Conspiracy Theories

‘So when we look at Section 3, Subsection (d), we see that…’

Layoffs, mergers, bankruptcies, and more and more work is transitioning to contractors. Amid all the news that Biglaw firms are losing their once-secure place as consummate power brokers, it’s good to hear that some observers out there still believe that Biglaw has the power to change the world.

Those observers happen to be the sort of people you see on Ancient Aliens, but hey, you’ve got to take what you can get.

So how exactly will Cravath open up Area 51?

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It doesn't help that Rich Whitney kind of looks like a Rich Whitey.

Sometimes, typos matter — a lot. We’ve seen typos get law firms into all kinds of trouble. And now a typo might ruin the already slim gubernatorial chances of a Green Party candidate.

Running on the Green Party line, Rich Whitney wasn’t likely to become the next Governor of Illinois anyway. But an error at the Chicago Board of Elections will cause Whitney’s name to be misspelled as “Whitey” on some touch screen ballots this November. Of the 23 wards affected by this typo, half of them are in largely African-American districts. And the error cannot not be fixed in time for Election Day.

So yeah, black people in Chicago will be able to vote for “Rich Whitey” this fall.

You remember that scene in Die Hard With a Vengeance where Bruce Willis has to stand in the middle of Harlem while wearing an offensive sandwich board? Things are going to turn out marginally better for Rich Whitney, but clearly Whitney would have been better off changing his last name to “not the whiteman’s bitch.” Or even “Kill Whitey,” as Juggalo Law suggests…

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