Crazy websites

In the crazy world of cyberspace, personal injury lawyers are a dime a dozen. By now, we’ve gotten used to their crazy antics and low-budget commercials.

But not all personal injury firms are created equal. For the Law Firm of Gary, Williams, Lewis, and Watson, P.I., “low-budget” is a concept that just doesn’t exist. To the contrary, the firm wants to make it clear just how baller the life of a private injury attorney can be.

Dubbing himself “The Giant Killer,” the firm’s larger-than-life head partner, Willie E. Gary, never misses an opportunity to make his wealth and success known. Touting hundred-million-dollar verdicts and rubbing elbows with celebrities, Gary is on a one-man mission to prove that chasing ambulances is much easier when you’re driving a Bentley….

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Nepotism and small-town law practice have gone hand in hand since the invention of the shingle. Our country’s fine judicial system is littered with dynamic duos of father and son lawyers, fighting injustice one personal injury at a time.

One firm out in Ohio, however, has taken the family business concept to a whole new level. Meet Murray & Murray Co., L.P.A., where nine — count ‘em, nine — members of the Murray family are partners… in a 14-lawyer firm.

Sandusky, Ohio, known for little more than being the home of Cedar Point and sharing a name with the most prominent pedophile in the last decade, is the home turf of the Murray clan. Together, the family handles an array of personal injury matters, from auto and truck accidents to fatal auto and truck accidents.

But just what fate lies in wait for non-Murrays who dare to join the firm?

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Parents wield an unbelievable amount of power in the naming of their children. And as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility. Bizarre names can ensure that your child sits alone and friendless in the cafeteria for the better part of his formative years. Great names can spur children on to greatness.

Naming children after gods or powerful mythological figures, on the other hand, can create an unnecessary amount of pressure. These names set them up for failure. Sure, their names may make for better tattoo choices and save them from the ranks of misguided youth who think butterfly tramp stamps are good ideas. Still, unless they are blessed with extraordinary athletic ability, these children will likely lead lives full of vain attempts to live up to their names.

For instance, what would we expect from a man named Atlas? Great strength. After all, Atlas was forced to bear the weight of the entire sky on his shoulders. There’s even a World’s Strongest Man event named after him. But what do you do if you’re named Atlas and you’re not predisposed to feats of great strength? If you’re like the millions of other people in this world who don’t know what else to do, you become a lawyer. And like the great solo practitioners who have come before you, you come up with some sort of crazy shtick and a wacky website to try to set yourself apart from the masses.

Meet today’s solo practitioner, Joel Atlas Skirble. Dubbing himself “El Capitan,” Skirble, with the help of Team Atlas and his handy Atlasmobile, is saving the fine folks of Virginia and Maryland, one personal injury or criminal charge at a time….

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Every time we do a post about a crazy attorney website, our readers send in even more tips about the seemingly endless supply of wacky websites that are out there (which we appreciate, so keep ‘em comin’). Rarely, however, do we get a tipster begging us to place a fellow attorney in Above the Law’s crosshairs. Until now: “Can you please, please profile this guy, Mark Davis from Toledo, Ohio?” Well, since you asked so nicely….

As far as we can tell from his many, many websites, Mark A. Davis, a solo practitioner in Ohio and Michigan, is a sort of jack-of-all trades who aims to corner the market in all ways possible. In his own words: “Attorney Mark Davis, founder of The Davis Law Office has always lived his life to accomplish nothing less than excellence.”

Here, excellence means, among other things, being able to break bricks with his bare hands (sadly, the video links to these feats are “private” and can’t be viewed). In his opinion, your attorney should not only excel in the courtroom, but “should be mentally tough and a gentleman warrior.”

This gentleman warrior has taken to fighting the good fight on almost all possible legal fronts. Really, it seems that there is nothing that his guy hasn’t tried to do, both in the courtroom and out. From martial arts to starving horses, keep reading to uncover the many talents of Mark Davis….

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I remember watching Legally Blonde while I was in law school and realizing even then how unrealistic it was. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the movie and I still do now, but I never for a second thought that my career would be anything like that. I was even more confident that there would be no pink suits in my professional wardrobe.

It seems that not everyone was quite as ready to accept the realities of the professional world. Meet the self-proclaimed Law Lady, Melissa K. Dubose. Ms. Dubose (or MkD, as she has dubbed herself) runs a solo criminal defense practice in Dallas, touting herself as “a brazen straight-shooter with a passion for fighting injustice and a knack for uncovering doubt.”

She also appears to have a knack for dressing as though she works in a David E. Kelley-created law firm. The main page of the website shows MkD in the requisite pink “suit,” staring into the sky with an almost super-hero-like gaze, perhaps caught in the middle of her fight against injustice.

This opening shot is just the beginning of the legal fashion show. A tour through the Law Lady’s website provides a good sampling of the legal services costume changes that MkD has to offer…

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We always appreciate when our readers send us tips about the seemingly endless supply of crazy lawyer websites and advertisements that are floating around in cyberspace. Just when we thought we’d seen it all, someone out there goes and raises the bar of craziness.

When we received a tip pointing us to the website of Barry Glazer in Baltimore, we actually thought it might be fake. Honestly, it almost seemed too ridiculous to be true.

Fortunately for all of us, Barry Glazer is quite real. Apparently his TV commercials have made him something of a legend in the Baltimore area, and not without good reason. One look at Mr. Glazer’s tagline tells us that we’re not dealing with your average lawyer:

“Legal advocate for the injured, disabled, and urinated upon”

Yes, you read that right. For four decades, Barry Glazer has been mounting a one-man crusade against insurance companies. In keeping with what appears to be a urine fixation on Mr. Glazer’s part, many of his ads deliver a simple message to these companies:

“Don’t urinate on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

These pee-centric statements are just the tip of the iceberg that is the eccentricity of Barry Glazer. If nothing else, he is certainly the most interesting lawyer you’ll encounter all day.

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Why will some lawyers just never learn that “creative” law firm websites are a bad idea? Over the years we’ve seen an odd array of crazy websites, and, while I may question the sanity of their creators, I must admit that the ever-growing collection has provided hours of entertainment.

Today’s addition, courtesy of a friendly tipster, is in a class by itself. I wouldn’t have thought that we needed a new category for “fantasy attorney websites,” but Rachel A. Runnels, Attorney at Law, has proven me wrong.

Ms. Runnels, a solo practitioner hailing from the distant mythical land of Arkansas, has decided that her professional website is the best place to let her inner dork shine. The result is a world that is far more ethereal than the one I trudge through on a daily basis. Venture with me into the world of Law and Light as we explore what Ms. Runnels’ website has to offer…

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Ryan Hill and his wife

Michigan law firm partner Ryan Hill has a very candid biography on his non-firm website:

I am a self-proclaimed family man. My wife and I have open communication about everything, whether it is small things such as who is going to take out the trash, to bigger things such as communicating our sexual desires.

We’re all in favor of open communication about sexual desires, but why does this Thomas Cooley law grad want to share it with those reading his bio?

It’s because he’s the face of his own non-profit, My Marriage Matters:

My Marriage Matters is a non-profit organization that strongly believes in the union of marriage. We acknowledge there are infinite obstacles that stand in the way to a happy, long-term marriage but we encourage couples to work through those obstacles together. Divorce should not be considered an option when you decide to say “I do”.

So what kind of attorney is Ryan Hill? A divorce attorney.

When one starts digging, this all gets stranger and stranger…

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Erlyndon Joseph Lo, 27, graduated from Southern Methodist University Dedman School of Law in 2007. Lo is a devout Catholic and has been using his knowledge of the law to fight abortion.

We must add that his knowledge of the law appears to be shaky.

In March, he sued the U.S. Supreme Court, asking the justices to render abortion illegal. He also asked for $999 trillion in damages and $1,000/hour for attorney’s fees. According to his website:

The “CAUSE STYLE:” is ERLYNDON J. LO V. ROBERTS, ET AL. (This is a class action lawsuit, with me versus the 9 members of the Supreme Court.) This cause of action (lawsuit) will take place in the “UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT EASTERN DISTRICT OF TEXAS”. Ultimately, I will win this case without any doubt.

While that case is pending, Lo decided to take another legal action on Friday: seeking a restraining order against police as he planned to use “deadly force” against an abortion clinic that afternoon…

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