Crime

Nadya Suleman aka Octomom

* Robert Wilkins was confirmed to the D.C. Circuit yesterday, which is significant because it marks the first time in decades that the court hasn’t had any judicial vacancies. Congrats! [Blog of Legal Times]

* Biglaw firms should be happy to hear about what the Citi Private Bank’s Law Firm Group has seen in its crystal ball: law firm profits are expected to grow by about 5 percent this year. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Unlike its stinky burger fiasco, Steptoe & Johnson managed to quietly converse with “three or four” firms about a possible merger, but the firm’s chairman refuses to kiss and tell. [National Law Journal]

* Take criminal disclosures on your law school apps seriously — after all, someone needs to worry about whether you’ll be able to pass C&F, and it won’t be your school if they just want your money. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* Recent law grads working at the Chicago Justice Entrepreneurs Project might not be “rolling in money,” but they’re learning how be successful lawyers, and experience like that is worth millions. [Businessweek]

* The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, “a regulator that protects its industry from rules it deems unfair,” wants a list of all alcohol, everywhere. Treasury Department party! [DealBook / New York Times]

* Nadya Suleman, she of the clown car uterus, was charged with welfare fraud for failure to report income from her strip club appearances and porn videos. She’s the Octomother of the year. [CBS Los Angeles]

‘Meow meow meow meow!’ = Please don’t eat me, Mr. Mann!’

I’ve represented people doing more horrible things to other people. [A]t the end of the day, it’s meat. I don’t know why there’s the outrage about cooking a cat.

Jenny Chaplinski, in defense of her client, Cody Mann, who was charged with animal cruelty and torture after killing, skinning, baking his pet cat with the intention of eating it.

It’s going to be hard to have an intelligent conversation about conjugal visits on the internet. The juvenile contingent started fapping out inmate sex jokes as soon as they saw the title. Once people get that out of their system, the Republicans will show up to express horror that “criminals” get to do anything other than sit in a dark room, make license plates, or pray to God for forgiveness. Let’s just say that I won’t be reading the comments on this one.

But the New York Times has a great article (gavel bang: ABA Journal) about Mississippi, the state that started conjugal visits, putting an end to the practice.

And yes, they’re stopping it because… Republicans. But the Times reminds us that it’s not like Mississippi started conjugal visits in a moment of liberal reformist flair. The practice is no longer supported by whatever racist theories Mississippi uses to guide its public policy, so it’s time for the visits to be stopped…

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Thomas “Haller” Jackson IV

Imagine this. You graduate from law school with a 4.0, the first person in your school’s history to do so. While in law school, you serve as editor-in-chief of the law review, win the moot court competition, and get a Ph.D.

You clerk for a federal appellate judge, followed by another circuit judge — this time a prominent feeder judge to the U.S. Supreme Court. You work as an associate at an elite law firm in a major city. You then return to your hometown and clerk for not one but two federal district court judges, to round out your already amazing résumé with some time in the trial court trenches.

And then you… get a Supreme Court clerkship? Or get charged with attempted aggravated rape and solicitation of a young child….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “A Law Clerk With A Gilded Résumé, Charged With Solicitation And Attempted Rape Of A Young Boy”

Ted Olson’s hourly rate.

* While we’re celebrating recently anointed Biglaw partner classes, let’s take a minute to call out the firms that haven’t bestowed the honor upon a single woman this year. Cheers, jerks. [Am Law Daily]

* The results of the NLJ’s Law Firm Billing Survey are out, and lo and behold, one of the top partners in the country is pushing $2,000 an hour for his services. Congrats, Ted! [National Law Journal (sub. req.)]

* Everyone’s buzzing about the federal law clerk who’s been accused of attempted aggravated rape and solicitation of a minor under 13. Don’t let that legendary 4.0 GPA go to waste. [Times-Picayune]

* Congratulations to Gerchen Keller Capital, the litigation finance firm founded by former SCOTUS clerks and hedge-fund alumni, on raising $260 million for its new fund. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Iowa is thinking about allowing law grads to practice ASAP instead of having to pass a bar exam. Paired with its recent tuition cuts, the Hawkeye State is looking better and better. [Des Moines Register]

* If you’re in the unfortunate situation of still having to look for a law job once OCI has ended, then you might want to start considering applying for some of the other law jobs that don’t want you. [Mashable]

* The incarceration of a blogger known for making salacious allegations against federal judges raises First Amendment concerns. [New York Times]

Polar Bear Son: Dad, are you sure I’m a polar bear?
Polar Bear Dad: Yes, son. Definitely.
Polar Bear Son: You’re sure I’m not a duck or a cat but a full bred polar bear?
Polar Bear Dad: Yes, of course. I’m a polar bear and your mom is a polar bear so you are a polar bear. Why are you asking?
Polar Bear Son: Because I’m f**king freezing.

It’s cold outside. No seriously, it’s unreasonable out there, don’t ya know. I hope most of you are working from the warmth of your own homes. I hope most of you are skipping class today. Seriously, there’s nothing that you are going to learn in class on January 7th that you can’t make up in non-frostbite conditions before the end of the semester.

Let me put it like this, prisoners would rather be in prison than be outside in this cold weather. I’m not making that up. A prison escapee just turned himself in because it was too freaking cold…

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Illinois Law has been going down ever since its inflated admissions data first came to light in 2011, and it hasn’t been pretty. The school put forth the “lone gunman theory of admissions fraud,” and Paul Pless, its former assistant dean for admissions and financial aid, was put on administrative leave, before he quietly resigned from his position. Not only did the school drop 24 spots in the U.S. News rankings, but it also got a costly spanking from the American Bar Association.

What’s happened to Paul Pless since then? Today’s news serves to remind us that some law school administrators love to screw — sometimes with numbers, and sometimes with hookers…

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Judge Carlos Cortez

The allegations made by the complainant are false. If necessary, it will be shown in the proper forum that Judge Cortez actually saved her life. Judge Cortez will continue to serve the State of Texas and Dallas County like he has for the last seven years – as an award winning jurist who handles his court with courtesy and dignity to all who seek Justice.

Andrew Korn, attorney for Judge Carlos Cortez, in a statement given to media outlets in defense of his client. Cortez was arrested and stands accused of strangling his girlfriend and threatening to “f**king kill [her]“ during a domestic violence incident in his home.

(Keep reading to see the juicy police report and the judge’s allegations.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Judge Offers ‘Laughable’ Criminal Defense To Choking Charges”

The federal judiciary thanks you.

* Barack Obama is trailing George W. Bush when it comes to leaving his mark on the federal courts, but that’s probably because Senate Democrats didn’t go nuclear quickly enough. [Blog of Legal Times]

* When it comes to 2013, one thing’s for sure: it wasn’t boring. Many of this year’s movers and shakers hailed from top Am Law 100 law firms — like Ted Cruz (formerly of Morgan Lewis). [American Lawyer]

* John Ray III isn’t going to sit back and allow a jury to shut down his discrimination and retaliation case against Ropes & Gray. He filed a notice of appeal last week, and he’s pissed off. [National Law Journal]

* Utah has until the end of January to figure out how it’s going to go about defending its same-sex marriage ban before the Tenth Circuit. Just a thought: the “it’s still gay, even if the balls don’t touch” theory of law isn’t going to cut it. [Deseret News]

* A lawyer for the Texas judge accused of strangling his girlfriend is offering media outlets a superb defense story on behalf of his client. He wasn’t trying to kill her, he was trying to save her! [New York Daily News]

* Here’s some advice on how to submit your law school application on time. If you don’t know how to meet a deadline, you’re going to make a great lawyer. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

Limited discovery: NOW!

* Exciting news: Justice Sonia Sotomayor will be leading the countdown on the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Times Square. She’ll be the first SCOTUS justice to perform the task. You go girl! [New York Times]

* Blank Rome and Nixon Peabody are reportedly in merger talks, but one firm’s managing partner says he “talk[s] to firms all the time,” it’s no big deal. No word on what guys from his high school do. [Reuters]

* Sorry, Quinn Emanuel, but this limited discovery thing is going to happen. Judge Ronnie Abrams recently slapped down the firm’s attempt to appeal her MTD denial in this contract attorney’s suit. [Am Law Daily]

* A state court judge from Texas stands accused of strangling his girlfriend over the balcony of his apartment and threatening to “f**king kill [her].” Romance in Texas has certainly got some of that je ne sais quoi. [Dallas Morning News]

* A legal soap opera? An ex-prosecutor whose relationship with a judge landed her lover in hot water was found dead in her home hours after a judicial misconduct ruling came down. R.I.P. [Reno Gazette-Journal]

* Take a look back at the legal profession’s year that was: from the highest of highs in gay marriages to the lowest of lows in law school enrollment, 2013 was a year for the record books. [National Law Journal]

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