Who says the associate bonus news has dried up? Check out the latest announcement to make its way to our inbox:

LAW OFFICES OF DAVID C. MCGRAIL
676A Ninth Avenue #211, New York, NY 10036
Ph: (646) 290-6496 Fax: (646) 224-8377

MEMORANDUM TO ALL U.S. ATTORNEYS

November 8, 2007

We are delighted to announce that the Firm will pay special bonuses to all U.S. attorneys, in the amounts set forth below.

Class of 2000: $60,003

The special bonuses will supplement the Firm’s normal year-end U.S. bonuses. In lieu of special and year-end bonuses, U.S. attorneys may opt for a 100% equity stake in the Firm.

It is our pleasure to work with such an extraordinarily talented, quick-witted, well-read, handsome, modest group of lawyers. Thanks to your hard work, 2007 has been the Firm’s best year ever. While our securitization, antitrust, environmental, mass tort, tax, trust and estates, and patent litigation practices remain nonexistent, our bankruptcy/restructuring and general corporate practices have flourished. Profits are up infinity percent from 2006. We look forward to seeing you all and celebrating this year’s successes at the holiday party at “Go Sushi” on 51st and 9th.

The Firm urges you not to circulate this memo to muckraking legal tabloids such as Above the Law. We recognize that our special bonuses exceed those offered by Cravath and others, and we don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Law Offices of David McGrail [official website]

It's not as great as this lawyer ad. Nor does it rise to the level of the Nixon Peabody non-theme song.

But this lawyer advertisement, spotted in a Houston area convenience store, is pretty cute. And in a world in which software license agreements have choice-of-law clauses like this one, who's to say that it won't be effective?

(The attorney behind the ad is Wayne Heller, who appears to be a solo practitioner focused on criminal defense work.)

Trust me, I know... [Flickr]
Wayne A. Heller [FindLaw Lawyer Directory]

* We know you guys never tire of talking about the tough job market for graduates of non-top-tier law schools. Here is Sam Kamin's take on Amir Efrati's WSJ piece. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Can't get a Biglaw gig, perhaps because you're a Tier 2 (or Tier 3 or Tier 4) grad? Why not hang out your own shingle? [Build A Solo Practice, LLC]

* Still on this week's non-top-tier law school theme, Dave Hoffman wonders: "[I]s there a point to law school beyond sorting students?" [Concurring Opinions]

* Vault is beloved not just by prestige-obsessed law students, but by investors, too. A private equity firm just bought a stake in Vault that values it at $60-$85 million. [alarm: clock]

* We have no difficulty believing this SCOTUS clerk gossip. [BeldarBlogs]

* Maybe Vanessa Hudgens should pay her lawyer in kind. Autographed nudie pics would surely fetch a pretty penny on eBay. [E! Online]

* Wondering whether there's a double jeopardy issue with respect to the state charges against Michael Vick? [WSJ Law Blog]

* Want to pick up some advice on the voir dire process -- and catch up on the last week of legal blogging at the same time? Check out Blawg Review #127, by trial lawyer and jury consultant Anne Reed. [Deliberations via Blawg Review]

We recently were sent this pay raise announcement, which we reprint with the permission of the sender:

I will pay my first year associate $175,000.

I just need to generate the income to hire someone at that pay level.

Frank M. Feibelman
Attorney at Law
5206 Markel Road
Richmond, VA 23230

Okay, here's Mr. Feibelman's real point, which is a fair one: "Bear in mind that not all of your readers are Big Law lawyers; some are sole practitioners."

And here is one other thing to keep in mind. Biglaw attorneys, be thankful for your deep-pocketed clients, who allow you to practice law without too many cost considerations.

To be sure, even big corporate clients are becoming more cost-conscious -- and complaining about high fees. But they're still not as cheap cost-conscious as small businesses and individuals, the typical clients of sole practitioners, who freak out over legal bills when they reach into the five figures.

P.S. Speaking of solo practitioners -- how much does the typical one earn? Their incomes can vary widely, but we'd be interested in a random sampling. If you're a sole practitioner, please describe the nature of your practice and how much you earn, by posting in the comments. Thanks.

Frank M. Feibelman: Attorney at Law [official website]
Associate Salary Wars: The GCs Strike Back [WSJ Law Blog]

[Ed. note: We'll get back to associate pay raises shortly. But for those of you with no interest in the staggeringly high sums being earned by your Biglaw buddies, Stella Q has some Non-Sequiturs for you.]

* I’m not sure how they do it, but Reputation Defender can rid cyberspace of slanderous detritus, even if you’re probably the one who put it out there in the first place. [Reputation Defender via Daily Candy]

* For those of you who are solo practitioners and/or have your face on a bus, then this service may actually make good business sense. [Blawg]

* So we’ve been preoccupied with Charney, Shanetta and the tightening of the golden handcuffs -- don’t forget the juicy bits (betrayal! secrets! lies! some racial stuff!?) coming out of the Scooter Libby trial too. [Dean’s World via Media Bloggers]

* Puns kill. [Law.com]

* Is it presumptuous for the gorgeous, ageless Sidney Poitier to identify with Thurgood Marshall? (The answer is no, doubters! The evidence lies in these 25 questions.) [Vanity Fair]

* Yeah, but do any of them look like this? Also, I welcome recommendations as to up-and-coming bloggers or just quirky, personal favorites. [Blawg Review]

Or MySpace. Or Facebook. So we can only speculate as to what her "Hobbies and Interests" are -- in addition to terrorizing summer interns, rifling through employees' desks, and vigorously enforcing the use of binder clips over paper clips (allegedly).

But Shanetta Cutlar's erstwhile nemesis in the DOJ's Special Litigation Section, Ty Clevenger, does have a bare-bones Friendster profile. It's not terribly exciting -- we learn that he's 37, and from Texas -- but here it is, for what it's worth:

One of you wondered what Ty is up to these days, since Cutlar forced him out of the Section. Clevenger informs us:

"I'm moving back to Texas and opening my own practice. Mostly civil, including civil rights, and maybe a little appellate and criminal. I figured if I was going to work for a jerk, it might as well be me."

It takes guts to hang up your own shingle and start a solo practice. We admire the young lawyers who are brave enough to do it. So even though our heart will always belong to Shanetta Y. Cutlar, we wish Ty Clevenger the best of luck with his new venture.

P.S. We have invited Shanetta Cutlar to join Friendster:

If she sets up a profile, you'll be the first to know about it.

Ty Clevenger [Friendster]

Earlier: Prior coverage of the Special Litigation Section under Shanetta Cutlar (scroll down)

The five-year-old had a better excuse.

(In all seriousness, we have nothing against solo practitioners. And one could argue that, if anything, Biglaw attorneys are more likely to engage in sexual harassment than solo practitioners.)

School accuses 5-year-old of sex harassment [Herald-Mail]
Attorney Censured for Pinching Secretary [New York Law Journal via ATL]

* Pity the petty, Tommy Bahama-wearing victims of the defectively long and narrow armrests of Metro-North commuter trains. [New York Times]

* Dr. Daniel goes to prison after lubing up the Beverly Hills ladies… in a bad way. [Los Angeles Times]

* Small firms are great and all, but can they afford the luxury of a Holiday Extravaganza in the cafeteria? [Build a Solo Practice, LLC]

* A crime against the Christmas spirit? No, just a mom charging her kid with petty larceny. [The Smoking Gun via CrimLaw]

* Remember that ninth-grade health ed presentation on the dangers of smoking, with the gross photos of cancerous lungs? That is when the statute of limitations should start running. (The SOL in trans-fat cases, because it’s only a matter of days now, should run the day you realize you can’t see your penis anymore.) [Point of Law]

Some of you have requested more coverage of life beyond Biglaw, namely, boutique law firms and solo practitioners. And we are happy to oblige.

First things first: How much money do you guys make?

Yep, that's right. Solo practitioners and small law firms are the theme for our next installment of Skaddenfreude: Totally Gauche Ogling of Other Lawyers' Incomes. We're curious about their incomes because, from what we understand, they vary widely. Some solos and small-firm attorneys make less than first-year associates at major law firms; but others make more than the top Biglaw partners.

So if you're a solo practitioner or work for a small law firm, please share your income information with us (which we will, of course, anonymize before publicizing). The information that we're looking for from you is enumerated here.

Please send us your submissions by email (subject line: "Skaddenfreude"). Thanks!

Earlier: Skaddenfreude: Totally Gauche Ogling of Other Lawyers' Incomes