“Not wanting to push her too fast, he rode her easy…. She got hot and wet, but too wet.”
That sounds like something you’d find in the pages of a soft-core porn novel. But no, instead you’ll find it in the non-sexily titled “MarineMax’s Motion To Dismiss Count X of Plaintiffs Second Amended Complaint,” filed in the Southern District of Florida last week.
Michael Krieger of Clear Marine Ventures has filed a breach of contract suit against boatmaker Brunswick Corporation and a host of other characters — including MarineMax — involved in the maintenance of his boat. MarineMax’s defense attorney, Jack Kallen, decided to have some fun in describing the nature of Krieger’s relationship with his sea vessel.
A footnote claims that the motion “is not intended or meant to titillate, but illuminate the unique relationship that an individual has with a vessel and the special, discriminating and demanding wants and needs of a wealthy individual, who was disappointed and dismayed with his purchase.” But titillate it does. Here’s an excerpt, via the Southern District of Florida Blog:
He first saw the model on line and in a promotional brochure (para. 13-15)…. Her glossy exterior, sculpted body, sophistication, bloodlines, not to mention the accolades of how she could perform, intrigued him, piqued his curiosity (para. 13-15; Exs A. and B. to second amended complaint). Needless to say, he needed to know more, meet her, ride her. He was excited (para. 22).
Suitable arrangements were made. Not wanting to push her too fast, he rode her easy (para. 36, 37). With her prominent front pushed up, her rear somewhat down, her performance was somewhat hesitant and resistant. But he was told she was a maiden, that he’d be her first owner (para. 40, 47).
We called the motion’s author, Jack Kallen, to find out why he decided to pen such a smutty motion. We told him we thought it was funny. “I hope the judge does too,” he replied. Read on, after the jump.