Ashley Dupré

Elie, back at the law firm.

* Associates should assume that making partner is like rising up in a drug organization. And really, who wouldn’t want to work at New Jack LLP? [Litigation & Trial]

* Wait, Justice Souter has a “secret” Citizens United dissent? That sounds cool. Utterly useless, but pretty cool. [Slate]

* The American Constitution Society’s National Convention is this June. I’ll be speaking there this year, and moderating the “(Law) Degrees of Separation: Different Ways to Put Your J.D to Work.” If you want to join, Early registration ends tomorrow. [ACS 2012]

* Signs that your firm is in trouble? How about if your firm name can be made into endless puns on ATL? I Cleary have one firm in my sights. [Greedy Associates]

* I always kind of picture Matt Taibbi stomping around outside of Goldman Sachs like Achilles standing outside of Troy yelling, “Hector.” [Rolling Stone]

* Isn’t it about time for Ashley Dupré to have sex with somebody else now? [Dealbreaker]

* You got to give it up to Chris Christie, the man does have a sense of humor….

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Albert Haynesworth III

Albert Haynesworth III

* Does your fledgling company need a full-time general counsel? Lance Levy lays out some considerations. [In-House Blog]

* Why is Marc Randazza “the most inappropriate man in the world”? Well, how many briefs have you filed with phallus-filled footnotes? (Say that last part ten times fast.) [Popehat]

* New England Patriots defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth pleads no contest to simple assault, averting a trial for misdemeanor sexual abuse. [ESPN]

* Looking for a job in legal academia? Get to know the members of the hiring committee! [PrawfsBlawg]

* “Federal Filing of the Day: Nebraska Man Says He Left Baylor With GPS Sewn in Armpit.” [Unfair Park / Dallas Observer]

Ashley Alexandra Dupré, Eliot Spitzer's former paramour.

* Eliot Spitzer gets hit with a libel lawsuit seeking $60 million. That’s worth how many hours of Ashley Alexandra Dupré? [New York Observer]

* Congratulations to Ted Frank and his colleagues at the Center for Class Action Fairness on their latest victory — which appears to represent “the first time the Ninth Circuit has vacated approval of a class action settlement since 2003.” [Center for Class Action Fairness]

* Elsewhere in the Ninth Circuit, justice delayed turns out to be justice denied for a prisoner who died while waiting over five years for a federal district judge to rule on his habeas petition. (The magistrate judge had already recommended granting relief.) [Los Angeles Times]