Sex

Juan Monteverde and Alexandra Marchuk

Marchuk v. Faruqi & Faruqi, the high-profile sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Alexandra Marchuk against her former firm and one of its most prominent partners, Juan Monteverde, rolls on. Back in January, we covered some of the salacious revelations contained in the summary judgment papers.

You know what would be even more juicy? A trial.

And that’s what we might be getting, in the wake of two blows just dealt to the defendants in this matter….

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Judge Wade H. McCree

Judge of the Millennium Wade McCree has a special place in our hearts here at Above the Law. The former Wayne County circuit judge had a penchant for disrobing for shirtless selfies and sex in his chambers, and was consequently disrobed by the Michigan Supreme Court.

On Monday, the Sixth Circuit correctly (if you mean “applying the law as it currently exists,” and “incorrectly” if you mean “adopting the better policy”) held that Judge McCree is immune from a civil suit brought by a man McCree slapped with a tether and high child support payments. The man’s complaint is that while Judge McCree was coming down hard on him, Judge McCree was also coming down hard on the child’s mother — specifically sexting her from the bench and carrying on an affair that ultimately ended in an abortion. The man and his lawyer are seeking an appeal to the Supreme Court.

Is absolute judicial immunity a doctrine worth keeping? Probably not…

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Winston Churchill once said, “If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.”

This quote springs to mind when confronted with the ongoing legal tussle over the “revenge porn” site Pinkmeth.com. As vile as that business may be, the intrepid attorney battling to shut it down has an ally with a reprehensible past of his own — like fronting an organization recognized by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a bona fide hate group. It’s a legal conflagration that makes you want to cast a pox on both houses and curl up in the fetal position and pray for humanity.

But in the wake of the latest lawsuit filing, the two sides took to Twitter to lower the debate with public sniping.

Just like that, it’s the rest of us that win….

UPDATE (7/10/14 4:37 p.m.): The attorney involved in this suit, Jason Lee Van Dyke, has drafted a response to my post, which you can read on page 3. If you’ve already read this post, you can jump directly to page 3 here.

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Here is Virginia’s prostitution statute:

§ 18.2-346. Prostitution; commercial sexual conduct; commercial exploitation of a minor; penalties.

A. Any person who, for money or its equivalent, (i) commits adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, performs cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engages in anal intercourse or (ii) offers to commit adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, perform cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engage in anal intercourse and thereafter does any substantial act in furtherance thereof is guilty of prostitution, which is punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.

If you think that fully covers all reasonable definitions of “prostitution,” well then you probably have an uncreative mind and a boring sex life. Look, the law gets even more vague further down:

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Former dean Larry Mitchell

Color me disappointed. The parties have reached a settlement in Ku v. Mitchell. We won’t get to hear trial testimony about a law school dean allegedly propositioning students and staff or trying to set up threesomes on a bed with Chinese silk sheets.

Okay, let’s rewind. Last October, Case Western law professor Raymond Ku filed a lawsuit against former Case dean Lawrence Mitchell and against the university. Ku alleged that he suffered retaliation after reporting to university officials that Mitchell had potentially sexually harassed women at the law school, including employees and students. In the wake of the lawsuit, Mitchell took a leave of absence as dean, then resigned the deanship (but remained on the faculty).

Today brings word of the parties settling the case. What are the terms of the settlement, and what do the parties have to say about it?

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We know you love Justice Ginsburg. You voted her your favorite justice just last year. Yesterday, this tweet became the most retweeted thing from our account in basically ever.

But have you read Notorious RBG’s dissent in Hobby Lobby yet? It is pretty long. Perhaps you’d enjoy it better as a song? That’s what one guy did — he condensed the opinion into a song.

And it’s pretty good.

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* Watchcat! [Legal Juice]

* On a similar note, New York banning “Tiger Selfies.” When do they give out the Darwin Awards again? [Lowering the Bar]

* Are there lessons to be learned from the lawyer who applied for — and got rejected from — a paralegal gig? [Law and More]

* Have you ever seen a standup comic playing music during a set? Well, they’re doing it to prevent others — clubs, networks, etc. — from lifting their work and selling it as their own. Welcome to the world of standups and copyright. [The Legal Geeks]

* You already heard our take. Now for someone who took some actual time to think about what Noel Canning means. [Federal Regulations Advisor]

* The sexiest law firm in the world? [The Careerist]

* The Supreme Court is less conservative than we think. Let’s have a poll! After reading this, do you think SCOTUS is less conservative than you expected? After the jump…. [Washington Post]

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This will probably end badly.

I don’t know what kind of “logic” makes prospective law students think that they’ll all end up in the top five percent of their classes. But I’m pretty sure the same kind of fallacy arises when a male law school graduate thinks that two women want to take him home from a bar and make love to him at the same time.

Maybe it’s not a logical fault. Maybe it’s the old Achilles heel for lawyers; they’re bad at math. Just because something is possible doesn’t make it probable. What’s probable is that the two women intend to rob you (you know, just like most law schools)…

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Kimberly Kisselovich from @Kimberly_Kisse

Move over Andi Dorfman. The Atlanta prosecutor who traded murder trials for handing out roses may appeal to those seeking a lawyerly “girl next door” fix, but if you’re looking for more of a lawyerly “girl on girl action” type, then meet reality TV’s latest legal star, Kimberly Kisselovich.

California native Kisselovich served as Playboy’s “Cyber Girl of the Month” for June 2013, but what readers didn’t know if they weren’t diligently reading the articles is that she was working on her law degree at a top-ranked school at the time.

Which show is she on? I’ll give you a hint, it’s famous for stars parading around in skimpy outfits, getting drunk, and having inappropriate makeout sessions on camera.

Oh, wait, that’s every reality show. Except Wicked Tuna.[1]

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Oh, this is rich. Some poor half-man who undoubtedly owns several pairs of X-Ray specs and a colony of Sea Monkeys decided to trust the dubious promises of an online retailer promising to turn him into a latter day John Holmes. Obviously this purchase was never going to work out for him, but this story has a much more comical ending: the retailer sent him a magnifying glass.

Ahahahahahahaha.

While the newspaper refers to the retailer as a scam artist, it seems to me they sent the only possible product that could deliver on their claims.

And there’s a lawyer involved in this story and you’ll never guess what his name is….

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