Romance and Dating

This girl will cut you and/or f*ck you.

Now that Memorial Day weekend has come and gone, summer is here. Law students like to hold grudges, though, so we’re still hearing about insane tales from the law school finals period.

Law students can be ultra competitive, and they become even more so during exam time. You may have heard stories about law students ripping pages from much needed books to prevent their classmates from getting ahead. You may have heard stories about law students deleting pages of outlines from their classmates’ laptops to ensure their own success on the grading curve.

But we’re pretty sure you’ve never heard about sexy law school retribution before….

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Ladies, you’re very busy. Billable hours come first, and you have no social life to speak of. If only there were a service that would allow you to rent some male companionship for less than your hourly rate.

Don’t worry, because one of your former colleagues out in the trenches has got your back. She started a business to bring lonely women “handsome, smart, and talented men on demand” — it’s like Seamless, but with a penis.

Who is this wonderful woman and which Biglaw firm does she hail from?

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Either you are the type of person who looks at young people in love and thinks “aww… cute,” or you are the type of person who wants to punch those young people in the face.

I’m the latter. One time I was momentarily blocked from exiting the 6 train by two people sharing one set of headphones as they made googly-eyes to each other. The damn cord was right across the exit as the doors opened. I waited a beat, walked right through the cord, ripping the earbuds out of their ears and causing the iPod to fall. The guy didn’t even curse me out, he just rushed over to his girlfriend to make sure she was alright, as if the earbud could have caused permanent damage to her cochlea on the way out. JESUS, I HATED THOSE PEOPLE.

Anyway, if you are the former type of person, you should probably stop reading now. I’m going to smash some earbuds….

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Like a recent law grad could afford this.

What’s the most exciting stunt you could pull off before receiving your law school diploma? If you guessed “a backflip,” someone’s been there, and done that. This 2013 grad from Baylor Law has got you beat. If your next best guess was “propose to your girlfriend in front of hundreds of people,” then nice job, you win.

When this soon-to-be graduate found out his longtime girlfriend, who graduated from law school last year, would be participating in his hooding ceremony, he knew he had to step up his game. He wanted his girlfriend to have and to hold, from that day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until debt do them part.

Keep reading to see the video that’s quickly making the rounds online….

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Former Dean Lawrence Mitchell

[N]one of us really know the facts of what happened. There’s an overall sense of not knowing what happened, not knowing who may be in the right, not wanting to make any really strong statements without having that kind of knowledge. We’re law professors — we want to let the justice system play out and hopefully to get to the bottom of this.

– Case Western Professor Cassandra Robertson, discussing the tumultuous exit of Dean Lawrence Mitchell in a comprehensive account of Mitchell’s rise and fall on the shores of Lake Erie entitled Sex, Politics and Revenge, by Doug Brown of The Scene.

(A tawdry tidbit about the former dean engaging in PDA, after the jump.)

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While prospective law students are making their final decisions on where to drop their deposits, some of them have much more than their future legal careers on their minds. Neatly tucked away in our top search terms today — just above people erroneously clicking through hoping to find pornography on a legal website — is perhaps one of the most absurd questions we’ve ever seen.

Screw career outcomes and starting salaries! Prospective law students want to know which prestigious law school will help them get the most tail. Keep reading, because we’ve got an answer for you…

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Amal Alamuddin

We hate to break it to you, but perpetual bachelor George Clooney is reportedly off the market. We all knew this day would eventually come, but that didn’t stop us from hoping against all hope that it wouldn’t. Clooney’s last love interest was a former professional wrestler, but this time around, he had the good sense to pick a woman who has both beauty and brains. His fiancée is a lawyer, and it’s much harder for us to pray for a marriage measured in Kardashians when you find out about some of her clients and accomplishments.

The lucky lady Clooney popped the question to is the “breathtakingly beautiful and formidably successful” Amal Alamuddin. Let’s find out some more information about her…

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Want to see what it looks like when a fourth-year Weil Gotshal associate plans to marry a family law practitioner from a small firm? It looks like it’s going to rival the epic display of elegance and class that is the upcoming Kimye wedding.

Please save the date for the “Boss Wedding,” which is what they’re calling this dignified affair…

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Lawyer: They’re either in it for justice, in which case they are poor, or they are in it for money, in which case they are mildly sociopathic. Choose wisely.

Chelsea Fagan of Thought Catalog, chronicling 25 professions and what it’s like to date someone who’s working in one of them. If you’ve ever dated a lawyer, you know this statement is demonstrably true in most cases.

Glenn Close as Alex Forrest: she’s not going to be ignored.

One of the biggest Biglaw stories of 2014 so far has been the lawsuit filed by Angela Kovalesky against her ex-boyfriend, New York lawyer Samir Tabar. The beautiful blond Kovalesky alleged that Tabar physically abused her, threatened her with a knife, and stalked her — by dropping a dog tracker into her purse, among other things.

These allegations didn’t sit well with Tabar’s employer, Schulte Roth & Zabel. Not long after the filing of Kovalesky’s salacious suit, SRZ terminated Tabar’s employment. His impeccable pedigree — Oxford, Columbia Law, and Skadden Arps, plus some time in finance — couldn’t save him from the ax.

But what if turned out that the allegations were fabrications? What if it turned out that Kovalesky, not Tabar, was the actual abuser? What if it turned out that Kovalesky was, well, a psycho ex-girlfriend — about as sane as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction?

This is, in a nutshell, what Tabar alleges, in his answer and counterclaims in Kovalesky v. Tabar. And it’s what his new gorgeous girlfriend — actually, his fiancée — also asserts, in her own lawsuit against Angela Kovalesky….

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