The bonus news is coming fast and furious today. Simpson Thacher & Bartlett is trying to nail down the market at the Cravath level. Multiple tipsters sent in the STB bonus announcement and the firm is following Cravath at all class levels.

Regular Above the Law readers will note that there is absolutely no surprise about Simpson’s bonus. Last year at around this time — when there was still a clear separation between Skadden’s bonus and Cravath’s bonus — Simpson rushed in to follow Cravath.

Given that history, we don’t know a lot of people that expected Simpson to do anything other than follow Cravath. Long gone are the days when Simpson led the charge to $160K.

But don’t forget about Sullivan & Cromwell. The firm’s had a good year, and with all of its competitors falling in line behind Cravath, they could get some real market separation here with a bonus that is still smaller than what they paid out last year.

What a fun Friday. I wonder if anybody else will rush out a bonus announcement before five o’clock? I’m going to need another Red Bull.

Read the STB bonus memo, after the jump.

Congratulations to Caroline Nyenke and LaRue Robinson, selected by ATL readers as our August Couple of the Month in a close race. Things were a bit more lopsided in our September Couple of the Month poll, as SCOTUS clerks and lovebirds Karen Dunn and Brian Netter took the crown with 40 percent of the vote. Both couples will compete for Couple of the Year honors in a few months.

Now, this week’s contestants:

1. Molly Rusten and Peter Rosen

2. Xixi Yin and Edward Amley Jr.

3. Simrin Parmar and John Bennett

Check out these newlyweds’ pictures and bios, after the jump.

The stalk-and-eventually-marry-your-doorman phenomenon continues to enthrall the NYT weddings editors. This week they shine the spotlight on yet another bride — this time a producer at CNN — who found love in the lobby. LEWW encourages female Biglaw associates to embrace this trend. You’re in and out of office buildings all day, ladies — open your eyes to the lusciousness perched behind those security desks!

And now, this week’s finalist couples:

1. Monique Mendez and Graham O’Donoghue

2. Ashlee Conley and Andrew Veit

3. Anne Claiborne and Andrew Grotto

Read all about these newlyweds, after the jump.

Supreme Court clerks continue to flood the NYT wedding pages this month, creating grim LEWW odds for mere-mortal Cornell grads and Skadden associates. Like Troy playing Florida or North Texas playing Alabama, these folks are welcome to suit up, but the only question is how bad their whuppin’ is going to hurt.

Here are your three finalist couples for the week:

1. Rebecca Mancuso and Andrew Brunswick

2. Erin Gustafson and David Curtiss

3. Kathleen Devine and David Newman

Evaluate these newlyweds, after the jump.

Moving right along with our Vault open threads, it’s time to take a look at the firms ranked #6 - #10.

6. Weil Gotshal
7. Simpson, Thacher & Bartlett
8. Cleary
9. Covington & Burling
10. Kirkland & Ellis

Weil’s strong move up the Vault charts — the firm was ranked #9 last year — shows the power of high profile work. The Lehman bankruptcy and the General Motors restructuring were just two of the many recognizable matters Weil has had its hands on in the past 12 months.

But Weil also seems to have timed the Vault rankings quite well. The firm didn’t start deferring incoming first years until March, didn’t start laying off staff until May, and didn’t start laying off associates closing offices until the end of June.

Regardless of whether or not those moves catch up with Weil next year, right now is Weil’s time to shine in the warm recruiting light of sixth place. Congrats.

Let’s look at the other firms after the jump.

Based on a Washington Post article profiling the Five O’Clock Club, an outplacement and career coaching company, we constructed a Biglaw blind item:

Which New York law firm, having already completed two rounds of layoffs, has hired the Five O’Clock Club to help it carry out additional layoffs (in August, October, and November)?

After we ran the item, several firms came forward to declare they’re not the firm in question. And now they’re joined by one more: Morgan, Lewis & Bockius.

A spokesperson for Morgan Lewis contacted ATL to say that it isn’t the firm with layoffs in the works. In fact, Morgan Lewis claims that it shouldn’t even be on the shortlist of contenders.

Read why — and check out the list of the Five O’Clock Club’s clients, including some very prestigious law firms that haven’t publicly admitted to layoffs — after the jump.

Simpson Thacher laid off a number of staffers yesterday. Our sources report that there was massive confusion for associates and clients while the cuts were being made. People around the office have been calling it “Black Monday,” and it looks like the firm isn’t done laying people off.

Simpson Thacher did not respond to our multiple requests for comment.

But our sources report that the layoffs started Friday night. On Friday, the firm fired its overnight document duplication team, and made reductions to the shift that starts at 6:00 p.m. Sources report that the cuts affected 10 - 20 people.

The employees were escorted out by security Friday evening.

But that is not what caused the confusion on Monday morning. More details after the jump.

We’ve been talking for months about how summer associate programs will be scaled back this year. It’s a recession, baby. Frugality is the new black.

Last month, Cleary issued a humorous memo about how to treat its summer associates. It encouraged associates to take SAs out for value meals at McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s, or better yet, to invite them over for a home cooked meal (“Pair hot dogs with frozen fish fillets for a surf and turf treat.”)

This week, Simpson Thacher & Bartlett issued its real Summer Meal Program memo as its first SAs start at the office on Monday. Things are dramatically scaled back in comparison to prior years, says a tipster:

summer 2007 - unlimited summer lunches
summer 2008 - 15 summer lunches per associate (entire summer) no limits on how many lunches summers attended
summer 2009 - one lunch a week (for associates AND summer)

More details, and the memo, after the jump.

Lots of firms are starting to let associates know the budget for SA entertaining this year. We encourage you to dish on the policies at your firm in the comments.

Last Thursday, Mark Levy, a Kilpatrick Stockton attorney who had been laid off, tragically committed suicide at the firm’s office. Sadly, we have more disturbing news to report today. Above the Law has learned that a Simpson Thacher associate died two weekends ago in an apparent suicide. We understand that the female associate was recently let go from the firm.

The firm issued this brief statement to Above the Law:

A Simpson Thacher associate has passed away and the family requests privacy.

Associates were informed in one-on-one meetings by partners at the firm last week.

The death took place more than a week before Mark Levy took his own life, so this is clearly not a copy-cat situation. Instead, the news underscores the need for people to seek professional help during these difficult times. If you are feeling depressed, we implore you to avail yourselves of the counseling services offered by your firm, state bar association, or your law school.

After the jump, the National Law Journal reports that more attorneys are doing just that.

Due to a glitch in the NYT’s online weddings section last week, today’s edition is a double feature. Trust us — it’s worth the wait! We have three choice entries, two of which feature scions of some of America’s most notable families.

1. Rian Balfour and Russell Marcus

2. Allison Circle and Robert Sassower

3. Maeve Townsend and David McKean

Marvel at the prestige of these couples, after the jump.

Last month, Simpson Thacher announced a new public service fellowship program. The move was widely praised as a creative, public-spirited way of dealing with the downturn.

Some commenters wondered whether it reflected work slowness at Simpson. If STB is willing to let 15 junior associates go off and do public interest work for a year, could it mean that there isn’t enough work to go around?

In the corporate department, maybe; but apparently not in litigation. Check out this email from litigation department head Barry Ostrager (he of the poor bathroom etiquette):

In this slow economy, billing over eight hours a day might seem… harsh. Is it fair for STB litigators to stay at work until 10, while the private-equity folks leave by 6?

If you’re a Simpson associate, however, you should refrain from complaint. Instead, after getting staffed on doc review for some stupid reinsurance case, email Barry O. and say: “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

* America can call off its search for Lance Armstrong’s stolen bike. I think we’ve found the culprit. [TaxProf Blog]

* For the avoidance of doubt, please see enclosed link (“Enclosure A”). [Courtoons]

* Jim Newell, blogger, thinks that lawyers in D.C. are not losing their jobs fast enough. Jim Newell may soon learn the downside to publishing under his real name. [NBC Washington]

* Residents of Miami high rise condo Buckley Towers won a $20 million verdict against an insurance company for damage sustained during Hurricane Wilma. With that kind of money in the mattresses, next week’s canasta tournament promises to be a nail biter. [South Florida Business Journal]

* Profits per partner are… wait for it… wait for it… DOWN at Simpson Thacher and Paul Hastings. And yet they still make more money than you. ZING. [The Lawyer]

* More on Michael Mukasey’s move. [Am Law Daily]

How should law firms respond to the recession? As reflected in the dramatic events of yesterday, which will go down in Biglaw history as the Valentine’s Day Massacre of 2009, lawyer layoffs are a common route.

But there are other options. We recently wrote about how unemployed (or underemployed) lawyers can do pro bono work — a way of enhancing their skills, while serving the public. Now one leading law firm is taking this idea and running with it.

Simpson Thacher & Bartlett recently announced a new program of public interest fellowships for their associates. From the memo:

Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLP is pleased to announce a Public Service Fellowship Program which offers associates the opportunity to spend one year working on a public service project of their choosing, supported by a stipend from the Firm, with the option to return to the firm at the Fellowship’s conclusion. The Fellowship Program is designed to enable associates to provide greatly needed assistance, on a full-time basis, to organizations, communities, or individuals in the United States or abroad; encourage associates’ commitment to public service; and advance associates’ own vision of social justice.

One associate is pleased and proud:

I think it’s a creative, win-win solution for the firm, as well as for those of us — meaning, anyone with a paycheck and a pulse — who live in dread of layoffs. The firm saves $100k+ a year and doesn’t have either the spectre of layoffs or gaps in its associate classes when business turns around. It also sends a strong, morale-boosting signal to the associates that the firm is looking to do all it can to avoid laying off attorneys — and is actually willing to spend money to that effect (while, of course, also saving a good deal of money).

The reference to saving money while spending money refers to the stipend. Fellowship recipients receive a lump-sum stipend of $60,000, paid in advance. Yes, this is an upfront expenditure for the firm; but it’s less than the going rate for a first-, second-, or third-year associate.

More details, plus the full memo, after the jump.

Some of our friendly commenters frequently gripe about the high number of Rabbi-officiated weddings featured in this space. They’ll be delighted to know that only one of our three weddings this week is a straight-up Rabbi wedding. The others were jointly officiated by a Rabbi and a Mennonite minister and a Rabbi and a bankruptcy judge. Yay for diversity!

Here are this week’s lucky finalists:

1. Harper Fertig and James Robinson

2. Marion Ringel and Joshua Panas

3. Julie Hootkin and Benjamin Schneider

Read all about these couples, after the jump.

The winter wedding announcements are often a prestige wasteland, but we’re actually quite pleased with the caliber of the couples we’ve been able to round up for the first 2009 edition of Legal Eagle Wedding Watch (which admittedly includes some entries from late 2008).

Here are your contestant couples:

1. Bella Sewall and David Wolitz

2. Daniela Jampel and Matthew Schneid

3. Jaime Teitelman and Howard Wachtel

Click on the link below to read more about these newlyweds.

Christopher Hitchens has famously declared that “the four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” LEWW humbly submits an addition to this list: the University of Pennsylvania. Or “Penn State.” Whatever you call it, we’re tired of it. Its graduates are ridiculously overrepresented on the weddings page. (We haven’t done a scientific survey, but we’d venture to guess that we’ve written more about newlyweds from Penn than from any other school—even New York schools.) And really, what’s so great about Penn, other than its football team?

As you can probably guess, it’s another Penn-heavy week on the Legal Eagle Wedding Watch. But don’t worry; we’ve lightened the tedium with a few other degrees—and some strikingly attractive contestants:

1. Stacey Sarfatti and Rustin Paul

2. Tamar Shuldiner and Keith Levenberg

3. Melissa Hutson and Matthew Rizzo

Click on the link below for these couples’ pictures and credentials.

As many people have pointed out, being angry over “only” a $20,000 bonus is something that most of the working world finds appalling. We get it: “spoiled whiners,” “real people are losing their jobs,” “nobody should complain about a six-figure salary,” yada, yada, yada.

But other people have pointed out that most of the working world doesn’t have $150,000 plus in educational debt to pay off before Biglaw lets you out of white-collar indentured servitude. Most associates don’t blow their bonuses on hookers and coke. (Fools!) Sadly, paying off debt is the final destination for most of the bonus cash.

So, in a way, law schools always take your bonus — at least a significant chunk of it. But maybe this year those schools got an additional tap into your bonus cash. Last week Harvard Law school released its 2007-2008 Report of Gifts. According to a tipster (I didn’t receive the report personally because I try to stay off the HLS grid; it has a lot to do with my hooker/coke/debt decisions), Half-Skadden and Skadden-Mart donated quite a lot to HLS. The report lists those two firms in the $1 million to $3 million range.

Putting some figures together, after the jump.

A week ago we asked if new partner promotions were an indication law firm’s financial health. Skadden-Mart just released its new partner roster, and it does appear that the firm’s tepid bonus announcement is reflected in the new promotions.

The New York Times reports that Skadden-Mart made five new greeters partners:

Simpson’s latest class is smaller than the eight partners it elected a year ago and less than half the 13 partners it named in late 2006, when the deal boom was in full swing.

This year, as big mergers are scarce and leveraged buyouts even scarcer, three of Simpson’s five new partners are from the corporate department, all based overseas. The other two new partners, from the litigation and tax departments, work out of Simpson’s New York headquarters.

So at least in this case, Simpson is keeping up the appearance of financial stress that they indicated to their associates week ago.

How is morale over at Simpson? After the jump.

As 7th year associates at Half-Skadden and Skadden-Mart come to grips with the fact that they will be getting a smaller bonus than 1st years at Skadden, let’s take a look at a curious article that came out on November 20th. The same day Cravath announced their reduced bonuses (and threatened their people about 2009) Chairman Chesler spoke to American Lawyer:

Evan Chesler, the presiding partner of Cravath Swaine & Moore, stresses that firms do not need lots of offices to be diversified. “It is too easy to confuse geography with geographic reach,” he says. “It is not the same thing.” …

Although Cravath has just one small outpost in London, the firm is highly diversified, Chesler maintains. “We certainly do Wall Street work, but we always have done work for companies not on Wall Street, companies that make things and are located all around the world, and will continue to do so.”

Apparently, for Chesler “it is too easy to confuse” words with deeds. Either the firm is diversified and is in a good position to weather this economic storm, or it is not. I’m sure that Chesler’s employees do not really appreciate Chesler running around publicly talking about the health of the firm, on the same day he sends around internal memos warning:

[A]ssociates should be prepared for the likelihood that the economy and the Firm’s financial performance next year will not show a significant improvement over this year and they may receive significantly reduced or no year-end bonuses next year.

If you want to criticize Cravath associates, don’t call them “greedy and entitled,” instead call them “foolish” for believing their own management. Believing their own firm is a mistake I’m sure most Cravath associates will not make again.

After the jump, guess who else was talking.

“Not God Bless America, God-damn America.”

We are now able to report that Simpson Thacher & Bartlett has matched bonuses with Half-Skadden:

On behalf of the partners of the Firm, I would like to announce that year-end bonuses for associates in good standing will be as follows:

Class of 2008: $17,500 (pro-rated)

Class of 2007: $17,500

Class of 2006: $20,000

Class of 2005: $22,500

Class of 2004: $25,000

Class of 2003: $27,500

Class of 2002: $30,000

Class of 2001: $32,500

Class of 2000: $32,500

Cravath has doomed us all.

After the jump, more analysis and the full STB memo.