David J. Stern

Keeping you unemployed since 2008.

* People like it when the members of the Supreme Court agree with each other, except when the justices forget to tell them exactly what to do. Poor sheeple. [Washington Post]

* If you’re wondering why you can’t get a Biglaw job, it’s because the firms don’t need you. Well, they probably do, but definitely they need their money more. [Wall Street Journal]

* Chadbourne & Parke to 190K square feet: partners seem to be pissy about the move, but this white-shoe firm may soon be a blue-chip tenant at One World Trade Center. [New York Times]

* British blokes like scamming folks. Kevin Steele, a former Mishcon de Reya partner, has been sentenced to more than five years for his role in a $28M fraud scheme. [The Guardian]

* Florida’s former foreclosure king might have been dethroned, but David J. Stern refuses to give up his crown. Say hello to the Five Guys burger king. [Real Time / Palm Beach Post]

* My Fair Wedding? More like My F**ked Wedding. A New York couple is suing celebrity wedding planner David Tutera, alleging that he left them waiting at the altar. [New York Daily News]

Puppy is sad because you think he has no soul.

* Rick Santorum and the Sweater Vests can join Rick Perry’s ballot access lawsuit in Virginia. It’s funny, because at this rate, Perry will have dropped out before the first hearing. [Washington Post]

* If you’re an unemployed law grad drowning in debt, you should’ve known that you’d be screwed. Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Opinion does not compute! [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

* Scott Rothstein claims that his firm kept a condo across the street so that partners could bang hookers. If real firms were like this, there would be less partner defections. [Orlando Sentinel]

* One robo-signer to rule them all: David J. Stern, Florida’s dethroned foreclosure king, is being sued by his own company for fraudulent conduct. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. [Bloomberg]

* Do cute, little doggies have souls? Of course they do, but the law doesn’t really conform to animated children’s movies from the eighties. This lawsuit hopes to reveal the truth. [Gothamist]

* David J. Stern, the dethroned Florida foreclosure king, will now have to go up against the Florida Bar. Too bad he can’t robo-produce all of the documents they want. [Fort Lauderdale Examiner]

* Peeing on a colleague’s door might have been a great prank in college, but as a professional it’s just sad. Enjoy that $35K bench warrant. [TaxProf Blog]

* Male lawyers work hard and then get a bad rap for not spending more time with their families. Men, do you care more about work/life balance or making money? [The Careerist]

* You can get suspended for doing in law school what transactional attorneys do in real life: borrow from forms. No harm, no foul, because the school recently lost its accreditation. [ABA Journal]

* Folks, it just became a little easier for your clients to buy you dinner. Now all you have to do is press a button, and food will appear. [Gizmodo]

* Dr. and Mrs. Viswanathan — parents of Kaavya Viswanathan, the high-profile Georgetown law student and S&C summer associate — RIP. [New Jersey Newsroom]


Jonathan Rhys Meyers: More than just a pretty face; also an alleged tortfeasor.

* Gloria Allred is tired of Lindsay Lohan strutting her stuff into the courtroom like a debutante instead of a defendant. Chill out, Gloria. At least it’s actually LiLo’s stuff, unless that silicone was stolen, too. [New York Times]

* The ABA is thinking up ways for law schools to more creatively rig their nine-months-after-graduation employment rates. Burger flipping is a totally professional job, right? Right? [Morse Code / U.S. News]

* Actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers is getting sued for going to pound town with a United Airlines employee. No, not that pound town. It was actually a little more like ground and pound. [Daily Mail]

* Would you rather your firm waste money on a 10-week psychology experiment or a 10-week cocktail party? My vote is for cocktails – and yours should be, too, if you like our posts about drunk summer associates. [The Snark / Fulton County Daily Report]

* Today in Racebaiting 101, we will learn about the comedic aptitude of white judges who refer to the KKK in plea agreements for young black men. Discuss. [Los Angeles Times]

* Well, the good news is that you’re not going to die from kidney failure. The bad news is that you’re going to die from AIDS. This story is like a bad bar exam question. [Wall Street Journal]

* David J. Stern is doing the dip on 9,000 foreclosure cases in Florida. He just doesn’t have the manpower to file the correct paperwork. How about you just robo-sign all those withdrawals, too? [Palm Beach Post]

Back in September 2010, we bestowed Lawyer of the Day honors upon David J. Stern, aka Florida’s “Foreclosure King.” We noted Stern’s rise into the ranks of self-made millionaires, despite not having attended some fancy first-tier law school. (Stern graduated from the South Texas College of Law, a fourth-tier school.)

We marveled at Stern’s wealth: a $14 million mansion here, a $7 million condo there, Ferraris and Porsches galore, and a 130-foot, $20 million yacht. We noted that Stern, thanks to the success of his booming foreclosure-law practice, was “running financial circles around all those Stanford and NYU law grads who wound up as Biglaw partners.”

Alas, in the past few months, David Stern’s fortunes have taken a turn for the worse….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Is the Florida Foreclosure King Abdicating? David J. Stern Will Close His Law Firm”

* Of shaken babies and unsure verdicts. This long piece in the Times Magazine, by Emily Bazelon, is well worth your time. For those who require a funny take on shaking, there’s always this totally NSFW Chris Rock bit. [New York Times Magazine]

* What do willful violations of antitrust law and not being admitted to the Super Bowl with a valid ticket have in common? Treble damages. [SI.com]

* David Stern got it turned around on him, like a guy who was the foreclosure king and won’t have any need for a strap-on where he’s going. [ABC News]

* Let us celebrate the Green Bay Packers win last night by remembering a more innocent time — a year ago, when viewers of the Super Bowl weren’t eye-raped by the Black Eyed Peas and, instead, eye-caressed by sweet sweet porn. [New York Daily News]

* Speaking of innocent Super Bowl revelry… child prostitution! [Time]

* Raquel Balsam paid too much for her SUNY education and now she says “I pretty much felt cheated on.” Like it got turned around on her… yeah, I’m using that twice. [New York Times]

* Yale law professor Akhil Amar shows Judge Vinson his pimp hand is way strong. [Los Angeles Times]

* AOL has purchased The Huffington Post. AOL, like Radio Shack, refuses to die. [Reuters]

David J. Stern

* A Florida lawyer says he’s a psychic who can commune with the dead. Maybe he’ll be having a chat with his legal career soon. [WFTV Orlando]

* How can crazy cabbies avoid lawsuits from crazier passengers in New York? “Cabs shouldn’t pick up women.” Duh. [New York Daily News]

* Obamacare might be dead to Virginia and Wisconsin, but it’s still alive and kicking in their state budgets. [Bloomberg]

* Lawyers say that the drug Requip turned a man with Parkinson’s into a gay sex addict. [Healthland / Time]

* What do you get when you bet on the foreclosure boom caused by your own company’s alleged fraud? Fifty-cent stock shares. Have fun with that, David J. Stern. [New York Times]

* Scheiße! A German porn company was forced to drop a lawsuit against creepers who downloaded “The Good Uncle.” Ugh, I don’t even want to know what kind of porn that is. [Digital Media Wire]

* A personal injury firm is trying to stop people from slipping and falling. They may want to reevaluate their marketing campaign. [Proof and Hearsay / Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel]

* In the new economy, new strategies are necessary in hiring law firms. A new paradigm is upon us and we must think outside the box. Synergy, people. Consultants are here to help. [New York Times]

* David J. Stern, Florida’s Foreclosure King, is the gift that keeps on giving. Like syphilis. [Palm Beach Post]

* On Tuesday, Paul Allen revised his patent suit against… well, pretty much the internets. Gotta pay the troll toll. [Reuters]

* U.S. prosecutors arrested a California woman yesterday on insider trading charges. Immediately after the charges were filed, Michael Douglas’s ex-wife sued the woman for royalties. [CNET]

* A Los Angeles law firm, Glancy Binkow & Goldberg, is being sued for maintaining a hostile work environment and being generally pervy. The article raises several important questions. None more important than this: What the hell is a bikini bar? [Los Angeles Times]

* A primer on Bill Richardson’s possible pardon of Billy the Kid. Emilio Estevez hasn’t been this stoked since the Men at Work premiere party. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Vernon, a small town in California, has hired Latham & Watkins in an effort to save its status as a city. Pretty fascinating read. [Los Angeles Times]

* A former Israeli President, Moshe Katsav, was convicted of rape. [Bloomberg]

* And finally, what about Brett Farv…ra? Out $50,000. And he may face future litigation over those harmless Croc shots. [New York Daily News]

A frenchman cheated on his wife? Sacré bleu!

* It would be much easier more entertaining if Eva Longoria and Tony Parker had to settle their dueling divorce filings with a jump ball. [New York Daily News]

* Duquesne’s law student clothing drive was pathetic, but this just takes the cake. Would you pay an ASU law student’s tuition? [ABA Journal]

* After laying off lawyers, foreclosure supervillain David J. Stern had quit his own company. We sure know how to pick ‘em. [Businessweek; Daily Business Review]

* Personal responsibility fail. Getting lok’d up probably won’t make you insane enough to kill yourself, but this lawsuit says otherwise. [TIME]

* The publisher for America’s Mom dragged Gawker into federal court on a Saturday for a proper spanking over copyright infringement. [Media Coder / New York Times]

* Jimmy McMillan’s $350M lawsuit: the font used by the NY Board of Elections was too damn big to write his full party name on the ballot. [New York Post]

Back in September, we wrote about David J. Stern, “Florida’s Foreclosure King,” who earned our Lawyer of the Day title for his ascendancy from the fourth tier to the lap of luxury. At the time, we sang Stern’s praises. Stern, a graduate of South Texas Law, employs 900 people, made $17.8 million in 2008, owns $60 million in real estate, and collects yachts.

Thanks to the New York Times, we knew back then that Stern may have been a shady character. But we kind of brushed off those pesky little questions about his “ethics” and “questionable practice methods.” I mean, come on, how many lawyers can say that they drive a Bugatti?

Well, maybe we shouldn’t have overlooked these issues so quickly…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “David J. Stern, the Florida Foreclosure King, Is Under Investigation — and Doing Layoffs”

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