- California, Elena Kagan, Immigration, Money, Morning Docket, Partner Issues, Pornography, SCOTUS, Student Loans, Supreme Court, Wilson Sonsini
- Biglaw, Divorce Train Wrecks, FCC, Holidays and Seasons, Immigration, LSAT, Mergers and Acquisitions, Minority Issues, Morning Docket, Reality TV, United Kingdom / Great Britain, Violence
* Build us a border fence, and then get the f**k over it. Arizona lawmakers are soliciting the public for donations to keep out the people who would work at low cost to build it. [New York Daily News]
* It looks like Kim Kardashian got her Christmas wish early this year. Her soon-to-be ex-husband will not be suing her for $10M over his portrayal on her new reality show. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]
To be clear, we’re talking about Phoenix Law, not a new legal program from the for-profit University of Phoenix. I mean, I’m sure the University of Phoenix will get around to starting an online law school, and when they do, students stupid enough to pay for it will end up struggling to pass the bar, but that’s not what this post is about.
This post is about Phoenix Law School, which received accreditation from the American Bar Association in 2010. (I’ll pause while we all digest the reality that the ABA is still approving new law schools despite all the evidence that we have too many. I’ll also pause because there is a little blood dripping into my eye from when I found the accreditation link and then slammed my head into my desk.)
In news that will shock no one, Phoenix Law is having a little bit of a problem when it comes time to graduate students that can pass the Arizona bar exam.
It is marginally more interesting to listen to Phoenix Law students ask for a refund….
With the legal economy in the toilet, the morale in career services offices has reached an all-time low.
They all know that law school graduates are getting sick and tired of putting the “bar” in barista. They all know that law school graduates living the legal grind are busy serving lattes.
Well aware of these facts, the career services brigade at one highly-ranked law school decided that it was time to put their heads together and come up with a way to make career alternatives look exciting and new….
It’s not against the law to have a glass of wine or two with dinner and then drive home.
– Michael Piccarreta, attorney for Lawrence Ponoroff, dean of the University of Arizona James E. Rogers College of Law, discussing last week’s dismissal of a DUI charge against the dean. The legal blood-alcohol content limit in Arizona is .08; Ponoroff had a BAC of .047.
* J’Accuse…! The S.E.C. has, so far, been operating on a Lone Frenchman theory in regard to mortgage securities fraud at Goldman Sachs. [New York Times]
* This article suggests that the dumb question of the 21st century is “Is it legal?” I suggest the honor go to “F**king magnets, how do they work?” [CBS News]
* Arizona is suing the Justice Department over the Notorious P.O.T. [WSJ Law Blog]
* The woman who accused two New York cops of raping her released a statement yesterday. [New York Post]
* Joran van der Sloot’s attorney has van der quit. The case. It’s a play on his name. Van der quit. [CNN]
It should not be surprising that the two dissents have sharply different views on how to read the statute. That is the sort of thing that can happen when statutory analysis is so untethered from the text.
* Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer tapped the brakes on the Insane Train yesterday, vetoing one measure that would allow guns at schools and another that would require presidential candidates to prove they weren’t Kenyan immigrants hellbent on the destruction of Lee Greenwood. [TucsonSentinel.com]
* Microsoft went before the Supreme Court yesterday to argue that patents should be easier to challenge. Sotomayor spent the entire oral argument asking the Microsoft attorney how she could fit more Miami Sound Machine on her Zune. [Reuters]
* Customer accounts have been frozen following the indictment of online poker companies. Bloomberg decided this was the perfect time to upload their stock poker photo, featuring the caption “A royal flush, circa 1950.” [Bloomberg]
* And here’s a rundown of the potential attorneys and firms who will work the defense side in said p-p-p-poker case. [Am Law Daily]
* Yo, Mr. Dopeman, you think you’re slick. You sold crack to my sister and now she’s sick. But if she happens to die because of your drug, federal judges will have a difficult time sentencing you. Oof, that N.W.A. lyric took a weird turn, didn’t it? [New York Times]
- 9th Circuit, Baker & McKenzie, Bingham McCutchen, Divorce Train Wrecks, Football, Gibson Dunn, Immigration, Insider Trading, Morning Docket, Sports
* Meanwhile, Bingham McCutchen is preemptively suing Frank McCourt for letting them screw him over so badly. [Los Angeles Times]
* The Ninth Circuit ruled that the most controversial parts of the Arizona immigration law will remain blocked. [Washington Post]
* A man was fired from his job as a part-time urine monitor because he was born a woman. He’s suing (with help from Gibson Dunn), but has already found new employment. As a package handler. [New York Times]
* Speaking of packages, this employment discrimination lawsuit filed against a Dallas law firm is struggling with penis ID. [ABA Journal]
Ed. note: Natasha Lydon is a new writer who will be helping out around Above the Law. She graduated from NYU Law School and spent years at a Vault top 50 law firm. She’ll be writing posts and working on some long-term projects. Also she’ll occasionally stop Elie from murdering the English language.
While most of us have been busy watching the worst championship game in history, scandal continues to brew over in that other college sport. Investigators recently issued their official report cataloging all of the alleged wrongdoing that has gone down in relation to the Fiesta Bowl, one of college football’s most prestigious bowl games. If you have a weekend to spare, you can read the public version of the Final Report here.
The Fiesta Bowl commissioned an initial investigation in early 2009 after rumors of campaign contribution improprieties first surfaced. This investigation was conducted by Grant Woods, a former Arizona Attorney General, who offered the Fiesta Bowl the oral conclusion that he had found “no credible evidence” of wrongdoing.
After The Arizona Republic went public with the rumors and people started to suspect that Woods’ investigation was improper (more on this later), the State of Arizona initiated a more serious investigation. Two Fiesta Bowl representatives teamed up with a former Chief Justice of the Arizona Supreme Court to choose an appropriate investigator. The winner was the law firm of Robins, Kaplan, Miller & Ciresi.
After five months of investigating, the firm issued a 276-page tome that reads like an issue spotting nightmare…