Conspiracy Theories

(c) Image by Juri H. Chinchilla.

Forty-five years ago yesterday, on July 20, 1969, Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin and Neil Armstrong stepped into history. Shortly before 11 p.m. Eastern time, the pair emerged from their landing craft, the Eagle, and became the first men to set foot on the moon. This week, On Remand looks back at that “one giant leap for mankind” and two space suits:  the cases of the missing moon rock and the unidentified Martian matter.

Of the twenty-one hours Aldrin and Armstrong stayed on the moon, only two and a half were spent exploring the moon’s surface. After transmitting “the Eagle has landed” to the relief and exuberance of NASA mission control, the men did not impulsively charge from the Eagle like the Griswolds from their station wagon at Walley World. More than six hours passed before Aldrin and Armstrong opened the Eagle’s door and stretched their legs. What were they doing?

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‘So when we look at Section 3, Subsection (d), we see that…’

Layoffs, mergers, bankruptcies, and more and more work is transitioning to contractors. Amid all the news that Biglaw firms are losing their once-secure place as consummate power brokers, it’s good to hear that some observers out there still believe that Biglaw has the power to change the world.

Those observers happen to be the sort of people you see on Ancient Aliens, but hey, you’ve got to take what you can get.

So how exactly will Cravath open up Area 51?

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It doesn't help that Rich Whitney kind of looks like a Rich Whitey.

Sometimes, typos matter — a lot. We’ve seen typos get law firms into all kinds of trouble. And now a typo might ruin the already slim gubernatorial chances of a Green Party candidate.

Running on the Green Party line, Rich Whitney wasn’t likely to become the next Governor of Illinois anyway. But an error at the Chicago Board of Elections will cause Whitney’s name to be misspelled as “Whitey” on some touch screen ballots this November. Of the 23 wards affected by this typo, half of them are in largely African-American districts. And the error cannot not be fixed in time for Election Day.

So yeah, black people in Chicago will be able to vote for “Rich Whitey” this fall.

You remember that scene in Die Hard With a Vengeance where Bruce Willis has to stand in the middle of Harlem while wearing an offensive sandwich board? Things are going to turn out marginally better for Rich Whitney, but clearly Whitney would have been better off changing his last name to “not the whiteman’s bitch.” Or even “Kill Whitey,” as Juggalo Law suggests…

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