Lawyers aren’t exactly a loosey-goosey bunch when it comes to making mistakes. Sometimes they even intentionally blow small mistakes out of proportion in order to prevent goofs down the line. So what do you do when someone makes a pretty egregious mistake on the cover of a state legal guidebook? Well, as a tipster suggests, maybe “klil” yourself.
Barring such drastic measures, we recommend making jokes instead. Click thru to see the photo for our latest caption contest….
It’s time to announce the winner of September’s Lawyer of the Month competition. Our roster of competitors from last month included a variety of allegedly drunk and disorderly-slash-violent attorneys who were accidentally cutting off their own fingers, biting small business owners, and getting tackled by civilians.
The winner of the contest, however, put his body on the line in the name of doing good. We don’t even know this man’s name, but we’re proud to say the winner of our reader poll is the Chicago prosecutor who took a very literal beating in order to help a couple of strangers in need…
If you were searching for employment and you saw an ad proposing that you audition for the job — much like you would if you were a contestant on Top Chef, Project Runway, or ATL Idol — would you still apply? What if the firm was offering $20 per hour for each assignment completed during the audition process?
Those are the questions that we’ve been tasked with today by many of our loyal readers who emailed us about a Craigslist job out in California. This is what the legal job market has come to….
We sometimes get complaints about the way that we supposedly objectify women here at Above the Law. Well, today let’s change things up a bit. Let’s objectify some men! Year after year, Cosmopolitan’s Bachelor of the Year contest is filled with studs from every state in our fine nation.
In 2010, there was some very strong lawyer representation in the contest (two law students and one practicing attorney), but last year, only one lawyer was nominated as a finalist. We were worried that perhaps male lawyers had somehow gotten less attractive.
This year’s edition of the contest again brought only one law school graduate to the table, but our worry about the decline in attractiveness of lawyerly lads has been put to bed, because this hunk looks strong enough to carry the weight of representing his entire profession in this competition on his shoulders.
Quality definitely makes up for quantity this year….
September wasn’t just a sloppy month for the drunken class of 2015, but for quite a few lawyers, too. It’s no coincidence that the majority of our candidates for this month’s competition earned their spots for their alleged escapades with alcohol.
Which attorney was allegedly so drunk that she bit an employee at an adult sex shop? Which attorney allegedly got so wasted that he didn’t even know he was missing a finger? And which attorney got tackled to the ground after allegedly trying to escape arrest for his third DUI?
Every law firm’s got its own superheroes. Some of you may be familiar with The Litigatrix, a high-powered woman partner who renders opponents’ arguments completely useless with a single motion. Others once knew Captain Bonus, a monetary daredevil whose additional associate dollars recently disappeared faster than a speeding bullet. And everyone knows The Dismisser, who with several iterations of BAM! and KAPOW! manages to get every lawsuit that comes before him tossed out of court.
But holy office space, Batman, where do all of these legal superheroes meet to conduct their business on a daily basis?
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Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past six years. You can reach them by email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Deal flow has clearly picked recently up for most US associates, counsels and partners in Hong Kong/China and Singapore. We are on the phone with a lot of these folks on a daily basis, many of whom we have known for years. Further, the head of our Asia team, Evan Jowers, and Kinney’s founder and president, Robert Kinney, frequently meet in person with leading US partners in Asia to assess their needs and keep on top of the inside scoop at as many firms as possible. The need for legal recruiting help in Asia from experienced recruiters appears to be live and well. In March, Evan and Robert were in Beijing at such meetings, in April, Evan was in Hong Kong, and for half of June Evan will be in Shanghai and Hong Kong. Thus its pretty easy for us to tell when there has been an across-the-market pick up in capital markets and corporate work.
On an average day in Asia when Evan and Robert visit firms, they typically have 5 to 9 meetings a day, mostly with US partners in the market. The reason they have these meetings is not simply because Kinney makes a lot of US attorney placements in Asia and that a particular firm may have openings; instead these are just visits with friends. After years of working together as business partners, the folks at Kinney are actually these peoples’ friends. The firms Kinney work closely with in Asia (which is just about every law firm – call us if you want to know the one firm in the world we will never place anyone with again, ever, and why) look forward to the visits, or at least act like they do. After seven years in the market, many of the client partners are former associate candidates. Also, these US partners see Kinney as a very good source of market information as well, because they know how deep their contacts are in the market and how frequently they are speaking to counterparts at peer firms.
In a land that is right here and in a time that is right now, a technology has arisen so powerful that it can replace basic human document review. Is it time to bow down before our new robot overlords?
First, here’s a little story about me: my life in the legal world began as a paralegal. My first case was a GIANT patent infringement case that was already six years old and had involved as many as five companies, multiple US courts, the ITC and an international standards committee. I knew nothing about any of this.
On my first day, my supervisor (a paralegal with at least eight other cases driving her crazy) sat me down in front of a Concordance database with a 100,000+ patents and patent file histories. “Code these,” she said. I learned that “coding”, for the purposes of this exercise, meant manually typing the inventor’s name, the title of the patent, the assignee, the file date, and other objective data for each document. I worked on that project – and only that project – for at least the first six months of my job. After a week or so, time began to blur.
What I know, in retrospect and with absolutely certainty, is that as time began to blur, so did my judgment. So did my attention to detail. If you could tell me that I did not make at least one mistake a day – one inconsistent spelling, one reversed day and month, one incorrectly spaced title – I frankly would need to see your evidence. I would not believe it. The human mind is trainable but it is not a machine.
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