Portland, Tennessee high school math teach Sandy Binkley was convicted of statutory rape back in September. The 37-year-old woman had sex with a 17-year-old student in a locker room.

Binkley argued that the 17-year-old student raped her. She gave an interview to Tennessee News Channel 5 before her trial:

“There was one incident with one student - who was a month away from being 18. He was bigger than me and he forced himself on me,” said Binkley. “He came into the room and forced himself upon me.”

The jury didn’t buy it.

On Friday, Binkley was sentenced. And man, the judge essentially put her behind bars and threw away the key. The Tennessean reports:

A former Portland High School teacher convicted of having sex with her underage teacher’s aide has been sentenced to 12 years in prison.

District Attorney Ray Whitley said Sandy Binkley “got what she had coming to her.”

“(Judge Dee Gay) gave her the maximum sentence and that’s what she deserved,” Whitley said.

The woman got 12 years — the maximum sentence — for having sex with a 17-year-old? Really? Does that make sense to everybody here?

Binkley’s lawyers (obviously) feel the judge went a little overboard. Details after the jump.

Both California and Texas are thinking about officially deep-sixing sex between lawyers and their clients.

The California State Bar Association is considering a change to the professional rules of conduct to “prohibit sex with clients unless they are spouses or the relations preceded the lawyer-client relationship,” according to The Recorder. The Texas Supreme Court is suggesting the same type of thing in the Lone Star state, according to the Texas Lawyer.

The American Bar Association generally frowns on lawyers getting into their clients’ briefs. The argument against taking discovery to the bedroom is that sexy time undermines an attorney’s ability to give objective advice and to keep his or her interest from limiting that of the client.

On the other hand, regulating bed behavior potentially violates a lawyer’s privacy and the right to freedom of association.

ATL readers, we turn the debate over to you. Is it okay for lawyers to be their clients’ master debaters and masturbators? Moving beyond the theoretical, how many of you have actually had to grapple with this? Take our polls and hear some stories, after the jump.

English couple Caroline and Steve Cartwright have a healthy sex life. But it doesn’t sound healthy. According to BBC News, their love-making sounds to neighbors like “murder” and has been described as “unnatural.” So prudish, those Brits.

Neighbors complained the noise kept them up all night, making them oversleep in the morning and arrive late to work.

Apparently Caroline Cartwright is the noisy one in the couple. She was convicted of “breaching a noise abatement notice.” She appealed the conviction:

She argued she had a right to “respect for her private and family life” under Article 8 of the Human Rights Act.

So do the British courts respect a woman’s right to be vocal about her pleasure?

We’ve mentioned Corri Fetman before, mainly because she’s a lawyer who has posed for Playboy. But today she’s making news that doesn’t have anything to do with her boobs. The Chicago Tribune reports:

The Chicago divorce lawyer who stirred up controversy with a racy billboard for her law firm and later bared it all for Playboy is now being sued by the magazine.

Playboy alleges in a suit filed Monday that Corri Fetman is trying to steal the phrase “Lawyer of Love” that it coined for an advice column Fetman briefly wrote for the magazine’s Web site.

Alright, today’s Corri Fetman’s news is tangentially related to her boobs.

Fetman isn’t one to receive service from Playboy lying down. In fact she fired the first shot at Playboy.

Details after the jump.

I have criticized U.S. News for caring about the number of books available in a law school library. I’ve criticized the Thomas Cooley law school rankings for caring about the size of a law school library.

Clearly, I don’t know what a law school library should be used for. But students at UC Davis do.

We have another episode in the saga of Deidre Dare, one of our favorite laid-off lawyers. She was an attorney in Allen & Overy’s Russia office until she penned typed a salacious online novel about her expat adventures, which featured lots of drinking, sex, drugs, donkeys, and dwarves. After the firm let her go, she sued.

Dare’s still in Moscow, where she writes an often controversial column for the Moscow News called sExpat. The latest reveals that Deidre likes it rough:

Anyone who has spent even five minutes in bed with me knows that I have a strong proclivity for S&M. My experience in the area ranges from the mild (spanking) to the extreme (ball gags, golden showers and the like), according to how much experience my partner has and what he or she likes.

The column goes on to praise Russia’s abusive men. Dare writes: “If you’re hanging out with real men and you’re a little slutty, you’re going to get hit. Period.” Roll On Friday photoshops A&O’s chairman into being a “real man” here.

Ed. note: We at Above The Law do not condone physical violence against women. We do, however, condone violence against the commenter ShaFeef.

In a previous column, Dare said money was tight and suggested that prostitution might be a way out of her money woes. That might have led to more hitting than even Deidre likes. Luckily, she’s come up with a different way to make money. She’s written another book. Its title, fittingly, is SLUT.

When ex-associates sue their former firms, a fun time is had by all — with the possible exception of the litigants. Dirty laundry is aired, often for the amusement of onlookers. Here are some classics:

• Aaron Charney v. Sullivan & Cromwell (gay associate who accused partner of directing him to “bend over”);

• Jennifer Braude v. Maron Marvel (allegations of lesbianic / girl-on-girl sexual harassment); and

• Charlene Morisseau v. DLA Piper (African-American female associate filed $250 million lawsuit against her former firm; firm accused plaintiff of rudeness and insubordination, e.g., throwing a partner out of her office).

Today’s Lawsuit of the Day, Alan Levy v. Sedgwick Detert Moran Arnold LLP (PDF), is a similar suit. Alan Levy (pictured), a former associate at Sedgwick, alleges that his employment was terminated on the basis of disability — to wit, severe depression and a breakdown, brought on in part by the abusive treatment he received at the hands of a partner, Scott Haworth.

So, what was the alleged abuse inflicted upon Levy by Haworth?

Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

Dear ATL,

Should I be paranoid about pictures from Halloween being posted on Facebook? Some people don’t have their profiles set to private, and I’m worried it will come up in a Facebook or Google search (eek!). Maybe I’m being too paranoid? I don’t know.

Planning on Going as a Slutty Nurse

What’s so amazing about Halloween is that it’s the one day a year when you get a glimpse into the inner workings of other peoples’ minds. Everyone has an inner costume, and Halloween Purim is when it’s socially acceptable to wear it outwardly. There is a kernel of truth behind every disguise, which is why Prince Harry’s Nazi costume a few years ago was so disturbing. You can’t possibly wear a Nazi costume unless you’re at least 1/4th Nazi. In Halloween, Veritas.

Your fear of Halloween pictures showing up on Facebook really sounds as if you’re afraid of others seeing the real, slutty nurse you. A vixen. A healer. An unoriginal. This year, I considered going as Sheryl Weinstein or Blanket. Surely those costumes speak volumes.

As I’ve said repeatedly in these Pls Hndle posts (we’ve been at this for over a year, btw!), you have to be yourself, no matter what the cost. That’s why I left the law. That’s why I subscribe to Dog Fancy. If you want to be a slutty nurse, be one, Facebook and Google footprint be damned. Live free or die hard.

Happy Halloween!

Your friend,

Marin

A high school principal in Indiana doesn’t want slutty-seeming students playing sports, reports Courthouse News Service.

Two sophomores attended a summer slumber party with other girls from Churubusco High School. They did what all high school girls do at slumber parties (at least in the imagination of high school boys). From their complaint [PDF]:

During the sleepover the girls took pictures of themselves pretending to kiss or lick a large multi-colored novelty lollipop shaped phallus that they had purchased as well as pictures of themselves in lingerie with dollar bills stuck in their clothes as well as other pictures.

Ed. note: See this comment. Should that read “phallus-shaped lollipop”?

The girls later posted these photos on MySpace. Someone among their MySpace “friends” printed the pics and gave them to the principal. The principal decided the girls had violated the school’s code of conduct and suspended them from all extracurricular activities, including athletics, for the entire school year.

The ACLU thinks the principal is a sucker, and has stepped in to help the girls sue their school.

Remember Judge Herman Thomas? He’s the former Alabama state court judge who was accused of spanking male prisoners, trading favorable treatment for sexual favors, and improperly interfering on behalf of a cousin in legal trouble.

Judge Thomas challenged the charges at trial, and this afternoon the jury returned its verdict. From the Mobile Press-Register:

Herman Thomas has been found not guilty on charges of sex abuse, sodomy and assault. The jury initially returned seven not guilty verdicts on five sex abuse charges, one sodomy charge and one assault charge and reported they were deadlocked on the remaining counts. Judge Claud Neilson dismissed those deadlocked charges against the former Mobile County Circuit Court judge.

Now that’s what we call a “happy ending.”

Herman Thomas acquitted on all charges [Mobile Press-Register]
Alabama Spanking Judge Cleared of All Charges [Blogonaut]

Earlier: Prior coverage of Judge Herman Thomas

Ed. note: We gave this a shout-out last week in non-sequiturs (second item), but it’s egregious enough to merit more discussion.

Biglaw attorneys frequently complain about how hard it is to date given the amount of hours they devote to work. Attorneys at a small immigration firm in Chicago may have encountered a similar dilemma.

Perhaps inspired by Maggie Gyllenhaal’s cinematic portrayal of a sex-enjoying legal secretary, Samir Zia Chowhan of Chowhan Law allegedly advertised on Craigslist, in the “Adult Gigs” section, for a secretary with benefits. From Legal Profession Blog:

Loop law firm looking to hire am [sic] energetic woman for their open secretary/legal assistant position. Duties will include general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers in the firm. No experience required, training will be provided. Generous annual salary and benefits will be provided, including medical, dental, life, disability, 401(k) etc. If interested, please send current resume and a few pictures along with a description of your physical features, including measurements. We look forward to meeting you.

Many of you will recall that Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan waged a war against Craigslist’s “Erotic Services” section earlier this year, claiming that there was rampant prostitution there. By her doing, the section was taken down and replaced by this “Adult Gigs” section, which is supposedly more closely monitored for illegal activity. But in our surfing of the section, we saw quite a few ads like Chowhan’s, including ones like this: “I’m seeking a young lady who would like to have some fun with me, possibly on a regular basis, in exchange for some help with bills or whatever.”

At least Chowhan was a little more discreet in his May 2009 ad. But when one woman responded, he made it clear why he had listed the job in the Adult Gigs section.

He defines “additional duties,” after the jump.

Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. Albert Freed (pictured) won a trip to Hawaii (not pictured). As part of the vacation celebration, Mrs. Freed bought her husband some new Hanes brand briefs. But Mr. Freed is a husky gentleman, and apparently the new trunks couldn’t contain all of his junk. He sued Hanes, claiming they made “defective” underwear.

Let me turn it over to Escambia County (FL) Judge Pat Kinsey:

A question for the guys out there: How long would it take you to correct a problem involving sandpaper and your penis? Don’t you think penis chafing is something that requires immediate attention and decisive action?

And while we’re here, how long does it take for you to notice your stuff hanging out where it is not supposed to be?

Check out Albert’s excuse after the jump.

Think back to taking law school exams as a 1L. Remember the IRAC method — Issue, Rule, Application, Conclusion?

One horny creative female law student in Los Angeles has decided to deploy IRAC towards carnal ends. Via craigslist, she recently filed a brief in the matter of You & Me Doing It v. You & Me Not Doing It (2009).

Read her brief, an eloquent attempt to get inside a classmate’s briefs, after the jump.

On the media website Mediaite, we are erroneously listed as having an affiliation with the Late Show with David Letterman. We wish! If that were the case, then maybe we’d have inside dirt on one of the juiciest media scandals to come along in a while.

And it’s a media scandal with a legal angle — several, in fact. Last Friday, we named the woman at the eye of the storm, Stephanie Birkitt, our Lawyer of the Day. Birkitt — the former Letterman paramour whose ex-boyfriend, Robert “Joe” Halderman, stands accused of trying to extort David Letterman — is a lawyer. The blonde hottie is a graduate of Cardozo Law School, and she passed the bar exam twice — in New York and Connecticut. Very impressive, Ms. Birkitt!

Alas, Stephanie Birkitt may be a two-timer in more than one sense of the word. We previously stated, relying on other sources, that Birkitt’s sexual relationship with her former boss ended in 2003. Now we’re hearing otherwise, from the New York Post:

Pretty former “Late Show” staffer Stephanie Birkitt revealed in her diary that she continued having sex with boss David Letterman even after moving in with her CBS-producer boyfriend, who later allegedly tried to extort him over the affair, sources told The Post yesterday.

Letterman and Birkitt enjoyed romantic hikes last fall at his sprawling ranch in eastern Montana — where he was married in March — while her boyfriend, “48 Hours Mystery” producer Robert “Joe” Halderman, stayed home in Connecticut, the sources said.

At the time, Birkitt, 34, insisted to Halderman that she and the 62-year-old Letterman had just “a platonic relationship,” a source said.

“I’m his best friend,” Birkitt told the worried 51-year-old Halderman, the source said.

A friend with benefits? Like free law school tuition? Speaking of which, according to our reader poll, almost two-thirds of ATL readers would sleep with David Letterman in exchange for free law school tuition.

UPDATE: According to Maureen Dowd (gavel bang: commenter), Letterman’s company loaned Birkitt the money for law school, which she paid back. If true, this is disappointing. What’s the point of sleeping with the boss if you can’t get paid for it?

More law-related Letterman links, after the jump.

For long-time readers of Above The Law, Herman Thomas is a familiar name. He’s the former Alabama state court judge who allegedly enjoyed spanking male prisoners, traded favorable treatment for sexual favors, and improperly interfered on behalf of a cousin in legal trouble.

He gave up the paddle gavel two years ago. Now he’s headed to trial.

From the Associated Press:

Chief Assistant District Attorney Nicki Patterson said authorities began looking at Thomas after he changed a jail sentence in 2006 for his cousin, former Mobile County school commissioner David Thomas, even though the case was being handled by another judge. Other cases that Thomas had taken over from other judges without their approval soon surfaced, she said.

And what happened to the prisoners in the cases commandeered by Thomas?

To paraphrase this video, inspired by an Avenue Q song and submitted to Above the Law’s first-ever Law Revue Contest, “What can you do with a JD from Cardozo?”

Um…. David Letterman? From Bitten & Bound:

David Letterman was the victim of a $2 million extortion plot and we have now discovered that according to New York public records, Stephanie Birkitt, 34, a former intern on The Late Show, lived with the accused extortionist Robert Joe Halderman, a CBS 48 Hours producer, and may have unwittingly fed him the information through the pages of her diary, photos and personal correspondence….

According to TMZ, Birkitt is one of the women who engaged in an affair with her boss, but ended it in 2003, prior to the birth of Letterman’s son….

Birkitt began working as a page for CBS New, 48 Hours, and The Late Show while still in college [at Wake Forest] in 1996. She spent a short time as an associate producer on segments for correspondent Erin Moriarty but soon decided that she wasn’t a news hound. That was when Letterman hired her as a personal assistant. She was initially brought on to handle his charities and his Indy car racing team, but her duties expanded over time.

Apparently so. Anyway, here’s the legal connection:

Birkett went on to the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law in New York City beginning in 2005 and passed the Connecticut bar exam in February 2009.

UPDATE: As noted in the comments, Birkitt also passed the New York bar exam in February. Congrats on passing two state bars, Steph!

FURTHER UPDATE: Actually, Birkitt’s relationship with Letterman may have lasted much longer. See here.

Now, before the elitists among you start ranking on Cardozo Law, there’s something you should know.

Thomas O’Brien is the former U.S. Attorney for the Central District of California. He recently joined Paul Hastings, which trumpeted his arrival in a press release. Tom O’Brien is a public figure — he used to be the top federal prosecutor in Los Angeles, nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate — so he’s used to a little public scrutiny.

But O’Brien couldn’t have been prepared for what happened when his girlfriend’s estranged husband took an unauthorized stroll through her email inbox. The husband found emails between O’Brien and his wife, and they didn’t make him happy.

Instead of handling the situation like a rational adult, the husband — we’ll call him “Ken” — decided to bombard the professional networks of both O’Brien and his wife (also an attorney) with the “pillow talk” emails he discovered. Ken attempted to cast the relationship between O’Brien and his (Ken’s) wife as an affair.

This is not the first time such a thing has happened. Back in 2008, the New York Times reported on a husband’s similar vendetta against a successful Wall Street banker, carried out online. Earlier this year, as Above the Law readers may recall, a cuckolded husband emailed sexting messages between his wife and a White & Case attorney to all of the lawyers at White & Case in Miami.

Ken took this aggressive strategy one insane step further, apparently emailing every lawyer he could think of. You may have already received Ken’s emails, especially if you’re in California, from Ken himself or via email forward.

Is spamming an entire professional network the new revenge of the spurned lover? Are lawyers, as members of a profession that is surprisingly small and highly reputation-conscious, especially vulnerable to this tactic? Does this approach actually work?

After the jump, let’s look at the offense and the (over)reaction.

For those of you considering prostitution to pay off your law school debts (you know who you are), consider the cautionary tale of Cristina Warthen. As we have previously reported, Cristina graduated from Stanford Law School in 2001. But instead of going into Biglaw, Cristina adopted the porn name “Brazil” and turned herself into a high-priced escort.

Granted, if she graduated today, Cristina might have been able to get some public interest deferral money for her “service.” But this was a long time ago.

And for a while Cristina was a smashing success. She even landed a rich husband, AskJeeves founder David Warthen.

But the Warthens were hit hard by the recession, and the couple split. Meanwhile, the government came looking for $313,000 in back taxes from Cristina’s sultry side business.

The ABA Journal reports that there is a resolution in Cristina’s case. What sentence did she get?

Here’s an interesting question. How do we know that animals involved in bestiality don’t actually like it?

This question was recently on the mind of one New Jersey jurist. From the Philadelphia Daily News:

During a bizarre hearing [in Burlington County, NJ], a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn’t infer whether the cows had been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the situation or even irritated that they’d been duped out of a meal.

“If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,’ ” Judge James J. Morley asked.

Got milk? Or milky discharge?

Children, Morley said, seemed “comforted” when given pacifiers, but there’s no way to know what bovine minds thought of Robert Melia Jr. substituting his member for a cow’s teat.

“They [children] enjoy the act of suckling,” the judge said. “Cows may be of a different disposition.”

In its weirdness, this is all very Ally McBeal-ish (although too explicit for that show).

So, how did the prosecutor feel about all of this?

Here at Above the Law, we’ve reviewed a lot of employment discrimination complaints over the years. But this one is special.

The firm (like it matters):

Maron Marvel Bradley & Anderson.

The plaintiff:

Jennifer Braude.

Why you care:

Do I have your attention? Click after the jump for more details, plus Maron Marvel’s response.