Romance and Dating

Want to see what it looks like when a fourth-year Weil Gotshal associate plans to marry a family law practitioner from a small firm? It looks like it’s going to rival the epic display of elegance and class that is the upcoming Kimye wedding.

Please save the date for the “Boss Wedding,” which is what they’re calling this dignified affair…

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Lawyer: They’re either in it for justice, in which case they are poor, or they are in it for money, in which case they are mildly sociopathic. Choose wisely.

Chelsea Fagan of Thought Catalog, chronicling 25 professions and what it’s like to date someone who’s working in one of them. If you’ve ever dated a lawyer, you know this statement is demonstrably true in most cases.

Glenn Close as Alex Forrest: she’s not going to be ignored.

One of the biggest Biglaw stories of 2014 so far has been the lawsuit filed by Angela Kovalesky against her ex-boyfriend, New York lawyer Samir Tabar. The beautiful blond Kovalesky alleged that Tabar physically abused her, threatened her with a knife, and stalked her — by dropping a dog tracker into her purse, among other things.

These allegations didn’t sit well with Tabar’s employer, Schulte Roth & Zabel. Not long after the filing of Kovalesky’s salacious suit, SRZ terminated Tabar’s employment. His impeccable pedigree — Oxford, Columbia Law, and Skadden Arps, plus some time in finance — couldn’t save him from the ax.

But what if turned out that the allegations were fabrications? What if it turned out that Kovalesky, not Tabar, was the actual abuser? What if it turned out that Kovalesky was, well, a psycho ex-girlfriend — about as sane as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction?

This is, in a nutshell, what Tabar alleges, in his answer and counterclaims in Kovalesky v. Tabar. And it’s what his new gorgeous girlfriend — actually, his fiancée — also asserts, in her own lawsuit against Angela Kovalesky….

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Yesterday, one of America’s most famous lawyers died. The repulsive apotheosis of homophobia, Fred Phelps, slithered off his mortal coil surrounded by the physical sensation of hatred and utterly alone… if his own brand of brimstone karmic retribution carries with it even a shred of truth. At any rate, old Fred was a lawyer back in his day. Back in the 70s, he was disbarred for calling a witness a “slut.” Sex is difficult and bewildering for some people.

As a youngster growing up in Kansas, I was familiar with Freddy’s wacky brand of hatred. I think I first encountered him protesting a Pat Robertson speech when I was in high school. Très dada, the 16-year-old me whispered to no one in particular. And so it was that I began to notice Fred Phelps, long before his military funeral protests and his national fame. In college at the University of Kansas, I encountered dozens of his protests. To a homophobe like Fred, Lawrence, Kansas, was Sodom itself. A den of iniquity quite pleased with itself, thank you. And so it was jarring when we all noticed Fred’s choice of attire to keep himself warm during those gross, cretinous, mid-January protests. A KU jacket.

With March Madness upon us and basketball open on another tab of the browser I’m typing on, I say unto you… Rock chalk Jayhawk, let’s talk sports…

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Kevin Trudeau

* “How many years would you put a TV pitchman in jail? 3 years? 5 years? Don’t answer yet…” [Sentencing Law and Policy]

* So there’s a sex tape of Chris Christie. Except it isn’t him. They should have known Christie could never be a porn star. You can’t get far in the porn biz by saying, “This lane is closed.” [Gawker]

* Dolt Duped By Date Sues OKCupid. [NY Post]

* Patents are a terrible measure of innovation. Hold on, I defy you to besmirch the Anti-Drowning Hat. [Concurring Opinions]

* Wage theft in fast food shouldn’t come as a surprise, but the role played by the franchise model in creating labor law violations is intriguing. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* A gathering of business development tips, including shout outs to Anonymous Partner and Mark Herrmann. [Corporette]

* What better qualification to challenge for the Vegas DA’s job than to be prosecuted by that office days before the election? [Las Vegas Law Blog]

* A Baltimore lawyer aggressively used the habeas process to release mentally ill girls to serve as personal slaves to the wealthy. [Slate]

* Weil’s Business Finance & Restructuring team is putting together a March Madness bracket based on quotes from bankruptcy decisions. Let the excitement wash over you. Having not seen the bracket yet, I’m reserving judgment on what an awesome array of bankruptcy quotes would look like. [Bankruptcy Blog]

* Kevin O’Keefe, who presented on my panel at our Attorney@Blog conference, left all of us touched with his tribute to Above the Law. [Real Lawyers Have Blogs]

The ABA Journal asks a holiday appropriate question this week: “Are you still with your law school sweetheart?”

I find the term “law school sweetheart” to be gross and vaguely unnatural. You don’t have “sweethearts” in law school. You have people who will bang you when you come back from the library wearing sweatpants, people who will save you a slice of pizza because you always forget to eat while at your clinic, and people you can sleep with after exams are over who won’t mind that you actually just want to sleep.

(And people who will give you hand jobs at school. Or maybe even more, as long as you ask nicely.)

But really, the question presented isn’t about the sad, “I’m too busy to put on heels to get laid” settlement negotiations that mark the start of most law school relationships. Instead, they’re asking whether these couplings have any legs once people get out into the real world….

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Well, it’s mid-February. You know what that means. It’s not just the sure-to-be-awkward ATL Valentine’s Day mixer. Stores are crammed with mid-level chocolate, Made-in-China teddy bears, and overpriced flowers. That can only mean one thing. Love, like the wintery mix the east coast is expecting, is in the air. This phenomena is so universal that even folks locked in a document review space for 60 hours a week are not immune.

In fact, it is even more prevalent in the isolated spaces of document review….

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If you work for a white-shoe firm, don’t let your messy personal life make scuff marks on your fancy footwear. For example, if you were to decide to stalk your ex-girlfriend, then you’d need to keep it on the down low. You can’t just toss a dog tracker into her purse, take creepy pictures of her while she sleeps, get sued for $4 million, and expect the resulting lawsuit to get ignored by the tabloids.

These are just some of the allegations lodged against an Ivy League associate who hails from a successful Am Law 100 firm. You’ve got to see the rest of his ex-girlfriend’s claims to believe them….

Please note the UPDATES to this post, found below.

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Lawyers may not lead the most luxurious of lifestyles, but if you’re single and looking, it’s still a profession that will make prospective dates ooh and aah. Most people in the average dating pool think being a lawyer is a road to riches, thus making these eligible bachelors even more appealing.

One non-profit organization decided to take advantage of this allure, and is holding a man auction the week before Valentine’s Day. The event will feature about 50 professional men, and 10 of them are lawyers — very handsome lawyers. The bidding opens at $75, and we bet that some of these lucky gents will be sold for well beyond their hourly billing fees.

So who is the most prestigious piece of lawyerly man meat?

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Let’s play the game where we spot unenforceable contractual clauses and laugh at people who are afraid of modernity.

Actually, let’s play the game where we marvel at how good it must be to be a university president, even at a small school that most people have never heard of. Then we can imagine all the personal freedoms we’d willingly give up if we could in order to have such a life. Because I can think of a number of unmarried women who would cede control of their bedroom to the state in order to have such a sweet job….

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