Charles Hynes

Non-Sequiturs: 06.10.13

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* The first rule of Insider Trading Club is, you do not send discoverable e-mails about Insider Trading Club. [Dealbreaker]

* Arnold & Porter staged a mock Olympics last time around. Now we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop and we learn that the antitrust group was doping. [Washington Post]

* Georgetown Law student Bindhu Parmathi crowned Miss District of Columbia! She will go on this September to participate in the Miss America pageant (aka “The pageant that Donald Trump doesn’t own). [The Examiner]

* To recap: TSA took the stance that knives should be allowed on planes, but balked at fictional Jedi weapons. Yay America! [Lowering the Bar]

* Illinois passes some of the strictest fracking regulations in the country. That’s a reference to hydraulic fracturing. Not just dropping Battlestar Galactica references. [Breaking Energy]

* Indiana thinks it can discipline lawyers for criticizing a judge via private email. I would say that’s an insane misreading of the law, but I don’t want to get disciplined in Indiana, which sounds like the terrible prequel to Fifty Shades of Grey (affiliate link). [The Indiana Lawyer]

* Five businessmen take off their pants to protest taxes. This is a bad precedent. I don’t want to see any of these Tea Party folks take off their pants. [TaxProf Blog]

* Congrats to ATL reader Alicia Long, as well as co-author Jayne Jones, on publishing their new book Capitol Hell. [Amazon (affiliate links)]

* The Judge Edith Jones incident should raise the national concern to improve diversity on the bench. But it won’t. [Judicial Clerk Review]

* More follow-up on CBS’s improper campaign ad totally objective news documentary “Brooklyn D.A.” [New York Daily News]

* If fans in the front row of your concert start holding out papers for you to grab, DON’T DO IT! Unless you want to get sued. Video after the jump, courtesy of Gawker…

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Non-Sequiturs: 05.28.13

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* The night of the Benghazi attacks, President Obama was high on cocaine and having gay sex. Sure, this seems totally reasonable. [Examiner]

* Singapore does not f**k around with sentencing. A professor faces up to five years in jail for each of six charges of corruption arising from consensual sex with a student. [Law and More]

* “Brooklyn D.A.” survives an injunction. But apparently it kind of sucks. [TV Newser]

* An unfortunately accurate story of a chickens**t legal dispute. [Legal Juice]

* An interview with a biochemist going to Yale Law School. [Science to Law]

* Testimony elicited from superheroes may not be admissible. [Law and the Multiverse]

* A legal tech startup has locked up another $5.8 million from a VC to build a new research platform. [Blake Masters]

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Non-Sequiturs: 05.24.13

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Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 27, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.

* Manhattan Justice Paul Wooten has ordered CBS to produce all emails between it and the Brooklyn DA’s office concerning “Brooklyn D.A.” and ordered a hearing this afternoon. CBS attorneys are irritated. Now they know how everyone feels when they have to watch Two and a Half Men. [WiseLaw NY]

* Lois Lerner, the embattled IRS supervisor at the heart of the recent scandal, invoked the Fifth Amendment in her congressional hearing, but in a way that may open the door to contempt. Ironically, maintaining innocence while invoking the Fifth opens one up to “heightened scrutiny.” As noted in Morning Docket, she’s been put on administrative leave. [Simple Justice]

* T.J. Duane, a co-founder of Lateral Link, was named one of the 17 Stanford business students who is going to change the world. Duane is working on technology to “provid[e] solo and boutique attorneys the benefits without the drawbacks of big law.” That’s much better than my proposal to provide solo and boutique attorneys the drawbacks without the benefits of big law, which is just a device that passive-aggressively second-guesses every decision a lawyer makes. [Business Insider]

* The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has asked the Supreme Court to uphold the D.C. Circuit’s decision holding Obama’s NLRB recess appointments unconstitutional because the appointments caused “major confusion for both employers and employees alike.” They’ve got a point. Not having a quorum on the NLRB because the Senate refuses to confirm anyone and plays parliamentary games does provide certainty… the certainty that the NLRB cannot function and it’s a free-for-all against workers. [Free Enterprise]

* Law school applications are down, but not as drastically as expected. [Faculty Lounge]

* In any event, law schools are facing an economic reckoning dubbed “Peak Law School.” [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* A new CBO report analyzes the impact of a carbon tax, in case you’re preparing to start papering cap-and-trade deals. [Breaking Energy]

* Do potential clients really care about social media? I “Like” this story. [Associate's Mind]

* Courtesy of the ABA Journal, you can check out the swag Chief Justice Roberts and Eric Holder got from foreign nations in 2010 after the jump…

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District Attorney and Major TV Network Sued Over Stupid Reality Show

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The most tragically stupid decision was greenlighting a reality show about lawyers. No one cares about watching real-life lawyering. That’s why Nancy Grace exists — to boil salacious cases down to sound bites so viewers don’t have to watch real lawyers.

But almost as stupid was greenlighting a show about a district attorney on the eve of an election and not expecting to run afoul of campaign finance laws.

Imagine running against an incumbent armed with a glossy, major network reality show constantly hyping his effectiveness in office. In the context of a district attorney election, imagine having to run against Adam Schiff after everyone watched a Law & Order marathon.

If that seems unfair, one challenger agrees with you…

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Morning Docket: 02.18.13

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‘They stole [accreditation] from us. Sneaky little ABA. Wicked, tricksy, false!’ — FAMU Law

Ed. note: Due to the Presidents’ Day holiday, we will be on a reduced publication schedule today. We will be back in full swing tomorrow. We hope you enjoy your day off (or feel free to lament your lack thereof in the comments).

* “[T]hey don’t want to hear nothing.” Vedel Browne, the man accused of robbing Stephen Breyer at machete-point while the justice was vacationing in his home in the Caribbean, now claims that he’s innocent, mon. [St. Kitts-Nevis Observer]

* You know what, the farmer in the Super Bowl commercial probably didn’t have to deal with bullsh*t like Monsanto’s seed patents, but today’s farmers do, and they’ll argue their case before the Supreme Court this week. [New York Times]

* “I’m a betting man. And I would bet and give odds that Sullivan & Cromwell has never said that publicly.” Who dares question S&C’s stance in the hot mess that is Herbalife? None other than Carl Icahn. [Am Law Daily]

* Here’s an important Biglaw math lesson that’s been provided to us via California-based firms like Irell & Manella, Munger Tolles, and Orrick: a little revenue minus a lot of partners equals profitability. [Recorder]

* Amid a flurry of filings on Valentine’s Day, love must’ve been a battlefield for the embattled Dewey & LeBoeuf refugees who were in desperate search of their once promised 2011 bonuses. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* From the department of things that suck: having to defend your office’s alleged “underhanded tactics” in a $150 million wrongful conviction case while you’re trying to get re-elected as district attorney. [New York Times]

* We got bitches in the office lawyerin’ on, and they ain’t leavin’ till six in the mornin’ — unless they want to be fired. An ex-Travers Smith trainee claims she was canned for leaving the firm “early”… at 6:30 a.m. [Telegraph]

* If it weren’t for Cosmo, this woman wouldn’t have known her landlord was an alleged creeper. A Maryland lawyer now faces criminal charges for allegedly filming his female tenants in the nude. [Washington Post]

* “We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious!” The ABA officially put Florida A&M on notice that its law school accreditation may be in jeopardy if they don’t shape up in terms of bar passage. [Orlando Sentinel]

* What do you do the second you step off a cruise ship that’s been described as “a floating toilet, a floating petri dish, a floating hell”? You grab the very first lawyers you see, and sue! [Nation Now / Los Angeles Times]

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You Hit An EMT? Yeah You Know Me!

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I’ve done some fairly unacceptable things whilst blackout drunk. Life is hard, and navigating this world fifteen to twenty Bud Lights in is nigh on impossible. I fell asleep on a train platform a few months ago. For instance. I was awakened by the bleating of the oncoming train’s horn. WAKE UP AND MOVE YOUR FEET FROM MY PATH BEFORE I CHOP THEM OFF, the train said. I moved them. Still have my feet.

This weekend, an assistant district attorney with the Brooklyn D.A.’s office allegedly lost something more important than his feet. His head. He allegedly lost his head, lost his cool, and probably stands to lose a whole lot more in the days to come.

Michael Jaccarino is the ADA’s name, and it took all the restraint the New York Post had not to scream in its headline, “Wacko Jacko On The Attacko.”

Y’see, Micael Jaccarino allegedly attacked a female EMT early Saturday morning…

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Quote of the Day: A Recession-Proof Business?

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The business of high-end prostitution is enormously profitable.

– Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes, commenting on the big bust of a prostitution ring aimed at wealthy Wall Street clients.

(For more on this story, see Dealbreaker.)

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Kings County D.A.’s Office Lays Off 13 Attorneys, 2 Staff

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It’s a bad news day in Brooklyn. This morning, the class of 2010 made Brooklyn Law look foolish. Now we’ve received reports that the Brooklyn DA’s Office has laid off 13 attorneys and two staffers in the past week.

It’s big news, especially for law students and private practice attorneys who think that working for the government gives you unchallenged job security. Government lawyers might be somewhat buffered from the tyranny of the legal market economy, but they can still be shown the door.

And word coming out of Charles Hynes’s office is that these 15 people were let go for poor performance…

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