There are only two weeks remaining before New Year’s Eve. That means that my small-firm singles only have a short window to secure their New Year’s Eve date. And according to our survey, none of you will be working on the holiday, so you better get your act together.
Luckily for you, I am an expert at finding love. If you can believe it, this skill outshines my genius at doling out small-firm advice. And since I write under a pseudonym, none of you know that I am a 46-year-old spinster who has eggs in the freezer. Oh, well I guess you do now, but let’s get on with my tips for a successful small-firm seduction….
Continue reading “Size Matters: Small-Firm Love in the Afternoon”
No protection = lonely erection.
People see our sign. They read it. They walk away. They turn around. They come back and they grab a handful.
— Shelley Hayes, chair of the ABA AIDS Coordinating Committee, commenting on the fact that even lawyers can’t pass up a free condom. The Committee offered free condoms and HIV testing at the ABA Annual Meeting in Toronto.
If your lover has these products in their bathroom, maybe you should use a condom.
I thought the most sketchy thing I’d see today was this article about people photoshopping the heads of their Facebook friends onto naked bodies and then masturbating. There’s nothing wrong with jerking off, but doing it to friends based on their profiles just seems violative.
Of course, there are things that seem wrong, and then there are things that are wrong. And Thomas Redmond, the creator of Aussie hair-care products, apparently crossed over the line into depraved wrongness.
When Redmond was 77, he banged a woman twenty years his junior, without a condom, and gave her his herpes. Mental note: I need to remember to never use Aussie hair products because the dude that created it has herpes and doesn’t take adequate precautions…
Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: It Only Costs $4.3 Million To Give Somebody Herpes”
Poor Carl Levine. His wife has allegedly been having an affair with her psychiatrist since about 2000. And the psychiatrist allegedly had herpes. And allegedly gave Levine’s wife herpes. And now Levine has herpes.
We’ve heard of some off-the-wall psychiatric treatments but this one sounds quite unhealthy.
Now Levine is suing Dr. Robert Werboff for hiding his disease, for knowingly infecting Levine’s wife, for thus knowingly exposing Levine to herpes, and for just being a really bad doctor. According to Levine’s complaint [PDF], he has suffered “severe and permanent physical, emotional and mental distress” and “anguish, humiliation, embarrassment, fright, shock, pain, discomfort, and anxiety and has suffered permanent injuries and damages.”
We’re suffering similar emotions after having done a Google image search for “herpes.” Ick….
Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: Another Cuckold With Herpes”
In September, Kirkland & Ellis partner Frederick Tanne sued his wife, her lover, and her father for giving him herpes. (We mentioned this lawsuit in passing in Morning Docket at the time of the complaint, and many of you complained about the item not getting its own post. Well, here you go!)
Tanne claimed to have discovered his wife’s infidelity when he found herpes-treatment medicine in their bathroom. According to the New York Post, Tanne got tested for herpes and “discovered he was infected with the incurable virus.” He sued his wife, accusing her of multiple extramarital affairs, and seeking compensation for medical bills, lost wages and pain and suffering.
Mrs. Tanne’s dad is a doctor, and prescribed the herpes medication Valtrex to her. He denied his daughter had an affair. His explanation:
[Amy Tanne's father, Samuel] Messing denied that his daughter was infected.
“My daughter does not have genital herpes,” he said. “This is pure nonsense. I prescribed Valtrex for a cold sore on her lip. She never had a cold sore until she married him.”
He also denied that his daughter ever had an affair.
“He just wants to make things difficult for my family,” Messing said.
The doctor may be a reliable expert witness. The embarrassing twist in the case, after the jump.
Continue reading “Those aren’t my Herpes… Then whose Herpes are they?”
We’ve always had a great deal of affection for boozy chanteuse Liza Minnelli. Why? Check out this surprisingly eloquent squib from her Wikipedia bio:
Minnelli’s work in Cabaret molded her popular image, from the black helmet of hair and extravagant eyelashes that have remained her visual trademark to the perception among many that she shares Sally Bowles’s combination of fragility and toughness, her hunger for affection, and her heedless detachment from the ordinary.
This explains why Minnelli has such a large following among “friends of Judge Wardlaw.”
Indeed, some people suspect that Liza’s latest hubby, David Gest, might be among their number. And based on how ugly their divorce has gotten — MEOW!!! — it’s not an unreasonable theory.
David Gest, the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, asked a judge to set aside his prenuptial agreement with the star, the latest development in their lengthy divorce battle.
Gest’s lawyers told State Supreme Court Judge Harold B. Beeler on Friday that Minnelli hid the fact that she was infected with herpes, was an alcoholic and prone to violence. Had Gest known, the lawyers argued, he never would have entered into the prenuptial agreement.
Minnelli’s lawyer, Israel Rubin, refused to comment on specific allegations. “This whole thing is ridiculous,” he said.
Minnelli claims that Gest is trying to “attack and embarrass her publicly” with these allegations. If so, it’s not working. With each new revelation, the diva only grows in our esteem.
Gest Wants Minnelli Prenup Dismissed [Associated Press]
