Two updates in our post-results coverage of ERISA hotties:
1. We are happy to report that, as requested by one of the winners, tiaras will be provided to the two winning ERISA hotties: Professor Bruce Wolk and Sarah E. Downie.
The tiaras will be furnished courtesy of acclaimed wedding tiara designer Christina Garcia. We will be contacting the winners to find out their shipping information.
2. Check out this hilarious email — which we and dozens of others received as a forwarded message. (We’ve deleted the endless string of email forwards that preceded the original message.)
I will send a serious email later, but first a frivolous one — I am 5 votes down in the ERISA Hottie Contest. The polls close at 1:00 your time. The leader has been sending me some rather snooty emails — it seems she’s ready to count me out and claim the crown.
So, I need to teach this girl a lesson — get your mom and dad to vote! Send the link to anyone good humored enough to help me win!
Now that our ERISA Hotties Contest is over, we can opine on the nominees without injecting bias into the proceedings. So we will. Here’s our own take on the male and female nominees for hottest ERISA lawyer in America.
On the men’s side, we acknowledge Professor Bruce Wolk as a worthy winner — and the boyishly adorable Jordan Backman as a deserving runner-up.
Our personal favorite, though, is the hunky, jaw-droppingly hot Malcolm Slee. In one of his pictures, he has a refined, “model-pretty” look; but in the other pic, he exudes an irresistible, rugged manliness. Such versatility is commendable.
But Malcolm only came in fourth, with 8 percent of the vote. In our humble opinion, he wuz robbed.
If we had to pick another ERISA hunk who didn’t get as many votes as he should have, we’d go with the Solicitor of Labor, Howard Radzely. Radzely got a measly 2 percent of the vote. But consider these after-the-fact testimonials:
“Howard Radzely can ‘solicit’ me any time, day or night!”
“[Howard Radzely] has an Adam’s apple the size of Montana. So if you go for the gawky awkward teenager barely legal look, he’s your man.”
(A “gawky, awkward, barely legal” hottie? Like, say, Phil Alito?)
On the women’s side, we felt that the top two women — Sarah Downie and Jennifer Stojak — merited their high placement. But we think that more votes should have gone to Heather Meade, Jessica Janov, and Rebekah Crawford.
Heather offers up a dark, sultry, Monica-esque beauty, to all who gaze upon her visage. Lisa Rhein — a sharp contrast to Heather, but equally appealing — is a super-cute, perky blonde, straight out of a teen movie. Jessica Janov looks like she’s part of the recent Invasion of the Russian Supermodels. And Rebekah Crawford, as noted in one of her testimonials, channels the screen goddesses of Hollywood’s golden age.
But these are just our opinions. You’ve picked your winning hotties — and they are fully deserving of their titles as the hottest ERISA lawyers in the U.S. of A. Congratulations once again, Professor Wolk and Sarah Downie!
Our ERISA Hotties Contest has only been over for a day — but some of you miss it already.
Fear not. The contest may be over, but the commentary isn’t. We’ll have a few more posts discussing the competition — including our personal views on which ERISA Hotties should have gotten more lovin’ from the electorate.
After the results were announced, we contacted our two winning hotties — Professor Bruce A. Wolk and Sarah E. Downie — for comment. We haven’t heard back from Professor Wolk yet, but Ms. Downie did have this acceptance speech to deliver:
Hi. That was one hard-fought battle. I would like to profoundly thank everyone who voted for me!
My boyfriend is interested in knowing whether I get a tiara for the victory. I also think that Professor Wolk would look great in a crown of some sort.
We agree wholeheartedly. The only thing cooler than an ERISA professor lounging on the hood of his Camry is an ERISA professor in a tiara lounging on the hood of his Camry.
And hey, guess what? Noted wedding tiara designer Christina Garcia is our cousin-in-law! (She’s married to our first cousin, Jerald Garcia.) We will contact her forthwith about providing tiaras for our winning hotties.
Once again, ATL sends its warmest congratulations to Bruce Wolk and Sarah Downie on their latest professional distinction. Time to update those CVs and résumés! Christina Garcia: Tiaras of Distinction [official website] Earlier: Prior ERISA Hotties coverage (scroll down)
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