Sports

* The Mars Curiosity rover played “Happy Birthday to You” to itself on the first anniversary of its landing on the Red Planet. It takes about 13 minutes for transmissions from Mars to reach the Earth. Time Warner sued NASA 14 minutes after Curiosity’s performance. [io9]

* Fans of the Colorado Rockies… fans? Huh, okay! Anyway, the case posits that Rockies ticket holders should be allowed to sell them on the secondary market. If they can’t unload Rockies tickets, they may be forced to watch a team 11 games out of first place flounder. [Forbes]

* Paul Rampell, Donald Trump’s lawyer, advocates for replacing marriages with leases with defined terms. It gives new meaning to “trading in for a new model.” The thrice married Trump nods approvingly. [Washington Post]

* The Rumpus interviews Dean Frank H. Wu of UC Hastings. Turns out he’s writing “a bad trashy novel.” So it probably won’t make the 25 Greatest Law Novels ever list. But then again, they put The Fountainhead on that list, so don’t give up hope, Dean Wu! [The Rumpus]

* Poetry Corner: Kenneth Branagh Prepares Evidence For Trial. So long as he’s not preparing to direct another awful Thor movie, I’m fine. [Poetic Justice]

* Just what do Americans even want from an energy policy? That Cuisinart fusion reactor from Back to the Future, that’s what. [Breaking Energy]

* A defendant called a judge “Hon,” and it did not go well. I wonder what Judge Montes gets called at the club? [Sun Sentinel]

* Anthony Weiner once explained that he was “inspired” by a book about a lawyer who wants to cheat on his wife. Indeed. [BuzzFeed]

* Judges on the Third Circuit bench must really ♥ boobies. Breast cancer awareness bracelets can’t be banned by public schools if they aren’t lewd and if they comment on social issues. [Legal Intelligencer]

* A bevy of Biglaw firms were involved as advisers in the sale of the Boston Globe, Newsweek, and the Washington Post, including Cleary Gottlieb, Cravath, and Morgan Lewis, among others. [Am Law Daily]

* After surviving a motion for disqualification, Quinn Emanuel will continue to represent Snapchat. A short video of John Quinn laughing his ass off will be available for the next 10 seconds. [TechCrunch]

* Alex Rodriguez, the only MLB player who will be appealing his drug-related suspension, has hired Reed Smith and Gordon & Rees to hit it out of the park during arbitration proceedings. [Am Law Daily]

* Don’t say we never did you any favors: Here are the top 5 mistakes new in-house counsel make from the perspective of outside counsel. Take a look before you make them yourselves. [Texas Lawyer]

* We saw this coming back in June (seventh item), but now it’s official. Prenda Law has dissolved after posting six figures in bonds for various ethical sanctions. Next step, bankruptcy? [National Law Journal]

* If you’re interested in applying to a top 14 law school, make sure your stats and your story are both compelling. No one likes a boring law student. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

* A DWI attorney shows up to court drunk. Kicker? He was in the wrong courtroom. Still, the best way to defend a client is to stumble a mile in their shoes. [KRQE]

* A sitting appellate judge shares his poetic stylings. [Law Poetry]

* Here’s a brutally honest letter from a hypothetical senior Biglaw partner to a new associate. Since this week established that we need to point this out, this is a satirical letter. [Associate's Mind]

* Well, this is a pretty comprehensive tirade against a judge. It makes calling a judge a “cock” seem tame. [Legal Juice]

* Harvard Professor Noah Feldman talks about democracy. He thinks monarchies have funny traditions. I guess he’s talking about the royal family of Canada. [Zach Talks]

* EA can’t use the First Amendment to get out of the right of publicity problem it faces with its college football video game. And the death watch on the NCAA continues. [IT-Lex]


Ed. note: We are having an Above the Law retreat this afternoon, so we may be less prolific than usual today. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

* “I think I am now the hardest-working justice. I wasn’t until David Souter left us.” Justice Ginsburg celebrates her twentieth year on the high bench in true diva style. [USA Today]

* Sorry, EA, the Ninth Circuit thought your First Amendment free expression defense to allegedly stealing college sports players’ likenesses was a load of hooey. [Wall Street Journal]

* “It’s a decision that clearly favors the merchants.” A federal judge gave the Fed a spanking in a ruling on its cap for debit card fees earned by banks after consumer swipes. [DealBook / New York Times]

* “What makes this discriminatory? I don’t think there’s anything in Title 7 that says an employer has to be consistent.” Ropes & Gray’s “token black associate” had his day in court. [National Law Journal]

* The firm that outed J.K. Rowling as author of “The Cuckoo’s Calling” will make a charitable donation as an apology — getting the book to the bestseller’s list wasn’t charitable enough. [New York Times]

* As the bar exam draws to a close today, here’s something to consider: 12,250 people signed up to take the test in New York alone. Are there jobs out there for them? Best of luck! [New York Law Journal]

* The feds want to make a better return on their investment on law student loans. Perhaps it’s time for those good old gainful employment regulations. [Student Loan Ranger / U.S. News & World Report]

* Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro is expected to speak at his sentencing hearing today, where a judge will decide if a term of life in prison plus 1,000 years is appropriate punishment for him. [CBS News]

Dwyane Wade with his new girlfriend (ex-wife not pictured).

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell ya, brother, you can’t have one without the other.

Less than a mile from the Buckingham Fountain, a woman plopped her butt down on the pavement, arranged her various cardboard signs and proceeded to hold court. Sitting mere feet away from a man who blows a loud whistle and holds signs accusing the FBI of rape and Obama of… something, the woman’s protest wouldn’t have registered here in Chicago if it weren’t for one thing: the woman was Dwyane Wade’s ex-wife.

A woman I work with announced it rather blithely Friday afternoon. “Dwyane Wade’s ex-wife is across the street protesting something about money.” Those of us who care deeply about basketball and freakshows and anything that will distract us from our awful jobs immediately ran to the window. And there she was (picture after the jump).

Siovaughn Funches was Dwyane Wade’s high school sweetheart. I imagine she had lived a fairytale life as her young beau climbed the rungs of basketball success and made his way to untold millions. Or maybe not. I can’t say I know exactly what Siovaughn Funches thought about her marriage. What I can say is that Siovaughn Funches sat on the ground and showed how powerless the law can be when it comes face-to-face with profound mental unbalance.

What if I told you Siovaughn Funches wasn’t the craziest story involving a basketball player’s love life this week? What if I told you about an abortion contract? Is that something you might be interested in?

Let’s talk sidewalks and abortions…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Love and Basketball — The Director’s Cut”

* J.J. Redick and his girlfriend had an abortion contract. I think you can get that model on LegalZoom. [Deadspin]

* Justice Ginsburg was a looker as a college senior. [Huffington Post]

* As discussed yesterday, the sequestration is doing a number on the federal defenders. Here’s a petition to save them. [PrawfsBlawg]

* The police are enforcing Yelp reviews now? I guess Google is really pushing them. [Popehat]

* After broadcasting offensive, fake names for the Asiana crash pilots, KTVU is trying to delete the evidence through copyright claims. [Mother Jones]

* USC is the subject of a federal investigation for systematically failing to investigate rape allegations. “A DPS detective told one student that the campus police determined that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm.” In fairness, you can’t feel anything with Trojans. Seriously though, when did USC become Dubai? [Jezebel]

* Elie joined John Carney on CNBC’s Power Lunch to discuss the Khuzami hiring and the New Republic article about the fall of Biglaw. Video from CNBC after the jump…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 07.24.13″

* Sorry, ladies — the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a baby boy. Unlikely to be named “Joffrey.” [Fashionista]

* The PAC-12 is trying to block a for-profit university from joining Division I athletics. Hear hear. Division I athletics is for making millions exploiting an unpaid labor force and is no place for something as crass as a for-profit school. [Sports Illustrated]

* Professor Kyle Graham wonders: Do judges have slumps? [noncuratlex]

* If you’re fed up with the law, consider being a trophy wife! [The Careerist]

* For those high school graduates who already know they want to be lawyers, Denver Law has a joint Bachelor’s/J.D. program. So what’s the angle here? Locking undergrads into DU Law years in advance, or protecting DU’s LSAT median by filling the class with students who don’t take the LSAT? [University of Denver Law School]

* Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum of Dubai has pardoned a Norwegian woman who had been sentenced to prison for the transgression of being raped. Remember, Dubai is the relatively forward-thinking country in the region. [CNN]

* Justice Kagan can get a little snarky, can’t she? [Dorf on Law]

* Trevor Faure of Ernst & Young explains how a variety of market forces have placed law firms and their clients in an almost adversarial setting. Video after the jump….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 07.22.13″

There have been a couple of major developments this week in the ongoing lawsuit that pits Ed O’Bannon, and a group of other former college athletes, against the NCAA, Electronic Arts, and the Collegiate Licensing Company. If you are not familiar with O’Bannon v. NCAA, Sports Illustrated has a good primer. O’Bannon is suing the NCAA for antitrust violations stemming from the NCAA’s alleged licensing of players’ likenesses.

If you can’t understand that in sports terms, South Park has you covered in moral terms.

The NCAA has been operating with impunity, profiting on the backs of an unpaid labor force, for decades. I cannot think of a worse organization in the country right now, and you know I don’t say that idly: not the ABA, not Sallie Mae, not the Catholic Church. No organization seems more dedicated to directly profiteering off of young people without providing for their best interests as the NCAA.

But finally, the law might step in and stop this very powerful organization from taking complete advantage of their “student-athletes”….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Current Real Players Join The Lawsuit Against NCAA, They’ve Always Been In The Game”

This world is absolutely crawling with DUI attorneys. You wouldn’t know it to look at this website, but it’s fairly clear out here in Amurrica that DUI attorneys outnumber other attorneys by at least a seventeen or eighteen-to-one margin. If you don’t believe me, perhaps you’ll believe Google? A search for “DUI attorney” returns over 27 million hits. Whereas a search for “clown gingivitis” only returns 638,000. So yeah, there are a ton of DUI attorneys in this world.

If you’re wondering why I’m wasting your time and mine on hilarious Google searches, it’s because this is the week that sports figures decided to get all sorts of liquored-up and go on joyrides. Well, this is the week I decided to write about sports figures getting all sorts of liquored-up and going on joyrides. Because, truthfully, athletes and those who employ them have a long history of drunk driving. I refer you to my first paragraph. Those lawyers didn’t multiply like wet Gremlins because work was hard to come by. Indeed, drunk driving is a crime that is enjoyed by a wide swath of Americans, from a young me to a slightly older me to those who aren’t even me. Now, this is not to downplay the seriousness of the crime. It’s a terribly reckless thing to do and it should be punished harshly.

Let’s talk boozin’ and cruisin’…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Drunk On Sports”

Last week it came to our attention that everyone’s favorite diploma mill law school, the Thomas M. Cooley Law School, has a baseball stadium.

Not that Cooley is fielding a team; it bought sponsorship rights for a pre-existing stadium, not unlike other fine academic institutions such as the University of Phoenix.

We did some digging and got the details on this ballpark.

For example, did you know it’s actually been rated the second-greatest ballpark in the country? That’s right. The Cooley rankings say so….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Cooley Law School Stadium: The House That Broken Dreams Built”

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