Dewey & LeBoeuf

* PETA’s general counsel swears his organization isn’t monkeying around when it comes to asserting the IP rights of Naruto the selfie-taking monkey, but he may have to deal with a jungle of jurisdictional issues first. [Motherboard / VICE]

* Mmmm, Dewey smell a mistrial? On the eighth day of deliberations in the criminal trial of D&L’s former leaders, the jurors likely made defense counsels’ hearts skip a beat when they asked the judge for instructions on what to do concerning their undecided colleagues. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Chief Justice John Roberts, who has voted conservatively in 85 percent of the Supreme Court’s most divisive 5-4 decisions, apparently isn’t conservative enough for our conservatives. It’s the damn Affordable Care Act. Thanks, Obama. [New York Times]

* According to the latest Acritas Global Elite Law Firm Brand Index 2015, for the sixth year running, Baker & McKenzie has the most recognizable Biglaw brand in the world. DLA Piper will continue to “churn [those] bill[s], baby!” in second place. [PR Web]

* Take the deal: Ex-House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who’s accused of hiding large sums used as hush money to conceal his prior sexual misconduct, is negotiating a plea deal with prosecutors. If he were convicted at trial, he’d face up to 10 years in prison. [Reuters]

* Jurors in the criminal trial for former leaders of Dewey & LeBoeuf have reviewed evidence for a full week already, and will return to court today for their eighth day of deliberations. At least the defendants will be able to keep killing time on Candy Crush. [WSJ Law Blog]

* A federal judge denied the UFC’s motion to dismiss an antitrust lawsuit that was filed against it by current and former fighters over the organization’s monopolization of the MMA industry. It’s time to bring in an armbar submission artist to stop the UFC for good. [ESPN]

* “I don’t want to leave my successor a dirty barn.” Hot on the heels of his surprise resignation, House Speaker John Boehner has vowed to avoid a government shutdown and pass some legislation before his time is up. Well, it’s good to have goals. [Reuters]

* Volkswagen can expect nothing less than a “tsunami” of lawsuits and legal proceedings thanks to its emissions scandal. On the bright side, Kirkland & Ellis is going to be able to reap the rewards of thousands of billable hours. [Chicago Tribune; Automotive News]

* TV staffers who worked on “The Following” and “The Blacklist” filed suit against production companies Warner Brothers, NBC, and Sony, alleging they were forced to work 24 hours straight — and pee in bottles — without being paid overtime. [New York Post]

* Why are so many law grads failing the bar exam? Law profs, a law dean, and a Biglaw recruiting specialist all have answers to this question… and only some of them come close to being satisfactory. [Room for Debate / New York Times]

* Jurors in the Dewey & LeBoeuf trial have deliberated for five days thus far, and seem to be no closer to coming to a verdict than when they first started. They’re quibbling over thesaurus entries for the word “fake” (i.e., “fake income”). [Am Law Daily]

* Thanks to the OnRamp Fellowship, more women lawyers are making a reentry into the legal profession through Biglaw firms than ever before. Participating firms now include Skadden Arps and MoFo, amongst others. Congrats! [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Law school enrollment may be stagnant across the country, but at Colorado Law, it’s booming. The size of the school’s incoming class is 22 percent larger than last year’s was. What can we say other than students were sTOKEd to get in. [Boulder Daily Camera]

* If you’re ever fired from your job, charged with insider trading, and the SEC wants access to your work phone, take heart in the fact that your personal passcode is just that — personal. The SEC can’t treat it as a business record thanks to this ruling. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Richard Cudahy Sr., longtime Seventh Circuit judge, RIP. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

* In a story we’ve been following for years, a federal judge has put down the most notorious copyright troll in the world: “Happy Birthday To You” is now in the public domain. [LA Times]

* Former SMU Dean John Attanasio, hit with a prostitution arrest back in February, is looking at a pre-trial diversion program if he’s willing to admit the charge. [CBS DFW]

* Just weeks after his brother took over hosting duties on The Late Show, Edward Colbert has been named managing partner of Kenyon & Kenyon LLP. [Law360]

* The Republic of Guinea may have to cough up a lot of guineas in unpaid legal fees to Dentons after Judge Royce Lamberth rejected its sovereign immunity request. [Legal Times]

* Honestly, who doesn’t bring a couple dildos along when visiting a Rent-A-Center? [Courthouse News Service]

* Dewey know what horrors await law firm managers if convicted? It’s more than a little troubling that a couple million people face this fate, but we only get glossy coverage of these conditions when some millionaire lawyers might end up there. [The Am Law Daily]

* Gibson Dunn under fire for not keeping original notes of its Bridgegate interviews because defense lawyers don’t know how these new-fangled “computer” things work. [The Record]

* In case you missed it, on top of her perjury and obstruction charges, Pennsylvania AG Kathleen Kane’s license to practice law was suspended. As a law professor attempting to make a sick burn noted, “She may be at this point our paralegal general.” [WSJ Law Blog]

* Tracy Morgan made an appearance at The Emmys on Sunday night that earned him a standing ovation, but David Jay Glassman, the attorney representing the Walmart truck driver who hit the comedian’s car last summer, wasn’t applauding. Hmm, perhaps his wife suddenly got pregnant? [The Wrap via Yahoo!]

* If the former leaders of failed firm D&L are convicted this week, we seriously hope that they’re not so disillusioned as to believe they’ll be shipped to a “Club Fed” facility. How long Dewey think these Biglaw alums will last at a place like Rikers? [Am Law Daily]

* New Biglaw associates at some firms are being treated to a second college experience filled with orientation programs, resident advisers, summer reading, and even parties. (At least they get to drink champagne, not Franzia.) [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* The president of UMass says its law school will be fully accredited by the American Bar Association within one year’s time. Given that everyone gets a turn when it comes to ABA accreditation, this is one low-expectation-having educator. [Boston Business Journal]

* Justices Kennedy and Breyer seemed to be champing at the bit for a prolonged solitary confinement case last Term, and now they may have the opportunity to weigh in on one. Let’s see if the Supreme Court decides to let Justice Kennedy swing his vote around. [New York Times]

* We all know that Mark Cuban isn’t that big of a fan of the Securities and Exchange Commission, but now he’s trying to inject himself into the debate over the agency’s use of in-house administrative law judges by way of filing a brief in support. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Winston & Strawn elected Jeffrey Kessler to serve as its co-chair. He’s got experience running firms with others — he once served as a member of Dewey’s four-partner Office of the Chairman before the firm completely imploded. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* IU Maurer Law is teaming up with Chapman and Cutler, an Am Law 200 firm, to create a two-year rotational program in finance and law. There’s just one catch: this is only for recent college graduates, not law school graduates. Oops! [Indiana Daily Student]

* Lucrative niche alert: They’re calling this the green rush, but we don’t need to remind attorneys that green is also the color of money. By 2020, the market for legal recreational marijuana is going to be booming, with billions of dollars in business. [Fortune]

* The fascinating and brave story of Phyllis Frye, the nation’s first openly transgender judge — and in Texas no less! [New York Times]

* Copyright law ruins something new: this time the YouTube channel of the creator of “hardest Super Mario World level ever.” [Kotaku]

* Take a look at the correspondence Judge Berman received on Deflategate — all the completely sane and hinged rantings of Pats fans. [Deadspin]

* A law firm that lets you have a life? Blasphemy! [The Atlantic]

* Even if Larry Lessig becomes President of the United States, his presidency will still be a failure. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* So… if a vampire makes a human their servant what liability does the human have for the vamp’s bloodsucking? [The Legal Geeks]

* An ode to Valorem’s Patrick Lamb and his incisive look at the failure of Dewey & Lebouef. [What About Clients?]

* The phenomenon of Quit Lit: when law professors take to the op-ed page to talk about their resignations. [TaxProf Blog]

* “We saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and she just blew that tunnel up.” Massachusetts teen Michelle Carter was charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of her boyfriend after she texted him numerous times, encouraging him to kill himself. If you haven’t seen them, her messages are chilling. [Associated Press]

* “If you are a lawyer thinking about having sex with your client, you better think first.” Go ahead, argue that your client’s 30-day suspension from practice was “just” because the woman kept coming back for more. Maybe your judge won’t be as sarcastic. [Knoxville News Sentinel]

* If you’re starting law school, you probably haven’t heard about the biggest law firm bankruptcy in history, and you likely don’t know what the Dewey & LeBoeuf criminal trial is about. Here’s a listicle of reasons to doubt the prosecution’s case. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Biglaw firms are rethinking their office space at the same time as they’re building up their posh amenities. At the end of the day, associates may be forced to move to cubicles, but it’s all for the clients’ benefit, so hooray for them. *golf claps* [Commercial Observer]

* Our congratulations go out to Alicia Ouellette, Albany Law School’s newest president and dean. We’re certainly hopeful that she’ll be able to handle the tenuous employment situation with the school’s tenured faculty better than her predecessor did. [Times Union]

* Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who was jailed over her refusal to give marriage licenses to gay couples, was released by order of Judge David Bunning — with a warning not to interfere with her deputy clerks’ duties. Hmm, yeah, she’s totally going back to jail. [New York Times]

* The law school applicant pool is still dwindling after all these years, so it’s interesting to see which schools are offering students the biggest bribes scholarships and grants (some of which may later disappear) so they can fill the seats in their classes with asses. [Bloomberg via PreLaw]

* This Montana Law professor claims that he was forced to retire from his teaching position early due to the school’s ongoing budget cuts: “I am the first full-time member of the law faculty upon whom the ax has fallen.” We’ll have more on this later. [Missoulian]

* Hmm, what Dewey know about the standard of evidence for conviction in the D&L fraud trial? “Woulda, coulda, shoulda is fine for cocktail party conversation. In this courtroom and in any courtroom, the proof must be beyond a reasonable doubt.” [Reuters]

* Miami Dolphins owner Stephen M. Ross, who received an LL.M. in taxation from NYU School of Law, is making a $20 million donation to the school, its largest gift ever. We wonder how much he’s giving to his alma mater, Wayne State Law. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Not the most exciting law clerk story of the last couple days, but a federal clerk texting defense lawyers “as of 3:34 today you owe me a beer (or wine!)” right after they won a big motion from her judge was… unwise. [Blog of the Legal Times]

* The defense rests early in the Dewey trial, calling no witnesses in a move designed to express confidence. Hey, it’s not like these guys have wildly misjudged anything before. [Law360]

* Biglaw is splurging on cushy amenities for their offices. Is it helping net clients? [Wall Street Journal]

* But maybe the amenity Biglaw really needs is a place to sleep — Biglaw associates need to take more naps, you guys. If you want to know where to shop, there’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on Third… [Bloomberg View]

* Right-wing SCOTUS clerks landing plum jobs on Capitol Hill with help from Federalist Society connections. [National Law Journal]

* With Kim Davis jailed, her deputies waste no time assuring the public that they will be issuing same-sex marriage licenses. [Associated Press via MSN]

* Speaking of Kim Davis, if you were expecting her to receive a flood of donations from like-minded culture warriors through a GoFundMe account, think again. The website has had it up to here with bad publicity and has officially banned campaigns to fund people facing formal charges. [Addicting Info]

* The defense rests early in the Dewey trial, calling no witnesses to express confidence. Hey, it’s not like these guys have wildly misjudged anything before. [Law360]

* Biglaw is splurging on cushy amenities for their offices. Is it helping net clients? [Wall Street Journal]

* But maybe the amenity they really need is a place to sleep — Biglaw associates need to take more naps, you guys. If you want to know where to shop, there’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on Third… [Bloomberg View]

* Right-wing SCOTUS clerks landing plum jobs on Capitol Hill with help from Federalist Society connections. [National Law Journal]

* With Kim Davis jailed, her deputies waste no time assuring the public that they will be issuing same-sex marriage licenses. [Associated Press via MSN]

* Speaking of Kim Davis, if you were expecting her to receive a flood of donations from like-minded culture warriors through a GoFundMe account, think again. The website has had it up to here with bad publicity and has officially banned campaigns to fund people facing formal charges. [Addicting Info]

* With the Dewey trial wrapping up, a look back at the history of firm honchos earning jail time. [Law360]

* Slick video explaining the everything wrong the way law schools market themselves to students. [Business Insider]

* K&L Gates loses more partners. This time McDermott picks up the spoils. But don’t cry for K&L, they nabbed a huge get off Paul Hastings. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Remember when Sony got hacked? It unveiled some fun stuff, like how the new movie Concussion changed its plot around to avoid offending the NFL. [ABA Journal]

* As college football prepares to kick off tonight, Baylor has hired Pepper Hamilton to look into how the school handles sexual violence allegations in light of the rape conviction of former player Sam Ukwuachu. [Dallas Morning News]

* Here’s one of the dumbest arguments ever: Larry Lessig is liberal. About 47 years ago, unchecked campaign spending marginally helped a liberal (he did ultimately lose the nomination… and Nixon became president). Therefore, Larry Lessig shouldn’t be against money in politics. Signed, the former Executive Director of the Club for Growth. [The Daily Caller]

* Meanwhile, the GOP runs into the downside of Citizens United: arming a terrible candidate with so much money he won’t drop out. [Slate]

* Should town clerks opposed to gay marriage be required to issue licenses to all couples? The Sixth Circuit says…. [How Appealing]

* John H. Ray III, the African American ex-associate at Ropes & Gray who claimed the elite firm discriminated against him, loses in court again, this time before the First Circuit. [National Law Journal]

* Vester Lee Flanagan aka Bryce Williams, the Virginia television broadcaster who killed two colleagues on-air before killing himself, was also no stranger to the legal system: he filed multiple lawsuits alleging racial discrimination. [New York Times]

* Why are in-house lawyers more likely than their non-attorney corporate colleagues to fall for phishing emails? [ABA Journal]

* Dewey know when the prosecution will rest in this seemingly endless trial? Probably today. [Wall Street Journal]

* State judges get nasty with each other in Oregon. [Oregonian]

* Federal judges around the country are advocating for a second look at how defendants get sentenced. [New York Times]

* The Dilly in Philly: Paul Clement v. Ted Olson. [Am Law Litigation Daily]

* A T14 law graduate turned “traveling artist” gets charged with criminal sexual assault in Chicago. [Chicago Tribune]

* Speaking of sexual assault laws, Emily Bazelon explains how the St. Paul’s Rape Case shows why these laws must change. [New York Times]

* Update: convicted Colorado movie theater shooter James Holmes didn’t get just a life sentence, but 12 life sentences — plus 3,318 years on top of that. [CNN]

* Linda Hirshman, author of the forthcoming book Sisters in Law: How Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg Went to the Supreme Court and Changed the World (affiliate link), explains how Justices O’Connor, Ginsburg, and Sotomayor brought wisdom to SCOTUS (but where’s the love for Justice Kagan?). [Slate via How Appealing]

* This is a footlong you definitely don’t want (but it’s probably much more like a six-incher if he’s lucky). Former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is expected to plead guilty to child-pornography charges. We can’t wait to see what his plea deal with authorities actually entails. [CNN]

* Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s lawyers filed a brief in favor of their client getting a new trial because his attack on the Boston Marathon apparently wasn’t a “crime of violence” within the meaning of the law he was sentenced under at trial. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “To achieve those solutions, wouldn’t it help if you had a free press?” Justice Ginsburg’s travels recently took her to Vietnam, where she spoke to a packed house about the country’s need for greater freedom of press to promote social justice. [Voice of America]

* Here’s a little-known fact about Biglaw: many of its most well-known partners were “White House rejects.” For example, Willkie Farr, Dewey & LeBoeuf, Bracewell & Giuliani, and Davis Polk are all named after failed presidential candidates. [Am Law Daily]

* A New Mexico criminal defense attorney charged with a slew of criminal offenses is representing himself in a trial having to do with his shooting of a man outside his office. His best defense thus far? The man was a “methed-out lunatic.” [Albuquerque Journal]

* Another American doctor is accused of illegally killing another lesser-known lion in Zimbabwe, but this time, Biglaw is in the doctor’s corner. Apparently when you’re a hunter who’s become the hunted, you turn to Blank Rome. [Am Law Daily]

* Where Dewey eat when allegedly conspiring to scam the firm’s creditors about its financial situation? According to testimony in the D&L trial, criminal activity reportedly tastes better when paired with fine dining experiences. [WSJ Law Blog]

* At some point in the very near future, it’s likely that one or more new Supreme Court justices will need to be appointed, and some say that it’s obvious that Justice Don Willett, the Tweeter Laureate of Texas, is plotting a course to be a nominee. #blessed [Forbes]

* The Fourth Circuit handed down an important opinion on cellphone location records, and it looks like the police need a warrant. Thanks for the circuit split. Quick, someone write a law review note before SCOTUS takes it. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* For some would-be law students, applying early decision may not be the right choice. After all, if you think you can get into ALL of the T14 schools, we bet you’d probably like to see if your huge ego is correct. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

* Taylor Swift has renegotiated her photography contract. Where her old contract allowed her to rough up photogs, there’s now a blank space, baby. Ugh. [Poynter]

* How much of a dick is this guy? At his federal criminal trial his sole character witness admitted, “we’re not friends.” [NY Post]

* Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to practice in Florida without taking the bar exam. [South Florida Lawyers]

* The Eighth Circuit just terminated the country’s most restrictive abortion ban. [Jezebel]

* Dewey witness breaks down on the stand. Let’s just be excited that I managed to get that blurb written without being cajoled into making a “Dewey know…” joke. [Law360]

* Negotiating salary and benefits for you folks not on lock-step. [Corporette]

* Do you want a free copy of an LSAT Logic Games guide? Then act now… offer expires Friday. [Blueprint For LSAT]

* A reminder that there are some crazies out there and sometimes you need to put in writing that you’re not going to represent them. [What About Clients?]

* An attorney doubled down on racist, offensive comments… and now he’s been fired. [WHAS 11]

* No pudding pops for you, POTUS! When President Obama answered a question about the possibility of revoking Bill Cosby’s Medal of Freedom, he more or less insinuated that the comedian was a rapist, saying this country should “have no tolerance” for it. [New York Times]

* “He was acting like a clown.” Even if you reportedly act like a complete and total drunk idiot while hitting on a partner’s wife at your would-be law firm’s holiday party, it’s still possible that you’ll get a job if your dad has political ties and allegedly makes certain promises to the firm. [Journal News]

* Everyone’s eager to make the jump to an in-house job after years in Biglaw, but many forget the comp scheme is different from what they’re used to. Some in-house earners, however, blow away the competition. We’ll have more on this later. [Corporate Counsel]

* One of the most important lessons that can be learned from the D&L debacle is that “[g]igantic law firms have a major Achilles’ heel.” When attorneys flee in droves, it can really upset the balance, and boy, Dewey know what a pain that can be. [WSJ Law Blog]

* If you think all New York City firms will only hire from elite law schools that make up the U.S. News T14, then think again. This prominent real estate boutique seeks to “hire the best candidates based purely on merit, not aristocracy.” Refreshing. [Huffington Post]

* With sagging enrollment and disappointing job statistics, offering students some tuition reimbursement if they’re still unemployed nine months after graduation is a great way to put asses in seats. We’ll have more to say about this news later today. [New York Times]

* Testimony in the Dewey & LeBoeuf criminal trial got a little more interesting when jurors learned that the plan to cook the firm’s books to the tune of more than $50 million was hatched after a pricey steak dinner at Del Frisco’s. Don’t all evil Biglaw plans come together after an expensive steak dinner? [DealBook / New York Times]

* These people just won the criminal justice reform lottery: In case you missed it, President Barack Obama commuted the sentenced of 46 nonviolent drug offenders in order to shine a light on punishments that didn’t fit the crimes committed. [POLITICO]

* Pay close attention to this information, gunners, because it probably applies to you. Per a new study conducted by two Colorado Law professors, LSAT scores are an “overvalued predictor” of future law school grades and résumé builders don’t matter. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Osvaldo Miranda Diaz, the lawyer who called Cuba’s criminal justice system “disgusting” during a presentation he gave to visiting U.S. lawyers, secured a full ride for Duke Law’s LLM program thanks to one of his audience members. Congrats! [Daily Business Review]

* Has America been duped by the greatest double agent in history? That’s one take on Eric Holder’s return to Covington & Burling (they even kept his office waiting for him). [Rolling Stone]

* The merger between Squire Sanders and Patton Boggs may have had a rocky first year, but the merged entity looks to get its lobbying game back on fleek. [Washington Post]

* It’s fairly unlikely Abigail Fisher has experienced discrimination a day in her life, but white privilege means this mediocre student will have yet another day in front of the Supreme Court. [For Harriet]

* One lawyer’s quest against the Commission on Presidential Debates and their implicit perpetuation of the two-party duopoly. [Law360]

* An issue near and dear in the hearts of many of our readers: how do you stay married to a lawyer? [Lawyerist]

* The top 4 funny [boo hoo] moments from the Dewey trial. [American Lawyer]

* Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are getting divorced — even she couldn’t stand the thought of him being Batman. Celebrity divorces don’t come cheap, and you know what that must mean: high-powered lawyers and even higher rates for their billable hours! [CNN]

* “[H]ow young would you go…I’d do 5[,] [b]ut 0-12 is hot.” Well, that’s absolutely disgusting. Matthew Gigot, an attorney who does doc review in the D.C. area, was charged in a child pornography case for sexual performance using a minor. [FOX 5 DC]

* The main line of defense as of late in the Dewey trial for the former head honchos of this failed firm is that everyone sends out embarrassing — and potentially incriminating — emails from time to time. We know all abput that here at Above the Law. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “Put down the bong, throw out the vaporizer and lose the rolling papers.” If you’re hoping to land a job at any federal agency any time in the near future, then you better quit your toking as soon as possible, even if it’s legal in your state. [New York Times]

* Here’s some sad news for women who are interested in taking home their apparently delicious and nutritious placentas to feast upon after their children are born in hospitals: it’s only completely legal in three states — Hawaii, Oregon, and Texas. [The Stir]

* Which Biglaw firm is going to be changing up the way that it recruits new attorneys? That would be Quinn Emanuel. It’s planning to majorly scale back on summer associates and do something completely different. We’ll have more on this news later today. [WSJ Law Blog]

* An undergrad who once had high hopes for law school decided to ditch his legal aspirations in favor of stand-up comedy. His mom is mad since it’s a “path that has no specific stability.” She obviously hasn’t read up on law school job stats lately. [Indy Channel]

* Justice Kennedy should consider trading in his robes for a superhero’s cape, because he just swooped in to the rescue, again. With a 5-4 vote, SCOTUS stayed the Fifth Circuit’s decision regarding the closure of the majority of abortion clinics in Texas. [NPR]

* Damn you, Dewey leaders! Per recent testimony in the criminal trial of the failed firm’s former top brass, but for news of the criminal probe spreading like wildfire throughout the profession, D&L could’ve merged with any number of firms to save itself. [Am Law Daily]

* Some pretty major firms think they have better things to spend their Biglaw bucks on than donations to legal aid organizations. Only five firms were willing to publicly disclose more than $1 million in donations. [DealBook / New York Times via American Lawyer]