Bathing Suits

Cathy McCarthy

Law is one of the most conservative professions in the world, and in general, it is not a kind place for women. Every single thing women in the legal profession do is scrutinized, from the way they dress, to how they speak, and even the length of their hair. They say that women who are lawyers can have it all, but when we live in a world where we’re put up against such odds, it seems like an improbable, if not impossible, feat.

That’s why attorneys across the country are talking about a recent law school graduate who is trying to make her name in the legal community. This woman has a foot in two worlds — she’s a lawyer, but she’s also a bikini model, and she’s very upset that people may not take her seriously because of all of the skin she shows online.

Some are calling her an “HR nightmare,” but others are praising her for daring to dream. Who is she, and why should you care about her?

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Could this really happen at a law firm pool party?

It’s early June, and most summer associate programs are now in full swing. Sure, these Biglaw indoctrination programs have been pared down significantly since the days of yore, but law students are still having a great time gunning hard for offers. Staying at the office until 5:30 on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend was simply awesome. Everyone’s having so much fun!

Unfortunately, lurking in the dark underbelly of large law firms everywhere, a terrifying event lies in wait for these overly cheerful summer associates. Over the frustrated sighs of attorneys nationwide, news has spread that a pool party or beach outing has been scheduled. Sheer dread quickly spreads among the summer associates, and their pale skin from years spent studying blanches a shade whiter, as if such a thing were possible.

Dear God, what the hell should these people wear? Should they wear — gasp! — bathing suits?

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It’s that time again: it’s getting hot in herre [sic], and people at your firm have decided to take Nelly’s advice. While everyone’s gearing up for the big summer bash, you’ve got to deal with your next fashion headache. You’ve already been told that you should be wearing skirt suits and showing some leg on a day-to-day basis. And now that the weather is nice, lawyerly ladies want to know: can you, or rather, should you wear a bikini to your firm’s pool party?

We covered this issue last summer, where the be-all and end-all question was to boob or not to boob. At that point in time, I adopted an “if you’ve got it, why not flaunt it” stance. But now that I’m a year older, and (arguably) a year wiser, I’m here to offer our female readers some more mature advice to be used in this “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation with assistance from Kat Griffin of Corporette.

Keep reading for some Biglaw bathing suit etiquette that you shouldn’t have too much trouble following….

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Damn, check out the girls from corporate. Schwing!

It’s almost the middle of summer, and it’s hot as hell outside. Partners are starting to relax a little bit, and collars are getting unbuttoned. You think you might have seen someone sporting a pair of flip-flops at the office, but that one was probably a mirage. All of this can mean only one thing: the moment that you’ve been dreading has finally arrived. The invitation to the firm summer party is coming for you — and it might involve a pool or beach.

But do you really want to wear a bathing suit in front of these people? Maybe while you were busy shredding documents this spring, you got distracted and ditched your ab-shredding routine. Maybe while you were trimming the fat from your briefs, you neglected your cottage cheese thighs. And maybe, just maybe, you were lucky enough to graduate from “law school hot” to “law firm hot,” and you’re worried about your colleagues ogling your grand tetons.

Is there such a thing as bathing suit etiquette for a Biglaw summer bash? Apparently there is, so prepare to be de-sexified (as if you’re not undersexed enough as it is)….

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For women, summertime is full of difficult decisions: Which swimsuit should I buy? Which sandals should I wear? Do they match my swimsuit? Are my sunglasses too big? Are they making me look like a bug? How should I wear my hair? What time should I go lay out? How much sunscreen should I wear? Should I wear any at all? Ohmigod, my skin is orange… do I look like Snooki?

But for some women, these important decisions take a back seat to the ultimate goal of getting a tan. Some women are like honey badgers: They’re just crazy. They don’t care. They don’t give a sh*t. They just want to lay out in the sun, be it on the beach, beside the pool, or on a rusty old lounge chair in their backyard. Sunburns be damned, because they just want to catch some rays.

And this, my friends, is where the trouble allegedly started for Robin Corrente…

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