Listen up, Chief Justice Roberts! Here are two new arguments you can use to make the case for higher judicial pay.

1. From the Drudge Report:

According to Forbes, Judge Judy has a net worth of $95 million. She earns $25 million a year -- over 100 times the Chief Justice's salary.

Random aside: Contrary to rumor, and despite their shared irascibility, Judge Judy Sheindlin (at left) and Judge Shira Scheindlin (S.D.N.Y.; at right) are NOT related. As you can see, their last names are spelled differently. Despite this difference, Judge Scheindlin of the Southern District regularly receives telephone calls from people in search of televised justice.

2. Because of his low pay, Justice Clarence Thomas has been reduced to eating at ESPN Sports Zone.

(Yes, we know, CT got a seven-figure advance for his memoirs. But when you enjoy Corvettes, luxury RVs, and fine cigars, the money goes fast.)

Wonk'd: Barely Legal [Wonkette]
The Richest 20 Women In Entertainment: Judith "Judge Judy" Sheindlin (#13) [Forbes]

The third time, and the third hung jury, proves to be a charm for former Gambino family crime boss John Gotti (aka "Junior Gotti"). From the New York Times:

[F]ederal prosecutors announced today that they would not seek to retry Mr. Gotti for a fourth time. The decision enshrines the mob dauphin as a defendant even trickier to convict than his father, the Gambino family don, John J. Gotti, who beat the rap three times himself before being found guilty in 1992 and dying in a federal prison hospital 10 years later.

So what now? Is Mr. Gotti going to Disneyworld? Uh, maybe:

Mr. Gotti, who has acknowledged through his lawyers that he ran the Gambino family during stretches of the 1990’s, to return to a life as normal as his name will allow. At the end of his third trial in September, he told reporters he wanted to “move on” and expressed a desire to work with children.

His lawyer, Charles F. Carnesi, said today that Mr. Gotti may turn to academe. “He’s interested in pursuing a degree,” he said. “In social work or counseling or maybe something with the schools.”

Our suggestion: elementary school music teacher. If Junior Gotti can lead a packed courtroom in a birthday serenade of a federal judge, he should have no problem getting grade schoolers to sing their little hearts out.

No Fourth Trial for Gotti, Prosecutors Say [New York Times]

Earlier: Happy Birthday, Judge Scheindlin

Related: TV, Movies, and the Mob: Some Quality Time with Gerald Shargel

Voter turnout in our ATL reader poll, Who Is the Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary?, has been surprisingly good. Not as good as turnout in our ERISA Hotties Contest; but certainly stronger than the anemic response to the August 2006 Couple of the Month survey.

If you haven't already voted, you can review the field and cast your ballot by clicking here. Please note that the poll is being administered by Pollhost. As a result, we have no control over any technological glitches (e.g., being told you already voted when you didn't -- this is probably because someone else in your office already did, and Pollhost treated that IP address as yours).

At the current time, Judge Alex Kozinski of the Ninth Circuit -- the reigning male Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary -- has a strong lead. But his colleague on the Ninth Circuit, Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw -- the federal judiciary's #2 Female Superhottie, as well as its #1 Gay Icon -- is running right behind him (her Manolos be damned).

Here's what one reader had to say about the results thus far:

I am astounded by the vote tally. Judge Kozinski is no Paris Hilton. He's more like Sean Puffy Combs.

We see this reader's point. First, Paris Hilton is a woman -- and oh what a woman! So the three female judges may have a better claim to her bejeweled mantle than the two men.

Second, the Kozinski-Combs comparison is strong: both men are international superstars, with devoted fans, who are believed to enjoy tequila and fabulous parties.

(But, with all due respect to Judge Kozinski, Sean Combs is a better dresser. The black velvet tux that he wore to the Oscars two years ago is way more stylish than any black robe.)

With the voting well underway, it's time to declare when the contest will end. The polls will close on Tuesday, September 26, at 1 PM (Eastern time). This will allow the candidates to campaign over the weekend (e.g., by spamming all their former clerks). It will also allow West Coast readers -- and contestants -- to vote one last time when they get into work that morning.

We wish these five distinguished jurists the best of luck in their quest for this distinction. If they have any campaign messages to disseminate, we invite them to email us.

Think about it, Your Honors. Wouldn't "The Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary" look great in the "Miscellany" section of your Almanac of the Federal Judiciary write-up? Fun stuff!

Earlier: ATL Reader Poll: The Paris Hilton of the Federal Bench

Today is the first day for judicial clerkship interviews under the official Law Clerk Hiring Plan (which some judges follow, and some judges don't). We're going to celebrate the occasion with a judge-related poll.

Here at Above the Law, we love ourselves some Paris Hilton. She's beautiful, blonde, and rich. She's fabulous and glamorous. She's a gifted model, actress, singer, dancer, and businesswoman. (And yes, she's good at that, too.)

Here are some quotes from a recent New York Sun article about Paris that capture some of our feelings about her:

Says Camille Paglia: "She feels the Zeitgeist. She has that dancer's feel for the camera, for the observing eye, and she produces fantastic still pictures." Ashley Barrett, global PR director for Coty Prestige, has added, "She is very clever about giving the press what they want — provocative fashion, an ever-increasing list of projects, scandal. She gives great paparazzi."

Some people deride Paris Hilton as being "famous for nothing" or "famous for being famous." We disagree; but if this were true, it would only make Paris more fantastic. It would make the purest incarnation of fame possible: fame undiluted by the distracting presence of accomplishment.

And, as everyone knows, we also love ourselves some federal judges. So here's today's poll:

Who is the Paris Hilton of the federal judiciary?

Here are the contenders and what they share in common with Paris:

Judge Maryanne Trump Barry (Third Circuit): 'cause she's a filthy rich heiress (daughter of the late real estate magnate Fred Trump, and big sister of The Donald).

Judge Alex Kozinski (Ninth Circuit): 'cause he's a genius at self-promotion.

Judge Richard Posner (Seventh Circuit): 'cause he's a multitalented public intellectual.

Judge Shira Scheindlin (Southern District of new York): 'cause she's a Gotham-based biatch difficult woman.

Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw (Ninth Circuit): 'cause she's a blonde diva -- and HOTT!!!

HAPPY VOTING!!!

Update: Paris Hilton: When the Polls Will Close

Paris Hilton: She's With the Brand [New York Sun]

Wow -- a whole lot of lawyers got married last weekend. And some of them are very impressive people. Like William Michael, a Yale law grad who will be clerking for the prestige-oozing Second Circuit. And Matthew Schwartz, who clerked for Judge Shira Scheindlin (S.D.N.Y.) from 2002 to 2004 -- and lived to tell the tale...

But in order to make it into this week's Legal Eagle Wedding Watch, both members of the couple needed to be lawyers (since Legal Eagle Wedding Watch prefers all-lawyer couples, and things were that competitive this week).

So neither Mr. Michael nor Mr. Schwartz made it past the velvet rope. Here are this week's contestants:

1. Dara Kestenbaum, Scott Freling

2. Elizabeth Oyer, Geoffrey Wyatt

3. Sharmila Sohoni, Christopher Egleson

Find out this week's winner of "Legal Eagle Wedding Watch," after the jump (i.e., click on the "continue reading" link below).

We briefly linked to this item yesterday, but now we have a little more to add. Here's what the New York Post reported:

[Organized crime defendant John "Junior"] Gotti helped Manhattan federal Judge Shira Scheindlin celebrate her 60th birthday by serenading her from his seat at the defense table yesterday.

"I led the attack," Gotti said outside of court. "Everyone was saying, 'We're going to sing, we're going to sing,' and then they started chickening out."

The bizarre and unusual birthday celebration was carried out in the courtroom - which was mysteriously closed to the public - before jury selection in Gotti's racketeering trial resumed for a third day.

What makes this even more unusual is how the judge reacted:

Later in the day the judge got some chuckles when she agreed to excuse a potential juror who had plans to travel to Paris to celebrate her mother's 60th birthday. "I'm particularly sympathetic to 60th birthdays," Scheindlin said.

It's surprising to hear that Judge Scheindlin took things so well. Although she's not related to "Judge Judy" (a.k.a. Judge Judith Sheindlin -- different spelling), one couldn't be blamed for thinking so. The Honorable Shira has a reputation has a holy terror. She works her clerks like dogs, berates them frequently, and sometimes even makes them cry. Don't pee on her robe and tell her it's raining!

So Judge Scheindlin's good-humored reaction to the in-court birthday festivities is somewhat unexpected. Guess it just goes to show that even the toughest judge can be buttered up with birthday wishes.

'JUNIOR' SINGS SOPRANO: SERENADES JUDGE WITH HAPPY B'DAY [New York Post]

* John Faso, the Republican candidate for New York governor, calls out Eliot Spitzer for his Dick Grasso grandstanding. Ha. [DealBreaker]

* Wow, this is weird: John "Junior" Gotti serenades Judge Shira Scheindlin on her 60th birthday. [New York Post]

* Musical chairs in legal academia: a whole lot of shakin' goin' on. [Concurring Opinions]

* End of summer, end of summer associate meals. Sigh... [WSJ.com]