northwestern Law School Student Bar Association wanted people to watch their language come exam time. In a letter to all students, the SBA told the student body about the kind of language that would not be tolerated:

Therefore, to be clear, saying things like “that’s so gay”, “that exam raped me”, or any racial or sexual epithet, are inappropriate and unacceptable. Accordingly, we ask that every student be cognizant of the critical role you play in maintaining NUSL’s vibrant diverse, collegial and supportive student culture and refrain from using such language.

The response to the SBA’s email has been overwhelming. Over the weekend, Above the Law readers offered every version of “This [protected class] exam [violated me sexually] in my [orifice of choice]” known to man. If the SBA’s letter was meant to inspire civility and tolerance, it was an epic fail.

Which Northwestern SBA members have taken responsibility for the letter? Which students want to stand by the opinions the board disseminated school-wide?

So far, none of the Northwestern SBA members claim responsibility for the message. In fact, finding a Northwestern student representative is more difficult than finding a job in this depressed economy. Above the Law reached out to the SBA president, but he has not responded to our request for comment.

It’s a bit surprising that after so publicly asking the student body to keep it clean, the SBA is suddenly keeping very quiet. Shouldn’t they use this as an opportunity to disseminate their message to a larger audience?

Others at Northwestern are talking, however. And tipsters tell us that this isn’t the first time that the current SBA has sent around a plea for civility in speech. Details after the jump.

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Legal Secretary of the Day: Pepsi’s $1.26 Billion Mistake

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aquafina hurt pepsi co billion.jpgFaithful Coca-Cola drinkers can laugh about this one. PepsiCo is having a rough month, reports the National Law Journal. PepsiCo’s purified water brand, Aquafina, has cost it a pretty penny.
Charles Joyce and James Voigt of Wisconsin sued PepsiCo earlier this year for stealing their idea of bottling and selling purified water. They claim that they had confidential discussions with distributors about the idea in 1981 and that the distributors passed those trade secrets along to Pepsi. It sounds like a bit of a ridiculous lawsuit; PepsiCo calls their accusations “dubious.”
But the Wisconsin men won. They won big. They won $1.26 billion dollars.
How did they win? By default judgment. PepsiCo’s lawyers never responded to the complaint, and the judge awarded the Wisconsin plaintiffs a default judgment.
Why did the Pepsi people never respond? Meet PepsiCo legal secretary, Kathy Henry.

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Columbia Law School Now Charges For Plastic Forks

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columbia law school logo.jpgTuition at Columbia Law School this year is $48,004 (which doesn’t include $1,638 for health insurance and a $95 “transcript fee”). The estimated living cost for an academic year is $21,263. Putting it all together, students are looking at more than $70,000 for a year of legal education, during the worst recession in the legal industry most people can remember.
You’d think all of that would at least buy you a plastic fork at lunchtime. But you’d be wrong. Tipsters report that Columbia is now charging $.15 for plasticware in the law school cafeteria.
I’ve been doing this job for over a year now, and in that time some pretty petty cutbacks have scrawled across my inbox. But this might be the most outrageous “reverse perk” of all.
Let’s take a stroll through some other recession cutbacks.

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Virginia Board of Bar Examiners Threatens Retaliatory Action Against Eager Test Takers

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Virginia Board of Law Examiners logo.JPGIs there something about living in Virginia that gives people an exaggerated sense of self-importance? First, the Lile Moot Court Board at UVA Law appointed itself the résumé police. Now we’re finding out that the Virginia Board of Bar Examiners is drunk with its own power in anticipation of Friday’s release of the July Bar Exam results. Check out this message on the VBBE website:

As a service to Virginia Bar applicants, the Board of Bar Examiners posts the results from the most recent Bar Examination.

This office is working hard on the July 2009 Bar Examination results. Provided no one calls to inquire about the results, we anticipate the results will be posted Friday, October 16, 2009.

A “service”? Isn’t it their job to post bar results? Since when did doing your job quickly and efficiently become a favor?
Meanwhile, why is VBBE threatening to delay the results for everybody if one person simply inquires about the exam? I imagine it’s annoying to have lots of people call in requesting their scores, but why the threats? Threats, especially really petty ones, are bad. Why is this so hard for people in Virginia to understand?
Here’s my advice to the VBBE: post the scores, don’t answer your phone, and then congratulate yourself with a nice bottle of champagne for successfully operating the scantron machine yet again.
Earlier: UVA 3Ls Threaten to Eat Their Young

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‘Holier’ Than Thou: Motion to Compel Defense Counsel to Wear Appropriate Shoes at Trial

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old shoes.jpgOur colleagues over at sister site Fashionista aren’t alone. Lawyers also get worked up over shoes.
Some, like former Enron prosecutor Kathryn Ruemmler, show up to court in four-inch pink stiletto spikes. Others hate on commuter shoes and Crocs. Attorneys have strong opinions about attire, and that extends to footwear.
So we can’t say we’re completely surprised by a motion recently filed by plaintiffs’ counsel in the case of Lenkersdorf v. Sorrentino, now pending in Florida state court.
Motion to Compel Defense Counsel to Wear Appropriate Shoes at Trial — we kid you not — after the jump.

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Somebody’s Hiring

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One of the best things about getting a law degree is that you can really help people. People in need who are being railroaded by the system. People in power who are creating jobs for the economy. And occasionally, people suffering from perma-drunk on craigslist.

WANTED FRESH BARRED VA ATTORNEY

just graduated college and I was charged with a bull **** drunk in public and vandalism charge in the City of Fairfax.

…

What I need is an attorney to come with me on my court date Aug 27 to try to talk to the prosecutor and have him drop the charge or lessen it, since this is the first time I have ever been charged with anything and I have paid back the person and there was no way to prove I was legally drunk since I was not tested.

…

I am looking for fresh attorneys or recently barred attorneys.

I’d make a joke but I am so terrified of getting “barred.”

Ad reprinted in full after the jump

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Breaking: Judge Halverson Passes Out; Hearing Postponed

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Elizabeth Halverson small Judge Elizabeth Halverson Liz Halverson Above the Law blog.JPGThis just in, from a West Coast tipster who has been following L’Affaire Halverson obsessively:

Halverson passes out at hearing; adjourned due to medical reasons. Based on live observations…

Update: More details from the AP:

A disciplinary hearing for a suspended Nevada state judge has been postponed, after she reported she felt ill.

The Nevada Commission on Judicial Discipline suspended the hearing in its fifth day after Clark County District Court Judge Elizabeth Halverson’s lawyer said the diabetic judge experienced a hypoglycemic, or low blood sugar, episode.

The hearing is due to resume next Thursday and Friday in Las Vegas.

Further Update: More from our Halverson-obsessed tipster, after the jump.

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