Faithful Coca-Cola drinkers can laugh about this one. PepsiCo is having a rough month, reports the National Law Journal. PepsiCo’s purified water brand, Aquafina, has cost it a pretty penny.

Charles Joyce and James Voigt of Wisconsin sued PepsiCo earlier this year for stealing their idea of bottling and selling purified water. They claim that they had confidential discussions with distributors about the idea in 1981 and that the distributors passed those trade secrets along to Pepsi. It sounds like a bit of a ridiculous lawsuit; PepsiCo calls their accusations “dubious.”

But the Wisconsin men won. They won big. They won $1.26 billion dollars.

How did they win? By default judgment. PepsiCo’s lawyers never responded to the complaint, and the judge awarded the Wisconsin plaintiffs a default judgment.

Why did the Pepsi people never respond? Meet PepsiCo legal secretary, Kathy Henry.

We don’t have all of the details, but multiple sources report that WilmerHale is laying off 57 staffers today (secretaries and paralegals). We understand that the staff is being informed right now.

We don’t have information about what (if any) severance package is being offered to the departed staff. Our sources report that the layoffs will affect staff in Boston, D.C., and New York offices.

Spokespeople for WilmerHale did not respond to an immediate request comment. But we hope to have more information as people are informed of their job situation.

Good luck, WilmerHale friends.

UPDATE More from our tipsters, and a statement from the firm, after the jump.

Firms everywhere are trying to keep expenses down. For secretaries and administrative assistants at Alston & Bird, this means that overtime is going to be a lot harder to come by. Last week, A&B informed its secretaries of changes in the firm’s overtime policy:

As you know, from time to time we review our HR policies and practices to determine if they continue to meet the needs of the firm and our employees. In our continuing effort to hold the line on expenses and minimize our overtime costs, the firm has made the decision to revise our overtime policy for our professional staff, secretaries, and paralegals. After review of our current policy, we found that there were two areas that were outdated and not consistent with what the law allows and what other professional service firms are doing. As a result, we have made two changes to our policy.

Alston & Bird just happened to figure out that its overtime policy was inconsistent with the law? Well, I’m glad the firm — the law firm — is clearing that up.

We’ll take a look at the legal inconsistency after the jump.

It’s been a while since a firm asked people to voluntarily fire themselves. Maybe with the economy getting better it’s time to dust that strategy off?

Apparently, that is what Crowell & Moring is hoping for. The firm just asked its staff to voluntarily help them get down to a 4 to 1 attorney to staff ratio:

Our goal remains to handle this necessary reduction in a humane and generous way. Accordingly, effective today, we are offering a voluntary opportunity for our support services employees to elect to resign from the firm in exchange for payment of six months of each employee’s annual salary. We are hopeful that this opportunity may be of interest to a number of our secretaries and will bring the firm closer to achieving its goal of an average lawyer to support services ratio of 4 to 1 across our offices. This voluntary package will be available through October 23. At the end of that period, we will reassess our staffing levels and determine whether involuntary reductions are necessary.

Six months severance is a nice package, especially for staff who don’t typically receive as much severance pay as attorneys. If you assume that the firm will not be offering six months to people that are “involuntarily” laid off after October 23rd, the package could be a pretty powerful motivator.

Of course, if there are still no jobs in six months, then does it really matter? If you are a rock star secretary maybe you should just roll the dice and try to hang on.

Tough decisions abound during a recession. Good luck, Crowell & Moring staff.

Read the full internal memo after the jump.

Last week, we told you that Wilson Sonsini froze staff salaries. Today, there is more pain being spread around the legal staffing world. The Recorder reports:

Fifty-eight staffers were cut Thursday, although no attorneys were let go, according to an all-hands memo from Cooley Chief Operating Officer Mark Pitchford.

“This reduction was conducted to eliminate pockets of staffing overcapacity throughout the firm,” wrote Pitchford.

Cooley laid off 62 staffers (and 52 attorneys) back in January. Last month, we reported on stealth layoffs that occurred at the firm throughout the summer.

Given the recent reductions in attorney workforce, it’s not that surprising that Cooley had an overcapacity of staff. But the math probably does not make it any easier for those that lost their jobs.

Good luck, former Cooley staffers.

Read the full firm memo after the jump.

It’s been a while since we’ve had any news about how legal secretaries and staffs are weathering the recession. Well, at least no news that pertains to secretaries who are potty trained and don’t care about CHARACTER. To the extent that firms are still looking to make cuts, it feels like they are more focused on more long term moves.

But that doesn’t mean that the domain of the legal secretary is drenched in milk and honey. Yesterday, Wilson Sonsini informed its staff that it was instituting a salary freeze:

To: Staff Employees From: [Wilson Sonsini] Date: September 22, 2009 Re: Staff Salaries

Earlier this year, in the midst of an uncertain global economic situation, the firm implemented a salary freeze for associates. The firm always has managed expenses carefully, and we’ve taken an even more cautious approach during the current downturn to ensure that our business remains strong and well positioned for the future. While there are early signs that the recession may be easing, it’s also clear that economic recovery will take some time. Given these factors, it is important to continue our fiscally conservative approach, and therefore the firm is extending the salary freeze to staff at this time.

Thank you for your understanding, and for your continued commitment to the firm.

Wait, Wilson Sonsini hadn’t frozen staff salaries already? Tipsters weigh in after the jump.

I’m sure you all remember the Stepford Secretary. She is the secretary that praised lawyers at her firm for their CHARACTER. She was fired, and then she lawyered up.

But the President’s speech on health care last night inspired her. Well, at least it inspired her to email Above the Law:

In his speech tonight the President made reference to the “character of our Country.” I chuckled and said “Watch it, Mr. President, using the word character got me fired.”

Tonight after sitting and watching the President’s address I thought it would be time to give you an update.

I went to [my firm] asking graciously for six months severance (approximately two weeks salary for each of my ten years there). The firm’s decision to terminate me for an attempt (albeit, poor judgment) at giving certain props to colleagues was not persecution enough. They denied my request (shocking) and offered a twisted view of both me and the reasons for my termination. Sadly, there is no hope of taking these well educated, uncouth individuals to Court. I just do not have the bank roll or emotional tolerance for the extended crap they will surely put me through. I know that my original statement came from a place of despair. For now, there is just a file containing numerous accounts of misconduct on the part of the company, and the facade continues.

Stepford

You lie!

Seriously though, emotional bankroll is something that a lot of people are losing during the recession.

Earlier: Stepford Secretary Responds to Above the Law
Stepford Secretary Lawyers Up
Bingham McCutchen’s ‘Stepford Secretary’ Has Left The Building

We received a lot of tips about Winston & Strawn during the month of August. It seems like the firm had a busy month. We’ve reached out to the firm — multiple times — but haven’t heard anything back. But multiple sources report that Winston laid off around 20 associates over the month of August.

It is not surprising that the firm did not respond to us. Tipsters report that Winston has been extremely stealthy about its associate cuts. They laid people off over a long period of time, but never more than a few associates at any one time. One tipster explains it this way:

The layoffs for attorneys started in the Spring and they took breaks from it to keep under the radar. Same with the secretaries.

As we understand it, the associates let go were mid-level attorneys. They were told that the layoffs were for economic reasons.

Associates at Winston weren’t the only ones feeling the pain of being let go. After the jump, tipsters report that partners have been shown the door as well.

By day, Jarriette Richie was a legal secretary. By night, she was one of the small business entrepreneurs who are so important to the vitality of the American economy. Not only that, Richie’s business provided services to a critically underserved community. Richie was the proprietor of Show ‘N Tell Entertainment — which arranged erotic male dancers for ladies exclusively.

But you know how difficult it is to get credit in this economy. And Richie needed to fly dancers and guests down to Puerto Rico for an “event.” So, she had to improvise.

The Washington Post picks up the narrative, after the jump.

The law firm of Littler Mendelson is embroiled in a pretty nasty lawsuit with a former receptionist. The Washington Business Journal reported on the suit brought by the former Littler Mendelson receptionist, Rebecca Landrith:

According to the July 27 lawsuit the receptionist filed — on her own behalf — against her old firm, Littler provided no back-up or substitute receptionist, and “had no consistent policy or procedure as to when or how Landrith could take a restroom break.”

Apparently, the receptionist was so bereft of bathroom breaks that she — on multiple occasions — pissed herself. Literally:

On two separate occasions, Landrith claims, she had to “wet her pants” at the reception desk because nobody would, well, relieve her.

Eww. Just yuck, man. Was there a physical chain attaching her to her desk? If not, there is simply no excuse. Can you imagine walking into a place of business, and the first person you see — and smell — is a woman covered in her own urine? Did she at least have some hand sanitizer on her desk!!!??? If I wanted to deal with that kind of stuff, I’d take the subway.

So, how much does Landrith want Littler to pay for her own incontinence?

Multiple independent sources report that K&L Gates had a minor spate of staff layoffs late last week. One particular tipster sums up the move nicely:

In the Dallas office last week, five staff members are given the boot, very stealth-like.

Reason given: Not enough work to go around.

As the staff numbers sharply decrease, many attorneys are doing a larger portion of clerical (a/k/a non-billable tasks.

Naturally one would wonder is the time spent filling in for an ever-decreasing staff being billed to clients?

Five legal staffers isn’t necessarily front-page news, but you have to check out how K&L Gates went about this round of cuts.

“Screaming” details, after the jump.

The Bingham McCutchen “Stepford Secretary” has decided to speak out about her termination from Bingham and her decision to hire a lawyer.

In an email she sent to Above the Law, the Stepford Secretary describes her firm wide CHARACTER email as “totally harmless.” She also describes the way in which she was fired from Bingham:

I panicked prior to my termination. Bingham disconnected my computer, took my identification and escorted me out of the building.

She also explains why she hired a lawyer:

Why a possible lawsuit? Bingham terminated me for violation of policy. There is no written policy regarding NOT being able to send mass internal emails. It says to use discretion. I’m sure that policy has been or will quickly be updated.

Stepford claims that she always intended her email to be an internal communication with in the firm. She writes that she didn’t even know Above the Law existed before she sent her email.

She does now.

Read her full email after the jump. She has requested that we maintain her anonymity to the general public.

We’ve been following the trials and tribulations of the former Bingham McCutchen “Stepford Secretary” who sent out a mission statement to the firm about CHARACTER. After the email, the secretary was fired by Bingham.

Now, she’s lawyered-up. No complaint has been filed, but we understand that the secretary has hired an attorney and is considering her options.

What possible claims could she have?

We understand that the Stepford Secretary was let go for violating the firm’s email policy, and insubordination. But she had been with the firm for over ten years. According to some of our sources, the Stepford secretary doesn’t see her email as “insubordinate,” because the email didn’t disparage the firm. As one tipster puts it:

Bingham never bothered to ask why she sent the email or what provoked the cry for help.

Spokespeople for Bingham McCutchen declined to comment about Stepford Secretary.

But we’ll ask the question: Why did she send the email and what provoked the cry for help?

We’ve been trying to get in touch with the Stepford secretary to hear her side of the melodrama. In case you are wondering, the best way to reach us is at tips@abovethelaw.com.

Earlier: Bingham McCutchen Staffer Doesn’t Want to be a ‘Stepford’ Secretary
Bingham McCutchen’s ‘Stepford Secretary’ Has Left The Building

At what point does a salary freeze start to feel like a salary cut? Staff at O’Melveny & Myers are about to find out. O’Melveny just announced a new salary ice-age for its staff. Above the Law obtained this internal memo sent to O’Melveny staffers:

We are committed to taking proactive steps to maintain our financial strength in the face of unprecedented economic times. As part of this effort, we continue to look at how we can prudently and efficiently manage our costs and have therefore decided that there will be no salary increases this year and the performance evaluation cycle will be extended from 12 months to 24 months. Your performance evaluation will now cover the period between July 2008 - July 2010. We will consider salary increases at the end of the new performance review period in July 2010.

O’Melveny has already been through layoffs. In March, 200 people were let go, including 110 staffers. So on the one hand, a salary cut is a lot better than being out on the street.

On the other hand, staffers don’t make much to begin with, and nobody wants a static salary. O’Melveny staff better start rooting for the rest of the American economy to continue its deflationary trend.

O’Melveny confirmed that the freeze only applies to staff.

Will we see more ice-age freezes this summer? Stay tuned.

Check out the full firm statement after the jump.

Earlier: Nationwide Layoff Watch: O’Melveny Fires 90 Lawyers, 110 Staff

A couple of days ago, we brought you the story of a Bingham McCutchen secretary who believed that her firm had great “CHARACTER,” despite these tough economic times. She closed her remarks with this:

So, although I am grateful for my job and middle class life, I realize that living daily in fear and conforming to play a Stepford role will not ensure either. Besides, I value and respect too many of the people at Bingham. I’ll stick with good old CHARACTER.

As we — and many others — anticipated, that secretary is no longer employed at Bingham.

The firm would not comment about its internal decision, but multiple sources independently tell us that she has been let go. As we understand it, she was fired on Wednesday.

One of our commenters had this insightful response to the Stepford Secretary’s situation:

I think this and eekboy’s “rant” is a reflection of our times. Everyone thinks their opinion is important and should be heard. While I don’t doubt this secretary has a beef on her mind, I believe she and eekboy have no concept of boundaries. This is part of the facebook/twitter/blog phenomenon where everyone thinks they can say WHATEVER they want, WHENEVER they want, WHEREVER they want.

She should’ve sent that to close friends and peer colleagues. Sending it to the entire firm is just selfish and egotistical.

But it could be that the secretary had more to say.

Details after the jump.

Don’t call it a memo, call it a mission statement.

This afternoon, just before lunch, a secretary in the New York office of Bingham McCutchen decided to express her feelings about the recession to her law firm colleagues. All of them. All Bingham partners, counsel, associates, and staff, in every office, received this message to ponder over lunch:

Character

In recent times we read and talk primarily of those who have lost their jobs. Those of us that remain employed, specifically for this content, in the field of “Corporate America”, are clinging so tightly to the stability and familiarity of ones’ employment that we are losing, in my opinion, an already underrated quality, CHARACTER (for some that may be assuming that they had any in the first place, and likely they are clueless to who they are).

Many years have passed now since I joined the legal profession. I can remember meeting a first year associate, and sinking into my chair when I realized I was older than my assignment. I have been truly fortunate during my many years. I have worked with ground-breaking woman and bright young associates who eventually became partner. I have experienced co-workers get married, have babies, even cried with them over loss of dear friends (R.I.P. Howie, Mike and sadly several others).

As I look around lately, I see nail biting and unshowered attorneys (more driven than ever), which is another great concern - the lack of recognition for the importance of Quality of Life. But that’s another story). In conversation with colleagues I hear in whispers “well, we have our jobs”. Some of these people, now unrecognizable to me, I have known for countless years. It is as if their zest is gone, overshadowed by their fears, desperate to justify their worth to the company. These were some of the brightest and most innovative people I have ever professionally known.

Good. Good. Keep typing. I am unarmed. Keep writing this email and take the Quinn Emanuel associate’s place by my side.

Crack open a beer and watch the train wreck continue after the jump.

A lot of ATL commenters seem to enjoy disparaging of support staffers. I imagine that a lot of that vitriol comes from attorneys who used to kick their dogs because they didn’t have the guts to stand up to Daddy.

Anybody who is paying attention should realize that legal support staffs are getting sacrificed to the recession in great numbers. The ABA Journal today, collects a couple of stories that illustrate the hits staffers are taking during the economic crisis:

David Sturgess, managing partner of Updike, Kelly & Spellacy in Hartford, told the Connecticut Law Tribune that his firm has a ratio of one support staffer for every three lawyers following layoffs, but he knows of some firms with 1-4 ratios.

The Philadelphia Business Journal reports that staff cuts hurt the affected employees (obviously) and firms aren’t thrilled about having to do it:

Cozen CEO Tad Decker said the 485-lawyer firm had a lawyer-to-secretary ratio of less than 2-to-1 and the layoffs will allow the firm to assume a ratio more in line with its competitors.

“You hate to do it because staff are the most affected by layoffs being that they have the fewest resources,” Decker said. “But we found areas where we weren’t as competitive on cost and that was one of them.”

But in this market, what can you do?

More tales of woe after the jump.

Multiple sources told ATL on Friday that Hogan & Hartson would offer a buyout to 250-300 of its support staff. The firm has now had an opportunity to inform all of the personnel.

We spoke with Hogan & Hartson Chairman J. Warren Gorrell Jr. on Friday. He explained that the buyout is part of Hogan’s attempt to find solutions to the financial crisis in both a creative and sensitive manner.

Gorrell also explained the specifics of the offer. Staffers with more than five years of experience will be offered four weeks pay plus one week for every year they’ve been with the firm. For some senior people, that could end up at 20 or 30 weeks, which is considerably more than what other firms are offering displaced staff members as part of a severance package.

Tipsters weigh in after the jump.

Cutbacks are hitting every level of Biglaw. Firms have gotten very creative in their attempts to wither cut or control costs. Because of all these rollbacks, weathering the global economic crisis is more challenging than simply holding on to your job — though that is hard enough.

How is the economic crisis affecting people day-to-day? We received an interesting story from a Biglaw staffer that really brings home the daily struggle to make it through this recession:

Last year Dechert sent out that retroactive memo about taking a certain percentage from the attorneys’ bonuses if they didn’t enter their time on time. Well, now they are saying that they are going to do it to the paralegals as well, BUT since most paralegals don’t get bonuses, they are threatening to take five percent from our vacation pay if we don’t qualify for a bonus and if we are late entering our time. I only make about $120 a day (in New York City!), so if the partners, who are making millions, want to take $6.00 from a struggling paralegal, that is just disgusting. …

Do any other firms treat their staff [like this]?

Dechert aside (and for the record, we don’t know if this story is an accurate reflection of Dechert’s policies on this specific issue), what other kinds of everyday, “standard of living” sacrifices are people having to make in these difficult times? Contrary to the popular belief, bonuses and pay raises don’t really go into the “coke and prostitutes” fund.

Are associates reorganizing their debt repayment plans? Are paralegals putting off plans to go back to school, or accelerating those plans? Beyond the dollars and statistics, there is a very real cost to all of the bad economic news.

How is it going out there?

Earlier: Biglaw: Welcome to the Credit Crunch

Greenberg Traurig is trying to tighten up their administrative ship. The kind of normal, everyday instances of over clocking that many administrative assistants engage in are being directly addressed by management. Secretaries and administrative assistants received the following memo earlier this week.

The per attorney cost for overtime in the Chicago office is higher than the firm average and significantly higher than some offices. You may think that working an extra 15 -30 minutes per week is not significant. It is. We have to reduce our number and we are instituting the following guidelines. The guidelines are simply stated and easy to achieve. If you have questions, we are happy to discuss them with you.

In normal times, the guidelines (printed in full after the jump) would seem a bit petty. Here’s one example:

Take your full lunch hour and clock out BEFORE you go to pick up or purchase your lunch.

Yes, everybody knows that people should do that, but normally it wouldn’t be such a huge deal that you have to issue an entire memo about it. At least you shouldn’t have to use the excessively formal “All-Caps” method of communication.

But in these times of significant economic stress, 15-30 minutes of pay a day could literally save jobs. Everybody really should be looking for ways they can become more cost efficient.

Read the full firm memo after the jump.